As they enter the house, I try and get my breathing under control and don’t even realize that I’ve gripped the sides of the ladder so hard that my hands are red, the indentations etched deep into my skin. I flex my palms and try and get a handle on my feelings. Never in my life have I felt so out of sorts. I told Mac that this wouldn’t be anything serious, so I’m not sure why this bothers me so much. I didn’t care in the past if women I’ve fucked were screwing around with other guys when they were seeing me, as long as they weren’t in a committed relationship. Even if this is just a guy she fucks around with back in Chicago, why should it be any different with Mac?
Because everything’s different with her, you dumbass, the increasingly prominent voice that speaks from deep inside says.
I try and ignore this persistent thought and groan as I lean my head against my forearm. So what if she’s sleeping with someone else? Why do I care? I huff in a deep breath and try to rationalize the emotions rolling through me like an angry, unfettered storm.
Am I bothered that she’s fucking someone else? Fuck yes, I am.
Why does it bother me that she’s fucking someone else? If I’m being honest with myself, it’s because she’ll be going back to this fucker in Chicago. This realization is enough to make a sweat break out across my brow and a chill run down my spine. I did not sign up for this shit.
Have my feelings about being in a relationship changed? No, they sure as hell haven’t.
Am I going to do anything about this new discovery? No, because I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t be bothered.
I take one last fortifying breath, and just when I’m about to turn and enter the truck, I catch movement in an upstairs window of the house. It’s still bright out and I can see inside clear as day, even from this distance. An aching feeling erupts in my chest and my body goes rigid when I see Mac and mystery douche enter a bedroom. I watch with bated breath and, contrary to everything I’ve thought over in the last few minutes, I pray that one of them leaves the room.
Instead, I see the unknown usurper unbutton his shirt slowly as he stalks into the room, backing Mac into it further. I swing my gaze over to Mac as she approaches the window and pulls the curtains closed, effectively blocking my line of sight.
As the curtains cease their fluttering and finally go still, a hot rage erupts inside my chest. Fuck everything I told myself. I’m not okay with this, and I’m going to make sure Mac knows it before the night is through. I told her I’d be the only one to take care of her. I fucking meant it.
19
A gentle rapping sound wakes me up from the nap I took after getting back from Stella’s. I didn’t realize until the car ride home from the diner how tired I was and was relieved to know that Cade was sleepy as well. I was tired from our day of heavy food and sightseeing, and he was tired from his trip here, so thankfully he was game for a nap. As soon as we got back to my parents’ house I showed him his room, shut his curtains, and immediately went to my room for a nap of my own.
I keep my eyes shut as I stretch my limbs and pull my blanket over my head.
“Ugh, yes?” I groan out in response to the continued knocking. Waking up from a great nap is the worst.
I hear my door creak open slightly before my mother speaks. “Mac, baby, dinner will be ready in half an hour.”
“Thank you, Mama. I’ll be down soon,” I say, my voice muted slightly by the blanket. This means I only have twenty-eight more minutes of time in bed before I have to get up, brush my hair, and head downstairs.
“Perfect. I’m excited to meet your friend, dear.”
“He’s excited to meet you, too,” I smile. She’s too cute.
When she doesn’t immediately respond, I pull the covers down a bit and turn on my side. The quiet rustling of the cool sheets as I shift my legs and downy softness of my pillow are about to send me into another nap. As if she can read my mind, my mother speaks up again.
“Oh, and Lawson is coming over for dinner, baby. Smith invited him earlier today. I’ll see you soon,” she says as she clicks my door shut.
At her words, my eyes fly open and I’m hit with a mixture of feelings all at once. I’m excited to see Lawson and have him meet Cade because I think they’d get along. However, a feeling of anxiety eats at me because of my talk with Cade earlier. I’m having a hard enough time fighting my feelings for Lawson, and seeing him interact so effortlessly with my family and best friend won’t help any. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s coming over and that I’ll just have to deal with my rampant emotions.
