Forgive Me

by Ashley Beale

  “Blue.”

  “Red.”

  I turn my head to look at Bray with a raised Bray. “Baby blue?” It comes out more like a question.

  She shakes her head no with a sly smile. “Red. Dark pink. No… zebra print!”

  I glare at her. “No way in hell.”

  “Purple?”

  I roll my eyes. “I’ll go with light pink.”

  The manicurist looks at us like we’re smoking some serious drugs. “Light pink then?” the lady asks.

  I grin. “Light pink.”

  Bray snorts. “Pathetic. I’m going with neon green.”

  We both relax into our seats as our manicurists take our hands and make our nails look pretty. Well, my nails will look pretty, hers will look like she is ten. Oh well, we’ve always had different tastes with things. We always did that is. I think that is why we became so close when we were younger. She was the devil, I was the angel, and together we just made sense.

  Once our nails are done, we relax into the oversized leather chairs and they work on our feet. We got our colors matching our fingers, and I’m not going to lie, this is exactly what I’ve needed all along. Its relaxing and the stress just rolls off me. The only thing that would feel better right now is if I were to get a massage.

  The two of us sip on our complimentary wine and skip conversation. If not for the ticklish feel on my feet every now and again, I’m sure I’d fall asleep. Once our toes are done, we both sit in our chairs, waiting for the paint to dry, then we get up and make our way to the cashier.

  Just as we’re finishing up, Bray says, “There, that was great! Now for some lunch at the Olive Garden, and you can tell me all about you showing up at Zander’s last night.”

  We turn around and spot Emerson standing behind us with Faith and who I assume to be her two bridesmaids. Oh shit, they must be getting their nails done for the wedding. Her hands are perched on her hips and she is smiling at me in a gotcha! type of way. “Yes, what were you doing at our house last night? And how come I didn’t know about this?”

  I try to avoid looking in Faith’s direction, not wanting to make this anymore awkward for her, and not to give away that I repeated her secret. I play it off, trying to act nonchalant about the whole ordeal. “Oh, I just showed up last night before I headed home to ask him about if you guys have a honeymoon or anything, because we’re leaving on Thursday and if he wanted to spend more time with Justin, now is the time.”

  Hey, its not a complete lie. That may not be the reason I actually went there, but that was all said. And she seems to believe me. “Well, then, sorry you two are leaving. Its been nice to get to know Justin. I’m sure Zander is going to miss him.” She smiles sweetly and I kind of want to gag. Its interesting how she can so easily put on this sweet, innocent act in front of everyone, including her friends. Does anyone besides me call bullshit? Then again, I thought she was perfection before last night, that is why I was so damn jealous of her. Now I hate her.

  “Yeah, sorry for just showing up. Have a great wedding, Emerson.” It hurts my heart to say that, but its obvious Zander made his choice- he didn’t believe me and he is going to marry Emerson no matter what.

  “Thank you, Lexi,” she says as I start to walk off with Bray. I wave in Faith’s direction and try to give her an apologetic look. I have a feeling she had no idea about me showing up at Zander’s last night either, and I’m sure her heart is pounding wondering if I ratted her out or not.

  Once we get out of the mall, Bray tosses her arm around my shoulders. “I hate that girl.”

  “You’re not the only one.”

  “Let’s go get drunk.”

  For once, getting drunk before noon actually sounds like a grand idea!

  I saw that you were perfect and so I loved you.

  Then I saw that you were not perfect,

  And I loved you even more.

  –Unknown

  “Shots?” I look at Bray in disgust when the bartender turns from us to get us a total of six shots of something called Gladiator.

  She grins at me. “Unless you want the straight Whiskey?”

  “No way!” I shake my head back and forth.

  “At least I’m letting you have a chaser.”

  I scoff. “Yeah, one that contains alcohol!”

  She waves it off as if this is no big deal. Does she not know I’m going to be throwing up before I’m finished three shots and a drink? It’s all hard alcohol, something I cannot handle.

