Feelin' the Vibe

by Candice Dow

  Curtis’s swagger surfaced as he grinned. “Man, we don’t even discuss defeat. Got it?”

  I gave him serious dap. “Exactly.”

  “No, I believe in you. I’m just saying I believe in this conference, too,” Dr. Woods said.

  “Well, say that then, man,” I said, laughing.

  “Gotchu, man.”

  Dr. Woods walked us to the door. Curtis suggested that he and I get together a little later. He had some things he needed to take care of first. I looked at my watch and it was a little after twelve. I had a two o’clock meeting and that undisclosed four o’clock. Curtis said, “Four works.”

  I said, “What about seven?”

  “Seven?”

  “Yeah, gotta fit the wife in at some point,” I said, lying. I knew Curtis would fall for that excuse, being that his wife ran their relationship.

  “Yeah, I feel you, man. That will give me some time to go home, too.”

  We laughed and headed out of the building to tend to our personal business. Momentarily, I thought about canceling my meeting with Clark. But I quickly reverted back to my original plan of action.

  20

  CLARK

  I was plagued with so much fear as I turned into the same parking lot I left just twenty-four hours earlier. Yet now I was anxious to just be near him. To share some time with my old boyfriend, my first real boyfriend. When I pulled into my parking space, I recognized Devin’s sporty, black Benz SL500, parked two spots over. He was already in there, and I didn’t hesitate jumping from my car and waltzing into the café to explore the possibilities or nonpossibilities.

  When I entered, I noticed him sitting on the couch in the back with two cups of coffee on the table. I walked over to him. He stood and hugged me closely, kissing my cheek. Chills ran up my spine as I quickly sat on the couch. He sat closely beside. “I got you a café mocha. Right?”

  “Yes, Devin. The same thing I drank yesterday.”

  He laughed. “The same thing you’ve been drinking for about ten years.”

  I blushed. It was strange that he remembered so many things about us. So many things I’d forgotten, but the butterflies in my stomach remembered it all. The feeling hadn’t changed. In fact, they were heightened. Even as I sat there, nine years more mature, nine years past the situation, seven years into my marriage, still I was drawn to him like the young college senior I was when we first met.

  As my mind wandered, he said, “What made you change your mind?”

  “Huh?”

  “Yesterday, you told me that I couldn’t have what I wanted. That I couldn’t see you again because somehow it was wrong and I was too spontaneous,” he said, smiling.

  I took a deep breath. “Devin, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know why I agreed to see you again. I love my husband.”

  “I love my wife.”

  My heart plunged. It took me seconds to recover, but I wasn’t sure if I concealed the hurt. Why did it not feel so good to hear him say that, after I’d just said it? My mouth hung open midthought and he said, “Time has gone by and we’ve made commitments to other people and—”

  “You’re right. We’re wasting our time.”

  He laughed. “That’s not what I was going to say. Just because we’ve been forced to move on and to love new people doesn’t change the way we feel about each other. I mean, I could be just speaking for myself, but it’s like when I saw you yesterday, that empty feeling. It was like it disappeared. You know what I mean?”

  “Yes, I know what you mean.”

  It seemed like we both reflected on what we felt when we first saw each other again. I sipped my coffee and he sipped his. “Are you hungry?” he asked.

  “A little.”

  “Can you still eat a lot?”

  I pushed him. “No, my metabolism isn’t what it used to be.”

  “You still look good, though. You want to get out of here and grab a bite to eat?”

  My eyes shifted. “Where?”

  “I’m sure there’s somewhere we can go in Silver Spring.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  He searched for a place to eat on his cell phone, while I searched my soul to define what I was feeling. Then, we left the coffee shop and headed to Nicaro Restaurant Lounge in Silver Spring. When we got there, we discovered they didn’t open until five-thirty. Devin wavered. Maybe we should wait? Wouldn’t all the good restaurants be open then, too? Finally, we agreed to wait in the car.

