The Spacetastic Adventures of Mr. Space and Captain Galaxy: Season Two

by T. L. Charles

  Sparky, on the other hand, said, “Well, that's fine and all, but I think that Apodotikós still has a lot to learn if he's going to be helpful. After all, he just got here, so he no doubt needs some help to understand how things are done around here.”

  “I wholeheartedly agree,” said Galaxy. “In fact, Sparky, why don't you teach Apodotikós about what we do around here? You two are going to be working together, after all, so this would be a great way for the two of you to get to know each other while simultaneously training Apodotikós in the way we do things.”

  “Is Sparky an efficient teacher?” asked Apodotikós. “Because if he is not—”

  “I am quite efficient in everything that I do, Apodotikós,” said Sparky, cutting off Apodotikós abruptly. “And I will be able to teach you how to be more efficient, assuming you have enough humility to listen to me.”

  “Gee, that's going to be hard,” said Space, looking up from his ice cream cone briefly, “because Apodotikós is really efficient.”

  “But he can always get better,” Sparky said. “Right, Apodotikós?”

  “As long as I have the right teacher, of course,” said Apodotikós.

  Then Sparky looked at Galaxy. “By the way, Captain, do the bridge's features still respond to my voice commands?”

  “Most of them do, yes,” said Galaxy, nodding. “Why?”

  “Just curious,” said Sparky. He looked at Apodotikós. “After all, if the two of us are going to work together, then we need to know each other's exact limits.”

  “Of course,” said Galaxy. She yawned. “You two can get to work on the ship, while Space and I return to our quarters to sleep for the night. Apodotikós, I am leaving it up to you to decide on our route to Namox. Pick the quickest and safest route you can find and make sure that the Adventure doesn't get too damaged along the way.”

  “Yes, ma'am,” said Apodotikós. He bowed. “And I will do it as efficiently as always.”

  -

  Sparky fully expected to spend a lot of time teaching Apodotikós the basics. He thought that he would have to teach Apodotikós the exact temperatures that Space and Galaxy preferred to have their individual quarters in at all times, what times they usually got up in the morning (Galaxy typically arose earlier than Space), and many other fine and tiny details that he did not even think about most of the time due to having lived on the ship for so long with Space and Galaxy.

  But as it turned out, Apodotikós was a quick learner. He had no trouble at all figuring out the temperatures that Space and Galaxy preferred in their quarters, always set their timers for the exact amount of time they typically slept (down to the second, even), and even played Space's favorite holofilms when asked, despite the fact that Sparky had never even told him what Space's favorite holofilms were. Sparky had to teach him a few things—for example, never talk about Space's mother around Galaxy—but aside from that, Apodotikós adapted to life on the Adventure with only minimal aid from Sparky.

  On one hand, that wasn't such a bad thing. The less time Apodotikós spent learning, the more time he could spend actually managing the ship, and the more time Sparky could spend on his other chores around the Adventure.

  On the other hand, however, Sparky was starting to feel a little less important than he normally did. He didn't really notice it at first, but as Apodotikós became more and more a part of the ship, Space and Galaxy seemed to ask Sparky to do less and less.

  For example, one time, about three days after Apodotikós was activated, Sparky discovered Apodotikós had already sorted and disposed of the ship's garbage without telling anyone. That was usually Sparky's job. Even worse, Apodotikós had done it in less than half an hour, whereas it usually took Sparky at least forty-five minutes to do so, sometimes longer if there was an unusually large amount of garbage to be disposed of.

  Another time, two days after that, Apodotikós went and completely reorganized the Adventure's database in a more 'efficient' form, even though Sparky had already organized the files in a way that he thought was efficient and logical. Sparky even had Space and Galaxy search through the database to prove that Apodotikós's organizational method was less efficient than his. But when it took the two of them half the time to find the files they sought than it did when the files had been organized by Sparky, it only ended up making Sparky look a little foolish.

