by Candice Dow
“Alright,” I said, standing up to grab my bag. “Let me shower and get ready. Dinner and a movie good, maybe Zanzibar?”
She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, as long as we’re together.”
I tried to take a quick nap while Taylor got ready. As I lay there across our king-sized bed, I wondered how Clark was able to just cut off her feelings. I ran my hand down my face and kept telling myself I just wanted forgiveness from Clark. And she’d given me that. So why was I still tripping?
When Taylor came out of the bathroom wearing purple thong panties and bra, I watched her walk past the bed and head for her walk-in closet. She caught me peeking and said, “C’mon, Devin, get up and get ready.”
I sat up reluctantly and said, “You want to just spend the day chilling? We can get a couple of movies, order in, and—”
“No, I want to do something.”
“We always do something.”
She stood in front of the bed. “Not lately.”
To avoid the drama, I decided not argue and walked into the bathroom. I stood in the shower, but my eyes were heavy and I sat on the bench, trying to decide what we could do to make sure Taylor had a good time. After sitting there procrastinating, I got out and headed into the room. Taylor had on a pair of jeans and a tight-fitting long sweater that hugged her hips. She stood before the full-length mirror outside of the closet. I walked up behind her, wrapped my arms around her waist, and rested my chin on her shoulder. She raised her arms up and wrapped them around the back of my head.
“We look so good together, don’t you think?” she asked.
“Yeah, picture-perfect.”
She laughed and pulled away. “You’re trying to be smart.” She touched my chest and attempted to push me. Her eyes turned seductive, as she rubbed my muscles.
“You like those abs, huh?”
She looked down at my towel, still wrapped around my waist, and ran one finger up and down the middle of my stomach. “Actually, I like something else better.”
I let my towel drop. “You want it?”
She walked away from me and headed into the bathroom to put on her makeup. “Devin, don’t try to tempt me. You’re just trying to stay in the house.”
I stood naked at the bathroom door. “We can do that and go out.”
“Devin, put some clothes on and we’ll go out and then do that.” She winked. “Deal?”
We headed out of the house shortly after, and we did almost everything she wanted to do. I guess a part of me felt guilty, and I wanted to make it up to her. If I was going to make this work, it was best that I stop complaining and start doing what I could do to make sure she was happy.
28
CLARK
Unlike what Ms. Teeny claimed, that one night with Devin didn’t make my marriage stronger, it made it worse. I found myself thinking about him twenty-four-seven for the following two months, wishing the situation were different, wishing it were in my favor. Instead, all I had was Kenneth. My heart and my body wanted so much more, but he was mine and Devin was hers. So I resisted the desire to call him and tell him that I wanted to rethink my rash decision. Each morning, I had to make a conscious effort to reaffirm to myself that this marriage was for better or worse and eventually the tide would change.
As we rapidly approached the end of April, I was counting down the days until Morgan and Mia came home. At least then Kenneth and I would have to pretend we were a happy family. Something was better than nothing. The rainy days hadn’t been helping either of our moods, but the sun came up one morning, and I decided to lean over and kiss his forehead. I rubbed my hand over his five o’clock shadow. He lay there like he was dead and I just stared at him, because I know he felt me. We hadn’t made love in nearly a month. The little affection we’d begun to have ended abruptly when he rolled over one morning to ask me if I had changed my mind about IVF. I flipped out, because not only was he not listening, he was determined to change my mind. So, we reverted back to this, to the empty, noncommunicative thing we called a relationship.
I got up, showered and rushed to the group home extra early. I wanted to be anywhere, except in my house. When I arrived, most of the girls were still asleep. So it gave me time to organize things. Around eight, the house came alive as the staff worker cooked breakfast and the girls prepared to leave. Ms. Teeny arrived shortly after, and I opened my office door just to let everyone knew I was there. As soon as I did, Raven, aka Ms. Attitude, strutted into my office.
“Ms. Clark, you gonna let me cop this purse?”
I looked at her. “Why would I do that?”