  “Listen,” she says, “the love of your life is about to get married to some cheating whore. You still have to decide if you’re going back to Ohio or sticking around Arlington. You’re mom just passed away, and you’re kind of in the middle of hell. Get drunk, throw up a little, drink some more, and pass the hell out. You need it, girlfriend. And I’ll be there to hold your hair, and to place wet cloths on your forehead. Whatever it is you need.”

  The bartender slides a tray of our shots and drinks in front of us and smiles sadly in my direction. “On the house. Sounds like you need it.” He winks in my direction before walking away.

  Bray slaps my arm and when I look at her dumbfounded, she grins wider than ever. “Hell yeah! Let’s get these babies thrown down.”

  I pucker up before I even place the first shot glass to my lips. I can smell the whiskey and it causes me to shiver all over, but I also can smell a hint of citrus and decide this can’t be all that bad. Can it? Ugh, well here goes nothing. I cling my glass with Bray and toss back the shot. It burns deep in the back of my throat and I can’t help pinching my face together as I smack my hand down on the table. “Fuck,” I shot out.

  Bray’s eyes are wide when I look in her direction. “Loving the potty mouth,” she says. I roll my eyes at her and she picks up another shot. “Round two, lets go!”

  By the time we get through the first three shots- surprisingly with no chaser- we start sipping on our drinks. My entire body is warm and buzzing, but I like the feeling. We skipped out on the Olive Garden and came to this bar and grill instead, then we had a small lunch before she ordered the shots. That is when I told her absolutely everything about what happened yesterday with Zander, including him coming to my rescue. It’s probably a good thing we ate first, because I’d probably already be hammered if not.

  “I don’t think I should meet your hubby today,” I tell her.

  She laughs. “Because you’re drinking?” I nod my head. “That is fine, we can do that tomorrow if you want instead. If you’re able to get out of bed.”

  “I can’t just lay in bed tomorrow, I’ll just wallow in self pity, and that is not me. I need to hold my head high and be strong.”

  “You’ve seen what happens when you do that for too long.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  She places her drink down on the table and looks very serious. “You take all your excessive energy and force it into making things right with your son, or working hard, or this or that. You don’t take any time for yourself, because you don’t want to feel bad for yourself. You don’t think you deserve moments of your own. And good for you, I’m glad you’re doing so great, and I’m thrilled that you’ve made such a wonderful life for yourself and Justin. But because of that, you’re still single, you don’t ever get laid, you’re still obsessed with a man you haven’t even seen or even talked to in a decade. You need to take time out of your busy schedule to be happy, Lexi. Truly happy, not this facade of happiness.”

  My stomach turns at what she says, because she is completely right on the ball, and I don’t think I saw it that way until she just brought it all up.

  “So let’s have another drink and when this is gone, you can call up mystery man from two weeks ago, and you can have an all nighter with him.”

  Then my stomach churns for a whole new reason. “Um, that isn’t a good idea. I’d rather not.”

  “Come on, why not? You haven’t even told me who he is, anyways.” She brings the straw back to her lips and starts to sip on
the drink, looking at me curiously.

  I look down at the table. “You don’t even want to know.”

  “Oh, come on, Lex, we never used to have secrets.”

  I sigh and mumble out, “Your brother.”

  Bray starts coughing and has to place her drink back down, coughing even harder and trying so hard not to laugh. I stare at her ashamed of my admittance. When she is able to breathe correctly, she glares at me but in a comical way. “You hoochie flavored Popsicle! I should hate you for that. But I can’t, because I’m proud of you for having a one-nighter. And with someone somewhat normal.”

  I look down again and fiddle with my hands, mumbling out, “Three.”

  “Three, what?”

  “Three times.” I’m so embarrassed, I can’t even look at her.

  She all of a sudden starts laughing. “Well damn. I’m going to slap him upside the head next time I see him, but good for you! So even though I’m slightly distrubed discussing my brother, why can’t you go for it again? Or find someone new?”

