by Nicola Lowe
I dived on him in a deep and fiery kiss as we tumbled through the door together, the kisses growing more urgent as we moved towards the bed. The curtains were wide open and the whole room was now illuminated by moonlight, giving it a soft glow.
“I don’t want to wait one more minute Zack.” My fingers stroked rough patterns through that gorgeous hair. Zack was kissing me with such need, I wanted more. His hand slid firmly up my back as the other stroked the back of my thigh, rubbing across the lace of my underwear, it sent shivers through me. This carried on for a couple of minutes and delicious as it was, I couldn’t help but wonder what the next move was going to be, when Zack laughed, full of nerves.
“We aren’t doing just hands again, are we?” I teased.
“I don’t want to look like a complete amateur, but I’m so sorry, I need help. How the hell does this dress come off?” I rested my forehead against his, our eyes locked together, our mouths millimetres apart.
I reached around and undid the strap across the top of my shoulder, then took hold of his hand and moved it to the base of my spine, where the bow was. “Zachary. Feel underneath the bow, there’s a clasp.” My lips grazed against his as I spoke, I sensed a subtle shift in his breath. “Now, feel at the side here, there’s a zip.” He pulled it down, his eyes never left mine for a second. My heart thumped faster and faster, followed by a swish of silk as the dress fell to the floor. I was standing there with him, in nothing but black lace underwear, which I really hoped he liked. I don’t think he paid much attention however as they dropped to the floor with everything else. His lips were on me again in an instant as I undressed him.
He pulled me close, so our chests were squashed together and stroked the side of my face. “I really do love you.” I tried to respond but his mouth covered mine once again as his hands slid under me and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his hips and kissed him back with every ounce of wanting in me.
“Tonight is so special, I so want to be with you.” He bit my bottom lip again. “Inside you.” One finger moved inside me and I gasped for breath again. “Completely a part of you.”
I don’t know how he did this to me with his hand and whispered words of desire but within minutes my head was pressed into his shoulder as he made me lose all control. He moved on top of me, I smiled as he rubbed our noses against each other in the sweetest eskimo kiss. “Definitely sure Lily?” he asked one last time.
I nodded, desperate to feel more of him, as he reached under the pillow and grabbed a condom. “The things they leave for you in hotels these days,” he smiled as he put it on and then …
His eyes were so intense, they took in every reaction as he pushed slowly into me. Nothing had ever felt like this before, I was overwhelmed but also desperate for more. My legs clamped around him, not ever wanting to lose this feeling between us – my body smouldered and my mind burned with love for him, the fiery combination explosive.
He began with such tenderness, kisses and strokes making me feel like the most loved person in the world. Every nerve ending inside me lit up. All caution was soon cast aside, it was as though the world outside of this bed had ceased to exist. Completely lost in each other, he moved faster and deeper, mouths locked together, hands pulled at hot, damp skin, my legs tightened around him, urging him on and on.
The pressure built and grew within me to limits I didn’t know I had, as my whole body tightened around him. I took desperate breaths of his scent into me, wanting to never forget it. I don’t know if the words that came out of my mouth even made sense as I gasped his name, begged him not to stop, told him how he was everything to me. I was barely recovering as he matched me, moaning into my mouth, his hips pushing me down into the bed with fierce force.
Zack’s head dropped to the pillow next to mine as our rapid breaths began to slow, our warm skin stuck together. He smiled as he spoke to me. “Are you alright?”
“So good,” I grinned. “Please say we can do that again?”
“I plan to keep doing that to you, over and over.” He pressed a sweet kiss to my lips.
“Worth waiting for then?” I asked, hoping it had felt as good for him, as it had for me.
“God yes. Glad we waited. Imagine if it had been after that first proper date? Wouldn’t have been anything like that. I knew from that first night I would fall in love with you,” he admitted, his face bashful. “I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to stop myself. I wanted you to feel it too.”
“I do feel it. It hit me pretty quick, I was just scared of it. But you have this … magic power over me. You make everything feel safe and right.” I sighed with happiness. “I love you so much, it feels good to say.”
