by Nicola Lowe
“I don’t blame you.” That soft smile lit his face again. “I recognise Cassie, guessing that’s work friends? Parents? But why are you up a mountain with a guy who looks like a male model?” he asked the question innocently enough, but I could see something behind his eyes.
“That’s Luke, my other bestie,” I responded. “We’d struggled to the top of Snowdon. Well, I struggled, he was fine.”
“Oh, OK, when you said a lawyer from work who helped you, I imagined a fifty-year-old guy.”
“Luke’s like my big brother. It wasn’t just the restraining order and the legal stuff he did for me. He sat here so many nights when I was scared, he built my confidence back up bit by tiny bit. I can’t think of a single occasion he couldn’t help me. I didn’t want nights out for so long so he and Cassie would have fun nights in with me instead.” I cast my eyes downward and bit my lip. “They were horrible times, but I guess it made me who I am today. I know I couldn’t have done it without him.”
“Sounds like it was an awful time.” Zack took hold of my hand.
I nodded, not entirely comfortable at bringing it all up. “Anyway, the couch is calling me, you didn’t wear two-inch heels all night.”
I sat down, my nerves and worry kicking in again. Was I sat in the right place? How close was he going to sit to me? Why had I brought an almost stranger home? Zack snapped me out of my thoughts as he sat and faced me, close enough to be cosy, but not overpowering.
“So, I looked, and I can book an Uber, but it will take about an hour to get here, is that OK?”
“How much will it cost? It’s quite a way.” I said.
“Estimate is fifty pounds,” he rolled his eyes. “Bloody trains hey?”
“That’s insane, you cannot spend fifty quid to get home. Look, just stay here. I’m happy sleeping on the couch, you can have the bed, and get the train tomorrow for a fiver. Honestly, that amount of money is daft.” I said, wondering how my brain let me say that so quick before then showing me images of axe murderers and psychopaths.
“You’re so sweet, but I don’t want to put you on the spot. It’s only the second time you’ve met me, and I know you were wary about it.” he responded.
I think the two bottles of wine had befuddled my brain, as I pressed my lips to his again to stop his words. “I trust you Zack. Please just stay.”
He kissed me back. Maybe I was ready for this? “One condition.” His voice was deep and breathy. “I sleep on the couch, the bed is yours.”
“Deal.” I smiled and sank back into the comfortable cushions, loving that I’d got my own way. “You know what this means?” Zack shook his head.
“Sleepover. How about pyjama’s, wine, music, get to know each other better? I’ve got clothes you can borrow from when we had a team event at work, as long as you can cope with our logo on the t-shirt.” I said.
“This sounds intriguing, but I think it’d be classed as a second date,” he teased. “Is that OK with you Lily?”
“Coming round to the idea more and more every minute,” I replied, but I still felt as if I needed to explain further. “I’m sorry if I seem, dull or whatever for being so cautious about this. My ex… I met him when I was seventeen. He was my first proper boyfriend; he was the first person I slept with. There hasn’t been anyone since, on either level. I doubt myself so much after putting everything I had into someone who seemingly, didn’t give a toss.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself, and you don’t have to feel like you’re being judged,” Zack took hold of my hand again. “When Cassie messaged me about you, I figured there was nothing to lose in the crazy sounding idea of hers. But when I met you… I was blown away, and still am by how sweet you are, how well we get on, how utterly gorgeous you are. I wasn’t on that dating site for a laugh, or a series of one-night stands, I wanted to meet someone special. I feel like I did. We can take this as slow as you need, I will never put you under pressure. You’re in control of this.”
“Thank you Zack. Can you grab a bottle of wine from the fridge once you’re changed? I only need five minutes to get ready.”
He nodded as I closed the door to my bedroom. What had come over me? The girl who wouldn’t look at a dating website a week ago. This was insane, yet I was having so much fun. Pyjamas. I needed to find sexy pyjamas, but not too sexy. I wondered if cute pyjamas might be better? After frantically rifling through my chest of drawers, I settled on a dark pink chequered set, which consisted of shorts and a button through top. One quandary after another – should I take off my bra? I never slept in a bra but there was a man here. That being said, the wire was digging into me horribly, so off it went.
