A Cat Called Alfie

by Rachel Wells

  ‘What are you doing?’ Salmon asked, narrowing his eyes at us.

  ‘We were just having a chat,’ Tiger replied, staring at him. She was the least afraid of Salmon. Nellie was almost hiding behind Elvis and Rocky looked as if he wanted to run away. Even I felt a bit uneasy as Salmon bared his sharp teeth.

  ‘We were talking about the new people at number forty-eight,’ I explained, trying to feel in control.

  ‘Oh well, that’s boring,’ Salmon said nastily.

  ‘Only because you don’t know anything,’ Tiger spat back. I admired her bullishness at times.

  ‘If I did, I wouldn’t tell you,’ Salmon huffed then, hissing nastily at us, he stalked off.

  ‘I hate that cat,’ Tiger said. We all silently agreed as we spent the afternoon chasing birds, in order to forget the unpleasantness.

  I met Jonathan at the front door as I made it home. I was pleased my timing was so good, as I was pretty hungry after my day’s activities. I didn’t go into being a doorstep cat to be greedily eating all the time, but at the same time I did enjoy my food. What cat didn’t?

  ‘Hi, mate,’ Jonathan said, and I rubbed against his suit trousers, which I knew used to annoy him – apparently I left hair behind – but he was more tolerant with me these days. It had only taken three years. ‘Coming in for dinner? I’ve got you some fresh sardines from the deli, but don’t tell Claire. Luckily she’s at her book club, so it’s boys’ night in.’

  I miaowed as I followed him into the house. This was a good result. A perfect result in actual fact.

  Jonathan tipped my dinner into a bowl for me and then he went upstairs to take a shower. While Claire favoured packets of ‘cat’ food, Jonathan always gave me a finer dining experience. They disagreed about it but on this issue neither of them would budge. I obviously preferred it when Jonathan fed me but I still loved Claire so I tried to be grateful at the ready meals she provided for me. I didn’t want to look as though I expected fine dining but I certainly wasn’t going to turn it down.

  When he came back downstairs, Jonathan was wearing his casual clothes – a T-shirt and jogging bottoms. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and went into the living room flicking the TV on as he sank down onto the sofa. Jonathan and Claire were so different; he couldn’t be in the living room, without the TV being on, whereas Claire would often sit with a book rather than watch the square screen. I followed him in, licking myself clean after my delicious meal. Whilst Jonathan was flicking the TV channels, the doorbell chimed. As Jonathan went to open the door, I followed and was delighted to see Matt on the doorstep holding a pack of beers. Matt was Polly’s husband, a tall, quite handsome and very kind man. He and Jonathan had become good friends since my incident and the four of them often spent time together. I was often referred to as Cupid cat, as well as a cat who created friendships. It was a very good thing.

  ‘Free pass?’ Jonathan asked him, his voice slightly teasing.

  ‘Polly’s putting the children to bed, so I thought I’d see if you fancied a beer? And of course, the football’s on in a bit.’

  ‘Excellent. Come in.’

  As Matt petted me I congratulated myself on having done good work in bringing friendships together, and maybe when the family moved into number 48, they could become part of our little world too.

  I often hear people talking about love, family, relationships and friendships and when you see them working in real life you realize how much of human life hinges on other people. It’s not always a good thing though. People can make others happy but they can also make them sad. It is a very complicated concept to unravel. It’s different for cats of course, and sometimes people say cats are very self-sufficient, although most of us like being taken care of too.

  ‘So how’s work?’ Jonathan asked Matt.

  ‘Pretty good, busy but I’m working from home a bit more so I can help Pol out. What about you?’

  ‘You know I was so sceptical when I got my job. I thought the company was a bit rubbish, I thought it was beneath me. But it turns out to be the best move I ever made. Once I got over myself and threw myself into it, it’s all started going really well.’

  ‘Finally, it seems that life is good. So let’s drink to that.’ They clinked beer bottles. ‘Oh and by the way, mate, can you and Claire babysit for us on Saturday? I want to surprise Pol with a nice meal out.’

  ‘Sure, I don’t think we’ve got plans and anyway, it’s good practice.’

