Sin and Cider

by Kimberly Reese

  I fight for breath as he starts to rotate his hips before taking both hands and pulling my hips and ass up into the air. My chest is still pressed tightly against the table and my lower half is now on full display, propped up high for Lawson’s inquisitive touch. He moves one hand to the center of my shoulders, holding me in place, and moves his other hand back down to play with my pussy and ass.

  “Yes,” I hiss, biting my lip in ecstasy at the way he makes me feel.

  “That’s it, darlin’. Take me,” he whispers darkly against my back before he pushes his thumb into my ass and two fingers in my pussy to join his cock, all while continuing his thrusts.

  Between Lawson’s length hitting my g-spot and the added tightness from his fingers, my own fingers pinching my clit, and his thumb in my ass, I’m done for. I shatter and come, long and hard, with a harsh cry.

  “Fuck yes, Mac. So fucking good,” I hear Lawson say, and it sounds as if he’s in some far-off place as I come undone beneath him. His orgasm follows as I shatter to pieces, and the feeling of his cock growing and twitching inside of me as he comes kicks me off into another orgasm.

  I’m a sweaty, replete, and boneless mess as I come down from my release. Lawson is still twitching inside of me, but his movements have slowed and he’s removed his thumb from my ass. Once he stops coming, he pulls out of me and I hear him remove the condom before wiping me with the soft fabric of his shirt. Funny, I didn’t even realize he had taken it off.

  He gathers my body in his arms and sits down in one of the chairs with me in his lap. I sigh in contentment and snuggle into his chest as he rests his chin atop my head.

  “You okay, darlin’? Was I too rough?” The concern is clear in his voice.

  I smile weakly and answer honestly. “I’m great. Never better. You were perfect,” I say.

  His low laugh rumbles through his chest and warms me from the inside out. I hear him inhale a breath as if to speak, but I cut him off before he has the chance. There’s something I need to clear up.

  “Lawson, there’s something you need to know about Cade.” I feel his body tense beneath mine, and his hands grip my body tighter as if he expects my best friend to come in here and fight him for me. “I never slept with him. We are just best friends. I swear. What you saw in the window the other day was just him showing me his new tattoo. I closed the curtains for privacy and left right after. I hope you know me better than to think I’d be sleeping around.”

  A moment of silence passes as Lawson digests my words. “I believe you,” he admits sheepishly. “I know what type of person you are, Mac. If I thought about it instead of jumping to conclusions, I would’ve remembered that or at least asked you about it before going off. I’m sorry for everything I said earlier. It’s no excuse, but I obviously wasn’t thinking clearly.”

  “Apology accepted,” I say. “But don’t be too sorry because what we just did was all worth it.”

  My words cause him to break out in another round of laughter and I join in, happy that we are able to clear things up.

  “So, you and Cade never…” he trails off, the unanswered question hanging between us.

  “Never. I swear he must be a long lost brother, because it’s like I’m with Smith when we hang out. I can guarantee he feels the same as I do.”

  Lawson sighs happily in relief and loosens his grip on my body at my words.

  “So, Lawson, what’s this mean for us?” I ask.

  “It means that while you’re here I’m yours, and you’re mine. I mean it. I don’t want us fucking other people.”

  My heart squeezes unhappily at his words. He’s still set on a temporary arrangement and just doesn’t want to share while I’m in town. I feel tears begin to well and snuggle further into his chest so he doesn’t see. He holds me for long moments and I soon start to drift off, the stress and activities from the evening finally catching up with me. My eyes are closing and I’m toeing the line between drowsiness and slumber when I feel warm lips press against my forehead and strong arms squeeze me close. I’m not sure if I hear it, but I’m pretty sure “I wish I could keep you” is whispered in the quietest of voices. Knowing me, it is only in my dreams. I snuggle closer and give in to the fatigue, peaceful in the fact that my dreams can’t disappoint me like real life can.

