Cold Enough to Freeze Cows

by Lorraine Jenkin

  “Can you manage, love? Mind you don’t trip over that hall mat.”

  “Can you get some crisps when you’re in the kitchen, Mum, I’m still a bit peckish. Not cheese and onion though. Salt and vinegar or…beef.”

  “Louisa? How the hell am I going find some crisps, let alone see what flavour they are? It’s pitch black!”

  “Sor-ree! I thought you were going in for candles that’s all.”

  Esther got slowly to her feet and walked with her hands held straight out in front of her until she found the door. David rapped a beat on his knees with his hands and Louisa said that she hoped that it wouldn’t last for long, as it would muck up some of the systems at work.

  “If it does last, you won’t be able to go in,” David said.

  “Oh, yeah! Well, let’s hope it lasts then!”

  “And even if we do get the power back, with this snow, we’ll probably be stuck in Anweledig anyway! We’ll all have to stay at home and play Monopoly!” said David, “it’ll be just like the old times!”

  “Great. I hate Monopoly.”

  “Chess then.”

  “No, I hate chess too; I always lose.”

  “Well, what do you want to play?”

  “Dunno.”

  Esther decided to stay a bit longer in the kitchen and rummage a bit deeper for the candles…

  Johnny stood still and strained to listen through the howling of the blizzard. The cold bit at his face and he pulled his multiple collars up further around his neck. All he could hear were those bloody dogs. “Bloodydogsshutupyoubastards,” he roared at the rattling shed, and then cocked his ear again in the lull that followed.

  “Over here!”

  Surely that was a voice? “Help me, please, help me!” it called from the corner of the yard. Johnny swung round, beaming his torch in the direction that he thought it came from. Damn Taid for buying the feeblest torch on the market: it was like trying to find someone with a ten-pence-piece’s worth of tunnel vision. The voice set the dogs off again, this time more excitedly than before.

  He stalked across the yard, the snow crunching under his wellies as he called, “Hello? Where are you?” in the direction of the voice. He wasn’t scared – just intrigued: surely anyone with bad intentions would not be bothered to venture out on a night like this to a place like this? Surely there would be easier pickings somewhere else?

  Eventually his torch’s beam swung across a shape bent nearly double in the corner of the yard. Johnny stopped – it looked like there was something wrong. Did they have a gun? Was it a scorned woman hell-bent on revenge? Or maybe a jealous boyfriend who had got wind of something? Did he have a gun concealed under that coat? It could be the perfect time for an “accident”: it could take days to find him in this snow and by the time he was discovered, having “fallen” into the icy river, the estranged couple would have made up and be sat drinking tea and watching the story unfold on the news.

  Then the shape gave a large animal groan, like a cow searching for her calf and Johnny Brechdan ran the rest of the way towards it. It became a woman and it sounded as if she were in terrible pain.

  “It’s OK,” he shouted, “I’ve got you now – what on earth’s the matter?”

  White from cold and crumpled with pain and fright, a woman’s face looked around at him. Her hands were blue, and they were wrapped around a large bump on her front. Shit. Pregnant. Hugely pregnant and in his yard.

  “OK, OK, I’ve got you,” he said as reassuringly as he could. He took her by the shoulders and she leaned towards him, barely acknowledging his presence. She had on a coat that Taid would call “a bloody fashion thing, only good for sitting by a fire in” and she was obviously freezing. Her suede boots were soaked right through and her jeans were sodden from the snow.

  The woman groaned again then grunted at Johnny, “My car – in a ditch. I crashed. The baby’s early – I thought I could get there on my own – oh God, oh God, here it comes again…” She doubled over and screamed in pain, gripping onto Johnny’s arms, her head buried in his coat.

  “OK, I’ve got you, I’ve got you, it’ll be OK,” he said, knowing full well that it wouldn’t.

  After half a minute or so, the woman managed to stand almost upright, “OK, now,” she whispered, nodding her head at him, “the contractions, they’re coming every few minutes.”

  “Right. In.” said Johnny and he marched her as quickly as he could to the door, him crunching through the snow in his wellies and her slip sliding in those stupid-bloody-fashion-boots, good for walking on carpets.

  “Nain! Taid! Get here!” he shouted as soon as he kicked the door open. One candle flame managed to survive the draught howling through the gap and even that flickered dangerously as he booted it shut again.

