by Nicola Lowe
I let myself into my flat an hour later, it felt good to have alone time with my thoughts. I loved this place. It had been a mess initially but I needed somewhere to live, so I rented it at a cheap rate from my bosses as part of an agreement to fix it up. My favourite colour, dusky pink had been used to decorate and then accessorised with teal as a contrast. The place felt warm and snug, the vintage accessories I’d collected over time made it feel more homey, rather than cluttered. I switched on the soft lighting before heading through my bedroom and into the bathroom.
The clothes that had been meticulously chosen for the afternoon were abandoned on the wooden floor as I filled the roll top bath with steaming hot water and bubbles. The weekend hadn’t been what I expected. Today had been lovely but I still didn’t know what to do. Cassie found all of this so easy, and I wished I did too. Zack seemed so sweet and nice, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t all turn sour, and did I have the strength to face that again? After what had happened last time, my confidence in my own feelings was at rock bottom, and avoidance of situations was preferable to facing them a lot of the time. I didn’t trust my own judgement anymore after having got it so wrong. The past four years had been a non-stop cycle of stress and anxiety with me never quite getting to a place of happiness or satisfaction. I knew it had to stop. It was a hell of a scary first step into the unknown.
Luke would know what advice to give, if he were here. I reached over for my phone and tried to call, but there wasn’t even a ringtone. He was in Uganda, doing charity work for six weeks, and had said he would be hard to get hold of. It had been an ambition of his for a while. Luke was assisting as a legal volunteer, providing legal support and representation in communities who would otherwise have none. He’d posted a photograph on Instagram a few days ago and looked in his element. He was always at his happiest helping people. It was Luke who had helped me four years ago. He’d only just started working at Draper & Hughes when I went through the breakup.
He found me there late after work, too scared to go home, and when I confessed what was happening, Luke sprang into action. He helped me move, he sorted out legal proceedings - he was like a saviour, especially on that one night…
We became best friends, closer than most siblings, and were pretty much joined at the hip from then on. I must confess, this is where Cassie got her fascination with hot lawyers from. Luke was gorgeous, nobody could deny it. If I’d met him under different circumstances, I probably would’ve been lusting after him too, but he would always be my bestie.
Whenever we went anywhere, he got all the admiring glances, not me. He was six two and athletic looking. His hair a gorgeous, caramel blonde colour which he always had styled immaculately for work but when left alone would settle into messy beachy waves above the brightest blue eyes which seemed to sparkle when he was happy or excited. The most beautiful thing about him though, was his heart. He’d go out of his way to help anyone who needed it. We often saw sad cases in family law, and he always went the extra mile. On top of his charity work, he was just a truly good person. He was so good at giving advice, but I was going to have to fathom this out alone.
Cosiest pyjamas on, slumped on the couch, I began to type a message. Maybe I was overthinking this. Zack wasn’t putting me under any pressure - maybe I should let it play out, see what happened.
Lily: How has the rest of your Sunday been? x
Zack: Nice thank you. Amazing company for coffee put me in a great mood x
Lily: I enjoyed it. Thank you for putting up with me being a nervous wreck x
Zack: You weren’t at all, don’t worry x I’m sorry I just stood there gawping at you. You took me by surprise, in a good way xx
Lily: Thank you. I think it was me stood there like a fool at the end so don’t worry!
Zack: So, Lily ….
Lily: Yes Zack?
Zack: You’re really going to make me work for this aren’t you? x
Lily: I’m still trying to make my mind up x
Zack: I did mean what I said. No pressure. We had such a lovely time together today though. So how about dinner on Friday evening? Somewhere near you so you aren’t on the train alone at night-time xx
Lily: Like a proper date-date? xx
Zack: Yes, a proper date-date xx
At this moment ten thousand butterflies began doing back flips in my stomach. I remembered how nice his eyes looked as he watched me over the coffee-shop table. I thought of his hand brushing across mine and instantly, goosebumps began to appear up my arms.
A conversation between Luke and I, shortly before his trip ran through my mind. Luke had told me that life was short and maybe it was time to start taking chances, to start being brave.
Lily: I would love to xx
Zack: You made my day xx
Two
The hours on the clock ticked by at a snail’s pace for the whole week, the days seemed to blur into slow motion, Friday never getting closer.
Cassie was a bouncing ball of excitement, she sent me hundreds of photos of dresses and hairstyles she thought I should try. I tried getting hold of Luke a couple more times, to no avail. It looked as though I’d have to wait until he returned to tell him what was going on.
My thoughts swung wildly between wishing it were Friday already, and just wanting to call the whole date off. Zack and I talked and messaged a lot during the week. He had a way of putting me at ease, something about him made me feel assured. It was like we already had a connection. By some miracle, Zack hushed the little voices of doubt in my mind.
We agreed to meet at a restaurant near to me, a couple of minutes from the train station. I’d never been, but Cassie assured me it was the epitome of style and romance, plus had amazing cheesecake – my weakness!
