by Nicola Lowe
“Hello,” I answered.
“Hey beautiful!” Zack’s cheery voice sang down the line to me. “I survived. I’m on the train heading home and I needed to hear your voice.”
“I’m relieved to hear you survived.”
“You ok? You sound quiet.” Zack asked with concern.
“Think Friday was the start of a bug, I feel rotten, stayed off work today.” I closed my eyes as I lied to him.
“Do you want me to come over? Do you need anything?” He sounded so concerned. You Lily Forshaw, are a horrible person!
“No, it’s almost gone. I just need a big sleep, wouldn’t want to make you ill too.”
“OK, but shout if you change your mind. I wanted to talk to you about Friday, I guess when you invited me you weren’t expecting Luke to be back? I know I mentioned feeling jealous but, things seemed weird. He seemed almost possessive about you?”
“Luke?” I tried to sound nonchalant as my heart fluttered ten to the dozen, “No, he’s a bit over-protective, wants to make sure you aren’t messing me around I guess.”
“I feel like maybe for him its more,” Zack sighed. “Listen, I wanted to say, if there’s anything there, then please tell me now. I think the two of us together are amazing, and I loved our talk on Saturday morning. I feel like we’re on the cusp of something special. If there’s an issue, now would be the time to say.”
“No issue,” I replied, my eyes still squeezed shut. “He’s used to being my safety net, I will ask him to tone it down a little. I think me and you are amazing too.”
“Thank you,” I could hear relief and happiness in his voice. “Listen, I’m beyond exhausted, think I’ll pass out as soon as I’m home. Can I let you know there were no strippers? I thought about you the entire time. I have a couple of days off work, be good to see you if you’re up for that?”
“Sounds like a plan,” I replied. “You enjoy sleeping it off, speak tomorrow.” I opened my eyes after ending the call. How could I tell him about yesterday? There was no way.
The closer it got to four o’clock, the more my heart sank. I never thought the prospect of seeing Luke would bring me misery like this. As I heard a gentle knock on the door, I bit my lip with nerves.
“Hi…” Luke looked as bad as I felt, obviously tired, obviously worried.
“Come in,” I headed over to the dining table where I’d already made coffee.
We sat there for what felt like an eternity, not speaking. In reality it was about thirty seconds.
“So, you asked me to come up?” Luke asked with a nervous tremor in his voice.
“Yep, and now you’re here I don’t know what to say. I haven’t slept a wink, just gone over and over everything in my head.” He nodded in agreement at my words. “I know you weren’t taking advantage of me or our friendship, I should never have said that, I’m sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell you. I completely screwed this up. Most important person in my life and I screwed it up by being too scared to tell you.”
“Luke…” I held his hand over the table as my voice broke and tears fell down my cheeks. “If you’d come to me a year ago, six months ago, even six weeks ago… I would’ve been shocked, it would’ve taken a while to digest. But… I would’ve kissed you, I would’ve wanted to give it a go.” He swallowed loudly. “But now, I’m in a different situation. I’ve already had to tell Zack white lies about this and I don’t want to be that person Luke. Lying, kissing other people, I can’t do that, I can’t be that.” I was crying so hard now I don’t even know if he could make out every word. “I don’t want to lose you as my friend, but we can’t be more Luke, I’m so sorry, I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t give you what you want.”
He pulled his hand away from mine and stood up, his coffee untouched. “Thank you for being honest. I don’t want to lose your friendship either but, I just… I need time.”
I watched him walk to the door through blurry eyes, pausing as he reached for the handle. I ran across the room, wrapped my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and backed out of the door, closing it behind him. My forehead pressed against the cold wood; I cried my heart out. Partially at losing my friend. Partially at thinking what could’ve been.
Grabbing my phone without thinking, I pressed on Cassie’s name.
“Hey you, did you get to that appointment to get your pill sorted? Think we know it’s about to get real with Zack.” She sang down the phone, bonkers as always, completely unaware of the heartbreak occurring.
