Alyssa's Choice

by Alicia White

  One young girl caught her attention. She had to be sixteen years old and her eyes were bloodshot, her nose bright red. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and Alyssa wanted to go to her, hold her, and comfort her in this obviously horrid time in her life. Alyssa bit her lip and held onto the sides of her chair, trying to prevent herself from getting up.

  Small, quiet sniffles reached her, and Alyssa moved slowly, going to her. She sat down and wrapped an arm over her shoulder, pulling her small frame into her side. She didn’t know what to say, so instead she let the girl cry on her, let her tears soak through her flimsy shirt. Her heart pounded in her chest, and Alyssa’s vision blurred.

  “I’m sorry for crying all over you,” the girl whispered and moved to sit up, trying to get her composure.

  “Do you want to talk? I–I know you don’t know me, but maybe talking could help.” Alyssa shrugged. She still wasn’t sure what to say. What does someone say to a girl who’s about to have a life-altering experience? The facts didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if she were pro-choice or pro-life. What mattered was that she was sitting next to a young girl who was scared and alone. Her problems seemed so ridiculous now. She had options, more than she initially realized.

  “Mia Jones.” A nurse stood next to the door, and Alyssa was glad she hadn’t called her name. She needed some more time to think, and she wanted to be able to talk to this girl a little longer. The girl next to her jolted, and Alyssa realized that her name was Mia. It was her turn to go back behind the door.

  “Listen. I’m—I’ll be here for you. I’ll wait right here,” Alyssa stammered. She didn’t know what to say. She felt sick to her stomach, and she wished that the right words would come to her at this moment. She wanted to be able to say the right thing.

  “Thanks,” she whispered as she stood up and went to the nurse. The door closed, and it echoed through the room even though it really wasn’t that loud. Alyssa leaned down, putting her head in her hands. She sat frozen, unable to move. She made a promise, and she would wait for this girl. She would be a shoulder, and she would be her friend.

  She wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It felt like hours. “Alyssa Fredricks.” She jerked her head up and looked at the door. It was her turn. She was breathing hard, her heart beat frantically in her chest, and she wasn’t sure what to do. She couldn’t leave the waiting room. She had made a promise, and she wasn’t sure if this was what she should do either. She needed more time to think, and she needed to talk to her friends. She couldn’t go through something like this alone.

  * * * *

  Clint walked toward the pub, flanked on either side by his brothers, Clay and Cody. He had been waiting for this moment all day. He wanted to confront Grant and Justin. He wanted answers, and he wasn’t leaving without them. He pulled the front door open and moved in, letting it slam behind them. It took a minute for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but soon enough he saw Justin behind the bar, cleaning, and Grant sitting on one of the barstools, staring at them.

  He walked to the bar, flexing his muscles, telling himself to listen to their reasons, to not overreact. He kept thinking about Alyssa all alone in California. Before he could think, he pulled his arm back and punched Grant. He fell off the barstool and immediately jumped up, looking ready to fight. Justin jumped over the bar, and Clint prepared himself for a battle.

  “What the fuck!” Justin was yelling, reaching over the bar to grab a towel for Grant’s nose. Blood gushed, but Clint felt no remorse. He wanted to cause them pain. “Jesus, Grant, are you okay?” Justin applied pressure, helping Grant to sit down and lean his head forward, letting the blood soak the towel. “You owe us an explanation. What the fuck?” Grant still hadn’t spoken. He just shot him the evil eye, and Clint felt a little better. He could talk now.

  “I’m waiting, Clint. What the hell has gotten into you?” Justin was breathing heavily, and Clint knew that he needed to start talking. He just didn’t know where to begin. The words were all trapped in his throat.

  “Alyssa. She’s pregnant! I want to know what you two were thinking. How dare you use her for a one-night fuck! If I thought you would do that, I wouldn’t have let this develop. I would have taken her home. She isn’t just some new girl. She’s Bella’s family. Our family. How could you?” He was shaking, yelling at them both, his friends. He wished the words would’ve come out with more tact, but he was too upset.