“?’Cause you just should. You owe me.”
I laughed. “Oh really, I owe you. What exactly do I owe you?”
“Just know that you owe me.”
She put my colorful Dooney & Burke bag on her shoulder and pranced around my office. Raven had like a twenty-six-inch waist and a fifty-inch backside. She was sixteen but more developed than any woman I knew, and she was an average-height girl, so she could pass for at least twenty-two. Her facial features were even mature. She wore more makeup than necessary over her unblemished mocha skin. I shook my head at her as she pursed her lips and rolled her neck in the mirror. She was the unofficial resident hair stylist. There were times when I’d even allowed her to do my hair. I laughed while she posed in the mirror.
“Yo, I would be so tight if I wore this to school.”
“School?” I laughed. “I get a phone call every day and they say you aren’t even there.”
“Whatever, Ms. Clark, if you let me rock this bag, I would go every day.”
I shook my head. “Honey, you need to have more on your mind than carrying a nice bag.”
“Do you?” she said, as she flung her hot pink, highlighted bob haircut around and strolled out my office.
“Raven, bring that purse back in here.”
I could hear Teeny fussing at her in the hall, demanding that she bring my purse back. Teeny stormed in my office holding my purse.
“That girl is crazy. She was taking this purse.”
“She’s not crazy.”
Teeny frowned at me, and we burst into laughter. She said, “Whatchu say?”
“Not like that.” Teeny jerked her head back as if she thought I was crazy for defending her. “Yes, she does have a chemical imbalance, but she’s not known to be a thief,” I whispered.
“I been in this industry long enough to know, I don’t put anything past any of these little girls. We trying to help them, but they’re damaged goods.”
It bothered me that the very people working in human services were the ones that gave up so easily on kids who had no control of their situations. Momentarily, I saw Kenneth all over her. Why did they do it if they didn’t believe people could change?
I told Teeny to close the door and I said, “All of them aren’t damaged goods.”
“Okay, just like eighty percent,” she said, laughing hysterically.
I took a deep breath. “It’s not funny.”
“It sure isn’t. I been doing this for thirty years, and I’m sorry, I just call it like I see it. You still think you can save the world. You’re still fresh and new.”
“I just want to help them.”
“That’s nice,” she said sarcastically, and plopped into a chair. “Ah, speaking of helping them, are we going to your baby daddy’s conference this weekend?”
My heart sank, because I had completely forgotten about Devin’s conference, considering my plan was to just stay as far away from him as possible. Anything within ten thousand feet wasn’t good for my health. My eyes switched from side to side and I took a deep breath. “Maybe you should take them.”
“You want me to take eight girls without you?”
“You can get another staff member to go with you.”
She reached across my desk and grabbed my hand. “I don’t like them. Why don’t you go with me?”
I looked down at my wedding ring and then back up at her. My head t
ilted, hoping she understood. “I can’t go, Teeny.”
“Stop being a sissy. Why you scared to see Devin?” She shook her head. “Girl, you just as soft as cotton.”
“Teeny, Devin is like kryptonite to me, and I think I just want to stay away.”
“You can control it. He’s nothing but another man. His drawers get dirty just like the next man’s.”
I blushed, and visions of our night in New York flashed in my gazing eyes. “Nah, Teeny, he’s more than just a man.”
She laughed. “You are certified crazy.”
“Crazy for Devin Patterson.”
“Look, you have a job to do. These girls are expecting you to go with them, and you’re acting like a teenager yourself. Get it together. You better learn how to get it and quit it and go home like nothing happened.”
“Teeny, I’m not like you.”
“I know, ’cause I would go to the conference and steal a piece in the bathroom and go home like nothing happened. You’re making it too deep. That’s what an affair is. It’s an event that’s not supposed to linger on forever. You leave your feelings at the door.”
“It’s not deep. It’s just not right. You know?”
“C’mon, Clark. You can go. You can be a big girl for once.” She pouted. “For me?”
I sighed. “A’ight, Teeny. I’ll go.”
