The Keaton Series Boxed Set

by B. A. Wolfe

  Nurses were moving around the room but I just stood there and stared. There comes a point in life when you just can’t hang on anymore, and mine had come. I had no choice but to let go, forever.

  Dragging my gaze from my body on the bed, I glanced down at myself: my favorite boots, my large belt buckle, and the button-up shirt I had worn the day I met Cassie. I was whole, and I didn’t hurt anymore. My body was now free from the pain, the agony, the lock and chain holding it prisoner. But the same couldn’t be said for my blonde-haired sweetheart who had tears streaking down her cheeks, shaking as she inched toward my bed with a broken expression.

  My world may have crashed down on me, taking away everything with it. But hers had just shattered and there wasn’t a single thing I could do about it.

  “Jase, wake up! Please, wake up. Please!”

  I’m right here, Cassie.

  I dropped to my knees, watching the sight below me, knowing that every bit of me was gone from that body, but I was still here. Still watching.

  I touched my cheek, as she palmed my lifeless face. It was as if I could feel her warmth radiating from within. I can feel you, sweetheart.

  “You weren’t supposed to leave this way. Not like this. What am I going to do without you?” Her voice was broken, her shoulders heaved as she fought to talk . . . to breathe.

  I wish I could make my heart beat again for you, Cassie. I’m so sorry.

  I wished more than anything our ending was different. She coiled her body around mine and I hugged my chest, as though I was pulling her in for one last embrace.

  “I can’t say goodbye,” she sobbed. “I can’t do it.”

  Please, don’t. This isn’t goodbye, Cassie. I walked toward her. I’m here with you. Every step you take, I will take with you. Every time you dance in the street, I’ll be dancing with you, and every time you cry, I’ll be holding you, kissing away your tears.

  I clutched my chest as she pressed her lips down to my colorless ones, the warmth of her mouth spreading over mine. I was going to miss that, but truth was, I would remember it forever. The most painful smile curved my lips as I realized it was not about the happy ending anymore. While I didn’t get my happily ever after, I did get the memories and they were more than I could’ve ever asked for. That wonderful woman gave me everything I needed. I just hoped she knew it.

  Cassandra was my first and last love. She was everything to me. I would cry for the new memories we wouldn’t get to make, but I’d smile through the tears for all the moments that would stay locked in my heart for all of eternity. She was the real deal and I’d never stop loving her, not even death could take that away.

  She held my face in her hands, her heartache dripping onto my still chest. I inched closer and took her in one last time, as she whispered down to me, “I love you so much. I’m your sweetheart forever.”

  Green light, Cassie. Forever. Pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek, I walked away, slowly letting go.

  Epilogue

  “Green light, sweetheart.” ~ Jase

  SOMETHING WASN’T RIGHT as I headed back to the living room. I stopped in front of the couch, handed Moose the bowl of popcorn, and glanced down at my leg. It was wet. “Uh oh,” I mumbled.

  “What’s going on, Cass?” His brows pinched together. “Did you just pee your pants?”

  Before I could say another word, there was a loud whooshing, as water gushed through my pants and down my leg. “M-my,” I paused, my heart about to jump out of my chest, “my water just broke.” With wide eyes I glanced up, locking gazes with Moose and then Mel.

  “Your water just broke?” Mel set down her glass of iced tea, eyebrows arched high as she waited for my response.

  Unable to speak, I nodded. My voicebox seemed to be on the floor with my water. The apartment suddenly spinning, I reached out, setting a shaky hand on Moose’s arm, bracing myself.

  Mel’s face lit up as she clasped her hands together, practically bouncing in her spot. “Oh my God! Your water broke, sweets!”

  Moose’s warm hand blanketed mine. “Oh man, it’s really happening.” He sounded as nervous as I felt.

  I blinked, my heart racing, my body tingling with nerves. “It is.”

  “We need to leave.” Mel’s overexcited tone didn’t go unnoticed, but I didn’t have an excited bone in my body. Simply put, I wasn’t ready. I shook my head, fighting the tears ready to unleash.