  22

  September

  I’m standing over a large stockpot of boiling water, the steam causing a fine sheen of condensation to form on my forehead. I use both hands to stir the batch of cider, my fingers gripping the stainless steel paddle as I breathe in the delicious scents of cinnamon, allspice, and sugar that marry with the array of apples I added in earlier. This is the first batch using my grandma’s tried and true recipe, and I’m thrilled at the thought of bringing this tradition back to Shady Layne. Not only that, the cider has been boiling for about an hour and the back porch smells like heaven. The warm, earthy smells are bringing back memories of my childhood. I’m lulled into a trance by my stirring in this little world where it’s only me and these ingredients, and my thoughts begin to drift away from the past and toward my current predicament.

  August rolled into September quietly, and I have no idea where the time is going. I’ve been back in Starwood for a month and, in just a few weeks, I’m supposed to head back to Chicago. With each day that passes in my hometown, the more pain and indecision I feel at the thought of moving back. It doesn’t help that things have improved with Lawson either. Ever since the night I christened the barn with him, things have been much easier between us. I’m not even sure if he’s sensing or even aware of the change. Although we still have sex just as often, if not more than before, we spend more time talking in our post-sex recovery time than we used to before Cade’s visit. He wrapped up work on the roof of the barn, so whenever he’s free he’ll invite me over and we’ll spend hours getting to know each other. We’ll talk about life or just enjoy the silence as we lie intertwined in his sheets. It feels like we have more than just a temporary arrangement. It’s...wonderful. Wonderful and terrifying because I find it increasingly difficult to keep my growing feelings to myself. I know we agreed that I’d tell him if things changed, but I’m afraid this beautiful thing we have growing between us will disappear in a puff of dreams and yearning. If possible, I’d like to continue lying to both of us a little bit longer.

  I cover the pot and turn the dial on the burner to low so it can simmer and the flavors can develop further. In two hours I’ll come back, remove the cheesecloth filled with spices, and drain the cider through a sieve to remove any remaining solids before moving it to the fridge to cool. I wipe my forehead with the outside of my wrist and smile. This feels right and the part of me that was missing feels full again. I step away from the large stockpot where I’ve spent a large chunk of my day and head out through the screen door a few feet away. I walk over to the large tree in the backyard and take a seat on the swing my father built when I was a kid. The grass at my feet is dappled with pale sunlight that filters from the tree top overhead, my skin warming each time it touches one of the sunny rays.

  I grip the rope, the once rough fibers softened from years of use, and push off the ground with my feet as I close my eyes. I swing back and forth to pass the time and listen to the gentle breeze rustling the leaves overhead as if secrets are being shared while the old seat creaks slightly under my weight. I lean further back as I swing and extend my legs to the sky, swinging higher and higher with each pass. I feel weightless and free, like a bird soaring without a care in the world. Just as I’m closing my eyes again, I hear my phone ping with an incoming text. I reach back to remove my phone from the pocket of my jeans and unlock the screen, holding my arms over the ropes and toward my center so I don’t drop it. I smile when I see who it is.

  Cade: I’m going to need you to send me more apple butter and jelly.

  Me: I can bring some back with me.

  Cade: No, I’m going to need it sooner. I’m all out.

  Me: LOL you little glutton!!
<
br />   Cade: Shut it. The stupid store-bought stuff is crap and doesn’t compare.

  Me: Told you you’d love it. ;) I’ll send some to you tomorrow. Deal?

  Cade: Deal! Good lookin’ out, Mac. How have things been since I left?

  Me: Things are great, actually. Really, really great.

  Cade: But?

  Me: Why does there have to be a but?

  Seconds after his text pings through, my phone rings with an incoming video call. I shake my head and laugh as I swipe to answer.

  “You’re too perceptive, you know that right?”

  Cade smirks at my words and I smile wider. He’s wearing a suit and I can see the Chicago skyline behind him, which means he’s at work.

  “Mac, I know you. There’s a but. Blame it on me being a shrewd businessman and amazing best friend. Now tell me, what’s the but?”

  “I just…” I try and think of a way to vocalize how I’m feeling. “I’m happy here. My first batch of cider is almost done and I just feel more...fulfilled...from everything I’m doing here.”