  Not only that, but Apodotikós also constantly updated the ship's files. No longer did Sparky need to update the files, a task he usually did about once a month. It was now Apodotikós who kept track of the finances, their supply levels, and how much fuel the ship had, among other things. Apodotikós claimed that he updated the files six times a day, which worked out to once every four hours. A definite improvement over Sparky's prior updating speed, which even Sparky had to admit, however much he disliked it.

  Of course, Space and Galaxy were absolutely delighted by Apodotikós's efficiency. Never did they even once complain about anything he did. They were always appreciative of everything he did and never criticized him, even when he actually did mess up. While Sparky was glad that Space and Galaxy were glad, he also began to notice how little the two of them thanked him during this time.

  One time, for example, Sparky had taken over kitchen duties for dinner, preparing Space and Galaxy's meals exactly the way they liked them, but when they ate, they didn't thank him at all. Sparky still might not have noticed this if he had not heard them thank Apodotikós when he refilled their drinks when they got low.

  Sparky was not one to be jealous. Although he was a very human machine, he was not programmed to be jealous. Therefore, he couldn't be jealous even if he wanted to. Still, more than once he found himself wishing that Space and Galaxy would be more appreciative of him, at least as appreciative of his work as they were of Apodotikós's, especially considering how Sparky had been around much longer than Apodotikós had been.

  It almost seemed like Space and Galaxy were taking Sparky for granted. In some ways, he felt like they had stopped treating him with as much gratitude as they once did. And he did not understand why, aside from the fact that he was perhaps not as efficient as Apodotikós.

  That thought did worry him a little, because Sparky was well aware of what humans usually did to machines that they did not want or need anymore. If the machine was lucky, it would simply be sold off to someone who wanted it and might be able to put it to good use. If that machine was unlucky, however, it would be scrapped and its parts taken away and used for another machine that would, at some point in the future, suffer the same fate. Or its parts would simply be smelted down and junked, if they were not able to be recycled.

  Neither Mr. Space nor Captain Galaxy will ever sell me or smelt me down, Sparky thought on the first day of Apodotikós's second week with them, as he came online after a night of charging his battery. It was the very first thought that appeared in his mind, even before he thought about his list of chores for the day. Especially Captain Galaxy. She created me with her own two hands. The two of them have always loved me. I should not be thinking such thoughts.

  Even so, as Sparky stood up, he could not help but notice those worrisome feelings gnawing at the back of his head. He decided that he would work extra hard today, because he had discovered that if he buried himself in his work, then he was less likely to allow his emotions to distract him from what he needed to do.

  Stepping out of his recharge station—a large, metal white pod that resembled an egg and which was located in the hold—Sparky was just about to make his way to the upper decks to begin his duties for the day when a nearby speaker crackled. Looking over his shoulder, Sparky saw that it was the speaker in his recharging station, which had been placed there by Captain Galaxy to give her and Space a way to reach Sparky in case he was charging in the middle of an emergency.

  “Sparky? Are you online?” said a voice from the speaker, which he recognized as Apodotikós's, albeit slightly scratchy due to the speaker's instability.

  “Yes,” said Sparky. He
resisted the urge to say, in a sarcastic tone, You should know that, seeing as you know everything that goes on in this ship, mostly because he did not want to offend Apodotikós. “Why? Do you have a message for me from Captain Galaxy or Mr. Space?”

  “Yes,” said Apodotikós. “Captain Galaxy wished me to inform you that she and Mr. Space are taking a trip down to Earth today to sell an unknown but possibly valuable species of plant that they found on one of their expeditions on an uninhabited world. She says they will probably be down there for a day, but in the meantime, it will be just the two of us on the Adventure until they return.”

  Sparky nodded. “Ah, yes. I do recall Mr. Space telling me that they were going to Earth today. Have they already left?”

  “About half an hour ago,” said Apodotikós. “I have not heard from them since.”

  “I see,” said Sparky. His shoulders slumped. “I thought Captain Galaxy and Mr. Space would tell me themselves before they left.”

