Sleep had escaped me since Collin’s graduation, and the dark shadows had reappeared under my eyes. The nightmares, twisted now, had returned, and they were even worse than before. The thought of food made my stomach turn; I was losing weight and my clothes hung on me. I knew Collin was concerned since he commented on it almost every time we were together; the worry was evident on his face.
The time we spent together was always so short. There were the excitement and happiness when he would first arrive and then the agony as he left. The roller coaster of emotions was wearing on me physically. Knowing that I needed to accept and move forward was easy to say, but actually accomplishing it was a completely different story.
I focused instead on my upcoming surprise trip to see Collin. Natasha had an aunt who lived in Las Vegas, so we were planning a visit in the middle of the week. Convincing my aunt and uncle to let us drive up there had taken some time, but they’d reluctantly agreed. It was difficult for me to keep my excitement down every time I talked with Collin, but I didn’t want to spoil the surprise. I’d already packed my suitcase for the trip and anxiously waited for the next few days to crawl by.
~ Savannah ~
It was a Wednesday morning at the end of August. Already the temperatures were soaring outside. In Las Vegas it was unbearably hot even in the middle of the night. I had enjoyed spending most of the last two months at Collin’s house. This morning I was curled up on the couch sitting next to Collin while we watched a movie. Glancing at Collin’s profile I was pleased that my relationship with Collin was progressing. Though wishing things would move quicker, I was at least satisfied that I was making headway. Since the McKenna family’s arrival in Las Vegas, I had been careful to play the friendship role only, spending a lot of time at their house helping with Lacey. I explained to Collin how I would always be there for him as a friend if he needed someone to lean on. I had treasured the years of friendship that we’d had over the years, and I didn’t want to ruin that.
The first few weeks, he had been reluctant and cautious, but before long, he started to relax and let down his guard around me. We had spent a lot of time together just hanging out like we had when we were little, and I knew that I was slowly winning his trust. Collin spent a lot of time talking about Bailey and how special she was to him. Hearing how much he loved Bailey made me sick but I would smile instead and not let my anger show.
As summer slipped away, I noticed a change in Collin. The constant separation from Bailey and the long drives were starting to affect him. Collin began confiding to me how worried he was about Bailey. He had mentioned that she wasn’t sleeping well and that he was afraid he was jeopardizing her health. I felt like the time was right, so I began carefully planting seeds of doubt in Collin’s head about continuing his relationship with Bailey. I was always aware that I had to angle the comments toward helping Bailey. I had learned on several occasions that any negative comment about Bailey would send Collin into complete defensive mode.
Focusing back on the movie I was watching with Collin, I was content for now that I was the one spending time with Collin at the moment and not Bailey. My arm brushed up against Collin’s, but I was careful not to seem overly friendly. Pulling my leg up underneath me, I relaxed on the sofa.
“Collin, I need some help.” Lacey wandered into the room, standing with her arms behind her.
“Sure. Savannah, I’ll be right back.” Collin stood up from the sofa and followed Lacey out of the room.
I hit the pause button on the remote and waited for Collin to return. As I waited for him, I realized he had left his cell phone on the coffee table and that it was signaling a text message. Unable to resist, I quickly glanced around to make sure I was alone and then picked it up. The message was from his friend Quinn.
hey, wanted to give u a heads up that Natasha and Bailey are headed to see u. supposed to be a surprise, but wanted to make sure u were home when they got there, they should be there around 2
Rage boiled inside me. Things were going too smoothly right now! I didn’t want Bailey here; she would cause a major setback for me. Almost as fast as the anger surfaced, an idea popped in my head.
thanks! I’ll be here. talk to u later
Immediately deleting both texts, I settled back on the sofa to wait for Collin to return. Mentally crossing my fingers, I hoped that my quickly formulated plan would work. Now to just set the pieces in place.
“Sorry about that, what did I miss?”
“Nothing. I paused it for you.”
