by Lila Felix
I TOLD HER seven, but I actually came down to the lake about six to bring a few things with me and get them set up.
The sun set just as seven approached but she didn’t show for a while.
“I made it!” She squealed. “I wrote five thousand words straight for the first time in a long time. It’s so quiet and peaceful here. Thank you.” I intended to turn around and congratulate her but before I could, her arms were wrapped around my waist, and her face was against my back between my shoulder blades. My hands entangled in hers and she hugged me tighter.
Vivian was getting kissed tonight one way or the other.
“I’m so glad. I knew it would help you. That cabin is now officially yours. I never used it for anything anyway.”
Her breaths were hot through the back of my shirt and they grew steadily faster.
“Brent? Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything, darlin’. I thought we covered that.”
“I was wondering…well…after I left…you never married or anything?”
I turned around in place, making sure her hold on me stayed put. “I dated some. Maybe a year after you left Jessie set me up with some girls. It never went past a date or two. There was something about them that wasn’t…”
“That wasn’t what?” Her eyes brewed tears that hung in the corners of her eyes like my answer might cause them to spill.
“They weren’t you. That’s all. There wasn’t anything wrong with them. They just weren’t you. What about you? Any hot dates up at the lonely cabin?”
“A few in college. Nothing ever seemed right though.”
We were breathing in the same air. There was a cloud of warm air between us and I could hear the crickets chirping in the distance. The sun had finished setting but a few hues of tangerine and plum framed her face.
“And now, Viv? Does this feel right?”
She didn’t answer. Instead, her head laid on my chest like it had the night I first kissed her as my wife. There were some things I remembered about that night. They came back to me in bits and pieces. And kissing Vivian after our vows was one of them.
I knew what her answer was. She didn’t even have to say it. “I brought some dinner and some towels. It’s getting kind of chilly at night.”
“I’m starving,” she said and I left it at that.
We feasted on what I could throw together in a pinch. Cold cuts and cheese and a big loaf of french bread along with some vegetables and dip.
And, of course, the kisses.
“I’m stuffed. That was exactly what I needed. Thanks, Brent.”
“You’re welcome. Now it’s time to work it off.”
Her eyes grew to the size of biscuit cutters.
“Viv, swimming. Get your head out of the gutter.”
“Oh, yeah, I’m not gonna swim. I’m just going to stay here. You go ahead.”
I squinted and stayed as serious as I could. “You want to get a good look at the goods before you buy, right? Maybe you should’ve thought of that before we got married. Come on. Don’t make me swim alone.”
The tears appeared in her eyes again. Something else was happening.
“What’s wrong, Viv? You can tell me anything. There’s nothing in the world you can’t say to me and we will fix it together.”
She hid her face with one hand as the words came out. I couldn’t believe her. I would never think any part of her was less than breathtaking.
“Viv, look at me, sweetheart. This is something we need to talk about. I need you to look me in the eyes.”
I gave her all the time she needed, which was ten minutes. Maybe she thought if she didn’t give up I would go away.
The woman needed to have a little faith in me.
“When you and I were in high school, things were different. I knew you didn’t care how I looked but now it’s like I’m all messed up. There’s stretch marks without ever being pregnant and wrinkles without age. It’s…it’s just not what I want you to see.”
I ran my hand in circles on the small of her back. This wasn’t the whining of a spoiled brat woman. What she was expressing to me was something buried deep that she exhumed just for me.
Vivian Rush didn’t just do that for anyone.
“Viv, I know you won’t believe this but none of that matters to me. What matters to me is that you trust me enough to share with me even the things that scare you. But I see that we’re not there yet. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take my clothes off and jump in, keeping my back to you. If you choose to, come swim with me.” I dropped my mouth down so that my lips skimmed the rim of her earlobe. “I really hope you do. If you do, that’s great. If you don’t, that’s great too.”
I stood and as fast as I could I stripped bare and did what I said I would – swam a good distance until my feet barely touched the muddy bottom.
I looked to the trees.
I looked up at the moon.
I heard the horses in the distance.
No Vivian.
I tipped my head backward and stayed there for a few seconds, trying like hell to make the water cool me off and stop myself from looking at her.
When I came back up, I heard the first sloshes of water.
“I’m glad you decided to trust me.”
She giggled. “I’m not sure about that. I just figured in the dark and under the water, you can’t see much.
I turned slightly. “I can see your face, your beautiful hair, but mostly your blush tells it all, Viv.”
“You’re still the same guy, Brent.”
Her fingers brushed mine under the water and I knew we’d taken a few steps forward.
“Now, how long can you hold your breath?”
She screamed before I picked her up and tossed her into the deeper water.
Chapter Eleven
Vivian
IT WAS LIKE I never left here. Suddenly, I was swept back to being sixteen with my high school love, constantly saving me over and over again. There were many nights I would dream of our life together as adults. Married, kids, successful careers, and all the in-betweens. I wanted it all and all with him.
Here I was now.