  I had the book, I went to the hospital along with Mel and Moose to practice what would come, but nothing, and I mean nothing, prepared me for the pure panic that had taken over.

  “I can’t believe it’s really time. Hurry, guys!” Mel reached out for my hand. “And I really wish you’d have found out the sex of the baby so we can stop calling it an it and a this,” she added.

  I swallowed hard, trying not to cry. “You know why. So don’t go there, not today.” Jase and I were supposed to find out the sex of the baby together. I didn’t have the heart to do it without him.

  She did a quick nod, regret covering her face. “We really have to go.”

  Moose palmed my back as I padded to the door, both of them behind me. “You can do this, Cass, we’re here for you,” he whispered and I bit back a cry.

  Could I though?

  “We’re not leaving your side.” Mel wore a warm smile, as she clutched onto my overnight bag, ushering me out of the apartment.

  “Thank you,” I mumbled quickly before tears drowned my words.

  Each step further down the stairs was another step closer to the unknown. Toward a future that had me scared out of my mind.

  Mindless chatter surrounded me. Mel and Moose talked about how excited they were and who would get to hold the baby first, how they couldn’t wait to see him or her.

  They seemed so sure, but they also weren’t the ones that just went through the heartbreak that I did. They weren’t alone in this. No parents, no father . . . no Jase.

  I had my friends by my side. But they weren’t the person I so desperately wanted back. The one person whose hand I wished was resting on my back and whose words of encouragement I needed whispered in my ear.

  God, I missed him so much. He was the one that made me feel like I could be a mom and raise a baby. He made it seem possible. And I didn’t have him here to reassure me that I wasn’t alone, that this was still the right thing to do. That I was going to be okay.

  Before I got in the passenger seat of Mel’s car, I glanced up at the orange and pink sky. The world was still slightly bright, yet some how it felt utterly dark.

  Jase, why can’t you be here with me? Life isn’t the same without you. I don’t think it ever will be.

  ***

  “Here comes another one, Cass.” Mel reached for me but I didn’t want her hand. I wanted to curl into a ball, the feeling of my insides tightening, squeezing, and cramping had me clutching the bed rail as I rolled to my right side, bending in half as best I could.

  “You have to breathe through the pain, in and out like they taught you.” Mel demonstrated the lamaze she so eagerly learned with me a few months ago.

  “I’m trying!” I shouted, trying to inhale and exhale, and just get through the contraction. It was as though my worst menstrual cramps were on steroids. We’d been here for seven hours and each hour the pain only intensified, my contractions now only eight minutes apart.

  “I’m just helping.”

  “I know!” I yelled, unable to stop myself before it came out. She was the best friend a girl could ask for, but my mind and body weren’t on the same page. “Where’s Moose?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

  “It’s almost done, Cass.” Mel had been glancing at the monitor showing my contractions, helping me through them as best she could. I finally released the bed rail and took her hand, crushing it in mine as the pain began to ease. “You’re doing great. I’m not sure where Moose is; let me go find him.” She tried to wiggle her crushed fingers out of mine.

  “No, don’t leave me. I need you,”
I pleaded, pulling her back to the bed. “I’m sorry for yelling, I just—”

  “It’s okay, Cass.” She offered a smile. “I can tell the demon himself has taken you over.” She pushed my damp hair back with her free hand. “Whatever you need from me, I’m here, but after this, you owe me a mani,” she teased. My lips pulled up, but as much as I wanted to smile, I couldn’t. I sighed and stared at my belly for who knew how long, my mind lost in itself.

  “Okay, you have another contraction coming.” Mel’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I gulped. “Remember, breathe through it, breathe through it.”

  My insides squeezed tight, my lower back aching with cramps, my stomach hard. I tried to climb up the bed, wanting to get away from the pain. “Aaaahhhhhhhh!” Mel offered her hand, but again, I denied it. Instead, I reached for the bed rail and strangled the life out of it as the contraction passed.

  “What the hell? Is she okay?” Moose panicked as he walked up beside Mel. “Cassie, are you dying?” He searched my flushed, hot raging face.