  ‘She’s not is she?’

  ‘No, well I don’t think so, not yet, but hopefully soon.’ Jonathan sounded unperturbed, unlike Claire, as he discussed the wanted pregnancy.

  Our cosy boys’ night was soon interrupted by the doorbell again. Jonathan groaned as he got up, and I followed him to the front door. He opened the door, coming face-to-face with Heather and Vic Goodwin, who stood smiling – or rather, grimacing – at him from the doorstep.

  ‘Jonathan, is Claire here?’ Vic asked. I looked behind Vic and Heather and saw that Salmon was with them, standing at my front gate. He aggressively flicked his tail up, I narrowed my eyes but decided to ignore him. Irritating cat. Mind you, irritating owners. They were older than my owners, both with grey hair. They lived in a smaller house, a bit like Matt and Polly’s, on the opposite side of the road to us. They always dressed in a similar way, and today they were both wearing navy blue jumpers with white shirt collars poking out from underneath. Vic was wearing corduroy trousers, Heather a corduroy skirt. I wondered if they were a certain species of humans – none of the couples I knew wore matching clothes.

  ‘Um no, she’s at her book club,’ Jonathan mumbled nervously, as I saw him move forward to block the door. I knew he didn’t want to let them in but I also knew he shouldn’t underestimate Vic and Heather.

  ‘Not to worry, we’ve got you.’ Heather grinned and before I knew it, they had managed to get themselves inside the house. My fur stood on end. As they walked into the living room, Jonathan shut the door, looking confused. I stayed at Jonathan’s feet as we followed them in.

  ‘Ah, Matt, you’re here,’ Vic said. ‘Good, good. Saves us visiting your house.’

  ‘Hello.’ Matt looked at Jonathan with panic in his eyes.

  ‘We are—’ Heather paused, sitting down on the sofa. I cowered under a chair and put my paws over my eyes. This wasn’t good. She continued, ‘Here on Neighbourhood Watch business, of course.’

  ‘Of course.’ Jonathan and Matt exchanged another glance. Jonathan was standing up, Matt was on the chair in the corner and Vic and Heather sat together on the sofa.

  ‘So what can we do for you?’ Jonathan asked, politely.

  ‘Well, as you know there’s been a few changes in the street lately. And now number forty-eight has been let we thought it would be a good time to strategize,’ Vic started. I pricked my ears up at the mention of the new house.

  ‘Right, strategize how?’ Matt asked.

  ‘Well, as you know, dear, Edgar Road has become quite a community and we want to keep it that way. So we thought that when the new people come into number forty-eight we should hold a meeting, explain to them that it’s a community here and how we all look out for each other,’ Heather explained.

  ‘Sort of a welcome party?’ Matt asked, eyebrow raised.

  ‘Exactly, Matt, exactly,’ Vic concurred. ‘Start as we mean to go on.’

  ‘I didn’t get a welcome party,’ Jonathan said grumpily.

  ‘Well you didn’t act suspiciously when you moved in, did you?’ Vic pointed out.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ Matt asked.

  ‘Moving boxes in at night, unpacking at night, it’s not exactly normal behaviour is it?’ Heather smiled, almost in the same way that Salmon does, baring her teeth. I promptly re-covered my eyes.

  ‘And, I have a friend who lives in a nearby neighbourhood, and a house in their street was let recently,’ Vic continued. ‘Well about twenty of those foreign people moved into the house, and well, we can’t have that h
ere.’

  Jonathan looked shocked, his brows knotted in confusion.

  ‘What on earth are you talking about? What does that have to do with number forty-eight?’ Jonathan asked, sounding horrified.

  ‘The letting agent wouldn’t disclose to us who would be moving in, but so far the new occupants have acted suspiciously so we’ve put two and two together. And this is happening all over London, so we need to be on top of it. You know, as Neighbourhood Watch coordinators and concerned residents.’

  ‘So hang on, we don’t even know who’s moving in, and yet you’re already planning to interrogate them?’ Matt sounded annoyed.

  ‘No, that’s not what we said. But whoever it is, we thought if we invited them to a meeting immediately they would know how our street works. And, we would like them to explain their nocturnal activities. We have a duty to the residents here to ensure our street stays safe,’ Heather explained.