I turn to look at my clock and see that I now only have twenty-six minutes until dinner, which means I have even less time until Lawson is here. I wasn’t going to put in a lot of effort to look nice for dinner before, but my mother’s news changes things.
“Thanks, Mama!” I shout as I fling my blanket off my body and bolt out of bed. I scurry on over to my closet and try to figure out what to wear. I need to pick something cute but not so cute it seems out of place for a dinner at home. I seriously hate being a girl. Lawson will probably show up in jeans and a tee and will somehow manage to still look like the physical embodiment of sex.
Since time is running short, I quickly decide on a dark pair of skinny jeans that does wonderful things for my butt and a Chicago Cubs tank top. I throw my outfit on in record time and twist my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head. I apply some lip gloss and evaluate my look in the mirror, pleased at how my cute and comfortable look came together. I shoot Cade a text to make sure he’s up and will be ready for dinner. He responds right away and lets me know he’ll be down in a few but that I can head downstairs without him.
As I walk downstairs, my mouth starts to water at the smell of Southern beef stew and homemade biscuits. Between my dinner dates with Lawson, my parents’ cooking, and Langley’s baked goods, I’m positive that I’ve gained some weight. Not that I care, but every single pound is definitely worth it.
I’m almost to the bottom step when I hear a knock at the front door.
“Can someone grab the door, please? I’m a little tied up in here,” the muffled sound of my mother’s voice drifts over from the general vicinity of the kitchen.
“Sure thing, Mama. I’ve got it!” I call back.
I head to the front door and nervously run my hands over my hair and outfit. I reach for the door and swing it open to reveal none other than Lawson Westbrook, the itch I can’t seem to fully scratch. My face is already halfway to gracing him with a megawatt smile, but my lips freeze in place at his expression. I’ve known Lawson for years, so between that and knowing him in the biblical sense, I can tell right away that something is off.
He stands on the porch and although he has a relaxed expression on his face, every line of his body is etched with tension. He’s all hard edges, the only warmth emanating from him coming from the burning intensity of his eyes. I can’t pinpoint his current feelings, but it is obvious that something is wrong.
“Lawson, are you okay?” I ask in concern.
He doesn’t immediately answer, but when he does his words are chilly, brief, and lightly laced with sarcasm. “Just peachy.”
“You’re such a liar,” I scoff quietly so that my voice doesn’t carry. The last thing I need is for someone to hear us and wonder if there’s more than meets the eye. “I’ll take it for now since dinner is about to start. Besides, there’s someone I want you to meet.” I try and inject some excitement into my voice in hopes that it’ll help improve his mood.
I step to the side to grant him unfettered access into the house, and as he steps by me I swear I hear him mutter, “This’ll be good.”
I’m not sure I heard him right, but if I did I’m not sure what he means. I shrug a shoulder in confusion and make a mental note to check on him later. I can only hope that this strange, sour mood of his doesn’t last the rest of the night.
I follow him into the house and right into the dining room where my father, Smith, and now Lawson have decid
ed to congregate. As soon as Lawson is within eyesight of my family, he appears to be back to his usual, charming self. I watch him interact with them for a moment and realize that although he’s behaving, his easygoing manner seems forced. I’m going to figure out what’s going on whether he likes it or not, it’ll just have to wait a bit.
I look around and notice that Cade isn’t downstairs yet, but I figure now is as good a time as any to set up his introduction. He’s always on time so he should be here any minute now.
“Hey guys, could I get your attention for a second, please?” I ask the group of men in front of me. Once they all turn to look at me, expectant looks in their eyes, I continue. “I’m glad we could eat as a family tonight and Lawson, it’s nice having you here as well.” I chance a glance at him and notice that his hardened gaze is on me. “I’m excited to introduce y’all to my best friend and roommate in Chicago, CC. I’m sure you’ll all get along famously,” I say hopefully.
My father is smiling, but the looks Smith and Lawson are throwing my way are strange.
“What are the looks for, you two?”
No sooner are the words out of my mouth before I feel a presence right behind me. As I’m turning to greet Cade, I see Smith and Lawson turn and share an unreadable glance. I decide to ignore them for now and give Cade a side hug as he steps forward so we’re standing side by side.