  “Right, get by that fire. Nain! Taid! Get down here!” he shouted again and ushered the woman forward, chattering in what he hoped was a soothing way. “I’m Johnny and I’ll look after you, Nain’ll come down now and she’ll know what to do. Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Now, what’s your name?”

  “Tansy,” the woman whispered as she leant forward once more, “Oh God, not again…” Johnny gripped her and she gripped him and Tansy cried out in pain. A bewildered Nain and Taid appeared at the door of the kitchen, each with a candle.

  “Johnny, what on earth is going on?” started Nain and then her candle picked up the scene. “Oh, good God, where did you find her?”

  “In the yard. Car’s crashed. Her name’s Tansy.”

  Tansy stopped her groans and looked up, obviously latching on to someone who might have a clue about what might be happening next.

  “All right, bach,” Nain stepped in and clutched the girl’s hands. “She’s freezing. Tomos – fire. Johnny – I want the bedding from your room, your mattress, everything. She’ll be warmer here. Tomos – I want sheets, towels, anything. And something clean and soft to wrap the baby in, OK? Right, bach – Tansy – you’re going to be fine. Phones are down and I think you’re too far gone for us to drive you anywhere. First we need to get your wet clothes off. Tomos – a clean nightie. No – she’s too tall. Johnny, get one of your biggest t-shirts and a sweatshirt and some socks – long woolly socks – and a dressing gown; the thick blue one?”

  Johnny dragged the mattress and bedding in to lay it by the Rayburn and then scuttled back upstairs for the clothes. Taid had stoked the fire and re-filled the kettles and a saucepan for extra hot water and was rummaging under the sink for more candles. Johnny raced back in with an armful of his clothes and put them on the chair beside Tansy just as another set of contractions came. She looked for him and then grabbed his arms as she howled in pain, her head now buried in his stomach. Nain stood beside her, rubbing her back and muttering, “It’s OK, bach, shout as loud as you want; them sheep don’t mind a bit of noise!”

  The groans subsided and Tansy managed to stand upright and Johnny stared into eyes that were squinting with pain. She had bobbed silvery-blonde hair and a full face that would probably usually be attractive in a strong, rosy kind of way.

  Nain and Johnny quickly took her wet boots and clothes off her and popped her into Johnny’s long T-shirt with a sweatshirt on top, claiming Todd’s Stag Tour, 2009: Committed to Educating the Masses in the Art of Love. Her feet were white and wrinkled from being wet and cold for so long and Tansy managed a smile as Johnny wriggled on a pair of his woollen socks and then rubbed them to get the circulation moving again. Throughout it all, Nain kept up a chatter of what they were doing and how it would soon be over, whilst ordering Taid and Johnny around with her eyebrows and nods of her head.

  Johnny was roped in to support Tansy and they started walking back and fore, back and fore down the long kitchen. As the contractions took her breath away, she would grab his arms and then shriek in pain; Johnny had to stop himself squealing in tandem as her strong fingers dug into his flesh.

  After a while the tempo changed and Tansy dropped onto the duvet. She screamed in agony and leant back in
to Nain who had knelt down behind her. For what seemed an age, Johnny alternated between walking back and fore by himself and then hovering around, looking over Nain’s shoulder.

  Eventually, Johnny found himself at the business end and was suddenly exhilarated. He’d been involved with lambing since he was a toddler, but here he was with a real live woman! He caught Taid’s eye and nearly giggled. Nain took control of the situation.

  “Johnny, now, can you see the head?”

  Johnny felt a bit like a naughty schoolboy as he moved a candle to look. He felt like he was in a ridiculous dream. A short while ago he’d been sat in front of the fire debating whether to go to bed or wait for ten minutes and then go to bed, and now he was about to watch a baby being born. He looked up at Tansy. Her face was clenched in pain, but to him she looked absolutely beautiful: the personification of glorious motherhood. He felt overwhelmed by her strength and her resolve. He was sure that he would be whimpering by now, pleading to be knocked out or to have an epidombell or whatever they were called. Yet here was Tansy, in agony, but listening intently to what Nain was saying quietly to her between contractions.

