Transcending Queen

by SK Thomas

  “You didn’t come immediately.”

  “Good to know, I’m not a dog.”

  “I thought we had an understanding!” he started yelling.

  Baffled I didn’t know what to make of that, “What? The last I remember you were blowing me off because I wasn’t convenient for you!”

  “Not true.”

  “Bullshit! You had your fun and now it’s over, you used me.”

  I felt a sting as his hand slammed across my face, “I deserve more respect than that.”

  “Be careful Father, someone might hear you.” I reminded. “And let’s get one thing very clear, I deserve respect as well.”

  “So now you’re getting mouthy?”

  “Go find one of your parishioners to get the respect you’re looking for.” I advised.

  His glare held a bite when I realized nobody has stood up to him in a while. He’s allowed his ego to become inflated and has let in people always feeding it. Then someone like me comes along and all hell breaks loose. He might have the uniform perfectly pressed and tucked but he’s certainly no priest. He left the room and abruptly came back with a thick leather strap in his hand. Before I could react, his arm began flying toward me at warp speed as he whipped it so hard I heard the air make noise pushing me back into a corner. My back slowly crept down the wall as my knees buckled until I was unable to slink any further. Hovering over me he landed blow after blow stinging unbearably until it felt as if my skin broke open the last time he cracked it against my face, then he suddenly stopped. Out of breath he backed away mumbling, “God bless it.” I was confused at his actions and watched him in bewilderment until I sensed something warm and wet trickling down my upper lip confirming upon a swipe with my finger it was blood. I observed him looking at his reflection in a mirror combing his hair over and tucking in his shirt completely unconcerned with the destruction he left behind. Quietly, I pulled myself up sneaking past him before heading straight for the bathroom locking the door behind me. I wet a washcloth placing it under my nose cussing in pain. It hurt, but I didn’t think it was broke. “God damn it!”

  “Melissa, come out of there. Let me see you.”

  I held still trying to clear my head wanting a locked door to stand between us. He didn’t say anything after that initial effort. I knew I couldn’t stay there all night and there wasn’t a window to climb out of. I flipped the lock back to the open position and waited. Nothing happened as I was pleasantly surprised for some odd reason. I made my way out slowly when I caught him out of the corner of my eye and cautiously approached him, “What just happened?”

  He ignored me.

  “Father Clayton…”

  Not a syllable uttered from his mouth as he leaned over his desk shuffling paperwork.

  I should’ve taken this as my cue to get the hell out of there, but I couldn’t. It’s like all the rage of my past boiled up and I needed an answer from someone, “You son of a bitch, answer me. You owe me that much.”

  Nothing, absolutely nothing as if I wasn’t even there.

  “I’m leaving, you need to tell me, say something!” I urged.

  He kept himself withdrawn leaving me in complete and total isolation emotionally stunning me.

  “I just want you to open up to me, say something before I walk out that door. God damn it, you stubborn jerk! Do you even know how to love, truly love?”

  He exhaled a deep breath leaning onto his fists as if my words were beginning to cripple his very core, but I counted the minutes he still refused to say anything. I shook my head in disbelief as tears weld up and gradually cascaded down my face, “Colin, say something…” I pleaded in a whisper as my voice shook.

  Chapter 14 – Give It Up

  My self-esteem has been shattered into tiny, little pieces as the shards left in its wake poke every once in a while to remind me when I start feeling good about myself. Was it when I spent time with Max, had it been before with John or even stemming back to my childhood? When it happened, I have no idea. There is something so unbelievably stupid about loving a man who isn’t available, especially one that could be hiding so much. But when I’m with him alone nothing else matters. I don’t know why, maybe because we’re in a small town in the middle of nowhere feeling lost in our own lives together or possibly because he’s held a distraction from my own problems. In every instance when I let go, he swoops in to rescue me turning up out of nowhere to let his presence be known. “Why?” I asked myself aloud.

  I tracked down Luann once again working as usual with tired bags under her eyes hiding under a gallon of makeup to help her glow without the work of forcing a smile. “Luann, I need to talk to you again.”

  “You look tired, haven’t you gotten any sleep lately?”

  “I could ask the same of you, but that doesn’t really matter right now.”

  “Have a seat. What’s got you so unraveled?”

  “I had a chat with Tony last night.”

  “Ok….” Luann wasn’t following.

  “He mentioned, how do I say this in the best way….your incident with Father Clayton?”

  “I told you already, are you losing your memory?”

  “Not the tree incident, but a different one.”

  She swallowed hard, “What did he tell you?”

  “Well, that’s the thing, it’s pretty shocking.”

  “What did he tell you?” she demanded to know.

  “I need to know who I’m dealing with, but I’m not sure how to spit this out.”

  “Just give it to me, don’t hold back.”

  “He said Father Clayton may have taken advantage of you.” I blurted out.

  She started chuckling when I immediately began to wonder if she was loonier than a box of fruity cereal. “I told you I got counseling from Father Clayton after my dad died. We got closer than we should have, but the rest is only rumor. I don’t know, one night I did get drunk while we were together. I can’t remember much of that night, what I do recall is he seemed like a perfect gentleman. After he left that man lying on the ground bleeding, it was over for me. I saw how cruel and uncaring he could be.”