  “What?” Grant dropped the rag to the floor, and both he and Justin stared at him, openmouthed.

  “I thought you both cared about her.” He shook his head. He knew that they didn’t know she was pregnant. This was a secret, a secret that nobody knew, and he had been the one to shoot his mouth off.

  “We do care about her, very much. That night we thought it was the beginning of our relationship. She left, she walked out the door, and we tried to give her space, hoping that she would come back to us,” Justin said. He sat down next to Grant, looking ill.

  “Pregnant, you’re sure. I–I mean, she told you this?” Grant whispered, and Clint knew that he was in shock. He would be, too.

  “Yeah, we’re sure. Jessica found a pregnancy test at the house. She came over and talked to Bella,” Clay said, moving over to lean against the bar. Both Justin and Grant stood up and moved. They walked quickly toward the door, and he knew they were going to try to find Alyssa. They had no idea that she had left town. This was turning into a bigger issue than he was prepared for. He thought he was going to kick both their asses and then head home.

  “She’s gone.” That stopped them from walking through the door. “She left town, borrowed Bella’s car and went back to California. I’m sorry.” The looks on their faces said it all. They were devastated, and he knew that they really did care about her. Nobody talked for a little while, and Clint could feel the tension in the room grow rapidly.

  “She left? She’s pregnant and she just left town. Left us.” Grant looked shocked. He moved past them and walked up the stairs, never looking back.

  “Shit.” Justin shook his head. “Do you think she’s coming back?” he asked, watching Grant retreat farther up to their place.

  “Yeah. I’m not sure when though or how long she’ll be gone. I was so pissed at you both and I thought that maybe you guys kicked her out or something. I thought it was a one-night stand, and I wanted to kick some sense into you. I’m sorry, Justin. I know now that you care about her.” Clint felt like hell. He shouldn’t have said anything. He should’ve kept his mouth shut.

  “Do you think she left to, you know? I can’t even say the word. I’m never going to meet my baby, am I?” The pain on Justin’s face said it all, and he wanted to rewind time and listen to what Jessica had said. He didn’t know when she was coming back, and he felt completely at a loss of what to do or say.

  “Shit. I’m sorry, Justin. Please tell Grant I said that. I shouldn’t have punched him. I should’ve let you both talk and explain.” Clint headed for the door. He couldn’t think straight. He wanted to get home and talk to Bella. He needed to tell her how much he had completely messed up today. It was his fault, not Cody’s or Clay’s.

  * * * *

  Alyssa’s heart was pounding as the young girl, Mia, walked back into the waiting room. She stood up slowly and opened her arms wide. To her amazement, Mia walked directly to her. She didn’t speak. She just held her as she cried, letting her get it all out. She rubbed her hand in circles, hoping that she was being comforting.

  “Do you want me to take you somewhere? Do you have a ride?” she asked, wanting to leave the clinic, wanting to be away from this place.

  “Yeah. I’d like that. Thanks.” They walked out of the clinic arm in arm, and Alyssa took a deep breath when they got outside. It wasn’t as good as the warm Texas air, but it was better than the air inside the building. “Do you want me to take you home?”

  “No, not yet. My roommate is home, and I should technically be in class so, no.” The girl looked so young she had assumed she was six
teen, but now she wasn’t so sure. It sounded like she was in college and lived away from her parents. Alyssa didn’t want to ask any questions, though. It wasn’t any of her business. She just wanted to be able to support Mia in her time of need.

  “Okay. Do you want to get some coffee?” She wasn’t sure where they should go, but she did want to be helpful for as long as could be before taking her home.

  “Sounds good. Thanks.” Alyssa walked toward the car. She opened the passenger-side door, and Mia climbed in, buckling up. Alyssa walked around the car and slid in. Starting the engine, she pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the street. She stopped at the first coffee shop she could find, craving her usual, an iced caramel latte.