  His plush leather seats hugged my hips, and the cushion felt like it was molding to my body, as the heat warmed my bottom. It felt good to relax in luxury. I took my gloves off and unbuttoned my wool jacket. Devin looked at me and we both smiled. Then we began to walk down memory lane. We were so made for each other back then. Time was erased as we talked about everything, and before long the restaurant opened.

  By the time we sat down, I was starving. Devin told me to order whatever I wanted. The waiter came over and we ordered appetizers and drinks. It felt good to go out to dinner and not be on a budget.

  The dim lighting and soft music inspired a romantic mood. We stared at each other while we indulged in the half-shell oysters and grilled calamari, and sipped our two-for-one drinks. Though we weren’t doing anything major, I was having the time of my life. When our dinner came, I was full, but I still took a few bites. We both talked more than we ate. My hand rested on the table and Devin reached over to touch me. I looked at him as our fingers intertwined. My heart felt like it was sinking. Devin smiled, breaking the intensity. He said, “Clark.”

  “Yes.”

  “Nothing. I’m just trippin’. I can’t believe I’m sitting here with you,” he said, shaking his head.

  Then he checked his watch and gasped. I wasn’t sure what was going on, because he checked it again shortly after. I hoped he didn’t have to leave, because I didn’t want our time to end. He excused himself from the table and I saw him near the bar making a call. I wondered if it was his wife. I didn’t like the way the speculation made me feel.

  When he returned, he explained that he had a meeting with his campaign manager and he was trying to cancel, but the manager wasn’t picking up his phone. Did that mean our date was over? Obviously my eyes asked the question, because he smiled. “I’m enjoying myself. He’s going to have to wait.”

  Ten minutes later, he tried again. I noticed his irritation. “Devin, why don’t you just go? It’s okay.”

  He reached out for my hand. “I don’t want this to end.”

  Neither did I, but it had to. My head hung. “What do you want, Devin?”

  “I want to spend a little more time with you. I feel teased by these brief hookups. You know what I mean?”

  I nodded. He huffed and shook his head. “I visit my daughter in New York at least once a week. Would you be willing to come hang out with me there?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can get away.”

  “Can you at least try?”

  “Why would we do that and risk everything we have?” I asked, looking for an explanation to why I was actually willing.

  “Don’t you feel like this is an unfinished story? Don’t you need to know how it really ends, too?” The intensity in his voice demanded my honesty.

  I nodded, but my mind flooded with emotions. I didn’t know what I wanted, but we definitely needed to close this open book. It had been way too long.

  21

  DEVIN

  I beat frantically on the steering wheel, willing the traffic to move faster. I continued calling Curtis to let him know I was running late, and his voice mail kept picking up on the first ring. I figured I’d push my way through and get to him when I got there. The Beltway traffic had me trapped. My hand ran down my face impatiently.

  I decided to turn my music up and stop stressing. My phone rang, and when I noticed it was Taylor, I decided not to answer. I quickly pressed IGNORE. I really didn’t have any reason to be on this side of the Beltway, and I wasn’t in the mood
for explaining anything. I was organizing in my mind how Clark and I were going to get to know each other and stitch up this hole. The thought made me laugh. We both were crazy, but no more crazy than we’d be if we had suppressed these feelings for another ten years. Taylor called right back. That was strange, because Taylor was usually respectful of my time, and she usually knew that if I pressed IGNORE I was in a meeting. I continued to press IGNORE nearly five consecutive times before I answered. She calmly said, “Devin, are you doing something you have no business doing?”

  I laughed to give myself a minute to think. “Taylor, I thought we had this conversation last night.”

  “We did, but I’m wondering why Curtis just called here to speak to you and you told me you’d be with him and he told me you told him you’d be with me? So, you’re not with him. You damn sure aren’t here with me. Where the hell are you?”

