Forgive Me

by Ashley Beale

  He looks livid, and honestly, I cannot blame him. He stands from behind his desk and shakes his head. “Ms. Bennett, please clear out your desk and leave the premise immediately. Anything you need from this company can be dealt with by contact HR.”

  I stand up and try to smile. “Again, I apologize Mr. Peabody. I hate doing this to you. I owe you greatly.”

  He doesn’t nod his head or show me any other acknowledgment, so I turn around and leave his office, feeling a pain inside but knowing I’m doing the right thing. I knew it was the right thing before it was even done.

  I had talked with Zander Wednesday when he picked up Justin. I told him that I chose Texas, but not just for him. I wanted Justin to have his dad and his family. I wanted him to be able to work part time at the farm or Plantation during vacations, until he was old enough to have a part time job. I wanted to be close to my family again. It all made sense to move back home.

  Yeah, I said it… home.

  So Zander told me that he knew of someone who had a job opening, and even though I hadn’t ever dreamed of being a receptionist, it was something that paid well enough, especially since I’ll be living with my dad for now, so I can save my money up. We agreed to every other weekends with Justin, and to being friends with one another.

  I had called Nan up once Zander had taken off, and she was sad to know I’d be sticking around but was thrilled that I finally connected with my family and said she’d be nothing but supportive of me. We also had a long talk, because she is getting to the age she’s going to need help functioning in the next few years. She made promises that if it got to be too much, she’d move into a nursing home or at least an ‘old folks home’ as she called it. It made me feel good she knows that she can only take care of herself for so long.

  Everyone was happy for us, and in return, I was even happier with the situation.

  “I think that is everything,” I say to Kenneth. He is one of our neighbors and helped me put things into the moving truck. He is an older man, maybe fifty five, and although he is about fifteen years younger than Nan, I always wished the two would get together.

  “Alright kiddo. I’m sure going to miss you.” He pulls me in for a hug and I return it. He was like an uncle to me over the years, one that helped me out if I were desperate enough to ask someone for it.

  “I’ll miss you too. Please keep an eye on Nan.”

  He smiles at me. “I sure will. Please keep us updated. I’d like pictures now again. Or better yet, why don’t you get on one of those Facebook things.”

  I grin at him and a peace of mind takes over. I can finally have social networking with fear of being found. “I think I’ll do just that once I get settled in. I’ll make sure to look for you.”

  We chat for a few more minutes before Justin and Nan make their way outside. “Truck is loaded and ready to go.”

  Nan nods her head, looking at the large truck taking up residence on the curb in front of her home. "What time will that thing be gone?”

  “Nine a.m. is what I was told.” I hired a moving company to take the truck of my belongings down to Texas, too scared to make the drive myself. I paid to insure the truck, which covers everything inside of it, but even so I’m pretty nervous about something happening to my belongings. Thankfully I don’t have anything super valuable or any furniture, its mostly clothes, books, Justin’s sports equipment- things that can be replaced easy enough, given the right amount of money.

  “Good. Your plane leaves in three hours, we should probably get you to the airport so you can get checked in.”

  We say bye to Kenneth, and make our way into Nan’s car. She drives us to the airport, and when she drops us off, I can’t help but break into tears. “I promise I’ll come visit,” I tell her between sobs.

  “You hush up, you hear. You’re going to make an old woman cry. I’ll see you when I see you, and if I don’t, its been a fun ride.” When I pull away from her I give her a small glare and she chuckles. “Go on now, I’m gonna push you on outta here if you don’t get going.”

  With a sigh, I exit the car and allow Justin to climb into the front seat to hug and kiss Nan as well. I feel bad I’m taking him away from his grandmother, but I know he is going to find it worth it once he gets to see his dad and the rest of the family all the time.

  This plane ride was much better as I was able to actually read without my mind drifting, while Justin watched the movie that was playing. When we land in Texas, I look all around for Clay’s car, as he said he would be picking me up. I glance at my cellphone to make sure we didn’t land too early or too late, but its almost right on time. Maybe he is running late.

  That is when a lifted black pickup truck grabs at my attention. I smack Justin’s arm and point. “It looks like your dad is the one to pick us up.” That perks Justin up even more, and the two of us make our way in that direction.

  As we get close, Zander climbs out of the truck and makes his way in our direction. He grabs our carry-ons out of Justin’s grip and one of the suitcase’s I’m currently holding. He throws them into the bed of the truck and turns to Justin. “How was your flight kiddo?”

  Justin shrugs, pretty exhausted already. “Fine, there was a good movie on, so I didn’t notice how long it was this time.”

  “Well, I was planning on bringing the two of you out to eat and then maybe to the movies, but if you’re too tired, we can do it tomorrow or a different day?”

  Justin grins happily, “Not too tired. I’m pretty hungry actually.”

  He laughs. “Alright, then get in, we’ll go wherever you want to eat.”

  Justin listens by climbing into the backseat and closing the door.

  Zander reaches for the suitcase in my hand, and tosses that into the bed of the truck as well. “And how was the flight for you?”

  “Better than the one there,” I admit.