  “But he said there was a scandal and you had questioned consent?”

  “It was so long ago and perception is a funny thing. I left it in the past a lifetime ago, so let’s keep it there.”

  “So you’re saying…”

  “Tony likes to stir the pot and Father Clayton is a magnet for such rumors as we all know. The juicier they are, the more people gobble it up. I’ve told you what I know about Clayton before and I’ve also asked you to stay away from him because really none of us know what he’s capable of. It’s almost as if the congregation wants so badly to believe in his sainthood, but sometimes things don’t add up. Honestly, I focus more on the guests visiting than I do the locals. I have more fun with them and when they’re gone I don’t have to worry about anything, either they had a good time or not. That’s all I care about.”

  “Well listen, don’t ask me if I’ve had a good time when I leave.” I muttered under my breath.

  “What did you say?” she asked.

  “Has Jack been around?”

  “I haven’t seen him.”

  “Right, I think I’ll stick around here for a while.”

  “Suit yourself.” Luann said when she left the room.

  I took a seat at one of the tables deep in thought mulling over the information Luann had relinquished. My hand started twitching uncontrollably as I anxiously began wondering where Jack was hiding. I leaned over grabbing a cup of tea in an effort to calm my nerves when a panic attack ensued leaving me wheezing as the walls closed in at warp speed. Desperate, I pushed myself out the back door for fresh air as I crashed to the ground. There I lay with my eyes closed forcing myself to think of a serene place as I struggled. This wasn’t working, so I changed my focus onto the clear blue sky as white marshmallow like clouds crept by. This seemed to help when I regained some balance wishing I could sit on one of those clouds up away
from all this drama. Sparrows fluttered across the sky while making joyous music reminding me of angels, flying so free. John’s face appeared over me blocking the view and said, “Not yet kid, you have a lot of living to do.” I knew John wasn’t really there unless he’s trying to guide me in his afterlife. And I also knew the sightings had to stop. The episode subsided, after which I rolled over to a sitting position and rested my back on a bench nearby. Reality kept crashing in without so much as a handshake or an apology.

  Chapter 15 – Say Nothing

  My mind held busy with random pieces of information people were shoving bluntly into my brain leaving me to sort out the aftermath. I couldn’t get any sleep and feared what still lay ahead, the unknown. I hated being in this dingy motel living out of a suitcase when I started wishing for a fresh start in a place of my own and begin anew without a care in the world. I decided I must get some much needed exercise to burn energy and help stave off these panic attacks. I got dressed and walked my way out of town, sunglasses in tow striding on a dirt road with no traffic in sight. My mind cleared to focus on the moment breathing in peacefully while viewing a few rolling hills with a cow or two. I thought about Jack and knew that no matter where he hid, I still had a case to solve and insisted on finding closure one way or another to keep Colin from ripping at the very fibers of my being. I thought about Alice wishing she could be here with me and what it’d be like going back to Barrington. I ended the walk strolling back through the parking lot when I spotted him. I hesitated unable to handle his constant company these days.

  “Why did you stop?” Colin asked.

  “I don’t want to be around you right now.”

  “You can’t avoid me.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m sorry, you have to understand.” He admitted.

  I scooted past him hurrying to leave him behind.

  “Melissa, stop.” He followed me to my room where I refused to unlock the door.

  “Why won’t you leave me alone?”

  “You have to believe that I’m sorry.” He pleaded.

  “I talked to Luann, she told me about your relationship. Admit it, I’m nothing special. You make a habit of toying with women.”

  “No, you’re wrong! That happened so long ago, it should’ve never been.”

  “Like us?”

  “Not like us, we’re meant to be with each other. I admit I’m not who you think I am.”

  “Stop, say nothing. I’m so tired of this crap.” I demanded as I opened the door, made my way through and tried to slam it in his face when his foot abruptly stopped it. I burst into tears, “Please get away from me. You don’t know what you’re doing to me.” He didn’t care about my vulnerability when he planted a kiss on my lips and his tongue found its way down my throat. As he forced himself onto me I pushed him back against the wall, “Go, I want you to get out.” He lunged in for another kiss when I slapped his face. He blew it off as if he thought I was being cute, I was his muse for the moment.

  When he acknowledged, “You don’t have to make excuses. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense or not. I can retire and we can get a fresh start.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “I can stay in Barrington.” He acknowledged.

  “You didn’t answer me.”

  “We could be together.”

  “Is that what you really want?” I asked.

  “We’d work it out.”

  “You’re avoiding the question.”

  “I want you.” He took a seat on my bed tapping the mattress waiting for me to join him. I reluctantly obliged which eventually ended in us cuddling. No more excuses came as I lay quietly in his arms. Max came to mind, I thought about my battle to change him remembering how it exploded in my face.

  “Hey, you ok? You look tired.”

  I gave him half a grin as I buried my head in his chest and told myself, “Say nothing.”

