Made to Love

by Medina, Heidi

  Silence loomed. He didn’t appear to be even breathing, but then I wasn’t so sure I was either. Had it really only been two weeks since I’d sent him away at the hospital? It seemed a lifetime ago.

  He tilted his head slightly, and opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again. Those eyes. He’d been crying. I cleared my throat. “Your mom. . .is she okay?” I whispered.

  He blinked. “She’ll get there,” he replied softly.

  And that was it. I didn’t think, I didn’t stop and wonder how it might seem, or what it would mean tomorrow. I raced across the distance between us and threw myself at him, wrapped my arms around his neck and burying my face in his chest. “God, I’ve missed you,” I breathed.

  He exhaled, slowly and deeply, and I felt his hands reach up and cup the back of my head, as if to hold me there. His heart was beating rapidly beneath my cheek and I whimpered under the weight of all that I wanted to say, all that I needed to say, and yet being able to do nothing more than stand here and soak in the feel of his arms, the feel of his powerful body against mine.

  He tilted my head back and stared down at me, those emerald eyes of his against misted with unshed tears. “What are you. . .how. . .are you really here?”

  “I’m here.” I grabbed his head and pulled his mouth to mine. Explanations would come later, but now? I needed this. I needed him.

  “Shit, Reagan. . .what—“ he mumbled against my lips.

  “Later,” I promised. “Please. Right now, I need to feel you. I need. . .” My words were lost as he came alive, assaulting my mouth with a vengeance, like a man possessed. Our tongues clashed as he cupped the sides of my face in his hands, kissing me as if his very life depended on it.

  God, yes!

  I tugged on his shirt, pulling it over his head, and ran my fingertips over his nipples. He cursed under his breath and lifted me up against him, guiding me back against the kitchen counter. Anticipation tingled in my every nerve ending as he hastily fumbled with the front of my jeans. I lifted my ass up off the counter to allow my jean and panties to pass as he peeled them off me and flung them across the room, while I frantically worked his zipper down.

  This was real. It was raw . . . frenzied. . .two people desperate to feel each other again after too much time apart. He hooked his hands under my butt and slid me forward, and my legs locked around his the same time he slammed into me. I gasped, feeling as if I couldn’t catch my breath. I pulsed around him, and knew I wasn’t going to last.

  He stilled, and reached up to push my hair back from my face. He held me there, staring into my eyes as if he needed to again see me to remind himself I was really here. That this wasn’t a dream. I tightened my ankles around his back, making him sink deeper into my depths and he groaned.

  He brought my mouth to his and kissed me, as he began to move. Deep, hard thrusts, relentless in their pursuit of my orgasm. I leaned forward and licked his nipple and tugged lightly at it with my teeth.

  “Fuck, baby!” He thrust faster, harder, and his hands and mouth were everywhere. The granite countertop was unyielding against the base of my spine as he tilted me back, angling himself to where his pelvis hit my clit with every thrust. “Come for me. . . .let me see,” he panted as my body tightened around his cock.

  He turned my face until our eyes locked. “Now, that’s it.”

  I stared at the face I loved more than I’d ever imagined possible, seeing his heavy blonde hair falling against his brow, those ridiculously long eyelashes and full, sensuous lips that whispered sexual obscenities at me, and then my eyes fluttered closed as I shattered.

  He held the back of my head in one hand, and gripped the cupboard door behind me with the other as he came violently inside me. Ragged breathing slowly calmed, and I sat limp on the counter against him, wearing nothing but my bra and t-shirt. He stood before me, pants and boxers around his ankles, his head resting against the cupboard. His lips moved against my shoulder as he whispered “you’re here” over and over. We were both spent.

  I trailed my fingers up and down his back, peppering tiny kisses in the crook of his neck.

  He lifted his head suddenly, and stared down at me in panic. “Shit, I didn’t . . .I took you unprotected. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking—“

  “Shhhh,” I replied. “I got on the pill a few weeks before I left. It’s okay.” I smoothed his unruly hair back from his forehead.

  He captured my hands and held them to his chest. Shadows crossed his features, as the reality of the last two weeks, the things done and said, all the things not said, suddenly loomed between us. Sex between us had never been the problem, and I couldn’t just come here and think we could fuck our problems away. The reason for the last two weeks had to be dealt with.

  He pulled out and away from me, and bent over to pull up his jeans. I looked around for my own, finding them hanging from the back of a kitchen chair. I dressed and then turned to face him, finding him leaning back against the counter, watching me. It reminded me of the first time I’d ever spent the night in this house, hungover from the night before, and stumbling downstairs to find him standing much as he was now.

  “Why?”

  It was an honest question. Why was I here? After two weeks of complete silence, and considering how angry I was when I left, why now?

  I sat down on a bar stool, suddenly feeling nervous and awkward, despite having thrown myself at him—literally—minutes ago. “You needed us,” I shrugged.

  “Us?” His eyebrow raised in question.

