by D T Dyllin
“Well I’m standing here right now—“
“When are you coming home?” I walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. “I need you to come home.”
“I’m standing here in a wedding dress at the moment. I still haven’t found the right one.” She sighed.
A sudden flash of that old song Like A Virgin flashed in my mind, but instead of Madonna writhing around on the ground in a wedding dress, it was Alexa. I rubbed the heel of my palm over the hardening length in my shorts. “Yeah?” I said gruffly. I was picturing Alexa crawling to me on all fours in a wedding dress, gazing up at me with lust in her eyes. I groaned.
“David? What are you doing?”
“I’m thinking about you in a wedding dress and it’s kind of turning me on.”
“I’ll be right back,” she said to someone while it sounded like she covered the phone. I heard swishing and then she addressed me again. “Madonna? Like A Virgin?” she whispered.
“Yeah.” I breathed. “I love how you just—get me.”
“How much have you had to drink and where’s Eli?”
“He’s still playing the Res Evil but you know, I think you’ve Pavlov-ed me.”
“What?”
“You know, Pavlov…the dogs… I think you’ve trained me to think about sex every time I try to play video games now. It’s kind of twisted if you really think about it.”
She giggled. “Sorry. But of course I’m not.”
I glanced over my shoulder to make sure I was still alone and stepped into the pantry, closing the door behind me. “Go in the dressing room and touch yourself for me.”
“Oh David, you’re so naughty. But—“
“Do it,” I growled.
“I can’t,” she snapped. “Not here. But I can buy a cheap wedding dress somewhere and we can play later.”
I could tell by her voice that she wasn’t going to budge on this one. “Fine, but don’t stay out too long.” I hung up the phone and went back into the living room. How was I supposed to think about anything but Alexa in a wedding dress now? Stupid video games.
Chapter Forty-Four
~Alexa
I exited the dressing room and stepped back up to the mirrors, trying not to meet Aunt Suzy’s curious eyes. “This isn’t it either.”
“What was that about?”
I blushed. There was a time and a place for everything, and I didn’t want to be discussing my phone call with David with my aunt while wedding dress shopping. “It was David. Him and Eli are drinking and playing stupid video games. He just wanted to see when we’d be back.”
She raised her eyebrows. “So why all the secrecy?”
“Umm…well… He’s a bit buzzed…” I let me voice trail off and finally met her eyes.
She tittered. “Men.”
“I know.” I wailed. “And also… I just don’t like any of these dresses. They’re not me.” And could I really wear white? I mean, come on.
“If you’re not diggin’ any of these dresses then let’s go. We can look another day and in other places.”
“But we’ve already been to some of the most expensive shops in L.A.” I hissed. “If I can’t find something in one of them…”
“The price tag isn’t everything.” Aunt Suzy stood and went around to unzip the dress I had on. “Come on, we can head home and regroup. Wedding dress shopping shouldn’t be stressful, contrary to popular belief.”
I threw my arms around her. “You’re the best.” I averted my gaze from her. “I think I’m going to buy this dress, but not for the wedding. Can you go let the sales lady know?”
“Why would you—“ She took in my sheepish expression and shook her head. “Really, you’re going to spend that much for some sex game or whatever with David?”
I put my hands on my hips. “Hey, one can’t put a price tag on a good sex life.”
She rolled her eyes. “Touche’. I just didn’t know David had it in him but then again, would you be with him if he didn’t?”
“You’re making me sound shallow.” I harrumphed. “You need to be sexually compatible to be with someone long term. Maybe if more people just accepted that then there’d be less unhappy people in this world.”
“You may have a point,” Aunt Suzy begrudgingly admitted.
“Sooo…” she drawled as I got dressed in my street clothes. “How are you doing with everything?”
“What do you mean?”
She sighed. “Ummm… What I mean is, how are you doing with the—“ She glanced around and then whispered. “No porn thing?”
Okay, awkward much? “It’s been rough. But not why you might think. I don’t miss being with other people. I miss the attention. And I miss—“ Could I admit this out loud to the woman who was the sister of my heart. “I miss people watching.” When she didn’t say anything I continued. “Sometimes I feel like if people aren’t watching I’m going to disappear. I wish David would say yes to us doing movies together, I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“Andy, don’t you think he’s been pretty accepting as it is? Most men of his caliber wouldn’t be okay with your past.”
I was suddenly too hot. Did my Aunt Suzy really think that? Even though she was accepting of me completely, did she truly believe that David was better than me on some level? Or was I reading too much into what she’d just said. She’d said of his caliber though. Like he was out of my league and I should just be happy he was taking me as is without much protest. “I don’t feel so good. Let’s just go, I don’t want the dress.”
Scrutinizing my reaction Aunt Suzy bit her lower lip with worry. “I didn’t mean it to come out that way. What I meant was—“
I waved her off. “Don’t worry about it. I know what you meant. I just want to go home.”
“Hey,” David jumped up from the couch, dropping his remote without care. “There you are.” He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear. “Did you get a dress? I can’t stop thinking about you like we talked about on the phone.”