  They ordered their drinks and found a table near the back of the shop. Alyssa sipped on her drink. She stayed quiet, not wanting to be the first one to talk.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t even know your name. I’m Mia.” She stuck her hand out, and Alyssa took it, giving her a gentle handshake.

  “I’m Alyssa. It’s nice to meet you, even under these circumstances. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked.

  “I’m just glad that you were there. I honestly didn’t have a way home today. I didn’t want to tell anyone. I went to a party, and I had too much to drink. I was stupid. I’m just glad that this is over.” She talked quietly, and Alyssa felt bad for her. She didn’t feel like she had any options.

  “You’re in college? I recently graduated and moved to Texas with my best friends. I came here to see some people I knew. I’ll be heading back soon. I don’t really like being here. I miss being at home.” She wanted to share some information to change the subject, but she didn’t want to share her whole life story.

  “I look younger than I am.” She smiled. “I’m twenty-two. I know it’s hard to believe. Most people think I’m around sixteen. I hate looking like a little girl, but at least I should age well, right?” She laughed a little, but Alyssa didn’t believe it was real. She seemed forced.

  “I thought you were a teenager,” she admitted.

  “Why were you there, at the clinic. Are you pregnant?” she asked, and Alyssa froze in place. She hadn’t been thinking about herself. Ever since meeting Mia, she had been thinking about her. The look on her face must’ve clued Mia in that she didn’t want to talk about it, because she changed the subject. “Texas, I’ve always wanted to go there. Are there a lot of cute cowboys?”

  “Yeah. There are tons of sexy guys.” She smiled, thinking about Grant and Justin. “I really want to go home soon. I miss it there. The air is cleaner, and the environment has a peaceful effect on me.” She really wanted to get in the car and drive there now. There wasn’t anything keeping her here anymore.

  “Maybe I’ll be able to go there someday. My family is all on the East Coast, and I’m starting to hate being here. I really want to run away, but as my momma always says, you can’t run away from your problems because wherever you go, your problems are there, too.” Alyssa nodded in agreement. Her mom must be a smart lady.

  “That’s true. It’s never a good idea to run away from your problems,” Alyssa commented and realized that was exactly what she had been doing. She ran away from her childhood, she ran away from her friends, and she ran away from Grant and Justin. She had screwed up so many times, and now the only thing she wanted to do was go home and hope that everyone could forgive her.

  Mia and Alyssa talked for a while, waiting for time to pass so that her roommate wouldn’t wonder why she was home early. Finally, after two coffees, Mia was ready to head home. She looked tired and a bit pale. Alyssa worried that maybe she had overdone it, especially after her ordeal. She held her arm and walked her to the car, wanting to get her home so that she could rest.

  They drove in relative silence, Mia only telling her where to turn. They pulled up to an apartment complex close to the university. Alyssa was familiar with the area. “This is fine. Thanks again for your help today. I’m glad that I wasn’t alone.” She moved the car close to the curb, and Mia climbed out, giving her a small smile. She shut the door and walked slowly toward the building. Alyssa waited until she was out of sight before she pulled the car away from the building and back on the road.

  It was getting dark out so Alyssa drove around looking for a motel. She wanted to get some sleep before starting her drive back home. It had taken a while, but she finally realized what she wanted. She wanted to talk to her friends, and she needed to sit down and talk to Grant and Justin.

  Chapter 10

  Grant sat in the small living room. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want to feel. Alyssa had left. She left, and she was pregnant with their baby. Tears streamed down his face, and he felt the loss in his heart. Did she leave because she didn’t want them to be together? Did she not want to be a mother? Why didn’t she tell them?

  He had always dreamed about being a father. His dream had been so close, within his grasp, and now it was gone. They could’ve been a family, raised a child together. He had given her space, and Justin had agreed. They backed off completely, hoping that she would come back to them. He was starting to love her, and he knew that Justin felt the same way.

