“How handsome?”
“He’s gorgeous!” I proceeded to tell them all about his body, face, hair, everything I could possibly think of. I wanted to let Cheryl hear how easily we got along, because I knew she was going to be concerned. Although she often suggested dating soldiers, she was still very protective of me. She really was like a stand-in mother at times, or more so like an older sister. She needed to hear how we clicked instantly. I rambled excitedly for quite some time.
“So where’s he staying? Somewhere close by?” Cheryl questioned.
“Yeah, about that.” This little tidbit of information was something I knew would freak her out.
“Is there an issue with where he’s staying? I bet if I spoke to our landlord he’d be happy to put him up in one of our units. Joe’s a veteran; he’d be more than happy to help out another vet. I know there are a couple of the smaller units available and I can call him right now if you want.”
“No, it won’t be necessary. He’s staying with me.” I looked down so I couldn’t see Cheryl’s eyes burning into me, along with flames shooting out her nostrils. This was not going to go over well.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t know anything about this guy!”
“I know, Cheryl, but please understand, there’s something about him. It’s just there, between us. It’s a really strong connection. I felt it the second we met.”
“Wow, Sydney, are you out of your mind? You have no idea what he’s like. He could be all messed up in the head from the war. Please let me call Joe and we can get this guy out of your place today.”
“Cheryl, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you take Gina home with you the first night you met? She stayed the whole damn weekend. A month later you were living together.”
“That’s different. Look at her.”
“You haven’t seen him yet. It’s not different.”
“I think it’s sweet. Lighten up, Cher. This guy could be her me,” Gina chirped.
“Aiden is amazing. I actually can’t wait to get back to see him. It’s insane.” I addressed only Gina.
“It’s insane, all right. This guy could be a predator. You left him alone at your house? What if he steals everything or goes through your things?” Cheryl was pissed.
“He’s a war hero. He wouldn’t do that!”
“Because you know him so well? Remember that story from a few years ago? The one about that soldier who also happened to have a Purple Heart? The whole town celebrated him as a hero, with a parade and everything. A week later, he had committed suicide. No one had any idea he wasn’t the person he used to be or that he was suffering silently. Even his family had no idea he was hurting so badly. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder does things to people. No one is helping the soldiers deal with it. There should be screening or groups to help them open up about it. It’s not even like you knew Aiden well before he left for the war so you could notice a change. You just met him yesterday. How can you confidently say he wouldn’t do something?”
“I … I can’t. Remember, Cher, I am a psychologist. I’m sure I would recognize all the signs.”
“So you saw no signs of any PTSD?”
“No.” That was an outright lie. Every soldier had some form of it. I had seen a few moments yesterday. Aiden seemed to withdraw inside himself each time I noticed, though, and he didn’t come across to me as a threat.
Gina began to jokingly lay into Cheryl about backing off, and letting me finally enjoy being with someone. I half listened as she basically called me her potentially lost cause, who might have a shot at some kind of relationship, no matter how long it lasted. I should have been insulted. Why did she think I would never find anyone? Maybe I wasn’t the only one who really thought I’d end up a spinster. I felt like their child, sitting at the table while they talked about me like I wasn’t even there.
The other half, the one not listening, began to have an anxiety attack. Cheryl was right. I didn’t know this man at all. I invited a complete stranger, who even the United States government had little or no known background on, to live at my home. What if he wasn’t who I perceived him to be? Did I actually make him out to be someone I wanted, just because I was looking for it? He could be a cold-blooded killer or a crazed maniac, and he was at my house alone with all my things. At this point in time, he could be looking through my computer for all my personal information or stealing all my jewelry. I felt a cold sweat break out on my forehead.
“Hun, are you okay? You’re not looking so good right now.” Gina reached up as she said it and felt my forehead like the great mom she was going to be to her future kids.
“I’m good.” The pit in my stomach and the lump in my throat said differently. I wanted to jump in my car to rush home to check on Aiden.
“Syd, did I just ruin everything for you with your new man? I’m sorry. I just worry about you. It’s bad enough I worry about you being alone all the time in those woods that surround your house, but now, add a complete stranger that I’ve never met to the mix. I’m just looking out for you.”
“You scared the shit out of her, Cher. Stop it. Let her enjoy falling in love without all the drama. I’m sure everything will be fine. Why don’t you tell me more about him, Sydney,” Gina requested.
“I don’t know if I would go to the extreme of saying I’m falling in love. He’s a very sweet man and the potential is there. Heck, right now he’s working in my yard.”
“A man that does yard work is a plus. Tell me more. It’ll make you feel better again,” Gina said.
“He cooked dinner with me last night, and we never ran out of things to talk about the entire time. He got up and made me coffee this morning.” I sounded like I was trying to convince all three of us that he was a good guy.
“Did he bring it to you in bed?” Cheryl was not going to let this go. Gina shot her a dirty look and I swear I heard her mumble ‘no sex for you tonight’ under her breath.
“No,” I said flatly.
“Well, was there any nookie last night?” Cheryl questioned.
I really didn’t want to tell her how we made out on the couch. At the same time, I really wanted to get all giddy over it with Gina.
