Changing Patterns

by Judith Barrow

  Chapter 31

  ‘A stinking Kraut!’

  The words hit Mary like a slap in the face as she passed the door of the laundry room. Two nurses had their backs to her as they pretended to arrange already folded towels piled on the shelves. Mary stopped, every impulse telling her to keep on walking, but she willed herself to stay, to refuse to creep away. Do nothing, she thought, and you might as well give in your notice to the Hospital Board.

  ‘I presume Sister Davies knows you two are in here?’ Without waiting for a reply from the two girls who spun around to face her, she continued, ‘And when I go on to your ward I also presume I will find it spotless?’

  ‘Yes Matron.’ The one who spoke had blanched so much that Mary thought she would faint and she had to prevent herself from reaching out towards her.

  ‘Good. Then I will tell her that, as you have carried out your duties so well on her ward, you will be continuing your training on Tudor Ward.’ They barely suppressed their dismay. The geriatric ward was the least favourite amongst all the student nurses. ‘I need not remind you that your role as nurses includes the hygiene and the social and psychological welfare of the patients, regardless of any difficulties you might encounter.’ Their heads were lowered so she couldn’t see their faces. ‘Nurses?’

  ‘Yes, Matron.’

  ‘Good. However I do not think I will inflict you upon the patients on the ward there.’ She didn’t miss the look of relief they exchanged. ‘No, you will be in the sluice room.’ It wasn’t relief on their faces now. ‘You will take over from the students in there, dealing with the bedpans. Now get along. Report to Sister Rees on Tudor, tell her what I have said. I’ll be checking on the two of you later.’

  They glanced at one another. For a moment Mary thought they were going to challenge her. ‘Now!’ she snapped.

  Waiting until she saw them go through the swing door to the geriatric ward she turned to go back to her office. She had a full afternoon of interviewing prospective student nurses and Bob Willis the Hospital Secretary would be waiting for her.

  Vivienne Allott was standing at the side of the corridor, one foot flat against the wall, arms crossed.

  Mary knew she must have been listening. ‘What are you doing, Nurse Allott?’

  ‘Nothing Matron.’ The girl met Mary’s stare.

  ‘That’s quite obvious, Nurse. I’ll rephrase the question. What should you be doing?’

  ‘I’ve just come off shift.’ She didn’t move.

  ‘Then I suggest you go home.’

  Still no movement.

  ‘Stand up straight when I address you, Nurse.’

  Vivienne Allott moved slowly. She straightened the front of her apron, adjusted her cap. Although she maintained the surly pout when she looked up to meet Mary’s stare, there was apprehension in her eyes.

  ‘You do realise I could report you to the Board for insubordination?’ Even as she spoke, Mary knew she couldn’t. She had no grounds other than Allott spreading rumours about her. And they weren’t just rumours, were they, she said to herself. She was with Peter. There would be problems if it came to the Hospital Board’s attention that she was living with him. They’d take a dim view of their Matron ‘living in sin’, let alone with a German. There were some mealy-mouthed old beggars on the Board.

  And Nurse Allott knew it as well. ‘But you won’t, will you, Matron? I’ve done nothing wrong.’

  Over the last week it had been one long line of sly remarks and outraged looks. The hospital had become a bedrock of gossip about her and Peter. Mary hated pretending to be oblivious to the atmosphere when all she wanted to do was lash out. Now, standing in front of her was the probable source of all the tittle-tattle. Mary folded her arms. She moved closer to the girl. ‘I know it’s you, you vicious little cow.’ Shocked, Vivienne took a step back. Mary followed her. ‘I know you’re the blabbermouth, the one who is spreading your vindictive gossip. And I’m warning you, if I hear any more spiteful remarks – from anyone – I will hold you personally responsible.’

  ‘That’s not fair,’ Vivienne Allott protested.

  Unheeding, Mary continued, ‘I will make sure you’re so far up to your armpits with bedpans you don’t come out of the sluice room for weeks. Now, do we understand one another?’

  She nodded, barely moving her head.

  ‘Nurse?’ Mary wasn’t going to let this go so easily.