“I did, I went last week, but that’s not why I’m ringing.” There was no hiding the tremor in my voice. “Did you know about Luke?”
“What?” I heard her stop whatever she was doing. “What do you mean? What’s wrong with Luke?”
“I need you to make sure he’s OK. He… I’ve upset him. I think I’ve lost him Cassie.” My breath shuddered. “I didn’t know he loved me, I didn’t know Cassie and now he’s so hurt.”
“He loves you?! What the actual…” Her voice was tense. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. You know that sort of makes sense though now you’ve said it. Why didn’t he say sooner? Oh god and now you have Zack and… Fuuuuuuuck! What happened?”
“It’s a bit of a blur, I told him that I was with Zack and I was sorry… I don’t know Cassie I was so shocked. He was crying, I was crying, it was horrid. He’ll hate me. How did I not see this?”
“Guy will be home in half an hour. Do you want me to come round?” Cassie asked.
“No,” I replied. “I’ll be OK, can you go see Luke? I’m scared that we can’t be friends now after this. He was so upset Cassie.”
“I’ll go see him. Are you sure you’re alright on your own?” she asked.
“I’ll be fine, I need to digest this. That’s all.” I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince Cassie or myself as I ended the call.
The next couple of weeks felt so awkward, I tried to keep away from Luke and give him space. Cassie said he was OK, but it didn’t seem that way. It felt as though I was paying a price for having found happiness with Zack, the price being losing Luke. There also wasn’t much opportunity to see Zack between family commitments of mine, and pre wedding plans he’d already made with friends, which was frustrating. The time alone just left space for more doubt to enter my mind.
Eventually though, the wedding weekend arrived. Zack was heading to the castle on Friday afternoon to spend time with the groom on his last night as a single man. I was catching the earliest train and meeting him there on Saturday morning. I needed this weekend to work, I needed to prove that I’d made the right choice, because really, I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
Eight
As the taxi approached the castle, my mouth dropped open in awe. The grand building was surrounded by magnificent gardens and there was a hubbub of activity as staff whirled around, busy with preparations. I headed into the traditional, luxurious reception and picked up the key to room two hundred and six, which Zack had left for me.
“Hello,” I spoke quietly as I opened the door, paranoid that I either had the wrong room or was disturbing him. Zack’s happy face popped out from the bathroom.
“Hey, let me help you,” said Zack, eyeing the bulky suitcase and bag behind me. “You know this is one night yeah?”
“Some of us need more than a suit thank you.” I raised an eyebrow at him and smiled as he carried the bags through to the main part of the room. I followed him, taking in how gorgeous the surroundings were. Then I was pulled into a deep and sultry kiss. His fingers hooked into the waistband of my jeans and held me against him in a firm grip. My fingers tangled into his hair as he bit my bottom lip, in that way I had come to adore over the past few weeks.
“I missed you, feels like ages since I saw you properly,” he said.
“I know, it’s been too long,” I sucked at my lip where the tingles from his bite were still calming down. “This place is incredible.” My eyes travelled around t
he room again. On the far wall was a huge window which let sunlight flood in as it looked out over the gardens and lake. It was opposite the most amazing four poster bed I had ever laid my eyes on, dark wood polished and gleaming, gorgeous cushions and throws arranged like a work of art. The butterflies returned as I thought of being in that bed with Zack tonight. He must’ve read my mind and squeezed my hand in reassurance.
“If you think that’s nice, wait until you see the bath,” he winked at me.
“Well, I do need to go and get ready, so maybe I’ll check it out,” I stretched up onto my tiptoes and kissed him, loving the reaction it caused. “Won’t be long.”
I closed my eyes for a second as I locked the bathroom door. So far, so good. There was incredible tension between us, it was hot and fiery, and I was ready to implode. I took deep breaths and tried to think rationally. It had been six weeks now since our first date, both physically and emotionally things had been going further and further with us each time we met. Now we were in a castle, with a giant bed, at the most romantic wedding I could’ve imagined. Tonight was going to be the night - I didn’t know if I was more scared or excited.