  I look back over at her, still ashamed. “It just wasn’t right. It wasn’t what I wanted. Or rather, who I wanted. It was… nice… but it wasn’t-“

  “Zander.”

  “Right.”

  “But sweetie,” she says, reaching over to cup her hand over the back of mine. “It never will be. And I’m sorry for that, because we know he deserves better than Emerson, but you need to move on. You have to. This isn’t healthy.”

  I finish off my drink and the only thing I say back is, “I want another now.”

  I’ve never felt this way. I thought I had been drunk before, but this… no, this is drunk. Apparently I’ve only ever been buzzed before. And this isn’t good. I feel like I own the universe, I feel invincible, I feel beautiful and outgoing. I feel boundless! But I know that if I keep going, I’ll be sick, and all the exuberance I feel right now will disappear!

  But until then, I sure as heck am going to enjoy myself.

  Bray and I got into fun talk and finished up two more drinks. The bartender dropped off one more in front of me, but with the first sip I felt off and knew it was my cut off point. I’m done drinking and I’m just going to enjoy my drunken state.

  These two guys joined our table a little while ago, and we’ve been asking them random, dumb questions. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life. It’s to the point that every time I chuckle, I feel crampy, but I don’t care. I needed this, especially today.

  “So, if you had could have one superpower, what would it be?” I ask them.

  The one with a blonde faux hawk is the first to answer. “I’d have the ability to understand women. They’re confusing creatures.”

  I glare at him. “We’re not confusing. We love romance and sex and to be put first. You get those down, you understand women.”

  He grins. “I wish it were so easy.”

  The second guy with black buzzed hair goes next. This guy makes me laugh the most, there is just something about him, like a natural personality that flows. The sparkle in his gray eyes makes it known he is about to say something perverted. “My superpower would be able to play the guitar and sing well.”

  “Wait, that isn’t perverted,” I blurt out loud.

  He laughs and says, “Well you didn’t ask me why.”

  “Oh, right. Okay, why would that be your superpower? Its kind of a dumb power.”

  He leans forward and says huskily. “Panties drop in an instant when a guy is on stage, playing his guitar and singing to the audience. Its as if every girl out there things he is singing just for them. Rock stars are Gods, seriously, they can get laid easier than Hugh Heffner. Yeah, if I had a superpower, it’d certainly to have that ability.”

  See? I can’t help but laugh. I wish this guy were my best friend.

  “You’re a pig, but that is why I like you,” Bray says to him.

  He leans back in his chair, placing his hands behind his head. “Yeah, well, its honesty.” He winks in my direction and I can’t help but blush just a little. Not that you can even tell, since the alcohol has sort of turned my face and neck a pink hue anyways.

  “Your turn,” I tell Bray.

  She thinks on it for a moment. “I’d be invisible.”

  “Boring,” I tell her.

  “No, not boring. Can you imagine how rich I’d be? I could turn invisible, rob banks or dumbasses. Oh the life I’d have.”

  I cock my head at her. “Aren’t you rich already?”

  She waves a hand in my direction. “I’m above average, probably, but rich? No. Hell no. I want to be a billionaire.”

  I just laugh and think about what my superpower would be. I honestly don’t have an idea in mind of what I’d want for a power. Theirs were all good ones, and pretty unique. Or their reasoning at least is unique. Me, well, I just always wanted to be able to fly, but now that just sounds dumb.

  “Come on, you’re next,” Bray says.

  “Okay, well, if I had any superpower, I guess it’d be the ability to change people’s minds. To have everything go in my favor, no matter what the circumstance is.”

  Everyone just kind of nods at me like the weird person I am. I shrug my shoulders, as in saying, it’s true. “With the right argument, you could have everything go in your favor,” the blonde guy says.

  “No, that is so far from the truth its frustrating. I’ve pleaded, cried, been manipulative, tried reverse psychology, but nope, nothing. He just doesn’t love me.”

  It goes silent around me and I realize I just admitted to much more than I meant to out loud. I guess this is what happens when you drink too much. Oops. “Uh, okay, so next question,” the dark haired guy says.

