by Emma Davies
It took several goes before Ned finally answered his phone. That wasn’t unusual – he often didn’t hear it or wasn’t in a position to answer straight away – but when he did answer Flora could tell she’d called at a bad time. He was clearly talking to someone else as he connected the call, his voice loud and strident, but then he paused for moment and she had a sudden mental image of him checking the caller display before he softened his voice to greet her.
‘I’m sorry, Flora, I’m with the vet.’
‘Oh… problems?’
There was an audible sigh. ‘Always. Listen, never mind, have you heard?’
‘Ned, he’s okay. I’ve spoken with the hospital and the operation went well. We can’t see him until tomorrow, but he’s in recovery at the moment and then he’ll be moved to intensive care. The nurse said they’d take good care of him… Ned?’ She had lost him for a moment.
When his voice came back on the line it was choked with emotion. ‘Sorry, Flora… that’s good, isn’t it?’
‘It’s all we can hope for at the moment. But there’s no reason to think that things won’t go well from here. Your dad’s a strong man.’
‘Aye…’
She hated hearing him so upset and would have given anything to be able to wrap her arms around him. ‘Listen, isn’t there any way you can come to the house, just for a little bit?’
There was a long pause. ‘Oh, Flora, you don’t know what you’re saying. I wish I could, but it just isn’t possible.’
She could hear him pulling himself together, and that made her feel even worse. She wished that he didn’t have to, that he could just let all his emotion go.
‘Is Mum okay?’
Flora smiled down the phone. ‘Relieved. A bit stunned actually. She’s gone to have a lie-down.’
‘Okay… listen, Flora, I’m sorry, I have to go. I’ll see you later, yeah?’
‘You will… Things will be okay you know, Ned.’
There was a long pause. ‘I’ll see you later… Love you.’
‘I love you too…’ But Ned had already gone.
Right, that’s it. It was time to leave the house. She marched back into the kitchen and opened the pantry door, taking several trays of eggs and placing them into the wicker basket that Hannah used to transport them.
‘Come on, Brodie,’ she called. ‘Get your coat, we’re going out.’
She scarcely even thought about what she looked like, jamming a purple hat onto her mass of curls and pulling on her boots. It was definitely milder today, but she’d still need her warm coat and the fact that it clashed horribly with her skirt and leggings was of no concern. She was ready to go before Brodie had even made it to the door.
It was only after a couple of minutes, when she realised that Brodie was lagging way behind her, that she slowed her pace and waited for the elderly dog to catch her up.
‘I’m sorry, boy,’ she said. ‘I’ve got a bit of a route march going on. And you don’t know what’s in my head, do you? So if it looks like I’m trying to run away, well…’ She trailed off as the dog reached her. Then she took a deep breath, ruffled the fur on top of his head and started off again, much slower this time.
The air was still a little fresh, but it felt like the first time for days that Flora was actually breathing it in. She pushed back her shoulders and consciously tried to let them drop, relaxing into the rhythm of walking rather than hunching herself over.
Under normal circumstances a day like today would have filled Flora with joy. She would have revelled in the beauty of the natural world around her and the sheer wonderment of all it had to offer. And she could feel this same sensation today, but it felt as if it was behind glass and she couldn’t quite reach it. She knew there was a huge amount to feel grateful for, but this only made her sense of detachment from the outside world worse. She cared for Fraser and Hannah, and it broke her up to see the family so upset and in total disarray, Ned especially. But in a very short space of time her life had also changed beyond measure and, right now, she had no idea where it was headed. Everything was in total freefall, and yet she felt trapped at the same time.
She stopped and looked around her. There was nothing she could do about it, nothing any of them could do about it. One day at a time was all she could cope with. Get through it and on to the next, and trust that somehow, in some way, the path would become clear once more.
After checking that Brodie was happy to wait outside, Flora pushed open the door to the shop with its tinkly bell and walked inside, amazed again at just how much was crammed in here, and how much it looked like her parents’ front room when she had been growing up.