  He turns to face me, and before I know what is happening, he grabs the back of my head and pulls me into him. My lips feel like magic against his and I dissolve right into him, throwing my arms around his shoulders. He grabs at my hips and I hop up until my feet wrap around his waist.

  Yes, I’m most definitely home.

  A dream you dream alone is only a dream.

  A dream you dream together is reality.

  -John Lennon

  My fingers slide perfectly into his as we make our way out back of Bray’s house. It’s her birthday weekend and she is having a pool party. I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited to swim in a pool before, because hers is way more than a pool. It doesn’t hold any certain shape, its just this really awesome curvy pool, and at the end of one side are three steps that bring you into her round Jacuzzi.

  Bray said she didn’t exactly want kids here today because she knew there would be a lot of drinking, so we left Justin back home with my dad. He has no problem keeping Justin with him, because the two of them have become the best of buds. My dad came home one day from the store with a bag full of model cars, paint, and all the other things you need to put the models together- and from there on out, Justin and him have bonded in a special way I just didn’t expect.

  We’ve only been back a month, but this month has made a world of difference in our lives. School starts on Monday, and Justin is very anxious about that, in which I don’t blame him. He has made a couple friends with kids on our street, which makes me so happy for him, and I know he’ll make more once it starts. Once he sheds away his shyness, he is an outgoing, silly child, and makes easy connections with people.

  The day we arrived back in Texas, Zander brought us out to dinner and the movies as he promised Justin, but the poor kid fell asleep half way through the movie. It was at the theater too, not the drive-in, but he seemed comfortable enough all balled up in his seat. Zander had sat in the middle of us, again, and while I was munching on some popcorn, he reached over and held my hand. I looked up into those dazzling eyes of his, and he leaned forward, pressing his lips to me. When he pulled his mouth back, he
rested his nose against mine and whispered, “We need to go to the movies more often.”

  I giggled softly and asked, “Why is that?”

  “Because it seems to me I always get to kiss you when we do.” He presses his lips a little more firmly to me and I’m pretty sure I discovered Heaven at that point.

  When we were done making out like a couple of horny teenagers, he placed his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him. I rested my head against his shoulder and told him, “But if you expect more with us, you better start bringing me out on more regular dates, and we better try to work through our issues together.”

  His hand rubbed up and down my arm before he finally whispered and said, “I’d do anything to never lose you again, Lexi. You’re it for me, forever.”

  Something about him repeating the words I once told him had me grinning wider than I imagined I ever had before.

  Over the last month, he has not disappointed in making me feel loved and cherished. And although we know we love each other already, we haven’t rushed into telling each other that again. We also haven’t hurried into me sleeping over at his house, wanting to take things a little slower. Not that we haven’t broke in every surface in his home, and even his truck a few times, but I don’t plan on moving in any time soon.

  As we make our way over to the grill, where Bray’s husband, Akin, is grilling up some hamburgers and hotdogs. I steal some watermelon from the fruit bowl at the table next to it. “Where do I put this?” I ask after I suck the piece of watermelon down. I lift up a gift bag to indicate my present for Bray.

  He rolls his eyes. “That girl is turning twenty six, but with this huge party you’d think it was her sweet sixteen.” I grin at his playfulness, because with the look on his face, you can see this is exactly what he adores about Bray. Its what we all adore about Bray. “I believe she said she wanted all gifts inside the pool house, where her cake is.”

  “Sounds good!” I sneak another piece of watermelon and go into the pool house to drop off the gift.

  Bray spots me coming out and squeals. “You made it!”

  “Well of course,” I tell her, patting her back while she wraps me into a huge bear hug. Someone has obviously gotten into the liquor already. She isn’t sloshed by any means, but she certainly has a nice buzz going.

  She looks at Zander once we separate and barks out orders. “Go fetch your lady one of her fruity drinks then go help Akin with the grill or whatever. Your girl is getting her bathing suit on, and we’re going for a quick dip before the food is ready.”

  I’m glad we have a choice in this.

  Zander smiles at Bray. “Happy birthday,” he tells her, his voice dripping in sarcasm, then he turns and does as she orders.

  Bray, of course, laughs at that, pulls my arm until we’re back in the pool house, then orders me to put my bathing suit on. “You’re awful, you know,” I tell her.

  “Its my birthday, I’m allowed to be.

  “Your birthday isn’t until tomorrow,” I remind her.

  “Shhh, just get your bathing suit on.”

  I roll my eyes, taking my purse with me into the small bathroom. I strip out of my clothes and pull the bikini outta my purse before sliding it on. I haven’t been swimming in years, so I had to go buy a new one. Zander loved coming with me to get one, only because I had to try on ten of them. We both agreed on this one. The dark blue top is triangular with ruffles and the bottom is the same color blue with small white polka dots all over. The sides tie on the bottoms too, and I know that made Zander very excited.

  I come out of the bathroom and Bray does a cat call at me, which in return has me rolling my eyes and shoving at her shoulder as I walk by. She already has on her bikini- a neon pink strapless top and black bottoms that barely cover her ass, but I expect nothing more from her. And she looks hot in it, I’ll give her that. That girl can pull of just about anything.