“Does kissing count?”
“Who are you and what did you do with my prudish friend Sydney?” Cheryl said, rolling her eyes.
“Yay! You kissed him. Is he a good at it?” Gina was full of enthusiasm. I wished I had only met with her for lunch.
“I don’t want to hear about her kissing him. If it was a hot chick, maybe.”
“Shut up, Cheryl. Just ignore her, Sydney. Tell me. I want to hear all about it. Did he give you soft gentle kisses? Was there tongue involved?” Now both Cheryl and I rolled our eyes. It was like I was in the cafeteria in high school.
“Yes, Gina. We French kissed. He touched my boobs, too.”
“Over or under the shirt?” Gina liked her details.
“Are you kidding me? We do not need to hear about that. That’s all, though, right?” Cheryl quizzed.
“I stopped him. I was seriously going to let him do whatever he wanted, but I didn’t want him to think I was easy.”
“Oh no, nothing easy about a girl who invites you back to her house the first day you’ve met … to live with her.”
“Cheryl, you know I’m not like that.”
“I’m not sure what you’re like. This whole thing is completely out of character for you. Might I add it’s also not ethical? Where is your work professionalism? It anyone finds out, you’ll lose your job.”
“The only people who know are you two and Aiden. I’m quite confident none of you are going to say anything.”
“His name is Aiden? That’s such a nice name. That’s a Gaelic name and it means little fire.”
“Gina, how the hell do you know that?”
“She’s been in the baby name books again. It’s nonstop lately.”
“That’s so wonderful. Do we have a plan yet for who the donating father will be?”
“Not yet. We’re still looking. It’s a really hard decision,” Gina replied.
“Please don’t get her started.”
“It’s fine. I won’t get all teary anymore. I’m just looking for the right guy. Speaking of which, let’s get back to Aiden and kissing.”
“He’s a great kisser and a complete gentleman. But let’s not get Cheryl all fired up again, shall we?” But it wasn’t Cheryl I was worried about. All sorts of scenarios were now running through my head about Aiden.
We spent the rest of lunch just plain bullshitting, which was our normal mode of conversation. After we had finished, I gave them both a hug and peck on the cheek, so I could head back home as fast as I could … home to Aiden. The butterflies were already starting. But were they good butterflies or bad ones? I really had no idea anymore. The realization of what I had actually done by inviting him to stay with me was hitting home thanks to Cheryl. I loved her for opening my eyes to everything I would not normally think about. This, however, was something I should have considered carefully first.
I’d have to learn to think before I blurted various things out to him. He had a way of making our conversations just flow so easily.
My drive home was not as pleasant as my drive out. Why did Cheryl always have to be so leery about everyone? Instead of being excited about getting back to Aiden, now I was apprehensive. I was not happy about that feeling at all.
Chapter Four: Aiden
When I pulled into the driveway, I was amazed at how much he had gotten done. My yard was raked, my rose bushes trimmed for the winter, and generally, everything was pruned and preened. My garage door was open and I could tell it had been straightened out. Wow, he really did wield a mean broom. The floor was spotless and the shelves completely organized.
All my concerns during the drive home seemed to suddenly disappear. He wasn’t up to no good while I was gone, he was working his ass off.
I shut the door and headed inside to find him. He was in my kitchen with a handful of dishes, cleaning up from lunch.
“Hey,” I sort of purred at him.
“Good afternoon, Sydney. Did you have a nice time?”
“Yes, we always have a very good time when we’re together.”
I needed to do something to make myself feel better about the conversation I had over lunch. I needed to touch him. So I walked right up to him, grabbed his face and kissed him. He seemed slightly surprised, but didn’t pull away.
“All I could think about was getting home to do that. Is that wrong? Am I going insane?” He smiled, reached out to wrap his arms around me, and pulled me into him. He buried his face into my shoulder and hair. The scent of him was intoxicating for someone who had just spent the last few hours probably sweating. He smelled sweet. I felt comfortable in his arms and didn’t want to let him go.
“If it’s insane, then I’ll be in the padded room right next door to yours. I’m relieved to hear you’re feeling the same way. I thought I was losing it. I was afraid I might scare you off or intimidate you.”
If he only knew it was Cheryl who was scaring me. I almost felt guilty thinking so wrongly about him. How could I do that? I was so easily swayed and felt like I had somehow betrayed him. I put my head down because I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes.
He took a step back from me and caressed my cheek and pulled my face up to meet his gaze.
“Is everything all right?” His blue eyes burned into mine, and I found myself getting lost in them, as usual. It seemed like all that existed was he and I at that moment. I wasn’t even aware of the room we were standing in anymore. It was almost like we were in a time warp of some kind or a bubble.
“Everything is just fine. I was thinking about something my friend said.”
“Well, you certainly didn’t look very happy. Was it bad news?”
“Nothing like that. It’s all good. I see you were very busy while I was gone. You did so much,” I said, trying to change the subject.
His face lit up as he took my hand and led me out to the backyard to show me his handiwork and all he had accomplished back there as well.