I inhaled his comforting, spicy scent and shook my head. “No, sorry. I don’t feel so hot at the moment. I’m going to go lay down.”
Chapter Forty-Five
~David
I watched in confusion as Alexa left the room, her shoulders hunched. I turned to Suzy. “What happened?”
Worry was etched into every line of her face, and tears welled in her eyes. “I said something—she took it the wrong way and now she doesn’t want to talk about it. She was so happy before and now—“ Tears escaped her eyes and flowed down her cheeks. “It’s all my fault that she’s miserable.” She pressed her face into Eli’s chest and sobbed into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around her and just let her do what she needed.
“I’ll talk to her. Don’t worry.” I left the living room and hurried after Alexa. She was already in bed, curled in a little ball by the time I found her. “Hey,” I said, switching on the overhead lights. “Suzy told me she said something and you took it the wrong way.” I sat down next to her and smoothed my hand down her back. “Talk to me.” It was a good thing I’d stopped drinking and was sobering up. She pressed her face into her pillow in an effort to try and avoid me. “Hey,” I said again. “No secrets.”
“Fine.” She flounced onto her back. “It’s just—well it’s just—“ Her face scrunched up in anguish. “Aunt Suzy thinks that a caliber of guy like you—well—she thinks I’m lucky that you accept me after everything and that I shouldn’t push…things.”
Everything clicked into place for me. “You told her that you wanted for us to do sex tapes, didn’t you?”
She bit her lip and met my eyes. “Yes.”
“And you felt like she implied that you were—“
“Weird or off or something!” Her voice went up a few octaves to an almost shrill pitch. She was one step away from freaking out.
I bent my head and brushed my lips against hers. “You’re not weird. You’re perfect. Or if you are weird then I am too.”
“I miss it, David.” Her voice was so soft that if I wasn’t so close I might not have heard her.
My heart sped up. What was she saying? “Alexa, I—“
“Make movies with me, David.”
“And what happens when people are tired of watching just the two of us, then what? Are you going to want to have sex with other people, are you going to expect me to?”
“No. It’s not like that. And—and—don’t you think it would be hot if I had sex with another girl? We could have a threesome to try it out. We could—“
Her words were gutting me. She’d be okay with me having sex with another woman? Because just the thought of her being with another guy now, drove me mad. “You want me to have sex with someone else?” I looked deep into her eyes and saw the confusion there.
“I don’t know—I don’t know…” She covered her face with her hands. “I know that I don’t want to do this—to be like this—forever. I want kids one day—with you—but not now. Now I want the attention—I still want it.” Her breathing was becoming labored as she sucked in huge breaths, trying to prevent herself from crying. “Maybe you are too good for me.”
I pried her hands away from her face and cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look at me. “Don’t you dare ever say that again. If anything, you’re too good for me. I love you, we’ll figure something out.”
I curled around the back of her, playing the big spoon to her little one and held her tightly against me. I had the worst sinking feeling in my stomach. I was terrified that I was going to lose her. The real question was, how far would I be willing to go to prevent that?
The next morning Alexa acted like she hadn’t had an emotional break down and pretended everything was normal. I was hopeful that maybe she’d reassessed things. Everyone is permitted to fall apart emotionally once in a while. I knew she was stressed out. Things were different for her; she was still adjusting to her new life. It’s a fact that all change, even a positive one, is stressful. I just had to give her more time. I’d show her that my love was enough for her. I’d find a way to make her happy somehow.
The four of us, Alexa, Suzy, Eli and myself were getting ready to have breakfast. Suzy and Alexa were acting almost too pleasant to each other, as if they didn’t want to rock the boat at all. I wasn’t going to interfere though; they had years to perfect their coping systems for each other.
The doorbell chimed while I was making pancakes for everyone. Alexa wasn’t much of a cook and I actually enjoyed it. I found it relaxing, and rewarding. Plus I was hoping I’d get the usual exuberant reaction from Alexa when I gave her what she liked to call a ‘mouthgasm’.
“I’ll get it.” Alexa pulled herself from her stool and headed for the door.
A few minutes later my mother stalked into the kitchen with my ex-girlfriend Natalie beside her. I dropped the skillet and batter splattered everywhere.
“What’s going on?”
My mother skimmed her gaze over Suzy and Eli and then narrowed her eyes at me. “That’s what I’d like to know.”
Chapter Forty-Six
~Alexa
I immediately recognized the small curvy woman with grey streaked hair when I opened the door. David had shown me pictures of his mother. The tall, lithe brunette beside her—I did not. I was taken by surprise, to say the least. “Ummm… Hi.” What does one say when the mother of the man you love shows up, unannounced on your doorstep, knowing that she hates you? Proper etiquette required me to invite her in. What I really wanted to do was slam the door in her face. “David’s in the kit—“ As soon as I unlatched the door she stormed past me, not even acknowledging me. The tall brunette followed suit, her nose up in the air.
I trailed along behind them, anger and curiosity intermingled. When David saw his mother, he dropped the skillet and spattered pancake batter everywhere. “What’s going on?” he asked, his eyes wide with surprise.