  “Then it’s simple. Stay.”

  I fidget as I look at him. “It’s not that easy.”

  “But it is, Mac.”

  “Is not.”

  “Mac,” he says. His tone is stern and brooks no argument. “It is. You quit your job and you live with your best friend. I’m not going to penalize you for moving, and it’s not like I can’t afford to live on my own.” He ends his words on a laugh because we both know he’s richer than Croesus. He does make a point, but I find myself staring at my phone in silence, unsure of what to say.

  “Just tell me one thing.”

  “What?” I sigh.

  “Do you want to stay for you? Or do you want to stay for him?”

  I pause before responding and take my time to really think about my answer. I need to be honest with Cade and, more importantly, with myself. Cade was only able to stay another day because he got called back in for a work emergency but he was able to see Lawson again briefly. I smile at the thought of Lawson owning up to his behavior and apologizing to Cade. After watching them interact, I wanted to pat myself on the back; I knew they’d get along. When we had a moment alone, I gave Cade a glossed over version of what took place in the barn and all he said was, “I knew it.” I mull over Cade’s question and smile at my realization.

  “I’d be staying for me.” My words ring with truth and purpose.

  Cade presses for my answer to make sure I’m not trying to delude myself. “You sure?”

  I take a deep breath and stare him right in the eyes as I respond. “Yes. Even if things don’t work out with him, which would suck, I’m happy here. I feel like I have a sense of purpose again. The only reason I really moved in the first place was because of Lawson, and look where that got me. I’m not going to let him influence my decision again. I’ve thought about it. If I stay, I’ll run the cider shop and help my parents since they’re getting older, but I’ll get my own place. Also, I’m going to set up an online graphic design company and work for myself. This way I have another form of income. I’ve talked to a few people in town and they’ve expressed their interest in rebranding, and I know a few clients in Chicago who will follow me. I checked my email and I feel good knowing that I still have support from old clients. Plus, I can stick it to that bitch, Lindsay. Karma!”

  Cade’s deep chuckle floats from the phone at my last words. “That sounds like a solid plan, Mac. I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks, I’m proud of me too. I’m just scared,” I admit, my words trailing off into a whisper.

  “I know, but you know what they say about risk and reward. How’re things with Lawson?”

  “Easy. I feel like we’ve gotten closer since you left. I’m falling, Cade. Falling harder and faster than the apple that hit Newton’s head.”

  “You fell a while ago, you nerd.” He’s shaking his head but his words come out gentle. “You’re just now admitting it.”

  “What do I do?”

  “Since I’m a guy and I’m also your best friend, I’m going to tell it to you straight,” he warns.

  Oh God, should I be scared about what he’s about to tell me?

  “Noted,” I say, which is all I can manage to get out as I wait in anticipation for his advice.

  “Tell him how you feel, and tell him you plan on staying. You don’t know how he’ll react unless you tell him. He’ll either tell you he feels the same and that he’s happy you’re staying, or he’ll deny how he feels. It really is simple, Mac. Women overthink everything.”

  “We do not!” I say. He gives me a skeptical look, so I amend my statement. “Okay, maybe not all of us. But I can’t just do that, Cade. What if he tells me I’m crazy and that he doesn’t feel the same?”

  Cade scoffs at my words. “If he does, he’s lying to both of you. He wouldn’t have freaked out and gone all possessive alpha on you if he didn’t feel threatened by my sexy alphaness or care about you.” He’s smirking again and I dramatically roll my eyes at him.

  “Oh my God, you are too much.”

  “That’s what the ladies tell me,” he quips with a wink and a flash of dimple.

  “EW STOP!” I cry out. “I can’t deal with you right now.”

  Cade is laughing as he swivels in his chair. “Just tell him. If worse comes to worst, don’t let him keep you from seeking your own happiness. You deserve the best, Mac,” he says in a voice filled with sincerity.

  “Thanks, Cade,” I say warmly.