‘Afternoon!’ Grace’s sunny greeting was like a breath of fresh air. She was about to say something else but instead she stopped and came around the counter, taking Flora’s arms gently and easing her to one side.
‘I heard about Fraser,’ she said in a low voice. ‘You must be out of your minds with worry.’
‘Well…’ Flora was hesitant. The fact that Fraser’s heart attack was seemingly common knowledge ought not to surprise her, given how small a community it was, but she still didn’t want to say too much.
‘More importantly,’ continued Grace, ‘is there anything I can do to help?’ She looked around her at the shop, which was empty of customers. ‘I could put the kettle on?’
Perhaps there was something in Flora’s face that had given away how she was feeling; the suggestion was perfect.
‘Do you know, that would be wonderful.’ She gave a grateful smile.
Grace slipped back behind the counter, reappearing a few moments later with a packet of chocolate Hobnobs. ‘Get one of these in you first,’ she said. ‘The tea won’t be long.’ She patted a stool next to hers behind the counter and Flora needed no second invitation.
‘I just came in to drop off some more eggs actually.’ She held out the basket for inspection. ‘Are you sure it’s okay?’
‘What, the eggs? Of course it’s okay. I think Hannah has a pretty firm arrangement with Bill. He takes whatever she can provide.’
Flora smiled. ‘I didn’t actually mean the eggs… I meant the tea and sympathy…’
Grace took her own seat and fixed her with a stern expression. ‘Friendship, Flora. I’m not the vicar’s wife, I don’t do tea and sympathy.’ The corners of her mouth twitched and Flora’s smile widened into a grin.
‘That’s me told then,’ she said.
‘Yep… and if you don’t mind me saying, you look like you could use a friend right now. You look as if your brain’s going in twenty different directions at once.’
Flora groaned. ‘It feels like it. There’s been rather a lot to take in.’
Grace nodded in understanding. ‘Now, first things first. How is Fraser?’
‘Double bypass,’ she said, swallowing. ‘He had it this morning. We’ve just found out it went okay, but he’s in recovery now and we can’t really see him until tomorrow. So, Hannah’s gone to have a lie-down and I’ve—’
‘Escaped?’
‘You’ll think I’m awful…’
Grace narrowed her eyes. ‘On the contrary, I think you’re behaving entirely normally.’ She shook her head. ‘I had no idea it was so serious though, Caroline didn’t mention anything about an operation.’
‘Caroline?’
There was a long pause. ‘You didn’t realise? How else do you think we all know what’s going on?’
Flora sighed.
‘Take no notice of her, Flora. Caroline is a shameless gossip. I think she sees it as her duty to the community in some way, keeping us all informed. Mind you, they do own most of the land around here, and quite a few of the people as well—’ She clapped a hand over her lips. ‘Hush my mouth, what am I saying?’ She winked. ‘I just mean that when you’re in that position it’s only natural to want to keep tabs on what’s happening locally, and Caroline does a very good job of fulfilling her obligations in that regard. She’s very well networked… if you catch
my drift…’
‘Oh, I can imagine.’ Flora rolled her eyes.
A shrill whistling sound came from the little kitchen. Grace hopped off her stool. ‘Back in a sec,’ she said.
Flora pulled the packet of biscuits towards her and took out two of the intensely sweet treats. She stuffed the first one into her mouth practically whole.
‘So, backtracking a little,’ said Grace, putting down a mug of tea a few moments later. ‘A double bypass sounds harrowing stuff. I imagine that must be pretty hard for all of you to get your heads around. How is Hannah taking it?’
Flora weighed up the question. ‘At the moment? I’m honestly not sure. She’s very upset obviously, and she’s gone through every emotion possible in the last few days. It’s going to mean a massive adjustment for everyone at the farm, and I’m not sure she’s fully realised quite what that’s going to mean.’ She paused. ‘I’m not being critical, I don’t know how I’d react in her situation and everything has happened so fast. I’m not actually sure how you’re supposed to deal with it. Time, I guess.’