  “Me, and Jacob. He got your text and . . . I had to come. To see you were alright. With Thomas. . .and now your mom. . .” I trailed off as one corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile, and he shook his head, as if he was suddenly realizing something.

  “Right. . . he did say he was out of town.” This said more to himself than to me. “And is that the only reason you came?” He gripped the countertop behind him in a white-knuckled grasp that did not go unnoticed. He was perhaps just as nervous as I was.

  “Why did you convince Isaac to hire me? You didn’t even know me.”

  He dragged his hands through his hair and sighed heavily. “I don’t know. . .I saw you that day in the elevator and knew you were without a doubt the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. And, you didn’t know who I was, and that intrigued me. Women always know who I am, who my father is, and they always see dollar signs. You didn’t. And I think that is what first captured my attention, once I got past that gorgeous face of yours, anyway.”

  I blushed as I recalled the first time I’d seen him in the elevator after my interview at Elite. I had been just as affected by that encounter, thinking he was just an employee or someone there for an interview as well. How wrong I had been!

  “You didn’t know me,” I repeated. “I could have been a terrible candidate with no experience whatsoever.”

  He nodded. “You could’ve. But you weren’t. Isaac showed me your resume, and you had the right schooling. You just needed the experience. And you did prove yourself during your time there.”

  And the projects that had been practically handed to me on a silver platter had given me the perfect opportunity to do so. “You should have told me.”

  “I know. But really, how would I have gone about telling you something like that? You would have been just as pissed, either way.” He was right about that, I supposed. “I thought you would exceed expectations, and in the meantime I would get the chance to have you in my bed, end my fascination, and no one would be the wiser. But you posed a problem for me.”

  He pulled out a barstool and sat sideways, facing me. “You weren’t like everyone else. You weren’t flinging yourself at me every chance you got. Instead you were doing your damnedest to make sure I knew I couldn’t have you at all. I thought about you every second of every day. The more I tried to stay away, the more I wanted you. Being just your friend? It about killed me. And I realized rather quickly that what I was feeling for you was far more than just mere fascina
tion.”

  I traced the design on the countertop with my finger. “I was hurt and angry when I left, Nathan. And I really didn’t give you a chance to explain. And seeing Jacob? It was too much. I just. . .I don’t know. I had to get out of here.” It was my turn to sigh. “There’s so much you don’t know, things I should have told you.”

  I cleared my throat, trying to swallow past the gigantic lump that had taken residence there. I hadn’t told a single person, beyond Helen and my therapist, the things I was about to tell Nathan. Jacob knew, but he’d been there with me. Fighting my natural instinct to clam up, I calmly poured out the story of my childhood to the man sitting across from me. All of it. My mother and her addiction, all the men, Charlie . . .and Buddy. About finding our mom dead, being turned over to the state, and losing contact with my brothers. About Helen, and how she saved me. And how Jacob and I had returned to our childhood home just the day before to try and do some healing of our own.

  All of it.

  I hadn’t realized I’d even started crying while talking, until I felt his hands on my face, brushing away my tears. “Baby, I’m sorry. . .I didn’t know. My God. . .”

  “I’m sorry, too. For placing demands on you and never explaining why. It was unfair. You are the first person I’ve told all this to, and it was hard, but I had to tell you.” I took his hand. “You wanted to know why I came back? Here it is. This is me,” I pointed at myself. “The good, the bad and the very ugly. And you have to know all of it because I don’t want any more secrets between us.” Fresh tears fell to wet my cheeks. “I didn’t want to, and I fought it every step of the way. Thought if I left, it would just go away. But it hasn’t and it won’t, and I don’t want it to.”

  I placed his hand against my cheek. “I love you, Nathan Preston.” I heard his quick intake of breath as his fingers curled against the back of my neck. I always thought when I said these words to a man I would be nervous and fighting nausea, or some other nonsense. But saying them here, now, to this man, had never felt more right, and I was never more sure of anything in my life. Like Helen had said, we’d probably drive each other insane, and times when it would be tough, but I loved him. And there was no one else I wanted to grow insane with.

  “I love you so much. . .more than I ever thought possible.” I stood and lifted his arms out to his sides as he stared at me in confusion. “I don’t know if I can do this. But I love you enough to try.” I stepped closer to him, until I was molded against his chest. I left my arms at my sides, closed my eyes and waited.

  Slowly, tentatively, Nathan dropped his arms until they rested lightly around me. I felt the familiar tingling along the back of my spine as I started to tremble. Please, God. Please help me be able to do this!

  “Reagan,” he said softly. “Look at me.”

  I opened my eyes and lifted my head to meet his. His arms still held me, there, but barely touching. “It’s me,” he whispered. “Just me. And I’m not going to hurt you.”

  I nodded and his arms tightened slightly, pulling me in closer to him. I felt light-headed, but the urge to slap him and run, or worse yet, pass out, seemed to be fading. I watched his face as he pulled me in close enough to lock his hands behind me. “It’s just me, baby. Just you and me.”