“Cool, thanks.”
Reaching the couch, Collin sat down on the opposite side; much to my dismay, he left a significant distance between us. Sighing, I picked up the remote and handed it to Collin for him to restart the movie.
The movie came to an end, the credits rolling over the screen when Collin flipped off the DVD player. Crossing the family room to the DVD player, he pulled out the DVD and placed it back in its holder.
“Hey, are you hungry?” I asked him.
“Yeah, a little bit. I need to get lunch ready for Lacey.”
“Were you going to return the movie today?”
“Probably, why? Did you want to take it for Ashley?”
“No, I think she’s already seen it. I was thinking we could grab some pizza. We could take Lacey, or I could stay here with her while you pick it up.”
“Sure, I can just pick it up. Lacey loves pizza, and I know she isn’t going to want to leave right now.”
“I can call it in for you.”
“That would be great. I’ll run up and tell Lacey.”
Picking up the phone, I called in the order. My heart was starting to beat faster. I hoped this worked; maybe things were starting to turn in my favor. As I hung up the phone, Collin came into the kitchen.
“Lacey is upstairs playing. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
“Okay.”
Collin grabbed his keys off the counter and left the kitchen. The clock on the microwave read one forty-five p.m.
~ Bailey ~
The desolate miles were slowly clicking away. The speedometer on my car was set at seventy-five miles per hour. I wished I could go faster, but I knew pushing my luck would not be a good idea. If I got a speeding ticket, my aunt and uncle would never let me drive to Las Vegas again. Natasha sat in the passenger seat chatting, about what exactly I wasn’t sure. The music from the radio in the background was crackling in and out as reception faded. Leaning over, I flipped on the CD that was loaded and focused back on the endless road in front of me.
Nearing the Nevada state line, a flat dry riverbed appeared with the first casinos just small dots on the horizon. We were in the home stretch now. Miles and miles of sandy dirt spread out from the highway, spotted with cactus, Joshua trees, and prickly shrubs. Heat waves radiated above the surface of the highway, the gauge on the mirror reading that the outside temperature was 111º.
My anticipation was growing; I could barely contain the excitement. Natasha held our directions on her lap. I knew we still had over an hour before we would hit the outskirts of Vegas, and I hoped it would go by quickly.
I tried to focus on what Natasha was saying, but my mind was—where else? With Collin. The days had dragged on without Collin. There were times I wondered how I was going to make it through the next year. Having Savannah so close to Collin also worried me. I knew she had been spending a lot of time at his house. Collin didn’t talk much about her, knowing it made me upset and worried. The wondering, though, was almost worse, not knowing if he was really telling me everything. My mind was sometimes my own worst enemy. Imagining Savannah with her hands on Collin, kissing him was a nightmare that had taken over my waking hours as well.
There had been a couple of times that I had been talking to Collin on the computer with the web cam when Savannah had popped into the room and I could see her in the background. Whenever Savannah came up, Collin always played down the subject. Wanting desperately to believe that there was nothing going on, I would
try to ignore her, but each time it chipped a piece of my heart.
Looking out over the barren landscape, I wondered why anyone would choose to live out in this harsh land. As I glanced at the odometer, I realized we were now only about thirty minutes away. My heart started beating faster. I resisted the urge to press harder on the gas pedal and kept the car at a reasonable pace.
The highway twisted through low mountains, and as we came around the last bend, the city of Las Vegas stretched out in front of us. Natasha unfolded her directions and we started looking for our exit.
“We’ll stop at Collin’s first. I know you are dying to see him.”
Grinning at my friend, I replied, “Thanks, the suspense is killing me.”
“I know. I can see it all over your face. I’m glad you finally were able to talk your aunt and uncle into letting us drive out here.”
“Yeah, no kidding. Maybe after this trip, they might let us do it more often.”
“That would be cool.”