  Chapter 16 – We Are One

  Father Clayton struggled as his day was jam packed with appointments, not to mention the usual run by the warehouse. He stopped by the coffee shop, and then to the church for yet more appointments. He refused to fathom anything ruining his mood today, not now.

  By the time he arrived at the warehouse, exhausted was an understatement. Rich and Angus were there taking care of business as usual.

  “Back so soon?” Rich asked smiling.

  “Yea fellas, what’d you have for me?”

  “The usual, you’re retirement fund.”

  “Right, doesn’t that sound grand?”

  “What are you talking about?” Rich questioned not believing his ears.

  “A permanent vacation, tap into the old retirement fund.”

  “You retire, I won’t believe it. You’ll die doing this.”

  “No boys, I’m starting to have a change of heart.”

  “Who would take over?”

  “People are getting too close these days. It’s getting too risky, my priorities are changing.”

  “So, what would happen to us?”

  “Probably shut it down, I guess.”

  “That’s it, we don’t have a say in this?” Rich asked.

  “Have you ever?” Father reminded him.

  “We’d be out of work, no financial flow.” Rich stated watching Father Clayton’s reaction.

  “I understand it’s a little sudden, why don’t you go ahead and keep this money. I don’t want it. Consider it to buy your silence; you both can keep this operation running until they shut it down. If the warehouse gets raided, let Tony take the fall.”

  “Alright boss, it was good while it lasted.”

  “No comment, as far as I’m concerned this business venture never existed.”

  Back in his car, he watched the view of the warehouse become smaller in the rearview mirror as each mile passed he knew he’d never return. Just like that with a snap of his fingers that mess was over. Now on to the coffee shop for another type a fix, a caffeine jolt for the second time that day to calm his nerves.

  Jack had been camped out spending most of his time drowning his sorrows in coffee with one ear firmly planted to the ground diligently waiting for a break in the case. He cleared his throat before taking another sip of lukewarm mocha when he heard a voice beckon that made him cringe.

  “Hello Jack.”

  “Holy shit Father. Where’d you come from?”

  “Same place as you, I suppose. Just came in to get a caffeine jolt with extra kicks of espresso. It seems like you could use some of mine, death has come a knocking by the looks of you.”

  “No thanks, all this coffee is getting to me, should give it up for lent.” He said and forced a smile. Jack suddenly felt sick and more tired than usual. If it hadn’t been for Melissa he might’ve quit pursuing a while ago. That particular thought made Jack even more frustrated.

  “What are you doing here, Jack? What are you really doing here in these towns? I seem to be your main concern.”

  “Melissa is my main concern. I came with her to help, taking a break from the big city.

  But it does sound like you’re letting a little paranoia set in.”

  “Well now, you can go back to Barrington. She’s getting all the help she needs. I’ll take it from here.” He confirmed with a wink.

  Jack fantasized about tearing him apart limb from limb. Alas, he held firm keeping his poker face uneasy about the card Clayton would pull next. It’s as if Clayton could see the whole picture while Jack still scrambled to piece the puzzle together. Was it the way he carried himself or the words that rolled out of his mouth, like God himself fed him the answers. “Good to know, but I think I’ll stay.”

  Clayton took it upon himself to lean over the table and whisper, “Do you honestly believe anyone will talk if I don’t want them to? What little you do know is because I’ve allowed you to find out.”

  Those words made Jack’s skin crawl and his temper spiked as he sat still clenching his teeth while gripping his coffee cup. What h
e could do to this man if given half the chance.

  “It seems as if you have some rage issues boiling beneath the surface, I’d hate to be in your shoes up against a man like myself.” Clayton proclaimed.

  “Well, nice seeing you again Father, I’m sure you need to get running off to inspire others with your words of wisdom.”

  “Oh yes, those words of wisdom come in handy where Melissa is concerned. She’s a sweet little thing, so young and innocent like plucking juicy supple fruit from a maturing tree.”

  “You son of a bitch…” he swung to connect and cracked Clayton’s jaw to take that slimy grin of his face, but the minute he connected it registered as a colossal mistake. In slow motion, he spectated as Father Clayton threw himself into the trash can to provide dramatic effect that got everyone’s attention. People gasped horrified at the calamity.

  Two barista makers rushed to his side helping him regain dignity after witnessing a clear attack on their beloved local savior. Of course, Jack got asked to leave and told to never to return after this shocking turn of events. He didn’t even fight it knowing a losing battle when he saw one before leaving to find his car in the parking lot, but Clayton couldn’t leave well enough alone.

  “Jack…”

  “Leave me alone, Father. Nice acting in there by the way.”

  “No Jack, wait. I hope you and God can make peace. It takes a lot for a man like you to punch a man like me. You need to cut your losses sometimes, you understand?”

  “Go fuck yourself.”

  “Seriously Jack, come on, I’m a losing battle to you.”

  “Yea, I got it, but let me just say that you my friend are no man of God. You’re not even close, so that means you can be broken and exposed for who you truly are.”

  “Are you sure about that? Lots of people would beg to differ.”

  Jack got into his car and slammed the door to shut him out, “How could this guy get under my skin so much? He hides behind that uniform brainwashing people. Crap, I just answered my own question.”