With a smile I announce to the men, “Mama’s already had a chance to meet him, but everyone, this is CC!”
The expressions flickering across the faces of Smith and Lawson are comical and confusing. Smith looks shocked and relieved, while Lawson looks shocked, relieved, and...angry? The look of shock and relief quickly give way to the stony expression he graced me with earlier, which is now firmly back in place.
“That’s CC?” Smith blurts out in surprise.
Cade just shakes his head in amusement at the nickname I gave him and steps up to my father with his hand outstretched. “Cade Carson, sir. It’s a pleasure finally getting to meet you.”
My father is grinning and is clearly impressed by Cade’s manners. “Pleasure to meet ya, son. My daughter has nothing but great things to say about you.”
Cade smiles and moves to stand in front of Smith. “Nice to meet you as well, Smith.”
My brother shakes his hand and, never one to be subtle, asks, “Does she call you CC because those are your initials? I’m tellin’ ya, Mac,” he says as he glances at me, “you’re losing your touch with nicknames.”
I snicker and Cade just groans. He knows what’s coming.
“I mean, that works, but that’s not why I call him CC,” I say smugly. I love this story. “I call him CC because it stands for Cade Commando.”
At my words, Lawson looks like he’s vibrating with some unknown feeling. My father and brother, who are completely oblivious to this, look surprised and confused.
“Aw, come on, what’s the story?” Smith asks.
“When we first moved in together Cade had a housekeeper. I know, it’s unreal,” I address everyone’s surprised expressions at Cade’s wealth. “Well, said housekeeper turned out to be a little obsessed with my friend here. Cade was grumbling one day about missing boxer briefs, and it turns out that she was taking them. He set up a camera feed and caught her in the act.”
“Dude, creep alert!” Smith exclaims.
I laugh, and Cade just gives an embarrassed chuckle.
“I know, right? Well, Cade of course fired her as soon as he found out, and she lost it. She decided to march right on into his bedroom and set his drawer of boxer briefs on fire. This happened in the morning so after this was all settled, Cade had to go into work commando because he didn’t have time to shop. And that, guys, is how Cade Commando came to be.”
There’s a slight pause before my father and brother bust out in boisterous laughter. Cade joins in, and then I cave and join in as well. I laugh along with them as I wipe the tears from my eyes. It’s at this moment when I realize the only person in the room not truly joining in on the fun is Lawson. His smile looks fake, and all he contributes in the way of laughter is a single, curt “Ha.” I manage to catch his eye, and his pretend smile vanishes. Now he stares at me with a fierce look in his eyes with his arms crossed over his chest. I lift my brow in his direction as if to ask “What’s your problem?” and all he does is give me a very small shrug in response.
As the guys get it together, Cade makes his way over to Lawson. As the two stand in front of each other, practically toe to toe, I notice the differences between the two. Cade is taller and broader of shoulder, but is a little leaner through the hips. Lawson, on the other hand, is stockier throughout, but he is still solidly built and just a few inches shorter. Both are incredibly good-looking, but the biggest difference between them is their expression. Lawson’s polite expression looks strained and I realize, not for the first time tonight, that his usual charming personality seems forced. Cade, on the other hand, is smirking, and for reasons unknown to me is giving Lawson a challenging smile. I watch Lawson closely, and his nostrils flare slightly at my best friend’s expression.
As they reach out to shake hands, I have a feeling in my gut that their grip is so hard that it must hurt both of them, even though neither of them wince at the contact.
“Cade Carson, best friend. Nice to meet you. And you are?” Cade asks coolly.
“Lawson Westbrook, family friend.”
My heart sinks a little at Lawson’s words, and I want to smack myself. Why would I expect him to own up to anything happening between us in front of my family if he won’t even do it in front of anyone else in town?
“That’s what I heard. I’m sure you’ve been a good...friend...to Mac,” Cade says. He steps back from Lawson and now addresses the room. “I hope you all know she’s one of two best friends I have. You raised a wonderful woman,” he tells my father, who beams proudly. “And,” he says as he turns to look at Lawson before saying his next words, “I hope you know she’s in good hands. Whatever she needs back home, I make sure she’s taken care of. It’s my personal duty as best friend and roommate.”