  “How many times do I have to tell you my plans can change at the drop of a dime? Curtis doesn’t know every move I make. I’m still a consultant. Do you know that?”

  She took a deep breath. “It’s almost eight o’clock. Your campaign has no record of any meetings and most of your clients meet you during working hours. Whatever you’re doing, Devin, I suggest you stop, because I will not tolerate it. I will not sit around wondering where my husband is. That is an absolute no-no. I’m not having it.”

  “Look, I had a meeting and I’ve been trying to call Curtis, but his voice mail picks up on the first ring. Of course he doesn’t know where I am.”

  She huffed. “His battery died and he only knew the house number by heart.”

  I wanted to choke the shit out of Curtis. He didn’t know that men don’t say shit like this to another man’s wife. I was infuriated. This asshole’s battery died, so he wants to disrupt my life. I huffed, “Did he leave a number?”

  She didn’t respond and I heard three consecutive beeps, signaling that she had hung up. I considered calling her back, but I didn’t. It was weird how she knew something wasn’t right, but it wasn’t like I could tell her what I was going through. I felt bad lying. But what was I supposed to do?

  A few minutes later, an unfamiliar number popped up on my phone. I quickly answered, assuming it was Curtis. “Yeah, man.”

  “Devin,” she said so sweetly.

  “Hey, Clark. I guess you’re in traffic, too. I’m sorry. We should have probably just parted after we left the Daily Grind.”

  “No, actually I just had to drive down Twenty-nine. There’s no traffic going my way.” She snickered. “I actually stopped at Columbia Mall and I’m on my way home now.”

  “What did you buy?”

  “I splurged a little on the purse.”

  “Oh yeah, you still love to shop.”

  “Not as often as I used to, you know. We’ve been on a budget for so long, I’m literally in a purse depression.”

  “You’ve always been a purse fiend.”

  “Yeah, but I’ve been forced to go cold turkey. In fact, I’ll probably get in trouble when I get in the house, because this thing isn’t in the budget.”

  I felt sorry for her. “Look at it as a present from me. I’ll give you the money back when I see you again.”

  She sighed. “Devin.”

  “No, don’t worry about it. How much was it?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m not a charity case, Devin.”

  “Look, you know me. I got it.”

  She sucked her teeth. “Okay, Devin. Whatever you say. Anyway, I just wanted to call you and give you my new number. I bought a Go Phone so that we can communicate. My phone is on my husband’s account. So if you could, replace that number with this one.”

  It never even crossed my mind that I should just pick up a phone specifically to communicate with Clark, but then again so many people call me during the course of a day, it would take Taylor years to track down Clark’s number. “Okay, I’ll be sure to do that.”

  “Okay,” she said in a lingering tone, as if she wanted to keep talking. I wanted to keep talking, too, but I had to call Taylor back.

  “A’ight, baby. I’ll call you tomorrow with all the details for New York.”

  I didn’t know what New York meant for Clark and me. It was possible we could just hang out and have a good time. I wasn’t sure, but I knew for sure that I had to make Taylor secure again. I’d messed up two days in a row and I couldn’t go down like that.

  When I walked in the house, all the lights were off. I headed upstairs to the bedroom. I tried the door and it was locked. So, I tapped on the door.

  “Yo, TJ. Open up the damn door.”

  “Devin, go back to wherever you been.”

  “Taylor, look, let’s handle this like adults. Open up the door.”

  I heard her get out of bed and stomp to the door. It swung open and she posed with her hands on her hips. “Okay, you want me to open the door and look at you while you lie to me.”

  “Really, Taylor. I have nothing to lie to you about. I don’t have any excuses. I was out handling business.”

  Still standing in the door, she huffed, “Well, why would Curtis say you were supposed to be here?”

  “I was. My intention was to come home and spend time with you, but I got sidetracked. So forgive me for not being able to do what I planned to do. Something came up.”