“Give me two minutes.” He ran his finger down my cheek, taking in all the detail of my face before he headed to the bathroom. Returning, with water splashed through his hair, he climbed beside me and wrapped me in his arms, kissing me over and over. “I love you so much, Lily. Get some sleep, I can’t promise I’ll be able to control myself in the morning.”
My eyes fluttered closed. I grinned like the cat who got the cream as I fell into a beautiful dream.
Nine
I had to drag myself downstairs to work on Monday morning. There were so much better things to be doing, and we’d done them quite a few times over the rest of the weekend.
Zack wasn’t due back at work today so had driven me home and spent the night with me. It felt surreal to be at my desk, knowing he was upstairs. I’d barely looked at my phone all weekend, so fired off messages to Cassie promising all the details soon, and to my mum and dad letting them know I’d had a great time. My mum replied within a minute, hinting that she couldn’t wait to meet Zack after seeing all the photographs of us.
I wasn’t ready for any meet the parents’ scenario, but I was intrigued about the photographs my mum had mentioned. I knew Zack had tagged me in that one beautiful selfie, but it seemed that now I had ‘friended’ all his friends, I was tagged in a lot! Zack and I holding hands as the bride walked up the aisle, Zack and I looking into each other’s eyes at the wedding breakfast, drinking champagne together on a love seat, him spinning me round the dance floor and our faces full of laughter, slow dancing and his mouth whispering to me, looking hungover together the next morning with all his friends before everyone left.
I heard a cough and put my phone down. Luke stood over my desk, his eyes on my phone screen.
“Hi, morning, how are you?” It all came out too fast as I stood up. “Did you need me to get you something? I don’t think I have your files here sorry.” Could he tell I’d been shagging all weekend by looking at my face?
He glanced at me; his eyes cold. My heart sank. I knew why he behaved this way, it was self-protection. It tore me apart that my best friend was falling away from me and there seemed to be nothing I could do.
“I wanted to make sure you’re OK, I heard footsteps upstairs just now,” he said quietly.
“Ahh yeah,” I replied. “Zack is up there.” I saw Luke’s face drop as he put two and two together. I wanted to cry at the unfairness of the situation. How had I gone from four years of no love interest at all, to this feeling? He looked at me, his eyes regretful as he turned to leave. “Luke-”
He cut me off with a sharp tongue. “Lily, please don’t.” I sighed as he closed his office door.
The morning at work was the longest, my emotions swung between ecstatic, exhausted and charged. I was drained. I’d asked Zack to meet me downstairs at twelve o’clock so we could grab lunch before he left. If I went upstairs, we were bound to end up back in bed. My thighs were so sore, but the ache in them every time I moved made me smile with the memory, and pledge to get to yoga more often!
We went to a quiet café, as we ordered large coffee’s I knew I had to explain to him what had happened with Luke. He’d wonder why I didn’t see my best friend anymore.
“That was the best weekend I could’ve imagined,” I smiled at Zack as we held hands across the table, our legs l
inked underneath. “I wouldn’t want our relationship to have secrets though. I’m going to tell you something and I don’t want you to worry. I handled it and it doesn’t affect you and me. This is what I want.” I watched him as concern flicked across his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” He squeezed my hand tight.
I gulped before I began. “Luke has been my friend for a long time, and I’ve never thought of him as anything more than a friend or a big brother figure. I know you had your doubts,” I continued. “He came to me, not long ago, to tell me he was in love with me and had been for a long time. He regretted not telling me sooner.” I squeezed Zack’s hand again, wanting to reassure him all was OK before I got to the end of the story. “I got really, really angry at him, we had a massive fight. He stormed out. I felt like he took advantage of our friendship and put me in a horrible position, knowing I’d met you and it was going so well.”