  ‘Yes Matron.’ But even though her tone portrayed nothing but acceptance, the hostility in her gaze shook Mary. She forced herself to turn and stride away. She didn’t trust herself not to hit the girl. Her lips twisted into wry self-condemnation. Perhaps there was more of her father in her than she appreciated.

  Chapter 32

  ‘Well, I have to say, Matron, this is a surprise. I knew nothing about your plans.’ The Hospital Secretary glanced quizzically at Mary over the top of his half-moon spectacles.

  ‘You’re probably alone in that, Mr Willis. My fiancé is German. It’s been quite a talking point in the hospital, I believe.’ She scrutinised his face but there was no reaction.

  ‘Well, goodness. I offer my sincere congratulations, Matron.’ The colour rose from below his collar, reddened his cheeks and nose. He held out his hand. ‘My good wishes to you … and to your fiancé. Umm?’

  ‘Peter,’ Mary said, ‘and thank you, Bob.’ She held his fingers for a brief moment. ‘I’d be grateful if you would keep this to yourself for the time being. I have yet to inform the Board and I don’t want to tell them until we have set a date for the wedding. But you and I have worked together very well for the last five years…’

  ‘Yes, indeed, we’ve always worked hand in glove, so to speak.’

  ‘Quite.’ Mary smiled at him. ‘Normally I wouldn’t be able to continue my work here, as a married woman, but I think the system is slowly changing and I’m hopeful that, as this is a small hospital, the Board will be forward-thinking and allow me to stay. There are precedents I believe.’

  ‘Let us hope so.’ Bob pushed at the knot of his tie. ‘I like to think the hospital runs as a team,’ he blurted. ‘All for one and one for all.’ He fumbled with his spectacle case, eventually managing to fit in his glasses. ‘Must dash, time and tide waits for no man.’ Loading files into his arms, he held onto them with his chin. At the door he stood on one leg and balanced them on his knee so he could open the door. She crossed the room to help him. They stood just inside her office. He was sweating. ‘I would miss working with you, Matron – Mary.’ He held her gaze. There was no mistaking the expression of admiration in his eyes. ‘And I really hope the Board have the foresight to see what damage they would do to the hospital if they let such a splendid Matron go.’

  Mary closed the door after him and stood with her back to it, still holding on to the handle. She could hear the muted sound of trolley wheels and, further away, the faint clatter of metal trays. The copper fingers on the large round wall clock juddered to five o’clock with a loud clunk.

  Deciding to go home, she picked up the telephone. When there was no answer she tried another number, listening to the ringing tone with increasing exasperation. She reached into one of the drawers, took out a couple of envelopes and some paper and scribbled two notes. Locking her desk and filing cabinet she unhooked her cloak from the hanger and looked around, checking all was in order. She slid the ‘Out of Office’ sign under her nameplate and, wrapping her cape around her, went into the typists’ room. Two young women were putting on coats and tying headscarves, giggling and jostling to see themselves in a small mirror. They were immediately silenced when they saw her.

  ‘Still here, ladies?’ She smiled. ‘I thought you might have left already. It’s past your going home time.’ Still they didn’t speak. ‘I’ve finished for the day…’

  ‘We’re just off. Did you want something?’ The words were spoken boldly, the usual deference absent.

  So, even the office staff were part of the gossip-mongering. Mary drew herself up and gl
ared at the woman. ‘Not from you,’ she replied and looked across the room at a third woman who’d stopped typing and who, hands on keys, was waiting for Mary to leave before continuing. ‘Please make sure the porter delivers these to the Home Sister and House Sister,’ she said. ‘Just to say I’m leaving early.’

  ‘I’ll do better than that, Matron,’ the typist said, smiling, ‘I’ll take them myself.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Mary smiled back. Ignoring the others, she left and hurried along the corridors, avoiding eye contact with everyone she met, not stopping until she was standing outside the large blue doors of the hospital.

  Breathing deeply she told herself to calm down. Why let a couple of silly women upset her? But she was upset. She’d gained a level of respect within Pont y Haven. Was it all going to disintegrate now?