  He now felt that all the females he had known – and he had known quite a few, quite well – were just girls. Girls having a bit of fun in the way that he’d been just a boy having a bit of fun. Noodle Soodle, Bacon Sandwich Lil, Tessa Top Field – all just girls enjoying a bit of flirtation, sucking up a bit of romancing and giving as good as they got in lay-bys or in four-poster beds, but Tansy was real. Beautiful, strong, animal almost. So now it was his turn to step up to the plate: to be a man at last, rather than a boy mucking about and telling his mates about some floozy’s tits.

  So, instead of swallowing a giggle about it being his favourite position to spend an evening in, he looked up at this fine woman wrapped in his sweatshirt and whispered, “Go on, Tansy, I can see its head! Go on; you’re nearly there!”

  Obligingly Tansy gave a massive scream and the baby shot out in one go. Johnny dived down and managed to catch it as it spilled out onto the pile of bedding. He felt like cheering – and so he did.

  “It’s a girl!” he screamed. “A lovely little girl!” He held it in his hands and looked into the baby’s eyes that, for a short moment, stared back at him in the candlelight. Johnny felt an emotion that he’d never known before wash over him. He felt as if it was just him and this baby in the whole world and it was his job to protect and look after it for ever more.

  Taid silently handed him a soft towel and he wrapped the baby as carefully as he could and held it out to Tansy, who was still slumped against his nain.

  “A girl?” she whispered weakly. Her face different now – worn out instead of in pain. “Oh, look, a little girl!”

  Nain rubbed her shoulders from behind her and kissed her hair, wiping her own tears from her smiling cheeks. “Well done, bach, clever girl,” she said over and over again. “Oh, she’s so beautiful!” She gestured to Taid to push the armchair over and a duvet was laid over it and Tansy was helped up from the floor. Johnny checked the baby was breathing and that her mouth was clear, just as he would a lamb.

  When Tansy was settled and covered by a blanket, he passed her bundle and just sat on the floor beside her chair and watched as the new mother inspected her baby. Johnny patted Tansy’s arm through the blanket. “You were wonderful,” he whispered, still in a bit of a trance.

  “So were you,” she smiled, “so were you…”

  Within the hour, Nain had got things a little more organised. Everyone had drunk at least three cups of tea – Tansy’s with extra sugar in – and had eaten a couple more fairy cakes. The Rayburn was pumping out heat and all the soiled bedding had been removed. Nain had cut the cord and delivered the placenta and she’d cleaned Tansy up as best she could.

  Tansy was sitting on the sofa with the baby feeding at her breast. Although it had taken several attempts, the baby seemed to know what she had to do and had forgiven all the re-positioning and fumbling around. Johnny peered at his watch, thinking that it must be nearly midnight and was amazed to find it was half past four…

  As baby sucked at her first meal, Tansy looked up. “I’ve just realised, you’ve no idea who I am or how I got to be here, have you?”

  Johnny smiled and shook his head. He wanted to say, None of that matters. What matters is that you and the baby are here with us and we’re going to keep you safe. Safe forever.

  “I’m Tansy Shackles and I live over at Cefn Mawr.” Johnny nodded: he knew the village as his great aunt lived there. He thought Tansy was vaguely familiar, now he’d time to think about it, he filled up in the garage there too, occasionally – perhaps that’s where he’d seen her before.

  “I’m not due yet for another few weeks, really – and my friend who was going to be with me had gone away. I slipped on the ice yesterday morning and fell on my backside, so I sort of wasn’t surprised when it started. I knew the weather was getting worse, but I just wanted to be in hospital – bit stupid to drive myself I suppose – but to be honest, I thought I’d be fine – I thought other people just made a bit of a fuss! In hindsight, I didn’t realise that there was pain like that in life! Even more stupid still to drive myself in a blizzard, but I thought at least the roads would be quiet if I needed to stop every few minutes for a contraction! Then as I was coming down your pitch, the snow had gotten worse and I couldn’t see where the road ended and the ditch began. I must have hit some ice and I skidded and then – bang – front wheel down in the ditch!”

  Johnny looked at Tansy – poor thing, she must have been terrified. Yet, after all she’d been through she was sitting there, feeding her baby, gently stroking her head with the tip of her finger: the image of maternal tranquillity.