“Yeah, just play cool. You can do it.”
A part of me felt that I was making a big mistake, but the other side of me wanted her to coax me into going. I had thought about Devin every day. Why shouldn’t I go and refresh my vision of him?
29
DEVIN
Having the perfect campaign manager and the right people in leadership is pertinent to success. The night before the Girl Power conference, I was briefed by Mrs. Dillon at the school. She flirted and talked at the same time. We walked through the schedule, the food stations, and the posted directions to make sure the conference flowed smoothly.
As we left the building, Mrs. Dillon grabbed my hand. My eyes quickly shifted to Curtis. He wasn’t paying us any attention. She tickled my palm. I pulled my hand from her, and she smiled sneakily. I gave her a stern look, but she smirked as if to say at the right place and time, she could get me.
Out in the parking lot, everyone said their good-byes and got into their cars. I tried to keep Curtis out there for a minute, hoping Mrs. Dillon would keep it moving. Instead, she stood there beside me like it was cool. She let me wrap up my conversation and I opened the car. When the locks popped up, she put her hand on the car door. “Can I sit in the car with you?”
“What’s up?”
“I just want to talk.”
I didn’t want to be too presumptive, so I shrugged. When we sat in the car, I looked at her impatiently. She tucked one leg under her like she planned to be there for a minute. “What’s going on?”
“Are you happy with how everything is working out?”
“Yeah, you did your thing.”
She reached over and put her hand on my leg. I looked down at her ring. Still, it was hard to believe that someone actually made a commitment to this chick. She massaged my thigh and I instantly pushed her hand away. There was just something sneaky in her eyes.
“So, what’s up with a permanent position with Love My People?” she said seductively, as she put her hand back on my thigh.
I grabbed her wrist. “You know you don’t have to do this to get a permanent position with the foundation. You know that, right?”
She reached over with her other hand and cupped my dick. Chuckling, she said, “What, this?”
Looking down at her hand, I said, “Yeah, this.”
“I’m doing this because I want to. Is that okay with you?”
I had to be careful how I handled this. I didn’t want to brush her off too abruptly, but I knew I couldn’t submit to my manhood rising in her soft hand. “Look, I’m a married man.”
“And I’m a married woman. What does that mean?”
“It has to mean something at the end of the day.”
“You ever see my husband?” I didn’t respond. She proceeded: “Exactly, and I’ve never seen your wife. So she’s obviously not concerned about what you’re doing.”
“Look, Mrs. Dillon.”
“Call me Shawna,” she said, as she massaged me vigorously.
Just as my penis began to respond, I grabbed her hand. “Look, Shawna, I don’t do this. I don’t cheat on my wife. I respect her and my marriage. So I’m sorry.”
“Please. All men cheat,” she said with an attitude. She took her hands off me and rolled her eyes. “If you’re not attracted to me, just say so.”
“It has nothing to do with my attraction to you, and all to do with my commitment to my wife.”
“Is your wife so committed?” I shrugged my shoulders, and she asked, “You don’t know what she’s doing, and you’ve never cheated?”
“No, I’ve never cheated.”
She laughed. “Oh, that’s right, you’re still a newlywed. I’ll give you a few years and you’ll be jumping all into this hot black pussy.”
I frowned. I wasn’t sure if she thought she was turning me on, but she made it sound like she was burning. All I could think of was how many men she had fucked this week. Suddenly, I was irritated with her and didn’t really care about her feelings.
“Shawna. I’m not that dude.” I reached out my hand to shake hers. “I’m going to see you tomorrow.”
She sucked her teeth, didn’t shake my hand, and stormed from the car. I felt sorry for the dude that married that freak. I sat in the parking lot for a moment and let her pull out. Finally, I headed home. When I opened the garage and noticed Taylor wasn’t there, I called her.
“Hey, you,” she said.
“Hey, you, where are you?”
“Courtney and I met for drinks.”
“A’ight. Hurry home.”
“Okay, baby.”