When Friday did arrive, it brought a warm, sunny breeze, full of promise. After the longest day ever at work, I styled my hair into soft, relaxed curls and used so much product it shone like it was polished, then I slipped the dress that Cassie had helped me choose over my shoulders. It was knee-length, a stunning emerald-green colour, with short sleeves made of lace. Cassie had even lent me her black Louis Vuitton heels that Guy had bought her for an anniversary gift. Having a best friend with the same size feet and a flawless shoe collection was perfection. Just to add to the pressure, I now also needed to focus on not tripping and breaking said expensive designer shoes. They looked amazing with the dress I noted, glancing up and down my reflection in the full-length mirror.
Was this too dressy? What did people do for dates? I took a selfie in the mirror and sent it to Cassie, hoping for an opinion. Looking at the time though, she’d be putting Ruby and Emilia to bed. As I headed downstairs, I once again wished that Luke was around for moral support.
My heart hammered in my chest as the taxi pulled up outside the restaurant. I felt a moment of apprehension as my phone pinged with a message, I wondered if maybe Zack had changed his mind and wanted to cancel.
Cassie: Drop Dead Gorgeous! I’d do you! Enjoy! x
That girl always made me laugh, and it would seem it was a perfect time to be smiling, when I looked up to see Zack walking the short distance over to me.
“Someone made you smile,” he teased, “and it wasn’t me?”
“It was just Cassie, messing with me. It’s nice to see you again.” I had underestimated how good this would feel, my insides were in knots and I felt like my temperature had risen by about five degrees.
He moved forward and kissed my cheek, causing me to take a deep breath at his touch. He smelled amazing, like citrus and spice. A scent that would stay with me and play on my senses. He wore a dark blue shirt under a matching jacket, with faultless black jeans. He looked good. My eyes travelled down his body and I snapped myself back to the present in the nick of time. As I looked at Zack, I could see him looking at me the same way.
“I still can’t believe you’re real,” he spoke quietly. “You look out of this world.”
“You look pretty good yourself.” The air fel
t thick around us, almost as if time moved slower. Zack held his hand out to me and as I took hold of it, a spark zipped around my body. He led me inside and the atmosphere only added to the sensory overload I was already beginning to feel.
One side of the restaurant was like a living wall of dusky peonies and roses. Soft lights cast warm shadows. Each table we passed as we were led to our own was separated from the others by a white crescent-shaped trellis, giving it a feeling of privacy.
A reluctance crossed my mind as I let go of Zack’s hand to sit down. What was it about his touch that felt so moreish to me? “I’m sorry, I’ve gone all weird and awkward again, haven’t I?”
“Not at all,” he replied. “I know I said it already, but you look stunning.”
I smiled, feeling flirtatious and mischievous, sending him the full-length selfie which had winged its way to Cassie earlier. “There you go, lasting memory.”
He grinned back. “We should get one together before the night is out.”
We made small talk, but it felt as though there’d been a shift between us since we met for coffee. This felt more real, more invested. Those butterflies in my stomach moved further down my body and awakened feelings I hadn’t had in a long time as the evening went on. It could have been a magical spell, it could have been coincidence, who knows. But the wine tasted better than ever. The food was cooked to perfection and Cassie had been so, so right about their cheesecake. It felt as though we were trying to soak each other in, and the time flew by.
As the waiter took our dessert dishes away, Zack’s leg pressed against mine, I’d been so careful all night not to brush against him, but now that he’d made the move, I felt the connection of it throughout my entire body. I didn’t want it to stop.
“I have to get the last train,” he said, as his leg stayed in contact with mine. “Can I see you get home safe first?”
I nodded my head as he stood up and held his hand out to me. The loss I felt at the pressure of his leg leaving mine was soon made up for as he took my hand again, giving it a gentle squeeze. As we split the bill, I sent a message to Cassie.
Lily: He’s walking me back before he gets the train. All is good! x
Cassie: Has he kissed you?! x
Lily: Not yet, give me a chance! x
We stepped out into the early spring night and walked slowly (I had no choice in those heels) back towards the town. The days might’ve gotten warmer over the past week or so, but the evenings were still chilly. Zack wrapped an arm around me.
“That place was amazing, good choice.”
“It was, I knew it was popular, but I hadn’t realised how beautiful it was inside.” I glanced up at him and saw a smile still on his lips. We were only two or three minutes from the train station and the thought I’d been trying to keep at bay all night was getting stronger. I wanted to kiss him so bad.
I guided him towards a bright streetlight on the approach to the station. “We never got that selfie you mentioned. Want one now before the train gets here?”
“Definitely,” he said. “Need a lasting memory of this.”
I leaned into Zack, my back against his chest and held the phone in front of us, enjoying the warm feeling of him in the cool evening air. “Say cheese.” I couldn’t help but draw in a sharp breath as he placed his hand on my waist with a feather light touch. This wasn’t how I’d expected to feel.
I snapped the photo and shared it to Zack’s phone, noting how neither of us moved away from the other. Turning around, but staying close to him, our eyes were almost level. He moved his hand, but I could still feel the subtle warmth where it had been. “The train should only be a couple of minutes so…” I stopped and took a deep breath. “I wondered - is this the kissing bit?”