  I hear Cade’s assistant speak in the background, and he removes the ear bud he is using to listen to me so he can hear her. A few seconds pass and he replaces the ear bud before giving me an apologetic smile.

  “I need to head to a meeting but keep me posted. And please, for the love of God, send me some apple condiments!”

  His plea jolts me back into delighted laughter. “You got it!”

  I hang up and turn my phone’s screen off. I know he’s right in that I should speak up about how I feel, but it isn’t as easy as he makes it out to be. Part of me is hopeful that Lawson feels the same, especially considering how close we’ve gotten, but the other part of me still thinks he’s just being his normal, charming self. I guess I can try and gauge how he’s feeling before saying anything. I was invited to dinner at his parents’ house tonight and can feel things out then. Granted, Langley said her mother invited me when she heard I was back in town, so I’m curious to see how Lawson will treat me in front of his family.

  I tuck my phone back into my pocket and continue swinging, content to let the breeze carry my worries and doubts, if only for now.

  23

  My nerves are eating away at me as I pull up to the Westbrook family’s sprawling, two-story estate. Rows of dogwood trees, their scarlet leaves reminiscent of rich wine, line the long road leading up to the elegant house at the top of the hill. My pulse beats faster the closer I get. I realize I’m not nervous because of the quiet air of affluence that hangs in the air, but because I’m not sure how tonight will go. My doubts from earlier plague me as I worry about Lawson’s attitude toward me in front of the people he cares about most in this world: his family.

  I round the circular driveway and park my car, smoothing my palms over my dress and down my thighs in an effort to remove any wrinkles. I’m almost to the huge front door when it flings open and Langley greets me.

  “You’re here! Thank God,” she says as she grabs me by the wrist and hauls me inside. “I was gettin’ bored.” Her eyes pass over my body quickly as she takes in my dress. “Sugar, you look amazing. My brother is gonna have a tough time keepin’ it together tonight,” she winks.

  I deny her statement, even though I can feel the tell-tale blush form on my face. “We’re just friends, Langley. I don’t know what got into your head, but that’s all we are.”

  “Yeah, and I hate to cook and am the worst baker in three counties,” she scoffs, sarcasm dripping from each word. “You’re delusional, Mac. It’
s okay though. Y’all have your little secret, and it’s safe with me. Things will pan out eventually.”

  I don’t have a second to respond because just then Langley’s parents show up to greet me. Mrs. Westbrook steps up and gives me a warm embrace before Mr. Westbrook steps up to do the same.

  “Oh Mac, it’s so great to see you! It’s been ages,” Mrs. Westbrook says in her kind voice. “I’m so glad you were able to make it. It’ll be so nice to catch up.”

  I smile, feeling happy from their warm greeting. My eyes flicker between the two, and it’s obvious where the good looks come from in this family. Lawson is the spitting image of his father, and I know he’s going to age well if Mr. Westbrook is any indication. The silver strands in his full head of hair add an even more distinguished air to his already impressive looks. Langley looks like a taller, curvier version of her mother, having inherited her height and eyes from her father’s side of the family. There’s no doubt about it, this family has some fantastic genes.

  “Thank you so much for having me. I didn’t realize I was so remiss in visiting until I came back and saw everyone.” This causes both of Langley’s parents to chuckle. “It’s great to see you both as well.” My words are genuine; every time I’ve talked to the them, they’ve always made me feel at home. Lawson and Langley are lucky to have such kind, down-to-earth parents that don’t see their wealth and status as a pedestal to stand on.

  “Yes, it’s great to see you too, Mac. We hope you know you’re always welcome to stop by. Why, Langley and Lawson can’t stop talking about you,” Mr. Westbrook says, a sly grin on his face that matches the twinkle in his eyes. Langley definitely takes after her father.

  I can’t help but feel like he’s insinuating something, but I’m afraid to push and ask. Before I can think of something else to say I feel a strong, muscular arm loop around my shoulders from behind. Startled, I look up and feel my breath catch in my throat when I see it’s Lawson embracing me...in front of his parents...like it’s no big deal. My cheeks heat in embarrassment and surprise.