The vast landscape was now becoming more populated. Houses, apartment buildings, and other buildings were multiplying as we drove along the highway. The numerous casinos shaped the skyline in the distance. It was an awesome sight to see. Traffic was increasing, and it was amazing to me how quickly the scenery had changed.
“Okay, it looks like our exit is coming up here. We’re going to go to the left when we get off.”
At our exit, I guided my car off the freeway and down the off-ramp. Taking the overpass, we followed the road as it wound through the surrounding neighborhoods. I marveled at how similar the houses looked to Riverview, but with sand and rock yards instead of grass.
“Alright, it should be four houses down on the right.”
“Okay.” The blood pumping through my body had quickened with excitement. Finally, the two-story house appeared and I pulled up to the curb. I didn’t see Collin’s car in the driveway, and my heart began to sink. Natasha seemed to read my thoughts.
“The car could be in the garage.”
“You’re right. Let’s go find out.”
“Worst case, they aren’t home, and we can come back after a while. Maybe he just ran an errand or something.”
We both got out of the car, the oppressive heat pounding us. Walking up the sidewalk, we reached the front door of the dark brown stucco house. Sweat was already forming on my forehead and trickling down my back. With my breath held, I pushed the doorbell and waited. Standing at the front door with Natasha at my left I pushed the button again. Still nothing. Disappointment hit me full force. After driving several hours, the letdown of Collin not being at home was huge.
“Well, I guess no one is home. We’ll go to your aunt’s house and come back later.”
“Just a little longer. You’ll see him soon.”
We had turned and were walking back down when I heard the door latch click. I spun around, heart pounding. The door opened wider and just inside the dark house stood a blond beauty: Savannah. My heart felt like it had been ripped out in one instant. What was she doing here?
“Wow, Bailey, I certainly didn’t expect to see you. You’re a long way from home. What are you doing here?”
Pulling myself together, I tried to keep my voice steady and not betray the anger and hurt that were quickly overwhelming me.
“I could ask the same thing of you. Why are you here?”
“Collin and I are hanging out like usual. We just finished a movie and he went to pick up lunch. I would have gone with him, but Lacey was playing so I stayed with her.”
All my fears and insecurities hit me. They were seeing each other and Collin just didn’t know how to tell me. I felt my world starting to spin completely out of control. I could feel Natasha beside me, her hand now resting on my waist. My mouth was suddenly dry, and I was having difficulty forming words.
“I see. So how long has this been going on?”
“Awhile now. Hasn’t Collin said anything to you?”
“No, just that you guys were friends.”
“We are friends. Good friends. He’s confided in me a lot about you. How worried he is about your health. I have to say you aren’t looking very well, Bailey. Are you sleeping at night? The bags under your eyes aren’t very flattering.”
I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. What had Collin told her? A sense of betrayal washed over me. Was he just stringing me along, uncertain of how to deal with me? He had confided in her that he was worried about my health? I thought I was going to throw up. I choked down the bile that had risen to my throat. It was then that I realized Natasha was speaking.
“That’s enough, Savannah. Don’t play your games with us. I can see right through you. You just couldn’t wait to get your hands on Collin, could you?” The anger in her voice pierced through each word.
“Natasha, I have no idea what you are talking about. Collin and I have known each other for years before Bailey even met him. I already had my hands on him.” Smiling, she seemed completely confident standing there in Collin’s doorway.
I gazed into Savannah’s brown eyes and saw nothing but coldness. I had clearly underestimated her. I was beginning to wonder now if she’d had a hand in Collin’s family moving to Vegas. Before I could reply to her, I heard the rumble of a car rounding the corner, so similar to Collin’s old car I was sure it was him. Looking over my shoulder, I watched the burgundy Camaro come into sight and pull into the driveway. My eyes made direct contact with Collin’s through the windshield; the electric current raced through my body. I could see the amazement on his face. I had clearly surprised him.