It was two hours later when I heard the garage door open. She walked up the stairs with a cheesy-drunk smile. She was trying to unbutton her black fitted shirt. Her jeans were already unzipped. She sang my name, “De-vin.”
Her eyes looked like little slits. It was clear she’d had too much to drink. “Did you drive home like this?” I asked.
“No, Courtney’s home girl Rachel drove us home. You’re going to have to take me to pick up my car in the morning,” she said before collapsing on the bed.
I stroked her back. “Not tomorrow morning. We have the conference.”
“Conference, bonference. It’s always something.”
I proceeded to help her out of her clothes. “You know you’re scheduled to talk to the girls, right?”
She turned to look at me with a forced sober stare. “So what am I supposed to say to them?” She plopped back down on the bed.
I stood over her, wondering if she was serious. Trying to talk to her in this state was useless. Instead, I climbed on her and started kissing her breasts. She held my face between her hands. “I love you,” she said.
I kissed her lips, wondering if she or I even knew what love was. I rolled her over on top of me. She twirled her hips. “You love me, too.”
“Yeah, baby, I love you.”
I yanked her panties to the side and began rubbing her butt and sliding my fingers up and down her crack. She moaned and I felt the moistness between her legs. She started sucking feverishly on my chest. Finally, I tickled her vagina with the tip of my penis. I wanted to be inside of her.
“Put it in, you.”
“You like me, baby.”
“Yeah, TJ. Put it in.”
“How much do you like me?”
“Baby, I love you.”
“Okay, now you can have me.”
She slid down on me. I almost came instantly, as she smothered me with her warm, juicy vagina. I pushed deep into her, nearly ripping off her panties, which were still pushed to the side. She yelled loudly. Her screams made me want to love her longer, harder.
Finally, after she came, I released in her. She rolled off of me and was snoring seconds later.
My alarm clock went off at six o’clock and I popped up. When I looked over at Taylor, she looked like a dead person. I shook her and she took the pillow and hugged it around her ears.
“Baby, we need to be at the school at seven-thirty.”
“What time I gotta speak?” she groaned.
“The panels start at around nine, but the keynote speech is at eight-thirty, and we’d like all the panelists to be there for the speech. Isn’t that what your invitation says?”
“I didn’t read it. I don’t have to be there at eight-thirty. My head hurts so bad. Let me sleep a little longer.”
“It’s all that wine you had last night.” I said, as I climbed out of bed.
By the time I reached the bathroom, she was snoring again. I glanced back at her and shook my head. When I got out of the shower, she still lay there. I called her name multiple times. She tossed and turned, but didn’t get up. I told her to drive the BMW and we’d get her car later. She nodded but was clearly incoherent. I figured she would figure it out when she woke up, because I had to run. So I set the alarm for eight, and prayed she’d wake up and be there by at least nine.
When I got to the school, the hospitality room was packed with people. There were tons of bagels, croissants, muffins, coffee, and fruit. Shawna was the first to greet me. “Good morning, Mr. Patterson.”
“Good morning, Mrs. Dillon.”
A bunch of volunteers were running around. I grabbed a cup of coffee before figuring out what I could do to help. As I stood in the hospitality room, sipping my coffee, Shawna walked in with a volunteer. She gave her instructions on which table each guest should be seated at when they signed in.
I said, “Shawna, everything is perfect.”
She brushed me off as she headed for the door. “Yeah, thanks.”
It was clear that she was offended, but what other choice did I have than to resist that burning booty? I stayed in the hospitality room, greeting the panelists and thanking them for taking the time to come out for the kids. The keynote speaker arrived around eight, and she was so excited to be giving back. Her excitement made me feel good, but it shifted my mind to Taylor. Where was she? Had she even gotten up yet? As I sat there, entertaining Amerie, Shawna stormed in and excused herself. It was partially rude, but she handed me a walkie-talkie. “Here, Mr. Patterson. The entire staff is connected. Just state who you are, where you are, and what you need. Okay?”