  She left the door open and walked back to the bed. I followed and decided to give her a moment. I didn’t want to say too much and incriminate myself. I walked into my closet and pulled my sweater off and stepped out of my pants. On my way to the bathroom, Taylor looked at me and said, “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not lying.”

  “Taylor, I’m not lying to you.” I said, leaning in to kiss her.

  She turned her head and shrugged. “Devin, I don’t want to be that girl.”

  “What girl?”

  “The one that’s the last to know that her man is cheating.”

  I touched her face, “TJ, don’t start being insecure now. That’s not the person I fell in love with.”

  “I don’t know where this is coming from.”

  “Me either,” I said, kissing her again. But I knew why she was insecure. She wasn’t doing her job, but I wasn’t in the mood to drill that in. I wanted peace. There was too much on my mind, and I had to get my house in order.

  I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on. She came in behind me and took her pajamas off. We stepped into the shower together and as the water poured on us, I wondered why I was struggling emotionally. I’d thought Taylor was everything I needed, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. When we stepped out of the shower, I could tell that she wanted to make love, but I told her I just wanted to hold her and make sure she was secure.

  22

  CLARK

  Almost a week later, Ms. Teeny drove me to the train station so that I could sneak off to New York with Devin. When we pulled up, she laughed. “You make sure you turn him out like I taught you, girl.”

  I laughed and reached over to give her a hug. “Teeny, you ain’t right.”

  “Whatever. You need to get you your freak on with somebody. So call me when you get there.”

  “Okay.” She kissed my cheek and ran her finger through my freshly roller-brushed and blow-dried hair. My stylist brightened my highlights. It felt good to do something spontaneous. Devin always had a way of bringing that out of me. After I grabbed my backpack from the trunk, I peeked back in and said, “Thanks, Teeny.”

  “I love you, girl.” I nodded. Not sure if she could read my mind or not, but she said, “Don’t feel guilty. You’re only doing it to make your marriage better.”

  I nodded as I closed the car door. My hair bounced on my cream wool coat and I adjusted my shades. A young college boy held the door open for me. I smiled and thanked him, while adjusting my black and gold purse on my shoulder. He smiled back. “My pleasure.”

  I blushed a little longer than necessary as I headed over to the kiosk to get my tickets. As far as Kenneth knew,
I was going up to New York to visit Reggie’s ex-wife, Sheena, and my youngest niece, Sage. I explained to Kenneth that I needed a break, but I was on my way to be unfaithful and I was excited as hell. I’d locked my wedding band away in my office at the group home. Over the last few months, I wondered what it all meant. Do all marriages literally become institutions? I hated the stringency the word implied. Why can’t we love and be together and enjoy those moments without rules and regulations? When the love is gone, we can just pack up and go. Love shouldn’t be legally binding; it should be voluntary.

  Four hours later, I sat in Nobu, pouring wine and reminiscing about old times. It was funny to see how we’d both graduated from beer to wine, from irrational kids to successful adults. Yet, we were still in touch with the purest parts of each other. The connection was still there, and I wondered if we would have been the same if we stayed together. Would we have grown together at the same pace?

  Every specialty roll I inquired about, Devin ordered. When the sushi came out, our table was packed as if we were a party of ten. I sampled one or two of each roll and began to feel stuffed. Devin asked the waiter to warm up some sake. He swore it would settle my stomach. I was already feeling the buzz. I definitely didn’t need anything else, but when the waiter returned with the little porcelain sake cups, we toasted and swallowed. It was warm and bitter.

  Devin reached across the table and held my hand. “I never forgot about you. You know that?”

  “I tried so hard to forget about you that I didn’t even realize it, but I guess a part of you has always been with me, too.”

  “Damn, Clark. Why couldn’t we have found each other a year ago?”

  “Why? So this would only be hard for me? Not you?”

  “I’m sorry. You’re right. There I go being selfish again.”

  “Yes, Devin, you’re a self-serving bastard, aren’t you?” I said, laughing.