“I tried to make sure to keep your Zen back here, if not increase it. You obviously had some already. I know I like a space to feel warm and inviting no matter where it is. I noticed some old candles, lanterns and wind chimes in the garage, and I thought they’d work back here. I bet you spend a lot of time hanging outside when it’s nice. This is how I would want it. I hope I didn’t overstep my bounds. I can put it all back the way you had it if I did.”
The entire terrace had been rearranged. My papasan chair and its dark blue cushion were now a focal point, instead of being off to the side. He had arranged the furniture around my outdoor fireplace, which I had actually never used, but I could see it was all ready for its first fire. The chiminea was now filled with candles instead. The lanterns and candles resided everywhere. He had even cleaned out the small water feature pond I had, and the small waterfall was working again. Everything was trimmed and tidy. The yard looked amazing. The breeze that was blowing made my wind chimes ring softly. It was all very soothing. It had been my original plan to utilize these things to de-stress before I went to bed at night, but I had never had the time nor energy to do it properly. He had completely achieved what was in my head, which was feng shui.
“I just saw all these things you obviously had plans to do something with, and I felt bad they weren’t being used. I wanted you to have everything just right. Did I get it right?”
“Hell yes. It’s perfect. I mean it, too. I love it. You really did too much and I can’t thank you enough.”
“I’m really the grateful one. You’re a very sweet person. It wasn’t really that big of a deal. The yard was in good shape and it didn’t really take me much time at all.”
“But you did my garage and out front, too. Really, you did so much. I can’t get over it. Do you wield a magic wand, too? You have mad skills at landscaping.”
Aiden genuinely smiled. I was glad I made him happy. He had spent the entire afternoon working like a dog on my yard and he didn’t have to. I did feel a bit more comfortable knowing he had been busy all day. I almost felt guilty for thinking badly about him for even a second today.
“I felt like I knew what you would like. It was so easy. It just fell together, honestly. I went with my gut feeling. It’s weird. I feel like I’ve known you for longer than a day.”
“I know, right? I feel so connected to you. Like we’re on the exact same plane.”
“Yeah, something like that. Absolutely.”
This was all so out of character for me. But maybe this was what falling in love was supposed to be like. I had no idea, as I had never actually fallen for someone like this before. And the best part was that it seemed to be mutual. I suddenly realized I had thought about falling in love with him. Maybe Gina had been right after all.
“Would you like to try it out tonight when the sun goes down? I’d like to make sure I got the lighting perfect. Maybe we could even have a fire in the chiminea.”
“I’d love that. I’m out here almost every night during the summer. I love to read back here. It’s so peaceful.”
“Peaceful. That’s a wonderful thing to feel. That’s what I was going for. It’s a very hard thing to achieve, you know. Especially in the world we live in these days. Everyone is so absorbed in their own little life, they don’t see the big picture.”
“What do you think the big picture is?”
“I think it’s not on this earth. I think whatever exists after this life is what really matters. But maybe that’s because of everything I’ve been through. It all seems so ridiculous to worry about what kind of car you drive or what meeting you have coming up. Inevitably, we all end up in the same place, right? One that’s completely different than this life we’re living now.”
“That’s very profound. I guess you might be right. I don’t know. Not sure what I believe in these days. I guess it’s everything I’v
e experienced.
We continued our conversation, while enjoying my newly spruced up terrace. Time flew by, and before we knew it, we were inside cooking dinner again. Everything was so easy between us. It was all so natural. It was all so strange.
After a nice dinner and a quick cleanup of dishes, we retired to my cushy couches to watch a movie. I thought a war-based movie would be a good one for us to watch together, so we could analyze if it was realistic or not. And it might make him open up to me about what he had gone through during his tour.
We cuddled up close, our glasses of wine in hand, and started to watch. He put his arm around my shoulder and I snuggled into his side. I was safe and comfortable and felt as though we had been with each other for years.
Within the first twenty minutes of the movie, we watched as the first soldier died. Aiden’s body immediately began to shudder. He seemed almost like he was in some kind of trance. He went catatonic. Holy crap, I should’ve known better than to bring his memories back to war and death. It was completely out of line for me and I was certainly not thinking like an experienced psychologist.
“Aiden, are you okay? Aiden, can you hear me?” I jumped up, and tried to shake him out of it.
He had no reply. Instead he just stared right past me as though I was not in the room with him. His eyes squinted and then his face took on a look of terror. The corner of his mouth started to twitch. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was about to have some sort of a seizure. But in a few moments, I realized that he seemed to be reliving the moments when he had been wounded. I saw him mouth the words ‘Oh shit, no’ and then his body bucked and flailed four times like he was being shot. I watched him in horror.
I started to panic and grabbed his shoulders and tried to steady him. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he went completely limp. This was bad, very bad. I considered calling for an ambulance, but I was afraid to leave his side. The phone seemed so far away.
“Oh my God, Aiden. Snap out of it. You are okay. Can you hear me? Just open your eyes. I’m right here in front of you. I won’t let anything happened to you. You’re safe now. You’re with me now. I’m right here. Can you feel me? I just need you to try and shake this off.”
The Purple Heart Page 4