Cassie had helped me find an amazing dress. It was a rich, deep red, the silky material skimmed my knees. Looking in the mirror, I admired the way it wrapped around at the front to create a beautiful, tight waistline which fed into an elegant bow at the back over the base of my spine. Apart from a thin strap across the top of my shoulder blades the back was cut out, my bare skin exposed. The Talbot Runhof had cost a small fortune but was so worth it.
I opened Cassie’s shoe box which I’d guarded with my life, she had let me borrow her gorgeous lucky shoes from my first date again. I noticed a velvet bag which shouldn’t be there. I picked it up tentatively and spotted a handwritten note.
Lily,
I know Zack is a good guy, but even the good ones are arseholes sometimes, so use the condoms! The other bits are just for fun! Dirty Deets when you get home please!
Love Cassie xxx
I was mortified. Underneath the letter I found six condoms, fancy lube and a can of body spray by Tom Ford called ‘Fucking Fabulous’. As frustrating as Cassie was, it did smell good. I sprayed it over myself before hiding the bag again.
Make up – check. Hair – check. Dress – check. Ready for this? Debatable.
“Are you almost done? I’m going to drink the champagne all by myself otherwise.” Zack called from outside the door.
“Don’t you dare! One minute, pour me a glass please.” I gave myself a final once over before I stepped back out into the main area of the room. My stomach felt fizzy enough without champagne. “Ta-da,” I smiled and did a slow twirl.
“Oh my god, Lily.” Zack couldn’t take his eyes off me, I grinned as I twirled, revelling in the attention. “You look incredible, like beyond belief… I don’t think I can let you leave this room.” His fingers were ice cold from opening the champagne as he pressed them to the bare skin on my back, making me gasp. I took his glass with a smile, sipping the bubbles as I looked him up and down. He wore a dark grey, three-piece suit which had a subtle check to it. His hair was styled exactly the way I liked it, practically begging me to run my fingers through it.
“You look pretty good yourself,” I smiled coyly. “Think I’ll have to keep an eye out in case any bridesmaids try to steal you away.” Now I had the heels on again our eyes were level. I placed two kisses along his neck, careful not to mark his shirt with my red lips.
“As if I could have eyes for anyone else. I feel like I’m obsessed with you Lily Forshaw, I can’t keep my mind off you.”
A cold, nervy shiver moved down me as I took a deep breath, the soft fabric of Zack’s shirt tickled at my nose. He didn’t mean it like that, he isn’t like that.
Zack hugged me to him, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think. I didn’t mean to say it that way.”
“I’m fine don’t worry. Does it make it better if I admit to being a bit obsessed with you too?” I smiled and stroked the soft skin on the inside of his wrist, loving the feeling of his hand on my waist. I was determined to not lose another moment of my life to the past.
“Let’s take a picture.” He led me towards the window. We took selfies in our finest clothes, drinking champagne in a castle, as if this was an everyday occurrence. I looked at the last one, I was smiling so happily at the camera, with the gorgeous garden and sunlight behind me. I thought Zack had been focused on the camera too, but his eyes were only on me as his lips grazed my cheek. It was so beautiful.
“Do you mind if I post some of these online today?” Zack asked.
“Go ahead,” I nodded in agreement, noticing him tag me. Just for a moment I felt a pain in my stomach as I realised Luke would therefore see it. I had made my decision though, why shouldn’t we be able to post cute pictures online? Why not?
The bride and groom, Becca and Lewis, looked over the moon with happiness. The ceremony was beautiful to see, with Zack holding my hand, his thumb stroking over my skin. For the wedding breakfast we were seated on a large, round table, decorated with beautiful, bright summer flowers and tall, elegant candles. You could tell straight away it was going to be the rowdy table as Zack led me over.
“Lily,” he gestured to the table. “I’ve asked them all to behave. This is the bunch who dragged me through Uni and four years of hangovers. Although thinking about it, they caused most of them. It’s a wonder any of us got degrees. This is Samira, Maddy, Tom and George, plus their respective girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses – it will all become clear, Ben, Emily, Chris and Jay. Everyone, this is Lily.”