I ran my toothbrush over my teeth, fairly confident there was going to be more kissing, and gave my hair a check before I opened the door into the lounge, stomach full of nerves.
“Is this bottle good? You seemed to have a few in the fridge.” Zack teased me as he pointed to the wine on the coffee table, not before I noticed his eyes glance up and down my bare legs.
“It’s perfect.” I slid into the seat next to him and curled my legs up under me, so our knees were touching.
“Did you find what you needed?” I asked.
“I think this flat contains everything I need.” his face lit up in a mischievous smile.
We drank the wine and listened to each other’s playlists, talking about everything under the sun. In between talking there was kissing, and although his hand drove me insane as he ran it up and down my leg, or his fingers turned me to jelly as they slid up my pyjama top and stroked my back. He was never anything but a gentleman. This was both a blessing and a curse as I was torn between wants.
We must have fallen asleep, as I woke up on the couch, half of me warm and cosy in Zack’s arms, but my legs freezing cold. I squinted at the clock; it was two in the morning. Spring may have arrived, but the nights were still cold. I turned myself around, now facing Zack and kissed his ear softly as I whispered. “Zack, I think we fell asleep.”
He murmured sleepy, incoherent words as he pressed his lips to my neck.
“Zack,” I whispered a little louder. “It’s too cold to sleep here. Come and sleep in the bed.”
He didn’t speak, he just pulled me up with him as he stood. His lips needy on mine he navigated us towards the bedroom. I don’t know if I shivered with the cold or the anticipation, as the back of my legs bumped into the mattress. I tried to pull him down with me, but he resisted, instead pulling at the duvet before lowering me down.
He straddled my lower legs, pulling the warm covers up over us both. His free hand trailed up my body in firm, slow motions, it was driving me insane. Even more so, when he followed it up with tiny, soft kisses. The kisses tickled around my belly button in a soft, slow circle before bypassing my pyjama top and wandering along my collar bone. Then his hands were in my hair as he tilted my head from side to side. He kissed every inch of my neck, almost savouring it. Frustratingly, he then rolled me onto my side and pressed himself behind me in an embrace.
“I hope you feel warmer now,” his breath was hot on my shoulder as he dragged his lips over the area.
I could barely speak; I would’ve done anything he asked of me in that moment. It was apparent he was as turned on as I was, as he pressed against my back. I tried to move my arm to reach for him, but he held it in place, stopping me.
“It’s too soon, I don’t want you to rush and end up regretting it. I don’t want to be a regret,” he whispered straight into my ear, his lips brushed my skin and sent a shudder through me. “Thank you for trusting me to sleep here with you, goodnight beautiful.”
I pulled his hand up to my mouth, placing a soft kiss on it. I knew what he said made sense, but it didn’t stop me aching for more. “Goodnight Zack.” I whispered back. He snuggled even closer into me as I fell into the dreamiest sleep I could remember in a long time.
Three
My eyes flickered open, my brain shot to life… there was a man in my bed. A man in my b
ed! Zack was still asleep, facing towards me with his arm draped over my side. I lay there and took in the detail of him. His face looked strong and sexy. Such full, dark eyelashes, I was almost jealous. His lips were parted as he slept and I traced my finger over the dark stubble on his chin, concentrating on how spiky it felt, amazed at how it had grown while we slept. It was surreal having a man in my bed, but I was delighted about it. Zack’s hair was all messed up and I couldn’t help but run my fingers through it, starting at the shorter hair above his ear and up into the longer length on top. What would he be thinking about me if he had woken up first? Would he be examining me in a similar way?
That moment felt delicious, I wished I could take a picture, but that would be verging on creepy. I became aware that Zack was awake and watching me. I sucked on my lip, embarrassed at being caught checking him out like that.