  Chapter 33

  Jean had never been afraid of anyone in her life until Patrick had come at her, fist raised. Admittedly, in the end, it was more of a shove than a thump but she’d never forgive him that Jacqueline had seen it.

  He’d gone down on his knees and begged for her forgiveness as soon as it happened but he wouldn’t get away with it that easy, despite what Mary thought. She’d barely spoken to him since they’d got back from Wales. But she wouldn’t leave him. It was as much her house as his and, anyway she wouldn’t give her mother the pleasure of knowing she’d been right about Patrick all along. Jean could just see the look of triumph on her face if she turned up at Moss Terrace, tail between her legs. No, she’d too much pride for that.

  The pulsing throb at her temple was threatening to turn into a headache. She couldn’t think about it now. There was bedding to change before she went for Jacqueline. When Patrick offered to take her round to Ted’s earlier she couldn’t refuse. Jacqueline hadn’t been to play at Linda’s since they’d returned from Wales and she missed her cousin. But Jean hoped she’d keep quiet about what was happening at home. She’d seen the way their daughter watched her and Patrick all the time, worry in her face.

  Pulling a duster out of her apron pocket Jean flicked specks off the mirror and blew out a short disapproving burst of air. Mary was a fool if she thought marrying a German wouldn’t end in tears. Whatever she saw in him, that man could have ruined her life six years ago. She would have lost her job at the Granville, even been run out of Ashford and certainly would have brought shame on them all, if people had known.

  ‘I would have thought she’d have learned, all the trouble it caused then,’ she muttered, biting her lip. Patrick always swore that his Dad suffered the stroke because he found out about Mary’s affair. Privately Jean agreed. She felt torn between her loyalties to him and to her best friend. But however fond she was of Mary, it didn’t mean she had to agree that everything she did or said was right.

  ‘Blast the man.’ It was bad enough that Peter had returned. Jean had been speechless the day Mary told her he was in Wales with her, her joy unmistakable. But she’d hoped that once Mary saw him for what he was: a foreigner with no money, no job, no prospects – because surely there was no way he’d be allowed to practice as a doctor here – she’d come to her senses. But no. And when they married Mary would be well and truly trapped. She’d find out her friends would be few and far between. The war wasn’t that far in the past.

  Still, the small twinge of triumph when Mary asked her to be Matron of Honour at her wedding lingered. She wondered how Ellen would take that.

  Stuffing the duster back into her pocket Jean willed the thumping in her head to stop. She studied herself in the hall mirror and wondered if she could lose half a stone before the wedding, whenever it was going to be. Fluffing up her short dark curls, she turned to consider both profiles, sucked in her cheeks. It didn’t help the double chin. Taking off her spectacles, she deliberated whether she could manage without them on the day. But all she could see was a blurred image. She put her glasses back on. She was being vain. After all she’d worn them at her own wedding so what did it matter now?

  And yet it did matter. Whatever Patrick had seen in her then had become elusive, just out of her reach to recapture. Most nights she lay for hour after hour listening to his breathing, deep in untroubled sleep, while she stared at the thin line of light under the bedroom door from the landing, hugging herself and unable to silence the relentless certainty that there was another floozy on the scene. Since coming back home the signs were all there: lipstick, face powder on Patrick’s clothes, ineffectually wiped off and the smell of scent, cheap nasty scent, she judged. And that air about him, a restless anticipation when he wouldn’t look her in the eye, an awkwardness. She could almost read his thoughts. And, of course, there were all the small gifts, a bottle of Jasmine perfume, her favourite scent (a much more sophisticated one than he stank of these days), a necklace, a new headscarf and, once, chrysanthemums from the allotment. What had brought those on?

  The band of tension around her head tightened. She circled her index fingers over her temples.

  She sensed he was almost relieved she wasn’t speaking to him. At least he didn’t have to answer any awkward questions. But she’d bide her time until she was sure.

  Stripping off the crumpled sheets, she glanced out of the window. The driving rain gave the impression that the houses and gardens across the road were trembling. In the distance the North Country moors, pockmarked with black peat and patches of heather and rhododendrons, blended into the winter sky.

