Cheryl’s words echoed in my head. I started to doubt myself, and this whole situation. What had I gotten myself into? What had I done to him?
I put my hands on either side of his face. His skin felt cold and clammy. Soon his eyes began to move underneath his lids. He took in a deep gasp of breath like he hadn’t been breathing at all for the entire episode. Then he opened his eyes. I felt a wave of relief wash over me.
“Aiden? Please tell me you’re okay. Please talk to me. Just say something so I know you’re all right.”
“Sydney, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to ever see that.” He seemed to have his wits about him now.
“That’s happened to you before?”
“I have … um, nightmares, I guess you could call them. They’re very similar to what just happened, except you weren’t there when I snapped out of it.” He touched my cheek and ran a fingertip down until his hand was over my heart. He left it there, as if he was feeling every single beat. Of course my heart completely complied by beating faster and harder at his touch. My entire body reacted to his touch. It seemed to be reviving him. With each thump of my heart, the color returned to his face.
“Listen, you still look really pale. You’re shaking. Do you want a glass of water? Do you want to maybe go lay down?”
“Will you come with me?
I had to stop and think this over carefully. What exactly was he asking of me? I didn’t want him to be alone. If that type of event happened again, I wanted to be by his side to make sure he was fine. That was not something I wanted him to ever experience alone again.
Being by his side would also make me not want to leave him for the rest of the night. I had already decided I wasn’t going to let anything happen between us this evening. I was putting myself at risk because knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back if things progressed sexually between us again. I couldn’t even believe I was thinking about him sexually right now. My mind was already made up because I blurted out my answer.
“Of course.” Damn, I was my own worst enemy. I helped him to his feet and up the stairs. His episode downstairs seemed to have totally drained the life from him. He was weak and still very pallid. I brought him to his room and helped him over to his bed.
“Listen, you overdid it today. First working in the yard all day. And then I was a complete idiot to pick that movie. That’s all. I’m going to get you a glass of water and an aspirin, and give you a minute to get changed. Then I want you in that bed, Mister.”
My last statement made him smile. That was a very good sign. I left to get his water and an aspirin. When I returned he was sitting up on the bed waiting for me. My mind started wandering because he looked hot as hell in his present location. I tried to avert my eyes so as not to appear to be leering at him, but it was impossible.
“Okay, take this and a sip of water.” He held out his hand and I dropped the pill into it.
“Thanks.”
“All right. I think you should lie down and take it easy. Do you want something to help you sleep?”
“No, I don’t want to take anything that’ll knock me out. What if you needed me during the night?”
So this man just had some sort of episode and he was thinking about my wellbeing?
“That’s very sweet. Okay. I’m going to head to bed, too. Can I have a rain check for that outside fire?”
“Absolutely.” I laid him down and tucked him in. I turned to leave, and he grabbed a hold of my hand.
“Sydney, please stay with me, at least for a little while. Until I fall to sleep. I don’t really want to be alone right now. Is that asking too much of you?”
“No, of course not. I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
“Would you stay the night?” he said it so quietly, I could barely hear him.
Now normally I would have been nervous, or jumping up and down like an idiot. But right now all I wanted to do was hold him, and comfort him as much as he needed. I slid in beside him with a smile and a little bit of fluttering in my stomach. He lifted up the covers to invite me closer to him. I did so without hesitation and curled up next to him, nuzzling my face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me.
The feel of his skin against mine was starting to make me want to rub myself all over him. My body definitely had other things in mind than just lying beside him, but I was also just as content to feel his body against mine.
His body was cool, so I snuggled in even closer to keep him warm. Where my body touched his, it hummed and then warmed. I couldn’t sleep. I hated sleeping in my clothes and I was fully dressed at the moment. I also wanted to make sure he was going to be all right. Not to mention, of course, being beside him was still making my heart palpitate.
It wasn’t long before he was out. He slept like the dead. He didn’t move an inch. I’m not sure how long I was awake watching him sleep but eventually I drifted off to dreamland.
It had been at least a few hours into the night when I felt the bed shake me awake. He was probably having a nightmare. I tried to wake him, but he only became silent again at my touch and the sound of my voice when I whispered his name. I thought this would be a good time to put something more comfortable on and hit the bathroom. While I was away, I heard him cry out. I didn’t hear him say anything definitive because everything sounded muffled through the door. I hurried back to his side and climbed back into bed with him, and he immediately quieted again. I curled myself around him, and we spent the rest of the night without any further events.
Chapter Five: Cheryl
I let Aiden sleep in, sneaking out of bed before the sun had risen. I watched him for a moment before I left, and realized how quickly I was becoming attached to him. I needed to talk to Cheryl again and wanted to use her as a sounding board. She’d be painfully blunt, and let me know exactly how to slow things down. I put on coffee, and figured I would wait until it was a reasonable time to call.
I decided to check out my newly renovated Zen in the back yard. The terrace stone was frigid on my bare feet as I stepped outside. The days were getting colder lately. I knew it was only a matter of time before winter would be approaching. I disliked winter greatly and had often entertained the idea of moving somewhere that always hovered around seventy to seventy-five degrees. That was my ideal temperature.