The arm that was draped over me pulled me closer, holding me tighter. “I’m so glad that train didn’t arrive,” he smiled and looked into my eyes, for a moment we watched each other, the connection I felt there drove me insane. His eyes were the same shade of brown as mine, dark and chocolatey, the pupil hard to differentiate unless you were close up, like this. This was a nice place to be.
“Did I wake you up? I wasn’t being weird, promise,” I tried to explain. “You just looked, I don’t know… I wanted to see what you felt like.” A blush spread up my face as I hoped he understood what I meant.
“As far as being woken up goes, that’s never going to be an issue,” he ran a finger down the side of my face, as I’d done to him a few moments earlier. It brushed over my lips, before he wrapped it in my hair, a playful smile on his face. “I see what you mean. This is nice. How is your hair that soft?” he ran his fingers through the dark strands, watching them fall between the gaps.
Moments like this had been missing from my life for a long time. My breath came faster as I shuffled closer, running my fingers over that rough stubble again. Our bodies were now pressed against each other as I tentatively touched my lips to his, feeling him relax into me with a deep sigh. How had I forgotten that kissing was this good? I ran my hand inside the borrowed t-shirt, savouring the feel of his hot skin under my fingertips. I could’ve stayed there all day, just getting used to how he felt and looked, the effect he had on me every time he touched me - I longed for him to touch me.
The kiss was getting more demanding, my leg slid up around his thigh, willing him to keep doing this to me. He moaned at the movement, rewarding me with hands that skimmed the curve of my bottom, fingers inching inside my shorts, tempting me to keep going.
“Zack…” I whispered into his mouth. Yet he pulled back from me, that sensation of being momentarily lost hit me again, as the contact with him was broken.
“Sorry,” he whispered, as he sat up and edged over to the bathroom. “I need a minute.”
I smiled sheepishly as it occurred to me that for someone who asked to take things slow, I was really testing him. That had all felt so good. I buried myself back under the covers as I inhaled a deep breath from his pillow.
It was almost lunchtime by the time we found ourselves wandering back to the train station, showered, composed and full of coffee and croissants. Zack wrapped his arms around me as we stood on the platform, placing a kiss on the top of my head, which was at a perfect height now I was back in my Converse. “So, both first date and second date were incredible. How hard is it going to be for me to persuade you to say yes to date number three?”
“Yes,” I said. “It’s a definite yes. No hard work required.”
“Is it ridiculously soon to ask about tomorrow? Only it’s going to be tricky this week with work, and next weekend seems too far away,” he watched me cautiously, obviously worried about my answer, given how nervous I’d been. There seemed to be more behind his eyes though.
“Tomorrow sounds perfect,” I pressed a quick kiss to his lips as the train arrived. “Call me later, we can make arrangements.”
It was like I was floating on air as I strolled home, stopping at Starbucks along the way for more coffee. Cassie needed details, and a big thank you!
“So?” I opened the door a couple of hours later to see Cassie holding a bottle of wine with a giant grin on her face.
“Cassie, don’t let this go to your head, but I think you may have been right,” she squeezed past me with a smile, spotting the wine glasses already laid out on the table, in preparation for her visit.
“You messaged me about eleven to say you were safe and heading home and left all the detail out! Was there kissing in the end? Are you seeing him again?” she bombarded me with questions as she poured the wine. “Why didn’t you reply to me last night?”
“Seemed rude to text when I had a guest here,” I smirked, knowing she would be loving this.
She gawped at me. “What? You invited him back? I’m shocked! You didn’t even want coffee! Don’t get me wrong, it’s well overdue, I’m just surprised. Hope you were careful?!”
“It wasn’t quite like you’re imagining,” I began to explain. “The train was cancelled, and an Uber was really expensive. It made sense for him to stay. He left at lunchtime today.” I blushed at the memory of him being here.