‘A great healer, so folks reckon,’ replied Grace. ‘Not sure that’s always true. Sometimes the longer something goes on the more unbearable it becomes…’ She stopped and took a sip of her tea, staring out across the room. ‘But even then, I suppose what does happen is that you learn to develop coping mechanisms… But in this case I’m sure things will improve day by day. Fraser’s a tough old boot. I can’t see him giving up without a fight.’
Flora blew across the surface of her mug to cool her tea. She wasn’t entirely sure Grace had been talking about Hannah for a moment, but she nodded.
‘And I’ve known Hannah for years,’ added Grace. ‘She’s got a heart of gold, even if she has always been a bit of a stick in the mud…’
‘Yes, you live next door,’ said Flora, looking up. ‘Sorry, I didn’t know.’
Grace pulled a face. ‘I should have said when we first met. Force of habit, I’m afraid. I don’t always mention where I live… a lot of people around here know the house and jump to conclusions, usually the wrong ones.’ She tutted. ‘But that’s my story, for another day. So, Fraser is probably going to be okay, and Hannah as well as can be expected. What about Ned? And you of course, who seems to have been dumped in the middle of all of this from a great height.’
Flora stared at her.
‘What? Well you have, haven’t you?’
Flora wasn’t about to disagree; she just hadn’t banked on such a shrewd assessment from someone she barely knew. She gave a rueful smile.
‘It has been a bit of a shock,’ she admitted. ‘But there’s not a lot I can do to change anything. It’s Ned I’m worried about though. There’s too much work for just one person, and he’s pretty stressed already. Worried about his dad of course, but now with all the added responsibility he’s going to have to take on, I can see him making himself ill if he’s not careful.’
‘And in one fell swoop, Flora has gone from beautiful siren, yet thoroughly respectable prospective daughter-in-law, to carer for the whole lot of them.’
Flora blushed. ‘It’s not that bad,’ she protested, but then she leant closer. ‘I’ve never been called a siren before,’ she whispered. ‘Goodness…’
Grace grinned. ‘Jet-black hair, huge green eyes, an obvious artistic temperament and possessing a way of wearing clothes I could only dream of… Who are you kidding? No wonder you have Ned well and truly under your spell.’
‘I think you must be a little bit witchy yourself,’ said Flora, sitting back.
Grace tapped her nose. ‘I talk to my bees,’ she said. ‘They tell me everything…’ She stretched out the last word for several seconds, and then burst out laughing.
‘Of course!’ Flora slapped her forehead. ‘The honey we buy… It’s yours, isn’t it?’
Grace simply smiled. ‘You must come over and see my hives sometime,’ she replied. ‘You were a florist in a previous life and bees like flowers.’ She put down her mug. ‘In fact, if you could see your way to planting a few more up at the farm that would be perfect. It’s not a good time for bees just now.’
‘No, I’ve heard.’ Flora’s face brightened. ‘But you know, when Hannah and I were trying to keep busy this morning, we planted up a load of seeds as it happens. Come the summer we’ll be overflowing with flowers.’
‘Well then, you must definitely come and see them. And my garden is my absolute pride and joy; you might enjoy seeing that too.’
Flora blushed again. ‘I’d like that, thank you. I’ve been wondering a little what there might be that can get me out of the house. That sounds awful, doesn’t it, but… I have a feeling I might have need of it.’
Grace smiled. ‘I’m certain of it,’ she said. ‘I’m only here two days a week –Wednesdays and Fridays – and apart from that I’m usually at home, so come and visit whenever you like, there doesn’t need to be a reason. And don’t forget I still want to see your prints, so perhaps you can bring them with you next time?’
Flora’s face fell. ‘I’d have liked to have completed a few more by now, but it’s difficult at the moment as you can imagine. There isn’t much time for airy-fairy stuff.’
‘Oh…? That doesn’t sound like you.’
Flora chose her words carefully. ‘It’s been pointed out that my role on the farm is to support Ned’s work, not indulge my hobbies.’