Collin opened his door and exited his car, a pizza box in his hands. The blue T-shirt he was wearing brought out the sparkle in his eyes, and his presence just took my breath away.
“Bailey? What are you doing here?”
The anger and hurt still pulsed through me.
“I thought I’d surprise you with a visit. But I can see you’re not missing me much. Savannah seems to be keeping you company.”
For a second, confusion clouded his usually clear eyes and then he turned toward Savannah at the door. Quickly taking the last few steps toward her, he handed the pizza box over to her.
“Savannah, please take this inside and let Lacey know lunch is here. I need to talk to Bailey.”
“Sure, honey, no problem.” Savannah took the pizza box and disappeared into the house calling for Lacey. I watched her perfect silhouette vanishing down the hall. Before I could force my eyes back to Collin, he leaned over and shut the door. The endearment Savannah had just used was still ringing in my ears. Natasha was still at my side giving me much-needed strength.
“This is a surprise. I had no idea you were coming for a visit.”
“That’s obvious. I thought you would be excited to see me, but it sure doesn’t look like that.”
“I’m just shocked.”
“What is going on here? Is what Savannah says true? Are you guys hanging out, watching movies and stuff together?”
“Yes.”
Just yes? That’s it, no other explanation? The knife twisted deeper in my heart. I had hoped he would deny it. My emotions were completely overwhelming me. Trying to focus was becoming difficult.
“Did you tell her about my nightmares? That you are worried about my health?”
“I talk about you a lot.”
“Uh-huh. More like how you don’t know how to get rid of me? Poor, fragile Bailey—I can hear it now.”
“Bailey, you are a very special girl. You deserve so much more.”
“Why? Why did you keep coming to see me? Why drag this on?”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“That’s it? You wanted to make sure I was okay?”
“Yes.”
“So is this it? Where do we stand, Collin?”
“The distance is hard on you. You can’t deny that you aren’t sleeping well; it’s taking a toll on you physically. Maybe it’s better to take some time apart.”
<
br /> The words stunned me. I looked into Collin’s deep blue eyes, and I felt like I was staring at a stranger. I couldn’t believe it. Really, I had been expecting him to deny everything, to take me into his arms, to hold me and make all my fears and pain go away. Instead he stood there just a couple of feet away, unmoving, his face emotionless. I was completely numb.
“Fine. If that’s what you want. Go back to your precious Savannah. Let me tell you, Collin McKenna. I have survived worse. I don’t need your pity. Your pretty little Savannah, I knew it was always her that you wanted. I was just a charity case for you. Did it make you feel better about yourself by helping the poor broken girl?”
The bitterness that washed over me caused the words to come flying out without any thought to what I was saying. I wasn’t thinking clearly enough to stop the fling of insults. In the end, it didn’t make me feel any better. My blood was still boiling as it coursed through my veins. I wanted to strike back, to inflict the same pain that I was feeling. But it only left me even emptier inside; and now on top of the pain, I felt regret, wanting to do things over, to say something different. The need to throw something was overwhelming. I wanted to shout and scream at the top of my lungs. Instead I stood in shock. It was finally Natasha tugging on me that snapped me out of my haze long enough to move my feet down the sidewalk.
“Bailey, come on, let’s go.” Natasha started dragging me toward the car, but then we stopped abruptly and I felt Natasha turn around.
“I thought you were one of the good guys, Collin, but I guess I was wrong. You’re even worse because you played the caring, sensitive guy. You and Savannah deserve each other because her conniving little black heart suits you.”
Natasha turned and kept dragging me away from Collin. I let her pry the keys out of my hand as she opened the passenger door for me and walked around to get in the driver’s side. Mechanically, I slid into the seat. As we drove away from the house, I glanced back to look at Collin one last time and found Savannah standing by Collin’s side, her arm resting on his. The horrific image burned into my brain and I couldn’t get it out. Nausea overwhelmed me—I thought I was going to need Natasha to pull the car over.
A Healing Heart Page 17