“Oh my god! You should’ve told me last night though, not the safest thing to do. Luke would lose the plot if he knew. Zack slept on the couch then, did he?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Well, that was the plan, but it was cold, so he slept in the bed with me.” Cassie started bouncing up and down on the couch as she grinned from ear to ear with excitement. “Slept, Cassie. We went to sleep, there was no sex.”
“Was there other stuff?” She moved closer to me on the couch, I was trapped.
“Sort of,” I turned bright red. “And yes, you may have been right that I needed to meet someone. The whole night was lovely.”
She threw her arms around me, then filled our glasses up. “This is amazing. When are you seeing him again? I bet he looked good last night too?”
I passed her my phone, rolling my eyes, but actually loving this conversation. It was open on the selfie we’d taken together before we kissed. I’d been staring at that photo and smiling most of the afternoon.
“Aww! You two look so good together.” she pulled a soppy face.
“I still feel scared though, don’t get mad at me when I say this, I know you did last time I mentioned it,” I took a deep breath. “When Zack kisses me, it’s crazy intense, I have a sort of reaction to him touching me. I feel like he’s really going to know what he’s doing in bed; does that make sense?” Cassie nodded. “So, what if… what if I’m absolutely crap in bed? What if that’s why he felt the need to sleep with all those other girls? What if I get all engrossed with Zack and then he thinks I’m crap too and leaves?”
“Do not start this again! Him being unable to keep it in his pants had nothing to do with you being lacking in any way. Don’t let him affect another moment of your life. Judging by the smile on your face every time you mention Zack, and the fact he spent the night in your bed, I’m guessing there’s pretty good chemistry going on?”
“Amazing chemistry,” My lips pressed themselves together, hoping there was still a taste of him left behind. “I get goosebumps just thinking about it.”
“Then go with it. Don’t overthink it, and make sure to give me all the details when it happens,” Cassie winked. “When are you seeing him again?”
“Tomorrow. We were on the phone before you arrived. I’m going to go over late morning. There’s an artisan market on a Sunday. Weather forecast is gorgeous so we can wander round and eat and drink and talk and-” Cassie cut me off.
“You’re completely smitten. I can tell. I should’ve charged commission,” She hugged me again. “I just want you to have what I have with Guy. Imagine the double dates Lily!”
The train felt so different to last week. I didn’t seem to mind the grubby seats, the weird musty smell or the feral kids having an argument at the other end
of the carriage. The nerves this time were positive and excitable. I was looking forward to today so much I felt flustered. The image of Zack in my bed wouldn’t leave my mind.
Zack met me at the train station, swooping me into a hug with luscious kisses, and even though we were in public and I would expect to feel uncomfortable, I didn’t care. It felt good to be back with him. We chatted in his car like excited kids going on a school trip. In some ways it seemed like the last twenty-four hours had gone painstakingly slow, but in other ways it felt like he’d just left. Either way we seemed as glad as each other to be reunited.
He turned to me as he parked the car outside a modern block of flats. “Do you want to come in or shall we go straight out?” he asked. “It’s really basic compared to your place, so I don’t want you to think it’s awful.”
“I wouldn’t think that!” I tapped him on the arm with a playful swipe. “Maybe we should go straight out and then see if I feel ready to brave it.”
The market was a five-minute walk from Zack’s flat and I realised we were in a much more affluent area than I was used to; this was not a standard market. There were a multitude of fancy coffee stands, artisan bakeries, eye wateringly expensive cupcakes and it seemed like at least half the food was vegan; there was even vegan dog food. This wasn’t a market with old ladies carrying shopping bags and stalls of knock off goods, it was full of well-dressed people who looked like they belonged. I loved it!
We wandered around as if we had all the time in the world. Holding hands as we talked, the different smells from the stalls luring us to them together. Whenever we stopped to look at the wares, we would exchange touches and looks. The sunshine was out, and I still had that feeling of floating on air. We ended up with aromatic coffee, an antipasti platter with freshly baked sourdough bread and beautiful hand-baked Portuguese pastries.