The morning was extremely quiet. Not a single bird made a sound. I could actually hear the creek babbling in the distance, somehow amplified by the stillness of everything else. It was so peaceful. I almost thought about waking Aiden so he could share this time with me, but I knew he needed the rest. So I dismissed the idea.
I decided to grab my coffee and a blanket to spend some time by myself, rummaging through all the various conundrums in my head. I plopped myself into my papasan, swaddled, clinging to my cup of joe for warmth, and watched the sunrise. It had been awhile since I had actually appreciated the beauty of it. Why hadn’t I spend more of my time enjoying the simple pleasures of life? I was always so preoccupied with work or what bills needed to be paid. It seemed like such a waste of time right now. I should have been taking advantage of all the beauty around me. Aiden was the reason for my change of thought and heart. He made everything seem so much more vivid and real. A simple smile or a gentle touch, things I hadn’t been paying attention to recently because they didn’t exist and were not the things I had been searching for, were all that I craved. Why was he suddenly changing my priorities and viewpoints in my life, and in such a short time?
The sun slowly brought a rosy glow to my Zen, but no warmth came with it. I thought of Aiden, cozy in bed, only seconds away from me, and wondered if heading back to snuggle with him was my best option. Would he remember his nightmare from the middle of the night? Would things be awkward between us? Nothing had happened, not that I didn’t think about rolling over to start something a few times throughout night. It was too soon.
This was not the relationship I thought I had wanted. I wanted the courting; the emails and texts, getting ready for a
date and having him pick me up at the door. This was not a possibility when you were living with someone you wanted to be in the beginning of a relationship with. The start of a relationship was one of the best parts. I loved the first kiss and butterflies in your stomach at seeing that other person. I had the first one with Aiden. The second was not as easy due to our location proximity. I still had fleeting moments of them, though.
Then there was the first intimate encounter, the first time making love to each other. I wanted that to be because Aiden and I felt deeply for each other, not because we were hanging out on the couch and things progressed too hot and heavy with no one heading home for the night. It was too easy to let that happen between us. I needed to get to know him better and to think rationally about what was happening here. I knew nothing about him. He could be using me. He could actually feel what I was feeling. I wasn’t sure, and I hated feeling wishy-washy and unsure. It was so easy to do right now. My head said one thing, my heart another, and my hormones were doing their own thing, too. All three fought with each other.
I needed my sounding board now, no matter how much she was going to rip into me about it. I wanted it and needed a dose of reality to set myself straight. I knew it was still early, but Gina was an early riser, so maybe I might catch them both awake.
I listened to the first two rings, considered hanging up to wait for a more decent hour to call, and then someone answered.
“Hello?” It was Gina, sounding like she had been up for hours already. She was already chipper.
“Hey, Gina. Sorry if I’m calling too early.”
“Good morning, Sweetie. Don’t worry about it. I’ve been up for awhile. Cheryl is in the shower right now, so you didn’t wake either of us up. How are things going with Sergeant Hot Stuff?”
“Oh, Gina, it’s amazing. I mean really, it’s been so intense. It’s all so confusing. I don’t even know if this is real or not.”
“Of course it’s real. That’s what it was like with Cheryl and me. I knew it the minute I saw her that she and I were meant to be forever.”
“I feel something like that, too. Did you have any doubts that first weekend you spent with her? Were you scared?”
“I wasn’t scared of her, if that’s what you mean. Are you afraid of him hurting you?”
“No, nothing like that. It’s just I reacted when I met him. I didn’t even realize what I had done when I invited him to stay with me. I just blurted it out. I haven’t thought any of this through.”
“Are you having regrets? It’s been what, two days?”
“Yeah, something like that. It’s all just blurring together, like he’s always been here. It’s strange. It’s happening way too fast. Maybe.”
“Maybe he’s your soul mate or you knew each other in a past life. You know I believe that we’ve all met each other in our past lives. It’s why you feel familiarity with certain people. They were someone important to your last existence. I’m sure you and I were friends or possibly related in a previous life. It explains déjà vu quite nicely, too.”
Gina was a strong believer in reincarnation. We had talked about it a few times during drunken nights, when Cheryl had surpassed her limit of drinks and passed out. Gina was a mystical soul, stating with no reservations and complete confidence, that she and Cheryl had loved each other through many previous lives. She equated the ease of their relationship with already knowing who Cheryl was, and just returning to what had already existed, but had been on hold when one lifetime ended until the next had begun. She believed they would find each other no matter what the circumstances, should a new existence begin. She said it was why it didn’t matter if they were opposite sexes or the same. Were Aiden and I past life lovers? I had dabbled in the thought of reincarnation before, always hoping to find out if there was more to come after this life ended.
“Yes, you were my mother and Cher was my father,” I teased.
“Probably. That’s why she’s so protective of you.” Gina had taken my joke quite seriously.