His mother eyed Eli and Aunt Suzy with open hostility. “That’s what I’d like to know.”
“Wha—what do you mean?” David stammered with confusion. “We’re getting ready to have breakfast.”
“I can see that little whore has completely corrupted you. Are you bi-sexual now too, or just a—a swinger?”
Eli spit out his juice and Aunt Suzy’s mouth dropped open. But before anyone, even me, could react, David’s face turned red with anger. “How dare you, mother!” I watched as his fists clenched and unclenched. “You have no right to come into my house, uninvited, and insult not only the woman I love—the woman I’m going to marry, but people you know nothing about.” Eli and Aunt Suzy slid from their chairs and excused themselves from the room—or really slunk out—trying to avoid getting involved in the conflict. I couldn’t really blame them, plus I didn’t want the bullshit to affect Suzy and the baby. I didn’t know how that kind of thing worked but I wouldn’t risk it.
“Come here,” David held out his hand. I walked around the other side of the table to avoid being to close to his mother. I took his hand and he pulled me into his side. “This is my fiancé, mother. Her name is Alexa. If you ever disrespect her again, that will be the last time you see either of us.”
His mom choked back a sob. “Natalie’s a good girl, and she loves you. Why can’t you be with someone like her?”
My gaze swung up to the tall brunette—Natalie? David had mentioned he had an ex by that name. I had to assume that they were one in the same. I had no idea they’d been that serious though, and obviously his mother loved her. It was like a little knife in my gut. I’d never been jealous before. But as I stood there, eyes roaming over David’s ex from head to toe—I suddenly found myself lacking. Why wasn’t David with someone like her?
“My relationships are none of your business, mother.” David’s voice was cold and emotionless; his anger had morphed into something much worse—disgust.
“Of course they are! I’m your mother! Whatever it is, you and Natalie can work on it! You can make it work! Just tell that little gold digging whore that you won’t ever be marrying her.”
Natalie, who had been silent up until that point stepped forward. “Look, David, I’m not really sure what went wrong between us but now I think I might have a guess.” She glanced back at David’s mother and she gave her a tight-lipped encouraging smile. “I obviously didn’t please you in the bedroom, but I didn’t know you liked to take control like you do. Knowing that—I—I—can let you. I’d like it, actually.” I gnawed on the inside of my cheek to stay quiet. Natalie had no idea what she was talking about. Sure, David took control of me sometimes, but he enjoyed me dominating him just as much. It really depended on the situation and how we were both feeling. David wasn’t harboring any secret Dom tendencies that I’d allowed him to explore, and he wasn’t looking for a sub. Sounded to me like Natalie had read one too many fiction books on the BDSM community and thought she knew a thing or two.
“And how would you know that I like to take control?” David asked through gritted teeth. His fingers were digging into my shoulder. Apparently he didn’t feel the need to correct her on her wrong assumptions either. It was probably better that way. I wasn’t really interested in airing out more details of our sex life.
“I—I saw the videos.” She wrung her hands together. “Please, David, give me another chance.”
“Look, Natalie, I really don’t know what my mother told you.” He shot a scathing glare at her. “But there’s no chance for you and me. I broke things off with you because something was missing. I found everything I want in Alexa.”
“I didn’t raise you to be a sexual deviant!” his mother screeched. David’s fingers dug into my skin more. I knew his was trying to tell me through body language that he wanted to handle everything between him and his mother—and Natalie, but if that woman insulted me one more time I was going to lose my shit.
“Leave, now. I don’t want to talk to you again until you’re willing to apologize to Alexa, and mean it.”
“No!” she crie
d out, “You can’t mean to choose her over your own mother! She’s done something to you—she’s—“
“All she’s done is show me what real love is about. Real unconditional love.” David let go of me and turned his back on her, essentially dismissing her.
Natalie reached out her hand as if to touch David from across the room, and then let it fall to her side. She glared down at me. “When he gets tired of you, when he wants more than just sex, he’ll come back to me.”
“Get out of my house—both of you!” I yelled. “Didn’t you hear him? He doesn’t want you here!” David remained impassive with his back to them, which silently screamed louder than I had that they needed to leave. Finally getting the message the two of them slunk from the house.
Chapter Forty-Seven
~David
As soon as my mother and Natalie were gone I turned to face Alexa, but she wasn’t there. Or what I should say, is that she was there physically, but obviously not present mentally. She was standing perfectly still, her tiny arms hugged around her, and her face blank of all emotion. Seeing her like that kind of scared me.
“Alexa—“ I started.
“David,” she mumbled, swiveling around to launch herself into my arms. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking that you need to forget that ever happened, push it out of your mind because I love you and that’s all that matters.”
“You never told me. What happened with Natalie? She’s beautiful—why did you end things with her?”
Fuck. Her question let me know exactly where her mind was. Despite what I’d just said, and despite my best efforts to keep it from happening…my mother and Natalie had gotten under her skin. “I broke it off with her because of what I said—something was missing with her. I didn’t feel the way I do with you with her.”