  Nathan was hugging me. It wasn’t tight, and probably much looser than he would’ve liked, but he was hugging me. I let out a sob as I realized he was the first man to ever hold me like this.

  And I had survived.

  He kissed my cheek, where a lone tear had nestled on its way down. “I love you.” His voice cracked with emotion as he kissed my other cheek. “I love everything about you. What you did just now? Telling me about what happened to you, and then being brave enough to let me hold you like this. . .you amaze me. And I promise to work my ass off every single day just to be worthy enough to call you mine. I love you. . .I am in love with you.”

  He kissed me then, long and hard, full of promise and hope for the future, whatever that might be. “Don’t ever leave me again. Promise me.”

  I slid my hands around his waist and squeezed. “Cross my heart,” I vowed.

  I laughed as he picked me up and headed to his bedroom.

  I was finally home.

  Epilogue

  Reagan

  It had been a year since the day I came back to Nathan.

  A year since Katherine’s accident . . . since learning my brother was Nathan’s best friend.

  And so much has happened in that year.

  Katherine came out of rehab a completely different person. She loved the sun, the beaches, and the change in pace that California offered and decided to stay after her stint in rehab was officially over. She’d quietly filed for divorce from Roger, who true to his word, had foot the bill for her entire rehab stay. He’d contested nothing in the divorce, and Katherine, although still looking the part of Upper East Side royalty, now volunteered at a variety of alcohol and addiction centers and chaired several charity events geared around bringing awareness to these awful issues and helping others make the final step toward seeking treatment. She was vibrant and alive, passionate about the work she did, and Nathan had remarked more than once that this was the woman he’d known during his childhood.

  Nathan and I had flown out several times those first few months, checking on her progress and then helping her through the divorce. Finally, four months ago we’d decided to stay as well. Nathan had found an amazing place just off the coast, complete with a small guest home for Katherine and an extra room for Helen when she visited. Katherine had insisted on keeping her own place, but Nathan wasn’t having any of it. They’d missed out on so much the years she’d been drinking and were learning how to truly be mother and son all over again.

  I missed Brooke and Jacob terribly, but we Skyped on the regular. I met my nephew before we moved, and Jacob had brought him out when we’d first moved to spend a week. Jacob’s practice is really taking off and Brooke seemed to enjoy working there. Neither had mentioned it, but there was a certain spark when each of them talked about the other that had Nathan and me laughing at night over how obvious it was. I wasn’t sure where that was going, but it made my heart happy to think that maybe they had found in each other a way to heal.

  I have done some healing of my own in the last year. Returning to therapy, and a lot of love and patience from Nathan, has helped. I have made peace with my past the best I know how, and have discovered that laying on the couch with Nathan’s arms wrapped around me, watching a movie and eating takeout, is one of my favorite pastimes. I barely register any anxiety when he holds me, although he still at times will pause and make sure he’s not holding too tight or doing something I feel uncomfortable with. I love him for that.

  Part of making peace with my past is letting go of the things that are constant reminders. So while I haven’t completely gotten rid of them, my mother’s picture and her dress are safely tucked away in a moving box in our basement, so I didn’t have to be reminded of her every time I opened my closet. It was past time for me to move on from those memories and create new ones of my own.

  Nathan is kept busy with Winston Suites, but he tries to keep travel to a minimum and I go with him as often as I can. Since we’ve moved out here, he has also became a sponsor of a local boys club and spends time there playing sports or talking with kids there, who just need some extra love and support. It is during those times when my heart swells with so much love that sometimes I feel it will literally burst.

  I have been doing free-lance web design work, and have discovered that adding Elite to my resume has opened doors I never thought possible. Nathan has even ‘hired’ me to do some work for the hotel, and perhaps one day I will even go into business for myself. But for now, I am content.

  No one has heard from Roger since the divorce was final, and I know it still hurts Nathan, but he’s learning to deal with it. Katherine, too. Despite the fact that theirs was an arranged marriage, done so because she’d ended up pregnant with Thom
as, and her father had demanded it, she had in the early years grown to love Roger. But life with him hadn’t gone the way she’d hoped, and her alcohol had dulled more than just the aftermath of Thomas’s death. They were both healing and learning to turn the page on that chapter of their lives.

  “You ready?”

  I turned to see Jacob standing in the doorway, looking incredibly handsome in his gray suit.

  “Absolutely.” I picked up my flowers, took his arm, and let him lead me outside past all the guests sitting on the lawn, past Bailey and James who’d flown in last night, past Helen who gave me a giant thumbs up, past Katherine who was simultaneously crying and smiling.

  Leading me toward my groom, standing there with so much love in those green eyes, no doubt already planning for the moment when he could strip this Versace gown from my body.

  I handed my flowers to Brooke, kissed Jacob’s cheek and then took Nathan’s hand. Whatever may come, whatever life brought our way, we would accept the challenge. . ...........together.

  Always and forever.

  The End