  Grant wanted to jump in his truck and find her, but he knew that too much time had gone by. It was probably too late. He wanted to hit something, he wanted to yell and scream, but he couldn’t find the strength to get up.

  “Grant.” He opened his eyes and wiped his face. He didn’t want Justin to see him fall apart. He was supposed to be the strong one. “She’s coming back. As soon as she gets to town, we’ll talk to her. We’ll get to the bottom of this, and I’m sure that everything is going to be fine,” Justin said, and he wanted to believe him, but he had his doubts. Did Justin really think that everything would be okay? Did he really believe that their woman would be coming back pregnant?

  He didn’t want to burst his bubble, so he just nodded, the words stuck in his throat. “I can see it in your eyes. You don’t believe me.” Justin shook his head, and Grant didn’t deny it. He didn’t believe him, he didn’t see the silver lining in things, and he didn’t have faith that Alyssa would come back and be with them. Could he forgive her? Could they move forward and be together? He wasn’t so sure anymore. They were still at the beginning stages of their relationship, and now it just seemed that things were over before they really even began.

  “Don’t do this, Grant. Don’t pull away. We’ll talk to her when she gets back in town. We’ll figure all of this out. You have to trust me.” He did trust Justin, more than any other person in the world, but he wasn’t sure that Justin would get the happily ever after he expected.

  “Do you really think that Alyssa will come back to us pregnant? Do you really think that the three of us will be together?” He hadn’t meant to say anything. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Justin’s feelings. He just wanted to be alone. He needed some time to think and calm down before he exploded.

  “Yes, I do. I want you to have some faith that Alyssa isn’t leaving us. I really think that she was only scared and ran back to California but that after she does some thinking she will come back and we will be together. Why is that so hard to believe? What are you afraid of?” Justin got his in his face, and Grant couldn’t keep his temper under control for another minute. He jumped up and pushed him, wanting him to just walk away.

  “You’re an idiot. She left. It’s not too hard to figure out that she doesn’t want to be with us. Why are you pushing this? She’s pregnant, and instead of coming to talk to us, she ran. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it’s over.” He started pacing around the room, feeling trapped. He wanted to leave. He needed fresh air. It was hard to breathe.

  “I’m pushing because she is the first woman ever that you have been interested in. It’s usually just sex, but you took things slow and you wanted to pursue something real. I’m not letting you throw it away, not until after we’ve talked to her.
Not until we have the answers we need.” Justin was pleading with him. He knew his tactics, especially after growing up together and depending on each other for years.

  Grant didn’t want to talk, so instead he left, walking quickly down the stairs. He practically ran through the pub, pulling the front door open and stepping outside on the street. He walked down the sidewalk with no destination in mind. He just needed some space.

  He stared at the ground, his mind consumed with thoughts of Alyssa and all the possibilities. He wondered if they ever would be together, if he could forgive her for running away, for abandoning him the way his parents had. That was different though. They hadn’t wanted to die. They hadn’t wanted to leave their sons behind.

  His parents had been great people. They had rescued him from an abusive childhood and brought him here, to Coltmann County. They were all so kind and patient even when he didn’t deserve it. He had been a messed up kid. They had different last names by choice, Hollis for their dad Thomas, and Justin took Truman for their dad Timothy. God, he missed them. If only he could talk to his dads and get some advice.

  He didn’t know how to handle this situation or even how to talk to Justin and explain his feelings. He only wanted to take care of Alyssa and to be a good dad to his baby. Why did things have to be so hard? He knew that he could be a good dad, and he prayed that Alyssa would give him that chance.

  What if she was pregnant with a little boy? He wondered if he would be artistic or athletic. Would he look like Justin or more like him? Maybe it was a girl. Would she have Alyssa’s beautiful smile and innocent doe eyes? The pain in his chest grew, and he felt lost and helpless. There wasn’t anything he could do. There was no way to get in contact with her.