  A gust of wind clattered the window and startled her. The bed creaked under her knees as she shuffled across it to run the palm of her hand around the edge of the frame. A draught whistled through the wood. The latch was loose and, grasping it, she released the casement.

  At the same time she saw Patrick. Hunched against the weather, clutching his trilby to his head, he hurried along the road towards the house.

  ‘Thought you said you were going to check on the allotment,’ she murmured. But he wasn’t dressed in his gardening clothes. She watched as he ran up the steps to the house, heard him unlocking the front door. Closing the window, she pushed herself off the bed.

  ‘I’m back!’

  She didn’t answer him.

  ‘Need to go again, finish off cleaning the greenhouse.’

  I’ll bet, Jean thought. Shaking out the starched white sheet, her mind worked furiously. When she’d suspected him before, it was always after some visit to a dealer or chasing the purchase of a particular car. But he hadn’t been away lately; not that she knew, anyway. She finished making the bed, made sure the corners of the cover were taut and pleated, the eiderdown smooth. And then she stood with arms folded and listened. She couldn’t hear Patrick moving around.

  She was lonely. It was twelve months since they’d moved into Manchester Road and still she didn’t know a soul. At least in Moss Terrace, she’d heard the neighbours. Here she felt cut off. The only sound was the traffic from the road. Once or twice she’d seen the woman from next door, hanging out the washing. The first time she’d waved but she wasn’t acknowledged. No point in trying that again. She had her pride, after all.

  The front door closed with a crash. Patrick on his way out again, still in his good clothes.

  Jean caught her lower lip between her teeth. Where to this time?

  ‘Has she been good?’

  ‘She’s always good.’ Ellen closed the front door, balancing William against her side. ‘They’re upstairs.’ Walking down the hall to the kitchen she didn’t volunteer any more conversation.

  Jean followed. ‘All right if I go up?’

  ‘Help yourself.’ Ellen hitched William further up onto her hip.

  Hannah Booth was sitting in the armchair by the range. Her eyes didn’t leave Jean as she crossed the kitchen.

  ‘Mrs Booth.’ Jean nodded to her, half-smiled, uncomfortable under the fixed stare.

  Ted’s mother didn’t acknowledge her. She sniffed and looked back down at the newspaper folded on her lap.

  Upstairs there was no noise coming from L
inda’s room. The door was half-open. Jean put her hand on the handle and gently pushed. Kneeling on the bed by the window the two little girls had their backs to her and were peeping over the sill into the back yard, their arms over each other’s shoulders. She smiled and was just about to speak when Linda whispered, ‘Can you still see them?’

  ‘No.’ Jean watched Jacqueline straighten her legs and lean forward so her forehead was against the glass. ‘No, they’ve gone.’

  ‘Why was your daddy in next door’s yard?’ Linda said. ‘Why was he kissing Mrs Whittaker?’

  Jean’s knees buckled. She stumbled backwards from the bedroom, crashing the door against the wall. Her chest was tight.

  ‘Mum?’ Jean felt her daughter’s small hand slip into her own. ‘Mum?’

  Outside it began to rain again, slow, tentative drops.

  Jean turned her head towards the window, as though listening to the uneven splatters on the panes. ‘I’m fine, love. I slipped.’

  Chapter 34

  ‘I wouldn’t normally marry a couple where one of them is divorced.’ The minister lent forwards, his eyes closed, moving his head slowly up and down as though going over his decision again. ‘But, I’ve prayed long and hard about this and I’ve decided I will. Pressing his hands together as though in prayer, he clasped them between his knees and smiled. ‘The good Lord is merciful and I feel it would be His wish to sanctify this marriage.’

  His eyes snapped open and Mary gave a small start. The little man really was quite odd. But Tom had liked him and that was good enough for her. And she was grateful; it was important to both her and Peter that they were married here, where Tom had worshipped. It would feel as if he was with them on the day. For a moment the sadness overwhelmed her and she fixed her eyes on Mr Willingham’s spats. There was a small black scuff on the left one.

  ‘So, the service?’

  ‘Will be simple.’ Mary squeezed Peter’s hand. ‘There’ll only be a few people.’