“Lily-”
I shook my head at him. “It’s all fine, promise. Let me finish.” I reassured him as best I could. “He stormed out and I was so upset, you were on the stag do so I couldn’t burden you with it. Then I didn’t know when was best to bring it up. I met him the next day and told him it was you I wanted to be with Zack. We’ve hardly spoken since, it’s tricky at work but it’s manageable. I don’t think our friendship can be the same again and that hurts me, but he knows it’s you I want to be with.”
Zack looked a little shaken, I moved to the seat next to him. “I only want you,” I kissed him. “Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad at you. It’s not your fault. I did feel there was something weird that night we went out. I was crazy jealous about the way he was with you, making it obvious he knew you so well and bringing up all your happy memories,” he blew out a long breath. “Are you one hundred per cent sure that this is what you want?”
“One hundred per cent, Zack.”
“I can’t say it’s my perfect scenario that you work with him five days a week, but I trust you, I love you. Promise me you will tell me if anything else happens, or if he starts being weird or bothering you?”
“I promise, I love you Zack.” I meant it wholeheartedly.
From there we fell into a serious relationship. Spring turned into a beautiful summer of long days and warm nights. Zack and I were together every weekend and I ended up changing my working hours, so I had Wednesdays off, because frankly the week felt too long without each other. One of those nights, Zack had urgent work to finish and was on his laptop in bed, I lay next to him, my head rested against his side as I read my book. We were both so quiet, doing separate things yet completely together. It made my heart bloom that we felt this good.
We spent time with friends, we met each other’s families and I found myself with four amazing new friends in his sisters. It was like a honeymoon period; we still couldn’t keep our hands off each other. It felt like I’d been having sex all wrong in the past, because it had never been anything like this. My mind was blown. Cassie and Luke continued to be close, and I know it made it difficult for her that our friendships had segregated, but we rarely spoke of it. I don’t think any of us could see a solution. Life had just changed.
My mind was about to get even more confused. At the staff meeting one Friday, Luke announced that he had arranged with the partners to take a twelve-month career break to go backpacking around the world. Everyone was so excited for him, telling him about Thailand, Malaysia and a multitude of places to visit. The excitement was a blessing for me, it allowed me to stay in the background. Luke’s eyes met mine as Petra told him a horror story about her neighbours’ nephew in a youth hostel, I tried to smile but I wanted to cry. I knew he loved to travel, but he also loved his career. Was he only going to get away from me? Or did I think too much of myself?
As I locked up the office that night, I heard Luke finishing his phone call to a client. I knocked on his door, opened it cautiously and saw his expectant face glance up at me.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” Luke replied.
Silence ticked by.
“Did you need me?” he asked.
“I wanted to say, the travelling sounds amazing, I bet you’ll have the time of your life.” I bit the inside of my lip hard, wanting to distract myself from the tears that threatened to appear.
He shrugged, his eyes barely met mine. “Seemed like a good time to go explore what the world has for me. Anyway, I need to go, sorry.”
He stood and brushed past me to get out the door. No amount of lip biting was going to stop the onslaught of tears now.
“You don’t have to hate me Luke, I can’t bear you hating me.” I sobbed, taking giant, ugly gulps of air.
Luke sighed and tilted his head back, before placing his hand on my shoulder. “I could never hate you. I just can’t do this. I see how happy you are with Zack, and I’m glad it’s working for you, but I don’t want a ringside seat, it’s destroying me. I’d love to think we can be friends again one day, but that won’t happen when I do this every day.” He gestured at me in his office. “I could never hate you, if you had any idea the depth of love I have for you, you wouldn’t even think that.”
“I miss you so much Luke. Can we go for a drink one night? Try to be friends again? That can’t all be gone surely?”
So many emotions flashed through his eyes as he looked at me, I wanted to reach out and help him through this, but I couldn’t. He’d changed from being the ultimate happy-go-lucky guy, to just carrying a sadness with him. “Maybe next week, I’ll think about it over the weekend, Lily. Have a good one.”
He walked away as I tried to pull myself together. I was selfish, what right did I have to be crying when he was the one so hurt, so rejected? I hated myself in that instant.