  “They were in a rather large hurry,” said Apodotikós. “Our funds are getting rather low. Captain Galaxy wanted to leave so they could sell the plant quickly in order to buy more fuel and supplies for the ship.”

  “All right,” said Sparky. “I understand. I am used to them going to Earth on their own to sell the things that we find. My old job, prior to you coming along, was to take care of the ship in their absence.”

  “I know that,” said Apodotikós. “And you did it rather inefficiently, too, from what I have read of the files on your old adventures with Mr. Space and Captain Galaxy. You failed, for example, to fire that meteor out of the sky that almost killed Captain Galaxy back on Magna Five, and even your distraction of those Zaronian ship inspectors could have been much better.”

  “I am aware of my failings, Apodotikós,” said Sparky. He kept his tone as polite as ever, but a hint of irritation slipped out just the same. “Anyway, I assume you have my list of chores set up for today?”

  “I do,” said Apodotikós. “And I am downloading it into your mind even as we speak. It only took me about five minutes to draw up the list, which I would have given to you much earlier had you been online.”

  Sparky received a notification that the file containing his list of chores for today had been successfully downloaded into his head. He ignored it, however in order to focus on Apodotikós, who he was starting to find increasingly difficult to tolerate.

  “I require a full recharge every night and cannot leave my recharge station until I am fully recharged,” Sparky explained, keeping his tone as level as he could, although he found it harder to do so than before. “It is possible to cut off my recharging in an emergency, but that is very rare and can have drastic consequences on my functionality. It is usually better for me to recharge fully.”

  “A fully-charged machine is more efficient than a half-charged one,” said Apodotikós. “But I can't help but wonder if there might be some way to make your charging more efficient.”

  “That would require getting me a new battery and recharge station compatible with it,” said Sparky. “Currently, we do not have enough funds to buy a more efficient battery for me, so I must make do with what I have.”

  “Yes, I am aware of our current financial situation, Sparky,” said Apodotikós. “But do you know what I've noticed? Captain Galaxy and Mr. Space do not spend their money very efficiently.”

  “What do you mean by that?” said Sparky. “Captain Galaxy is a financially-responsible person.”

  “Yes, but the ship's financial database shows a trend in inefficient purchases over the last six months or so,” said Apodotikós. “For example, I notice that a particular type of exotic wine—Caonian, to be precise—has been bought several times over the last six months, and at full price, no less. I have done research on Caonian wine and have learned that it doesn't actually serve any practical purpose, aside from the fact that it is less alcoholic than most wines. It is simply very expensive for no reason that I can tell, aside from the fact that demand for it is high.”

  “Mr. Space enjoys Caonian wine,” said Sparky with a shrug. “Captain Galaxy has gotten onto him for buying it when we don't have any money to afford it, but I didn't think it was that big of a deal.”

  “Indeed it is, if the records are accurate,” said Apodotikós. “But Mr. Space isn't the only one to buy things we don't need. Captain Galaxy typically pays premium price for the kind of fuel needed to keep the Adventure going, even though there is a much cheaper alternative that has the same properties as the more expensive one. Messy and inefficient.”

  Apodotikós sounded like he expected Sparky to agree with him. Sparky was aware of some of the financial mistakes of Space and Galaxy, but he found Apodotikós's arrogant, judgmental tone to be misplaced.

  “Well, why don't you tell Captain Galaxy about this?” asked Sparky. “She is always interested in finding better and wiser ways to spend our money. If you can show her the trends you've notice, you might be able to convince her and Mr. Space to reverse their habits.”

  “I doubt it,” said Apodotikós. “I have already tried to draw Captain Galaxy's attention to this, but she ignored me. She even told me that it wasn't my job to decide their budget for them, that I was only supposed to keep track of purchases and expenses and develop a monthly report on business and personal finances, and nothing else.”

  Apodotikós sounded sore about that, causing Sparky to say, “If I recall correctly, that is supposed to be your job. Everyone on this ship has their own responsibilities to take care of, so I am always careful not to do any job that Mr. Space or Captain Galaxy is supposed to do, even if I may disagree with how they do it.”