We were married. I was successful but still unsure of what he did. He seemed to be doing okay at whatever it was that brought income into the ranch. He had the newest ranch equipment. The house was updated and a little bit modernized.
My fingers had stopped flying over the keyboard thinking of our first kiss. My characters were having a similar flashback and there were times I took from my own personal experiences to add details and depth to my books and stories.
For Brent and me, we were thirteen and the junior high varsity football game finished with a big win over our county rival. We walked hand-in-hand toward the main road where his mother was going to pick us up. My parents probably didn’t even know I was gone since they were at some office function. We were standing under the lamp post which was dimly lit. I thought it to be almost scary, but with him by my side, I knew I would be okay. Brent was always my protector. My hand had been sweaty from the nervousness of being alone with him in such a manner. I remember him clearing his throat and when I looked over to him, his lips smashed into mine.
My first thought was, what was he doing? My second thought was, I liked it.
“Viv.”
I yelped in surprise as Brent touched my shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I called your name.” He apologized quickly.
“I was in deep thought.” I shut my laptop and stood up. “What’s up?”
“It’s time to go.”
“Go?” I shrugged. “Go where?”
He playfully rolled his eyes. “Remember Mom and Dad are having a get together barbecue at their house. I told you about it last night at dinner.”
“Oh right.” Suddenly the butterflies fluttered around my insides. Seeing his family could be a good thing or an entire disaster. I loved his parents because they always treated me good. However, things we
re different now. We were married and I wasn’t sure what he had told them. “Let me get ready.”
“Okay. I’ll wait for you outside.” He smiled and walked out of the cabin.
I took a couple of deep breaths and checked myself in the mirror. I didn’t look horrible. My brown curly hair was somewhat tamed. The Texas heat made it worse at times, but today it seemed to be okay. I didn’t have much makeup on since I was going to be writing all day alone in the cabin. Although makeup wasn’t something I wore a lot of, except my lip gloss. My top was a soft silk and loose. I- couldn’t have anything too clingy. I should change because a barbecue was certainly going to bring a spot or two to the dripping sauce on my outfit. However, I didn’t change. I grabbed my phone, and I didn’t know why because no one would be contacting me except Olivia. I was ignoring her right now.
“I’m ready.” I announced as he grinned at me.
Together we walked back down to the main house and he opened the door to his truck. As he drove toward town I stared out my window. Billings was not an extremely small town. The latest population sign read 12,754. It seemed the same to me. Memories of me riding my bike up and down the street, reading on the porch, and the kids from school making fun of my weight. Even though I was now twenty-eight those memories still cut me deeply. I glanced over at Brent. The slight scruff over his jaw line made him sexier. More manly. He was always a cowboy to the truest form. He loved horses, could rope cattle, and loved Texas more than his own soul. Not to forget his ranch. He loved being on the land and taking care of it. It wasn’t a surprise to me to see him still there even though his parents had moved on.
He was kind. Actually, he was beyond kind. He was a protector. It was a title he had earned well since the first day he saved me. It wasn’t yesterday in the retrospect of things, but it felt like it. I was eight and such a loner. I blamed my parents for my lack of friends because of their choice to raise me independently. They made me afraid to make friends to ensure I didn’t disrespect their desire to not be codependent on anyone.
I had been walking back from the library with my haul of the latest newly released books. Four of the most popular girls in my class, along with their boyfriends, were across the street at the park shouting at me. They called me nerd, dork, bookworm, teacher’s pet. Those didn’t hurt as bad as the words fatty, cow, pig, and sow. I tried to hide my tears, but they rolled down my cheeks on their own.
Then I felt an arm come around my shoulders, pulling me close.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.” His simple words had gotten me through many a day and nights. It’s the same sentence I used in my story for Victor. He was my Brent in fictional form. I never admitted that to anyone. The secret would always remain with me.
Living with my parents had kept me from experiencing many things throughout my childhood. However, with Brent and his family, I was able to because he was there for me. Seeing him in Las Vegas was a grand surprise. For one, it was bad because those memories I was hiding from came back. For two, it was an awakening for me. Not just my creative juices, but for the realization that I’d been hiding. I ran away from my parents and my town thinking I could discover and change the world with my novels and writing. In truth, I ran away from Brent because his loved scared me. No, he’d never hurt me. If anything I hurt him, but because it was real. I’d never felt real love until him. At first, I thought it was just his protection I loved, but all of him had my heart and soul.
He pulled down the street not far from the library and the park I remembered vividly. He drove up the driveway still in silence.
“Ready?” He questioned with a less than bright grin.
I nodded. “Let’s go.” I tried to sound confident but his worried look quickly washed it away.
He opened the truck door and led the way up the rest of the driveway, around the house and out to the backyard.
Sitting on the back porch by the grill, they were laughing and smiling. Then they just stopped. My eyes fell upon his mother. In my youth, she was my mom away from…well...my mom. Seeing her now, she looked the same, only a little bit older. Her long dark hair was now cut into a long bob. Her eyes were still bright, but the shock on her face was clear. It matched her husbands.