Upstairs, I climbed into the hottest shower I could handle, trying to singe the tears, tension and distaste at myself away. I jumped into jeans and a long black sheer top, before I heard an enthusiastic knocking on the door.
I loved opening the door to Zack on a Friday evening, it was like letting a bundle of energy, enthusiasm and love into my home for the weekend. He wrapped his arms around me and planted kisses all over my face, making me laugh. “It’s been so long since Wednesday,” he complained dramatically, running my damp hair between his fingers. I sighed and rolled my eyes as I noticed the shopping bag full of wine and treats for a weekend of romantic hibernation indoors. For once, we had no plans this weekend, the two of us alone sounded like heaven.
Zack grabbed me and pushed me toward the large corner section of the couch. “I mean it,” he whispered to me. “Wednesday was so, so long ago. I have withdrawal.” He was on top of me, kissing me in ways that made my head spin. His hands tickled my stomach as he unbuttoned my jeans, tugging them down as I reached for him to do the same. His strong hands pulled me up by my wrists, kisses trailing down my side as he stopped and bit at the fleshy part of my hip just a tiny bit harder than normal, leaving a beautiful tinge of pain. “I missed you so much,” he whispered, as he needily pushed my legs apart.
I closed my eyes and let out a deep, long breath, I knew where this was going. Did I mention that I loved Fridays?!
We lay on the couch together afterwards, warm and naked. “Just imagine,” Zack pulled a warm throw over us both. “If you hadn’t said yes to that coffee. We could’ve missed all of this.” He kissed the top of my head.
Instantly, images flew through my mind of what life would be like if I hadn’t said yes to the coffee. In the blink of an eye, I imagined Luke coming back from Uganda and confessing his love to me. I imagined us becoming a couple. I imagined what had just happened on this couch but looking down and seeing Luke’s blonde hair between my legs. I imagined his bright, blue eyes looking into my own as he moved up my body to kiss me. I wondered what his skin would smell like, feel like. I bet he tastes amazing…
I sprang back to reality as Zack clicked his fingers. “Hello…sleepy head?” He laughed. “You still with me?”
I blushed
and shook my head to clear the images. “Sorry! Long week.” I smiled as I stood up. “Do you mind if I go sort my hair out? Then we can get food?”
“Sure.” He stretched and yawned happily. “You look gorgeous as it is, but I know you think its frizzy.”
I headed into the bedroom, my discarded clothes under my arm. How realistic had that image of Luke between my legs been? Where the hell had that come from? It was like my mind was betraying me. Luke was leaving, I’d made my decision, I needed to stop this. Zack was incredible, I shouldn’t even think of anyone else.
Zack had placed oversized glasses full of deep red wine on the table, alongside cheese, crackers and olives. I joined him, my blow-dried hair still warm on my shoulders. I felt ravenous, and so glad he was here with me.
“You’re perfect,” I said as I kissed him. “Thank you. I actually have some news for you, there was an announcement at work today. They are letting Luke take a career break.” I always felt guilty even saying his name in front of Zack, I had seen how he glanced at Luke’s picture in the heart frame every time he came round. “He’s going backpacking for a year. Feels weird, but I guess it’ll make work a little less tense?” I popped an olive in my mouth, hoping Zack would speak.
He didn’t. “So, I know James wants to retire, I guess he’ll wait twelve months and then they’ll make Luke a partner.” I shrugged and tried to look nonchalant.
Zack rolled his head from side to side. “I know you miss him being your friend, but I’ll be glad that you aren’t with him every day at work. It’s not good for you.” He sighed and took a long drink.
“I have said you don’t need to be jealous. He barely speaks to me now.” I didn’t need to be told what was good for me.
“I didn’t say I was jealous.” He looked out of the window and continued to drink.
“Can we not ruin the weekend? He’s leaving, you have nothing to worry about.” Maybe I shouldn’t have even mentioned it. I stood behind Zack and stroked his hair, moving down to rub his tense shoulders. “I love you Zachary, we have hours and hours and hours alone together now. I’m all yours.”