Oh God, Cade. What are you up to? After spilling my guts at Stella’s about everything that’s happened, my friend knows the significance and meaning of the words he just uttered.
Cade smirks at Lawson before moving to stand beside me again. I look up at him because I don’t know what he’s trying to do or achieve. My best friend looks back down at me and the expression on his face tells me to trust him. I roll my eyes and look in Lawson’s direction. He looks ready to combust, as if he’s barely hanging on by the thinnest thread, and I’m surprised that my family hasn’t noticed or at least called him out on his atypical behavior.
It’s at this moment that my mother bustles into the room, and the change in demeanor in Lawson is immediate and noticeable. As soon as she comes in he tears his eyes from mine, takes a breath, and plasters on a smile. I fight to keep the frown from forming on my face at his transformation. What is his problem? I ask myself.
“Okay, y’all,” my mother happily says. “It’s time for dinner. Please take a seat. Mac baby, I need your help,” she says as she zips back out of the room and heads toward the kitchen.
I follow in her wake and help her grab the food.
“I’m so glad your friend is here, Mac,” she says as she grabs jars of butter, apple butter, and jam for the biscuits.
“Thanks, Mama. Me too,” I say.
“You sure he’s just a friend?”
“Yes, I’m beyond sure. He’s like another Smith to me.”
“Got it. Now don’t tell your father this MacIntosh, but if I were young and single like you I’d be all over that. Cade is definitely a looker,” she says as she waggles her eyebrows.
“Ew, Mama! Please stop,” I exclaim on a giggle.
My mother laughs mischievously at my reaction. “Just kiddin’, baby. Your father is the only one for me. Can you grab the stew, please?” she asks. “Although I wasn’t lyin’
about how handsome he is. Lawson’s mighty handsome as well, Mac…” her voice trails off.
I fight to keep a straight face as I walk around the island but know my cheeks must be flushed. “Is he?” I say as nonchalantly as possible.
The arch look she gives me is full of a mother’s intuition. “Mmhmm. That man may as well be another son to me, but I can honestly say he’s beautiful. He’s a catch. It’s too bad he’s already taken.”
My arm, which is stretching over the oven to grab the stew, stops in midair briefly before I can reign in my surprise.
“Taken?” I can barely choke the question out.
“Mmhmm, by you baby,” she smiles.
“Mama, I love you, but you’re crazy. He and I are just friends who work together on the barn.”
“Okay, I’ll let you think that. But baby, the way he looks at you when nobody is watchin’ tells a whole other story.”
My mother’s words are confusing me. “He looks at me? Wait, you’ve been in here the whole time.”
“Mac, I’m a mother. I see everything. And yes, he looks at you just as much as you look at him.”
My shock is obvious, and she continues to laugh. “You both won’t admit it and probably don’t see it yet, but you will. Eventually.”
My mouth is opening and closing like a fish in desperate need of oxygen. I think my failure to form words is a sign that my brain is short-circuiting from the need to correct her and the hope that she’s right.
I’m still unable to say anything when my mother claps her hands and puts me out of my misery. “Just let that marinate, baby. Now, that room is fit to burstin’ with handsome men right now, don’t you think?”
“They’re okay,” I deadpan, finally able to form words.
“Let’s go feed them, baby,” my mother says as she whisks out of the room with a twinkle in her eyes.
I follow her back into the dining room and see there are only three available spots at the table: the other end of the table opposite my father, beside Cade, or beside Lawson. I look around for my brother and see that he’s not in the room. Damn. I was hoping he’d be here to make the choice for me. I’m not sure if it’d make more sense for me to sit across from my best friend or next to him. On one hand, if I sit next to Lawson I’ll have to endure the intensity rolling off him up close. On the other hand, if I sit next to Cade I’ll have to face Lawson and deal with his looks of anger or disapproval or whatever he’s feeling.
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