‘Ah. Now that sounds like Hannah talking.’ She smiled. ‘We’ve been friends for nearly thirty years and there are many things I greatly admire her for, but her artistic ability is not one of them. She’s just not made that way, Flora. But it’s only her opinion, don’t forget; it doesn’t mean you have to put that side of you to bed. Granted, things are harder at the moment with Fraser being so poorly, but they will improve.’ She broke off, thinking. ‘In fact, if it helps, you’re very welcome to visit just so that you can have a quiet space in which to draw. I’ve got plenty of room.’
‘Could I?’ asked Flora, astonished. ‘Would you really do that for me?’
Grace smiled. ‘Of course! You’re welcome to visit whenever you like, and for whatever reason.’ She pushed the packet of biscuits back towards Flora. ‘Don’t underestimate the strain Fraser’s illness is going to put on you, Flora. You’re a strong independent young woman, anyone can see that, but you’re going to have to wear several hats over the coming months, and I’m not just talking about the fetching number you have on today. That’s not going to be easy, but when the going gets tough, surround yourself with the things you love and remind yourself that there will be a reason why you’re here, why all this has happened, and when you discover what that is, everything else will fall into place…’
Flora’s eyes widened and her hand hovered somewhere near her heart. ‘You really believe that, don’t you?’
‘Of course I believe it,’ she said, throwing her head back and laughing out loud. ‘Because it’s true.’ She lowered her voice again. ‘The bees told me, and didn’t I tell you, they’re never wrong…’
Chapter Thirteen
‘Oh, my God, Ned, it was dreadful. It didn’t even look like him. Fraser was in there somewhere, but on the surface you couldn’t see him at all.’ And then she stopped. ‘Oh shit… sorry, that came out so badly…’ The images that had played on a loop through her head the entire time she had been driving home from the hospital were slowly beginning to lose their sharpness, but they would stay with her for quite some time to come.
‘It’s just that your dad’s such a big bloke, and he looked so small surrounded by all those wires and tubes and monitors.’ She took a deep breath and squeezed Ned’s hand. ‘But… the main thing is that he’s okay, and the nurses say he’s right where he should be at this point. In fact, he might even be able to move out of intensive care and back up to the normal ward tomorrow, all being well, and then home just before next weekend. I mean, how is that even possible? How can someone have such major surgery and be home in a week? I don’t know whether
to think it’s irresponsible or just plain miraculous.’
She was aware that she was jabbering, trying to fill the silence that Ned was making no attempt to fill himself. It was lunchtime and he was steadily making his way through a plateful of sandwiches that Flora had made in a daze.
Ned swallowed and nodded. ‘Where’s Mum?’
‘She’s popped out to get a few things for Fraser.’ She paused. ‘I think she wanted a little time on her own… this morning came as a bit of a shock. But it’s early days, you know. And he’ll be better tomorrow, and the next day…’
Ned took another bite of his sandwich and Flora watched him, tucking her hair behind her ears. She wasn’t sure he had properly looked at her yet. She reached out a hand.
‘Ned?’
He looked up.
‘Your dad was asking about you. He’d love to see you, you know.’
He gave her a sheepish smile. ‘I feel a bit pathetic actually. It’s not that I don’t want to see Dad, I do, but he’ll ask me about the farm and I really don’t know what to say to him. How can I tell him that we need him here and that it’s killing me doing everything by myself? Even if I don’t tell him, he’ll know anyway. He’ll take one look at me and tell me it’s as plain as the nose on my face, you know what he’s like. I can’t do that to him, think how he’ll feel.’
She knew there had been some reason for his reluctance. ‘Oh, Ned,’ she said gently. ‘Do you not think he’ll feel like that anyway? He’s not daft, he knows the score, and yes, he probably does feel guilty as hell, but he’d still like to see you.’
She could see the indecision on Ned’s face. It was understandable, and she was still convinced it was tinged with a fear of what he might find when he got to the hospital, but nonetheless it worried her. She hadn’t thought Ned was the type to keep secrets and yet she was beginning to wonder if things were worse than he was letting on, even to her.