“Thanks for liking my new boyfriend, Mom.” I guess in my head, Aiden and I were already in a committed relationship. I sounded pathetic to myself and couldn’t believe I was entertaining thoughts us being in a relationship. I had no idea if he felt the same way I was.
“Boyfriend. I’m so happy to hear you say that.” I guess Gina had no problem with my defining Aiden’s role.
“But, Gina, it’s all happening so fast.”
“Just sit back, go with the flow and enjoy the ride, Syd. It could end tomorrow, a year from now, or never. So enjoy every little bit of it. No one knows what life has in store for him or her, so why waste it worrying about it instead of living it? Am I right?”
“You’re so damned down-to-earth and logical. I need to just let things happen. I over think things all the time. That’s my biggest downfall.”
“I’m glad to hear you say it out loud. Now I want to see you actually do it. I’m so happy for you. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“I’m afraid. Not of you, you’re a doll. I’m afraid of introducing him to Cheryl. She’s already upset about him living with me. She’ll scare him away.”
“No, she won’t. Don’t be silly.” Gina giggled. “Her bark is worse than her bite. You know that. As soon as she meets him, and sees how happy you are, she’ll be on board with this whole thing. Just wait, you’ll see.”
I heard the phone jumble around, and then it was Cheryl on the other end. Cheryl would put everything into perspective for me. She would give me the pros and cons unbiasedly. I’d have plenty of food-for-thought and I could stop fighting with myself in my head.
“I told you not to encourage her, G. Sydney, are you okay? Is everything all right?”
“Everything is fine. My things are all where I left them, except for some leaves and weeds.”
“Okay, good. Well, I’m not on the approval-bandwagon yet. I think you need to slow things way down.” There was Cheryl’s bluntness coming through. It was only a matter of time before she opened up and really let me know how she felt.
“But I’m happy. I mean, this guy, he’s different. I just feel so much for him already. It’s been such a short time but we’re already so connected. It’s just happening all on its own.” I knew I didn’t need to get her approval, but I did want her to accept him.
“It’s been two days, Sydney, and not even full days yet. That’s insane. What are you going to do when he’s done with you?” Cheryl was asserting her big sister or motherly side. It didn’t matter; it was all the same to me. I had asked for her opinion by calling, so I needed to be ready to hear what she had to say and accept it or not.
“It’s not like that. He feels the same way I do.” I pouted.
“And how is that exactly, Sydney?”
“We both feel very strongly for each other.”
“And he told you that?”
“Not in so many words.”
“So you’re assuming he feels the same way? What if this is all one-sided?”
“Don’t be silly. He’s let me know he’s as interested in me, just as much as I am in him,” I said convincingly.
“When are you going to realize that it could all just be a novelty, Sydney? If it is, it’s going to wear off. You just can bet on it. Wait until he gets settled back into his real life. You might not be needed anymore.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying. What do you mean a novelty?” I could feel my blood pressure starting to rise.
“You don’t want to understand, Syd. You’re just not thinking over the logistics of this whole thing. He had a life before the military, and it’s going to rear its ugly head somewhere down the line and probably when you least expect it. You’ll be tossed to the side with nothing but heartache. Do you really think he’s going to choose you over the life he had before? Are you prepared for that? The whole idea of what’s happening between you, it’s like meeting a cute guy on spring break. You have a great time together, you promise to keep in touch
, but when you get home it’s all forgotten. Be ready in case this isn’t going to last.”
And that was about all I could take. “You’re … you’re wrong! How do you know that? Maybe I’m the one he’s meant to be with. Maybe he’ll choose me. I swear to God, you’ll see, Cheryl. Can’t you just believe in me for once? Why can’t I be the girl with the fairytale ending? Is that so hard for you to accept? I have to go,” I snapped at her and hung up.
How could she think that? Did she honestly think I was worth so little to someone? It was not only an insult to Aiden’s morals, but to my self worth. Right now, all I wanted to do was rush to Aiden’s side. Feeling him next to me would make everything better. Her words echoed in my head as I slowly climbed the stairs to get to Aiden.
Chapter Six: Aiden
I stood on the other side of his door, debating on whether or not I should enter. A strange thought crossed my mind, that he wasn’t going to be there when I opened it. That this had all been some strange dream, and he never really existed. A lump formed in my throat as I finally secured the guts to open the door. He was wrapped in the covers with his back to me. If I snuck in quietly, he probably wouldn’t even know I had left.
I tiptoed to my side of the bed, smiling to myself that I had referred to it that way in my head.
I eased my body back under the covers, propped my head on my hand and just watched him snooze for a while. He really did sleep like the dead, not even stirring at the motion of my climbing back in bed with him. His eyes moved back and forth under his lids and I was pretty sure he was dreaming. Was he dreaming about me? I hoped he was. A sweet smile spread over his face, and I convinced myself he actually was thinking of me. I edged closer to him. I wanted to reach out and touch him, so I did. Leaning over, I gently kissed his lips. His eyes fluttered open in response.
“Good morning,” I purred.
The Purple Heart Page 5