Zack tilted his head to the side subtly as he looked at me, his intense eyes almost trapped me in his gaze . His hands slid around my back to pull me closer. I was so out of practice, and about to panic when all of a sudden - his lips were on mine and I forgot about everything. The kiss sent tiny shards of fire to my brain, as signals and feelings that had lain dormant for so long shot off throughout my body. His lips teased mine with light, lingering touches and I had no control over myself as one hand snaked up into his hair, the other moved around his back and pressed him to me.
He deepened the kiss in response. The sensation of his breath mingling with mine blocked out the rest of the world, but all too soon, he pulled away.
“Did you hear that?” his voice was soft as he took a breath.
The night air felt cold against my lips now the kiss had ended. “Hear what?” I asked, confused, and still reeling from the delicious sensations.
An announcement rang out from the train station – ‘I repeat, due to damage on the line, the last train of the evening has terminated before this station. There will be no more trains through this station tonight.’
We were still wrapped around each other and I stepped back self-consciously as a handful of people exited the station.
“This isn’t part of a plan I engineered to stay with you or anything, I promise.” Zack looked worried. “I’ll sort a taxi or something.”
“I didn’t think for a minute you were damaging train lines just to try to get into my knickers,” I teased. “Don’t worry, we can figure it out. I fancied coffee at the restaurant but there wasn’t time. Can you cope with homemade coffee and we can figure out what to do?”
He wrapped his arms back around me, much to my delight. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to ask me back.”
“I do just mean coffee,” I confirmed. “But yes, I’m sure, I think if you were an axe murderer, there would’ve been a sign by now. Cassie would’ve figured it out too.”
“Lead the way then,” he said with a smile.
We walked the five minutes back to my flat in near silence, still holding hands and sneaking glances at each other.
“Home sweet home,” I announced, as we crossed the empty office car park, heading to the side entrance which led upstairs. After unlocking the bottom door, I started up the steep stairs, realising that I should’ve made him go first since he would now be enjoying a close-up view of my bottom.
There was a second door to unlock at the top of the stairs, I felt safe having two big doors between me and the outside world.
Zack’s eyes looked around the large living area in surprise. “Wow, when you said a flat above the office, I didn’t imagine this. It’s so nice, puts mine to shame, you can now never come round,” he joked.
“I’m lucky. They could expand and use this for more office space, but they’re happy as they are. Perks of working for a small business,” I winked. “Tour first, or coffee first?”
“Tour, then coffee, then a plan,” he replied
“It’s not a great tour to be fair, lounge here, dining area and kitchen at that end. Through here,” I walked through the only other door. “Is my bedroom, which I am now hoping and praying I didn’t leave in a mess.” Phew, the laundry basket was empty and there was no sign of underwear or socks on the floor! “And the bathroom is through here.” I motioned to the open door.
“I can see why you love it. And you now can’t ever, ever see my place.”
“I assume Zack is short for Zachary?” I asked as we stood in the doorway of my bedroom.
A playful look rolled over his face. “Yes. But if you call me that, I feel ten years old, being told off for annoying a sister or two.”
“Hmm, interesting to know,” I said. “You know Zachary, I haven’t been kissed for four years, I didn’t know how that was going to go.”
As he replied, he had a look on his face as though he was… enchanted. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. “Now I’m feeling the pressure,” he pressed his lips together for a brief moment. “So does that mean you enjoyed it or…”
“I think it’s a pity that train announcement interrupted us-”
His eyes sparkled as his arms slipped around my waist. “What announcem
ent?” he reached for me, his hand traced a soft pattern up my back, leaving a trail of goosebumps as it went. Then it was like that last kiss had never ended. I felt breathless as he bit my bottom lip with delicious gentleness, his tongue slowly teased at my own. The sensation made me light-headed. I leaned back against the wall and pulled him with me, my hand settled under his shirt, feeling the warm, bare skin of his back. I was intrigued by how strong and firm his body felt. His hands ran down my sides as he pressed me harder against the wall and I knew that these feelings and sensations were going to overpower any trepidation that remained within me.
I gasped as he stopped, his forehead pressed against my own. “It’s killing me to say this, but I know you want to take things slow, and that’s just too good…” he blew out a soft breath and opened his eyes. “Plus, you promised me coffee. You can’t tease a man with promises of coffee.” he grinned and kissed my forehead before heading back out into the living room. My insides were like molten lava as I switched on the coffee machine, trying to calm myself down and breathe at a steady pace.
Zack was looking at a large photograph frame that was the focal point of the living room wall. Luke had bought it me a couple of years ago for Christmas and I adored it. A white, heart-shaped frame sat in the middle, made of willow, which then spiralled off into more frames around the edge, to create a bigger heart. Luke had given it me with a photograph of myself in the middle, and I’d filled all the other spaces with the people I loved.
“They’re all my favourite people in the world,” I explained. “Makes me happy every time I stop and look at it.”
“It’s lovely,” he said. “Maybe I can make it in there one day.”
“Maybe so,” I replied coyly. “For the longest time, I felt like a huge failure for having so few people in my life. I felt ashamed to be honest. Over time it became apparent I was lucky. It might be a small circle, but it’s the best and we’d do anything to look out for each other. I wouldn’t swap that.”