  “No,” Bray says. “Come on, Lexi. You have an hour before the wedding. Lets stop it.”

  “What wedding?” One of the guys asks, but my focus is not on them. It’s on Bray.

  “I’m drunk, Bray. This would be… horrible. What would Justin think?”

  “Who is Justin? Is he the one getting married?” the same guy says.

  I turn and look at them, all of sudden annoyed by their presence. “No, Justin is my son. His dad is Zander, he is about to marry a whore. And I love him.”

  Both of them look pretty shocked, but the blonde one that hasn’t had anything to drink stands up. “Let’s go break up a wedding then!”

  It’s beautiful, even in my drunken state I could tell you that. Kind of a dream wedding actually. It’s right at Jones’ Plantation, off to the right where its mostly a giant field. Using three small, white tents and one large one, the perfect canopy has been made. There are dazzling white lights strung throughout the tents, and all the chairs are a lilac color.

  The largest table displays their four tier wedding cake, all white with a lilac-purple drizzle. Surrounding tables have crystal vases filled with gorgeous bouquets, with what seems to be the plate ware they’ll be using for the reception, which is going to be right here after the wedding.

  Pure jealously flushes through my body but so doesn’t panic, and right now, I’m not so sure I can actually do this. Guests are already showing up as the wedding planning service is adding finalized touches. Zander must have paid a fair share of money for this wedding, and I know he loves Emerson, but I love him more. And I know, deep down, that he still has feelings for me. He’s kissed me, he told me he couldn’t even look at Emerson when I showed up in town, and she is a lying, cheating bitch. Yeah, I said it. A bitch.

  So even though this may be very wrong to do, I have to do it. Its now or never, because in less than an hour, she’ll be walking down the aisle, saying ‘I do’ to the man of my dreams. To man I love. And me, well, I’ll forever be heart broken.

  “Where do you think he is?” I ask Bray. “I don’t want to run into Emerson or her bridesmaids. They’ll know why I’m here.”

  She looks around, chewing on her lip. I can barely focus right now, with all the alcohol I had, but thankfully adrenaline sort of took over and flushed out so
me of the intoxicated feeling. Bray, however, seems pretty normal. Buzzing a bit, but most certainly not drunk. I’m a little jealous of her alcohol tolerance.

  She steps away from me and up to a girl with a white button-down blouse and dark tie. Obviously someone helping cater to the wedding. “Excuse me, miss? Do you happen to know where the groom is? I’m his sister, and he forgot the rings at home.”

  The girl looks horrified. “Oh, wow, um. Yeah. From what I know he is in the house. I believe my boss said something about the downstairs guest room, but I’m not completely sure. I can double check if you want.”

  “No, that is fine. Do you happen to know where the bride is? I just don’t want to run into her, because she’d probably question why I was finding my brother, and she’d be heartbroken to know he left the rings behind.”

  She smiles and nods her head. “Oh yes, Ms. Reardon is in the upstairs master suite. You should have no worries.” She winks at Bray and continues with her flower arrangement.

  Bray turns to me. “Okay, Lexi Lou, let’s go find my brother. That way I can slap him upside the head for forgetting these rings.” She smiles as she slips her arm around my elbow, pulling me along.

  As we get to the house, panic strikes me hard, and all of a sudden I’m not so sure I can actually break up someone’s wedding. “Bray, I can’t do this. I can’t.”

  “Liquid courage,” she states. “You can. And if it doesn’t work, or if you’re embarrassed, just blame it on the alcohol.”

  I grunt as Bray starts signing, “Blame it goose, got you feeling loose, blame it on Patron, got you in the zone, blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol, blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol.”

  We reach the downstairs guest room, and the only reason I know where it is, is because I used to come here in the summer with Zander. He worked here about ten hours a week, making some extra cash. It really should be no surprise that he’d take this place over one day. We had tons of fun in this guest room too. Nothing major, just making out, sometimes exploring first base. Tingles between my legs take over as thoughts come rushing through.