  As the contraction started to leave, I lifted my tired arm, grabbed his shirt and yanked him down so we were face-to-face, eye-to-eye. “Get. Me. The. Doctor. Now.” I breathed hard through clenched teeth. “I needed an epidural. Like five hours ago.”

  Moose gulped as I let him go, patting down the wrinkles on his shirt. “Um . . .”

  “Uh huh.” Mel wagged a finger in front of me. “You said you wanted a natural birth. Remember?” She shoved a piece of ice into my dry mouth.

  It tasted so good, like cold water on a five-hundred-degree day, good. “Please!” I glared at them both. They didn’t understand what this felt like. “Don’t make me scream.”

  Mel huffed and turned to Moose. “Go get the anesthesiologist.”

  He shook his head with a scowl on his face, his arms crossed over his chest.

  They stared at one another for what felt like minutes before Moose’s arms fell to his sides. “Fine, but I’m not gettin’ in trouble for this. I feel like I need a priest not a doctor,” he mumbled as he headed for the door.

  The minute Moose left, a sound I hadn’t heard in forever filled the room. We had both busted out into uncontrollable laughter. The foreign noise made the room not so hostile or so empty. It was a welcoming sound, and nice to hear.

  I released a heavy breath. “Am I really that bad?” I asked, shameful, as Mel popped another ice chip into my salivating mouth.

  “Yes,” she answered all too quickly. “But, he’s not the one pushing a baby out his hoohaa, so ignore him. But, Cass, here comes another one. Here,” she offered, “take my hand. I’ll do this with you.”

  I squeezed my lids shut and reached for Mel’s hand. Another contraction pulled my stomach, rippling through my back, making its way through me. I squeezed her fingers as if they were my lifeline, my sanity, the only thing holding me up.

  There was a silver lining though. The one good thing about the excruciating pain . . . I wasn’t thinking about him . . . as much. Thinking about his green eyes that would soothe me from the inside out. His familiar touch that made me melt into a puddle, or his wavy hair that my hands could never get enough of. The agony, throbbing, and breath-stealing pain took away all of my thoughts and for those unbearable seconds, my heart got a reprieve from its own personal hell.

  Because as horrible as the contractions were, the pain and grief of losing him was still worse.

  I pinched my face, gritting through another contraction, pretending that the warm hand in mine belonged to a loving man with green eyes, telling me that it was almost over, that I could do it, and how he couldn’t wait to meet him.

  Mel caught the tears slipping from my closed eyes and told me, “It’s almost over, Cass.”

  But it wasn’t over, it was just the beginning.

  ***

  “Push, Casssssssss.” Mel’s voice strained, as if she was pushing too. She stayed at my right, while a labor and delivery nurse stood at my left, coaching me through.

  I glanced back at Moose who stood behind Mel. He peered down at me, his face pale. I wasn’t sure who was more nervous. Him or me.

  It wasn’t the plan to have either of them in here. But when push came to shove and the doctor said it was time, I yelled ‘stop’ and begged them both to stay. Truth was, I couldn’t bear to do this alone. What was supposed to be Jase and me, this baby, this room . . . wasn’t. I had to let that idea that once felt so real, so tangible, go.

  “The head is out. You’re doing great. We just need one more push!” the older male doctor at the end of the bed shouted, as if it were easy.

  I had the urge to push, my body needed to do it, but I couldn’t. “I can’t,” I mumbled, my face hotter than blazing coals, my insides completely shredded, and my heart breaking just a little bit more with each push. My life was about to change forever and I wasn’t ready. I didn’t even care that my legs were up to my chest, my lady parts out for everyone to see. I was too exhausted, too physically drained to continue.

  “You’re doing great,” the nurse assured me.

  I shook my head, wet strands of hair slapping me in the face as I did.

  Moose leaned down, his mouth next to my sweaty head. “He would be so proud of you,” he whispered.

  I sniffed back my heartache, a lone tear falling from my eye. I needed him here.

  “Come on, Cassie. One more big push. You got this,” the doctor encouraged but I couldn’t.

  “No, I don’t,” I cried, focusing in front of me, staring at anything but the nurses and doctors. But the image that my vision locked on had my breath hitching, my heart leaping into my throat. It was a framed picture of a tree. My lids drifted shut and my chest squeezed.