“Vivian?” Her voice strained. “You married Vivian?”
A hot pain ran through me. Brent had been extremely close to his parents and he didn’t tell them he married me. Did he tell them I was at the ranch? What had he told them? As if I was just bucked off the horse reality hit me as hard as the ground. He was ashamed of me. Saying the words out loud wasn’t necessary since his omission said it all.
“You didn’t tell her.” The tears burned my eyes.
For a moment, I thought my protector had come back to help me find myself again. To come in and save me from the world I had barricaded myself from, but he couldn’t tell his family about me. His belief in what I thought was us was a fraud. Maybe he did want my money? Maybe it was some scheme to break my heart the way I did his?
“I...I…” He stammered on his words and I rushed away from him.
My legs carried me quickly without me actually realizing it until I was running down the sidewalk. I could hear Brent calling my name, but I had to get away from him.
The day I left this town, I cried. My tears were only for Brent. The dates I went on in college never lasted because they weren’t him. They didn’t have his smile, his eyes, or his charisma. When I left college, my focus was only on getting published. Then my fictional world took over my real life.
Until Las Vegas and seeing him.
But now, the stabbing pain in my soul was matching the burning sensation in my heart. He did this on purpose. He somehow figured out who I was and tricked me into marrying him. He wanted me to hurt more than ever before and take everything I worked for.
He wanted to take my life away after I had just fallen back in love with him.
Chapter Twelve
Brent
THE SCREEN DOOR slammed before my mother’s reaction sunk in. I knew they would be a little upset.
After all, they’d seen what I went through with Vivian. Well, after she left me.
It was a dark time in my life – one I thought I might not recover from.
However, I never expected this.
My mom had always been supportive of whatever decision I made.
But to be with Vivian, I didn’t need anyone’s approval.
“Mom, I told you I was married.” There was no need to raise my voice, but everyone in the room needed to know that I meant business. “Why does it matter to who as long as I am happy?”
“She broke you so badly, Brent. You were never the same.”
I sighed. The woman had a point. “I know, Mom. But I’ve found her again and this time I’m not letting her go. She’s here to stay – as long as she wants to.”
My father opened and closed his mouth a few times but didn’t ever say anything.
“Look, I’m going to chase down my wife. When we get back would it bother anyone to be a little happy for the new couple? I know you love me and are worried about me, but this is my life.”
I didn’t wait for their answer. After I got outside, it didn’t take long to find her. Her new boots that I’d bought her and put outside the cabin were dug into the fresh dirt around my parents’ house like a path made for me to follow.
“Viv!” I shouted toward the direction she was headed not really expecting to get an answer back.
Ten minutes later, a little winded, I found her by my old treehouse. She was looking to the sky, probably praying to be taken out of here because of the way my parents had reacted.
“Viv. I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” I could tell right away this wouldn’t be easy. She was using her clipped tone – the one she always used when she was hurt and angry.
“Come on, Viv. I told them I was married. I didn’t lie about that.”
“Brent Rush, you and I know very well that omitting informa
tion is the same thing as lying.”
“It is. Does it count that I had a good reason?”
She shrugged, never turning to look at me.
“I didn’t tell them because I knew they would fight me on it. They saw how hurt and broken I was after you left. It cracked me wide open losing you all those years ago, Viv. I knew that if I told them, they would be skeptical and probably try to talk me into a divorce as quickly as possible.”
“Looks like they were right.”
“No, Viv, they weren’t right. Maybe in the beginning, it was a shock. But unlike you, I’ve never regretted what we did that night. Who knows? Maybe this was in the cards for us. Maybe it was something like fate. All I know is that it wasn’t a mistake for me. It’s all real for me.”
She said nothing, and it spoke volumes.
“Let’s go back inside and enjoy the day. I need to introduce you properly, anyway.”
After a few minutes and a few swipes at her face, she nodded and turned around.
Her eyes never met mine.
I’d never been so nervous about anything in my whole life. I already had the ring in my pocket and had good intentions to use it.
“Mom, Dad, this is my wife Vivian. I know we’ve had a rough past but we’re making it work. I love her more now than I did when we were kids. It’s a little late in the game, but I’d love your blessing. It would mean a lot to us.”
Viv looked at me halfway through, I assumed because I said I loved her. The thing was, I did love her now more than before. I loved the independent woman she’d become. She knew who she was and what she wanted to do and that made her twice as lovable even if she was half the size.
“If this is what you want, son, then, of course, we will accept it. Welcome to the family, Viv.”
I noticed my mom said accept instead of bless, but it was the best I could ask for given the situation.
We passed the rest of the day in the aftermath. Viv stayed at arm’s length from me. Her smiles and laughs were forced and insincere.
I was losing her second by second.
I wasn’t sure what was worse, losing her all at once like I did before or watching what we’d built up die breath by breath like it was now.