  “Anyway, it was soon obvious that I wasn’t going to get out of there, so I knew it was either get out and walk or have the baby in the car. I saw your turning and for about thirty seconds I saw your lights, then they all switched off at once…’

  “That must have been the power cut,” said Nain, quietly rinsing through some soiled bedding at the sink, “at, ooh, just before nine?”

  “I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t seen them for that short time, but I knew that there had to be people here, and so I set off. Your lane winds a bit though, doesn’t it? The lights seemed to be only a couple of hundred yards away, but the track seemed to go on forever!”

  “You poor thing,” said Johnny, still in awe of the strength of the woman sat in front of him. To do all that and then to be sat quite peacefully in a chair feeding a baby – her whole world had changed in less than twelve hours and there she was, taking it all in her stride.

  Never mind Tansy’s life changing, he knew that his had too. The love he felt for the baby was overwhelming. He wanted to hold her and stroke her head, just like Tansy was. He wanted to protect them both, keep them near to him, protect Tansy from ever having to go through anything bad again.

  He felt that his life up until this point had been a trial run, a tease until the real one started. It was as if a switch in his head had been turned from “flirtation” to “devotion” as the unfamiliar feelings oozed from him. It was probably the tiredness, but he actually felt elated and far from sleep.

  “What about people to contact, Tansy, bach,” asked Nain as her strong arms wrung nearly every drop of moisture from an old towel. “A husband, or partner as you call them today? Your parents? Who shall we call – when we get the phones back on that is.”

  A shadow fluttered across Tansy’s brow, as if she were remembering something painful. “No one really,” she muttered, trying to be matter-of-fact. “I’ve not got parents – alive that is – anymore; I’ll need to contact Kathy, my friend, but there’s no rush. And, well, I’ve got no husband to speak of anymore. The baby’s father,” she whispered, and struggled to find the words, “well, he left about three months ago. Said he…said he couldn’t cope.”

  Nain shook her head and signed. “Oh, I am sorry to hear t
hat, bach, but don’t you worry…”

  “No! Don’t worry about anything!” interjected Johnny. “We’ll look after you! Here! Yes, won’t we, Nain?” His eyes were bright and his face full of excitement.

  “Of course we will, of course we will. Tansy and the little one can stay as long as they like. As long as they like!”

  Tansy smiled with gratitude as she caught Johnny’s eye. “Thank you,” she muttered, tiredness now sweeping over her, “thank you so much.”

  “Just one more thing, lovely,” said Nain, wiping her hands dry on a towel, “and then you must get some sleep – any names?”

  “I’ve not decided yet,” Tansy replied. “I thought I’d wait until I saw it – her. What’s your name, Nain?”

  “Me? Oh, I’m Gwen. Means white or fair in Welsh.”

  “Perfect,” smiled Tansy. “Well, Gwen, meet Gwen Shackles. Gwen – Gwennie Elizabeth Shackles.”

  That was it for Johnny. He burst into tears and slumped into the pile of blankets, sitting on his heels with his face hidden in a cushion.

  “Don’t mind him,” he heard Gwen senior say, “he’s a bit sentimental this one. Takes after his grandfather!”

  Johnny heard a chuckle from the back of the kitchen. “Christ, in my seventy-two years I don’t think I’ve ever been called sentimental! A stubborn old bastard, perhaps. Pig-headed and ignorant maybe, but never sentimental!”

  But, far better than that, Johnny felt a hand reach down to stroke his hair. “You’ll be OK,” crooned a gentle voice, “you’ll be OK.”

  As the storm continued to rage outside, Johnny spent the most wonderful twenty minutes tucked up in the armchair with baby Gwennie snuggled onto his chest whilst Gwen senior helped Tansy have a shower in his en-suite bathroom – and for the right reasons he was glad it was as clean and neat as it could be. He’d heard Nain speak of “skin to skin” contact between the baby and its parent that helps the baby feel settled and content, so he soon had Gwennie lying on his bare chest snuffling and staring at him. Tansy had laughed as Gwen had wrapped a blanket around them both. “I’ve been at – ooh, probably ten deliveries,” she smiled, “and I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before!” And then she whispered to Johnny as Tansy walked gingerly towards the bathroom, “Don’t you go getting too attached, Johnny, love, they’ll be off back to their own world soon.”