  ‘God, you make it sound like a lynch mob.’ Jonathan looked aghast.

  ‘No, absolutely not, of course we don’t mean that. But anyway, we wanted to inform you and of course we know that you and your good lady wives will attend and offer the neighbourhood your support.’ Vic smiled, but his smile was as sinister as his wife’s and his cat’s.

  ‘It’s just that if there are going to be lots of immigrants moving onto the street we need to show them we won’t be messed with. And if it’s a normal middle-class family we will welcome them,’ Heather explained. ‘So we can count on you?’

  Jonathan and Matt were speechless as I came out from under the chair, and went and sat on the windowsill. Salmon still sat at the gate, and I flicked my tail up at him through the safety of the window. I saw him hiss at me; I smirked, he couldn’t come near me, as I continued to taunt him.

  ‘When is this meeting?’ Matt asked.

  ‘We are going to schedule it when the residents of number forty-eight move in. So you’ll attend I take it?’ Vic said.

  ‘I don’t know—’ Matt began.

  ‘The thing is—’ Jonathan said at the same time.

  ‘Dear boys,’ Heather started, sounding even scarier than normal. ‘I hope that you care enough about this street to come. I would hate to think that you have no interest in where you live, as would the other residents, I’m sure.’

  ‘Absolutely, dear.’ Vic put his arm around Heather. ‘Until now we have thought of you as being very good members of our community. We wouldn’t want to have to revise that opinion.’

  Matt looked terrified as he seemed to shrink back into the chair.

  ‘Of course we’ll be there,’ Jonathan said. Matt shot him a surprised look. ‘To welcome our new neighbours, which is, what I hope that this meeting will be about.’ Jonathan sounded firm and I was proud of him.

  ‘Absolutely,’ Vic said. ‘Right, we have lots of people to visit so we’d best get on. Glad we can count on you.’ In the whole scheme of Heather and Vic, they’d got off lightly.

  ‘Well good, I’ll show you out.’ As Jonathan herded them to the door, he spoke again. ‘You know our good friends, Franceska and Tomasz are from Poland and they lived here for a while. They weren’t trouble makers,’ he said. We all stood at the front door; I took the opportunity to give Salmon one last dirty look.

  ‘Absolutely not. We got lucky with them, but not all foreigners are like that,’ Heather said, seriously. I could hear Matt in the living room choking on his beer.

  ‘They are unbelievable,’ Jonathan said, as he returned to the living room. His face was a bit red, the way it was when he was angry.

  ‘I find them quite amusing. Well apart from the racism of course. You know whenever I walk down the street, I see them over the road, curtains twitching.’

  ‘This will be the lowest crime street ever with those two. Imagine, if they caught you doing anything wrong you’d get talked to death,’ Jonathan laughed. ‘Or they’d make a citizen’s arrest in their matching jumpers.’

  ‘Well, I don’t know if it’s a family or a hundred immigrants but I already feel sorry for the people moving into number forty-eight,’ Matt agreed.

  ‘You’re not wrong there. Right, let’s forget the Goodwins and put on the football.’

  - CHAPTER -

  Five

  Despite developing a new sleeping habit since Claire and Jonathan moved in together, I had adjusted well to it. Before they were together, when they normally slept alone, they often let me in their room but now, they put my basket on the landing and shut their bedroom door. I wasn’t offended; I had since learnt about the human need for privacy when there was more than one of them. And although I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be in their bedroom, I accepted it. However, I knew instinctively when the alarm clock would go off and as soon as it did I would be waiting to scratch at the door. This delighted Claire who declared me incredibly clever, as I never disturbed them even a minute before the alarm roused them. I have often said that if humans had inbuilt clocks as us cats did, then the world would be a far more efficient place.

  Today, I scratched at the door right on cue. It was Jonathan who came to the door first.

  ‘Morning, Alfie,’ he said absently, wearing his navy dressing gown. He made straight for the kitchen and his coffee machine. I had learnt that he was a bit of a nightmare in the mornings before he had a cup of coffee. He pulled out cups and I miaowed hopefully.