I sat down, immediately feeling welcomed and instantly getting names muddled up! “I’m Samira. It’s so good to meet you. We thought he was making you up.” Her laugh was loud and genuine as she stuck her tongue out at Zack.
A man opposite me with long blonde hair in an impressive man bun that I had envious feelings about, joined in. “Yep, when he mentioned you for the millionth time, we definitely thought he was making it up. I’m George.” He held his hand up in a short wave and smiled.
“OK, you don’t have to humiliate me.” Zack held his hands up, but he couldn’t hide the slight blush to his face, adorable! He turned and looked at me as he replied to George. “Nobody could keep quiet about a girl like this.”
“Can’t believe you bumped Adam as your plus one though.” Laughed a sporty looking, tanned man, who I assumed was Tom. “I wanted to ask him about those new levels.”
With the ice broken and the champagne flowing, the whole meal was an absolute hoot. I learned about all of Zack’s friends and each of them told me a different embarrassing story about him. From waking up on a bus two towns away after a night out, to failing miserably at joining in rugby with Tom. The five friends at the table, plus the groom, Lewis, had lived together throughout Uni and all studied Law. They were friends for life. Their partners all seemed used to the camaraderie and it was warming to be included. Many more pictures were taken, online friend requests sent, as they made me feel as if I’d always been with them. Zack had gone to the bathroom when Maddy took his chair and sat close to me. She was stunning with long blonde hair and intense, green eyes.
“I just wanted to say, we’re so glad you’re here. I know we took the mickey out of him, but he hasn’t stopped talking about you. Not seen him like this before,” she smiled, her eyes tipsy and unfocused. “He deserves to be happy, he’s one of the best. Look after him.” She gave me a clumsy hug and hiccupped, moving back to her seat as Zack returned.
As we listened to the hilarious and heart-warming speeches, Zack slipped a hand under the table and ran his finger up and down my upper leg causing such a delicious sensation. I fanned myself as I smiled, my mind conjuring images of what the rest of him could do, if one finger was distracting me like this.
The whole day flowed perfectly. We spent time with so many people and I felt like Zack’s friends were my friends too. The evening was hilarious, with a live band and
so much dancing I was sure my feet would never recover, they were burning from the beautiful shoes, but I was having too much fun to stop.
We’d all been drinking for hours now; a warm and relaxed sensation filled my mind. With perfect timing the band moved onto slow songs. Zack transitioned instantly, his arms slipped around my waist and pulled me close as we danced together. I leaned my head against his and sighed as I felt him kiss my forehead, his breath tickled at my ear.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he said, as his hand stroked the bare skin of my back, holding me close to him. Just another reason to love this dress.
“Is everything OK?” I wondered what this might be.
“Everything’s perfect, maybe that’s why this is worrying me. I can’t believe it’s only six weeks since we met, I feel like I’ve known you forever.” He brushed his lips against my ear before continuing. “I normally wouldn’t worry about saying this but if I scared you away, I couldn’t ever forgive myself.”
I moved my hand up and stroked his neck. “You aren’t scaring me away, the opposite in fact, you’re drawing me in. You have been since day one. Trust me, nobody is more surprised than me.”
He took a deep breath and his hand slid inside the back of my dress, his fingers gentle on my skin. “I love you, Lily,” His words gave me goosebumps as they travelled through me. “I love you so much, it’s driving me crazy.”
I turned his face towards me. “I love you too, Zack. I love you.” I leaned against his chest and closed my eyes as the dance continued. I was exactly where I should be, and I didn’t want anything to change.
As the night drew to a close, full of drunken goodbyes, we headed upstairs to that magnificent bedroom. All of a sudden, I felt cold stone sober and nervous as hell. Zack held the key card up to the door but paused a moment as the sensor flashed green.
“I wanted you to know, there’s no pressure tonight, I don’t mind waiting for you.” He kissed my hand, always the gentleman.