  The two us make it out of the pool house and into the pool. Only about ten other people have made it, and I know Gunner and Magnolia are going to be joining us before too long. She invited Clay and Faith as well, but they had other plans and I was pretty sad to hear that.

  Our time in the pool doesn’t last long, especially when Bray tries to splash me, and when we get out lunch is already cooked. I can’t find Zander anywhere, so I plop down in the chair next to Bray and start in with the macaroni salad.

  “What do we have here?”

  I smack at the hand that reaches onto my plate for some chips.

  “Tanner, get outta here. Who invited you anyways?” Bray yells out.

  I turn to face Tanner with a small glare. “Don’t touch my food.”

  He grins at me, tossing the chip in his mouth. His eyes look down my body and I feel more naked than ever. Ugh. I don’t see what I saw in Tanner. I mean, yes, he has gotten gorgeous, but as I look at him and as I see that he only has one single thought in his mind, its obvious that he was only a way to release built up tension- both sexual and not. “Looking good, Lex,” he tells me.

  I roll my eyes at that. “Thanks… T-dawg.” I wink at him and give a grin, knowing I just basically told him that he is nothing more than someone to tease.

  Bray even snickers from her chair, and she mumbles out, “Buuuuurn.”

  But my smile quickly fades when he leans in and says, “Funny, that isn’t what you were screaming when you were underneath me.”

  “Screw you.”

  “I got time for another quickie.”

  “What the fuck?”

  I turn around and look at Zander wide eyed. How much of that had he heard? I stand quickly and go to give him a hug. “That probably sounded way worse than it was.”

  He doesn’t look at me but instead over at Tanner still sitting down, probably shitting himself right now. He knows I’m with Zander now, it isn’t the first time I’ve seen him in the last month, its just the first time he said anything so raunchy towards me.

  “When did you have a quickie with my girlfriend?”

  “Dude, she wasn’t your girlfriend at the time, give it up.” I can hear the chair squeal and I turn my head to see Tanner throwing his hands up in the air, walking off, mumbling something under his breath.

  I look back up to Zander and watch his jaw tick as his eyes follow Tanner disappearing off into the house. When he looks back down at me, its with pure disappointment. “Can we talk?” I ask him. “Away from the audience.”

  He sighs and gives me a curt nod. I walk towards the pool house and pray he is following behind me. When we get in there, he closes the door behind us but doesn’t give me the chance to talk. “How many damn times have you told me its been no one but me all along? How many times have you said that shit? Because if you’ve slept with Tanner, then it obviously hasn’t just been me? And it makes me question if there has been others as well!”

  “Stop,” I yell out. “I’m not getting into a screaming match with you.”

  “I just don’t get it. Why’d you lie to me?” He shakes his head at me, obviously hurt.

  I take a deep breath and grab at his hands. It surprises me that he doesn’t pull away from me, but he promised we’d work through everything together, and I guess he is giving me a chance for that to happen.

  “I never said I didn’t have sex with anyone else, I said I had never been with anyone else. I haven’t so much as gone on a date with anyone but you. However, when I came back into town and went out with Bray one night, she got me really drunk and I ended up going home with Tanner. In the three weeks I was here, we fooled around a total of three times, but he never made me feel the way you do. I never had feelings for him, I guess I was just using him Zander. And I’m not sorry for it at all, and I won’t apologize. I’ll only say sorry that you misunderstood what I meant. But I’ll also reassure you right now, that he is the one and only other person I’ve done any kind of intimate act with besides you, and it meant nothing to me.”

  “I don’t think that even makes me feel any better.”


  “Why should I not have experienced more than just you in my life?”

  “It’s not that, its-” He looks away from me. “It’s going to sound dumb, but I’d rather know you slept with five other guys then just one. One that is going to be around.”

  I have to bite on my lip to stop from laughing. He is right, it kind of does sound dumb, but I guess I get it. “I only love you, I’ve only ever loved you, and I only ever will love you.”

  He looks down at me and I see the sides of his lips lift. “And I only love you, and will for the rest of my life.”

  I bring myself up on my toes to give him a kiss. Just before he presses his lips to me, I say, “If you’re really jealous, you can claim me.” His kiss is fiercer than ever and his hands travel down to untie my bottoms. When they fall down, he reaches between my legs, running a fingers between my slit.

  He whispers against my lip, “I have no problem doing that.”

  I reach down to strip him from shorts and boxers, wrapping my hand around his already hard length. His hands pull on my hips, causing me to jump up and wrap myself around him. I grind against him, getting ready for him to be inside of me.

  Pushing me against the wall, Zander adjusts us just right and pushes into me with an intense force. “I’m going to claim you every day for the rest of my life if I have to.”

  “You don’t have to,” I pant out, “but I want you to.”

  He thrusts into me harder than he ever has, and instead of being intimate, he simply rests his head against my forehead, keeping his eyes on mine. He wants me to see him jealous, and he wants to see me being pleased by him- and only him. The moment is so intense, that in just minutes I’m coming apart around Zander and he follows right after, filling me up with his release.

  Once we’re both dressed and about to walk out of the pool house, he stops and looks down at me. “Have you ever had any feelings for Tanner?”