  It was as if it were a sign from above. The tree . . . our tree. Maybe Jase was in the room after all. “The town legend says that it brings you good luck.” And at the sound of his voice whispering in my mind, I smiled and knew I could do this.

  Peeling open my eyes, I inhaled a deep breath and tightened my grip on the backs of my thighs. “I’m r-ready.”

  The doctor’s mouth bowed. “On the count of three.” I nodded. “One . . . two . . .” I sucked in a large breath and filled my lungs, turning all my attention onto the tree and picturing Jase and myself next to it. And as the doctor said, “Three . . .” I pushed, harder than I ever imagined I could.

  “Ahhhhhhhhhh,” I screamed, and as if in unison, the cries were now present at the end of the bed. My baby was here. Exhausted, my head fell back.

  “It’s a boy!” the doctor announced and my heart squeezed tighter.

  It was a boy just like . . . my throat clenched.

  It’s a boy, Jase. You were right. I wish you were here to hold me in your arms and see him for the first time with me.

  “You did it.” Mel’s smiling face found mine, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

  Moose’s mouth pressed against my damp head. “You’re amazing. He’s amazing, Cass.”

  Silent tears escaped as I fought to catch my breath. Lifting my head, I looked back and forth between Moose’s red glassy eyes and Mel’s awestruck face. In reality, I was trying to avoid seeing the baby that tugged on my heartstrings with each curdling cry that escaped his mouth. Because he sounded perfect and that scared me more than anything. I was falling in love with his cries.

  Can I really do this? Can I be the mom this baby boy deserves?

  Before I could answer my inner thoughts, the nurse placed him directly on my chest, skin-to-skin. Mom to son. As if nature took over, my arms stretched around his little body and I cradled him with every loving ounce I had in me. Carefully, I trailed my finger down the soft skin of his tiny arm all the way to his hand, and tucked my pinky inside of it.

  My heart squeezed in a way I never thought it could. I was in love with this little person I just met. In love with the few blonde pieces of hair on his head, his button nose, and his pink lips. How was that even possible? I knew I would do anything for him and be anything h
e ever needed in life just to make sure he was okay. My chest eased in comfort. There was fullness in my heart that I wasn’t prepared for and yet, I never wanted to remember what life was like without it.

  I was in love.

  The nurse gently cleaned him off while he lay on my chest, and then draped a soft blue blanket on top of his body.

  I peered down at his flushed cheeks, his adorably small nose, and the creamy color of his skin. “Wow,” I muttered, admiring something so small and precious and wondering how in the world I got so lucky to have him. I was a mom. But not just any mom, I was his mom. I didn’t shudder at the thought; instead, I wished I could have shouted it from the rooftops.

  “He’s beautiful,” I said softly, as if I just forgot all about the 17 hours worth of agony my body had endured. As if I forgot about every pain that my heart had held onto for months and months. As if I forgot about the moments I questioned, wondering if I was capable. It didn’t matter anymore. None of it did. There was no one that would take care of him like I would. He was so small, yet he was my whole world now.

  “He has your nose, Cass,” Mel gushed, leaning in closer and peeking at him with a smile.

  I glanced over at Moose who was silent, brushing his sleeve across his face to wipe the tears away.

  “Do you have a name?” the nurse asked, drawing my attention back in front of me.

  I sighed. My baby needed a name. How could you name something so perfect? There wasn’t one good enough, but yet there was. In fact, I never thought I’d get to say it out loud ever again. It was a name that needed to be carried on. A name that would only be fitting for the sweet guy resting in my loving arms.

  “Jase,” I whispered. “Jase Timothy Pierce.”

  Jase cooed as I said his beautiful name. My heart tingled and I knew this was right. Pressing my lips to his forehead, I kissed my son. Salty tears slipped into my mouth as a pair of deep green eyes stole my vision and gave me his nod of approval.

  “Jase Timothy . . . “ Moose repeated the name with a grin stretched across his face. “It’s absolutely perfect.” He knew exactly where I got the middle name. It was his real first name.