  ‘OK, hang on, I’ll get you some more smoked salmon, but don’t tell Claire.’ I purred in agreement.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked, as Tiger appeared in the kitchen just as I was cleaning myself. ‘Claire and Jonathan are getting ready for work, they’ll be down any minute,’ I hissed.

  ‘Quick, Alfie, I have something to show you.’ She looked very pleased with herself; smug even.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Come with me, and you’ll see. I have a present for you, a very special present.’

  ‘Wow,’ I said as I sat outside number 48 with Tiger. We crept into the front garden, to see if we could get a closer look. Lights were on in the house, we could hear footsteps and when we looked through the window furtively, we saw even more boxes had been unpacked. They had finally moved in. And I fleetingly wondered if our nosey neighbours had been right; they had moved in when no one was around to see them. What was that about?

  ‘I told you, Alfie. They weren’t here when I went to bed last night, but when I got up this morning and went for a stroll they were!’ She sounded excited.

  ‘They must have come in the night like the boxes,’ I mused.

  ‘I guess. Anyway, look.’ Tiger led me round the back. We found a bush to hide in, to survey the situation. Through the back patio doors into the kitchen I could see a woman, a bit older than Claire, her hair greying slightly. She was thin and looked harassed as, hair tied back, she was still busily unpacking. After a while she was joined by a man we had seen before; the thin almost bald man. He kissed her and she smiled sadly at him. He was wearing jeans and a shirt and he didn’t look as if he was exactly happy either.

  ‘So there’s two people?’ I asked.

  ‘No, I think there’s more. When I came by this morning, I saw someone younger.’

  ‘I’m surprised Salmon isn’t here, spying.’

  ‘Thank goodness he isn’t. Look!’

  I saw a teenage boy enter the kitchen. He was wearing jeans and a hoody and he looked a bit moody. He sat down at the kitchen table, but didn’t appear to speak. His mother (I guessed), went over to him and planted a kiss on his head but he acted as if he didn’t even notice.

  ‘He doesn’t look very nice,’ I observed.

  ‘He’s a teenager. I think in general they aren’t very nice. Well my owners say they aren’t. Apparently they are mainly what is wrong with this country.’

  ‘Really?’ I hadn’t had much experience of teenagers, so I found this fascinating.

  ‘Yes, they are lazy and slovenly and don’t care about the world. That’s what they say anyway.’

 
‘But you’ve never had a teenager?’ I asked her.

  ‘No, but my family have a couple of friends who have teenage children. They grunt rather than speak and they never say thank you, apparently.’

  ‘Sounds horrible.’

  ‘Yes, but then they grow up and get better, or some of them do.’

  ‘Well that’s something, but I’m already dreading the day that Aleksy becomes one.’

  ‘I know, imagine if he’s just like that boy there.’ We both grimaced.

  As we looked, a very pretty blonde girl walked into the kitchen. We retreated slightly as she came over to the floor length windows we were looking through. She looked older than the surly boy, so perhaps she had outgrown this teenage thing. She was tall, taller than her mum, but shorter than her dad. She had beautiful blue eyes but when I looked properly there was something missing from them; she looked distant as she stood in her new home and I had seen that look before. More than once.

  What was it with Edgar Road?

  After a little while, Tiger got bored and started trying to pull leaves off a bush, but I was mesmerized by the house. People called houses homes but I also thought they were places that contained stories, both happy and sad, and that was what drew me to them.

  ‘Can we go now?’ she asked having resorted to looking at her own paw.

  ‘Not yet,’ I hissed. ‘I just want to see a bit more.’

  ‘Alfie, you and this obsession with humans. Really!’ She rolled her eyes as a leaf came loose and landed on her head.

  ‘It’s more sensible than your obsession with leaves,’ I shot back, staring pointedly at the pile of leaves she’d collected at her feet.

  ‘Is not,’ Tiger replied, looking sulky.

  ‘Anyway, we can go soon, I just want to see if it’s just the four of them. If it is, then it might not be a bad bet. Another house for me to visit. They might like having a cat around, in any case and there’s a nice big kitchen for me to eat in.’