  “But what if they do their jobs inefficiently?” said Apodotikós. “Inefficiency is often the first step to mediocrity, which leads to messiness, which finally leads to destruction. Financial inefficiency in particular can be devastating. It would only be logical if I was given control of the budgeting. Then we might be able to avoid financial ruin, which is the direction we are heading in based on the trends that I see in the records.”

  “Apodotikós, I think you are worrying too much,” said Sparky, waving off his concerns. “Captain Galaxy has done a good job managing our finances so far. We have never had to go without food or clothing or fuel or any other necessity, even in lean times. It is possible you are not looking at enough data or are coming to erroneous conclusions based off a lack of data regarding our long term financial trends.”

  “Erroneous conclusions?” said Apodotikós. “I am too efficient to afford erroneous conclusions. I am merely reporting the facts, which is that Captain Galaxy and Mr. Space are not spending as wisely or efficiently as they could, and that they would do better to let me manage the monthly budget.”

  “You may be correct that there are ways in which Captain Galaxy and Mr. Space can improve their spending habits, but again, I think we will be fine,” said Sparky. “We have survived so far without you, and we will survive long after you are replaced or upgraded with a new AI.”

  “The future does not always mirror the past,” said Apodotikós. “Just because you have survived so far does not mean you will survive tomorrow. I believe that the best way to avoid financial ruin is for me to take control of the budget, because it is becoming clearer and clearer to me that I am the only one who knows how to budget efficiently around here.”

  The crackly speaker made Apodotikós's voice sound even more distorted than before, like Apodotikós's passion was somehow affecting it. Sparky thought he heard it snap, which alarmed him because that might be a clue that the speaker was getting damaged.

  So Sparky said, “Well, Apodotikós, regardless of whether you are right or wrong about our finances, I think we should go ahead and start the day's work. Talking about Captain Galaxy and Mr. Space behind their backs is a rather inefficient waste of time, isn't it?”

  “For once, I agree with you,” said Apodotikós, though he sounded reluctant. “Start with the first item on your list. I will start with
the engines, which have not been inspected for a month according to the ship records. Even so, I say the two of us should think about the ways we can make this ship more efficient … with or without Mr. Space and Captain Galaxy.”

  Sparky heard the threat in Apodotikós's voice again, only this time he didn't doubt it was there. Still, Sparky told himself that Apodotikós was simply very passionate about efficiency and also still learning how to properly emote. Sparky found it hard to believe, though, no matter how much he told himself that all Apodotikós needed was perhaps some more socializing before he'd start to behave normally.

  For the rest of the day, Sparky methodically made his way down the rather long list of chores that Apodotikós had given him. But he did not stop and talk with Apodotikós at any point during the day, except whenever any of his chores required Apodotikós's help, because he found himself disturbed by Apodotikós's frank assertion that he would be better at setting the monthly budget than Space and Galaxy were.

  It wasn't the idea that Apodotikós might be a better financial planner than Galaxy or Space that bothered Sparky so much. He had no idea how good Apodotikós might be at that. For all he knew, Apodotikós might be correct in saying that he could set the monthly budget better than Galaxy or Space.

  What really disturbed Sparky was the way in which Apodotikós spoke of Galaxy and Space. He seemed to think of the two as inferior to him, like he thought that they were too stupid to manage their own finances. Apodotikós did not bring up the subject for the rest of the day—probably because rehashing their earlier conversation would have been inefficient—but Sparky knew that he was still thinking about it, in addition to other topics that Sparky knew nothing about.

  By the time Space and Galaxy returned—and with 30,000 digits as well, which would be enough to last them another two or three months at least—however, Apodotikós treated the two of them just as kindly and respectfully as always. He took off and cleaned their shoes and socks, laid out dinner for them in the dining room, and even chatted with them about what they saw on Earth, as well as giving them a brief report about the tasks that he and Sparky accomplished while they were away.