Girl in a Bad Place
Page 19
Dad knocks on the door of my bedroom, then opens it. “It’s on,” he says simply.
My gut folds into a snarl. This is it, then. It’s time. Cara and I exchange a glance, and take a deep breath almost in unison.
Firehorse’s trial has been going on for what feels like an eternity, and today is the day that we get to hear a verdict. The evidence against him seems insurmountable, but the news is constantly reporting stories of men who get away with things. You can’t ever be sure, no matter how strongly the odds should be in your favor. I’m terrified. Especially since I testified against him, and the idea of him walking free … I would never sleep again, even if I’m all the way in California.
Cara and I join my parents in the living room. The atmosphere is tense as we wait, watching the newscasters speculate about the verdict that’s probably being read inside the courtroom as they speak. The media coverage for this has been insane. It makes me happy, to be honest, even though dealing with all the attention while I try to also deal with my emotions about what happened hasn’t been easy, because I know how much Firehorse would hate it. He’s the one who said he wanted his name to be remembered, and he’s the one who said he was ready to harvest what he’d sown. This just isn’t the harvesting he planned.
I want to tell my parents about UCLA, but now’s not the time. They have no mental space for anything but this verdict, I can see it in the way my mom’s forehead is furrowed and my dad leans forward like if he’s not closer to the TV he’ll miss the announcement.
I reach for Cara’s hand and squeeze it tight. She graces me with a tiny smile. Our friendship isn’t the same as it once was. It’ll never be quite the same again, because we’re not the same people anymore. But in a way, I think we’re closer than ever. We’re certainly much more honest.
The newscaster pauses her monologue, listening intently to something. I hone in on the TV like suddenly my eyes have turned into magnifying glasses. I don’t even hear the words she says, all I see is guilty on all counts scrolling across the bottom.
Relief floods through me.
He won’t be sentenced yet, but I’ve researched all of these charges—the first-degree murder charges alone would put him away for more than a lifetime, and he’s got a lengthy list beyond that. A list that grew and grew once Alexa agreed to talk in exchange for a reduced sentence for her own crimes.
My phone alerts me to a text. It’s Brigit: Did you see???
I quickly type back: Yesssss thank God :)
I think about how relieved Brigit must be, too. She stayed with us for a couple months while she got a job and saved for an apartment, and now she’s looking into going back to college. And I think about the others, too. Little Avalon, living with her grandparents, who talks to Cara on the phone once a week. Finn, who kept in touch for a while, but went east somewhere and has been busy in his new life.
And then I start to cry. Cara wraps her arms around me, and she’s crying, too. I didn’t realize how much this had been weighing on me, thinking about what would happen to us if he somehow got off. We’re all still picking up the pieces of our lives, and I can’t imagine spending the rest of mine looking over my shoulder, waiting for Firehorse to appear and take me out for ruining his well-laid plans.
More arms encircle us; my parents are both crying now, too.
I try to pull myself together because this is a happy occasion, and I don’t want to feel sad. I concentrate on my breathing until it’s under control again, and then I say, “Would now be a good time to tell you Cara and I both got into UCLA?”
“Mailee!” Mom hugs me even harder; I can barely breathe, but now she’s laughing and all of us are laughing, and we’ve stopped remembering the terrible thing that happened and moved on to the good thing in my future.
“I think all this good news calls for a serious celebration,” Dad says, wiping discreetly at his eyes like we don’t know he was crying along with the rest of us. “Ice cream, girls?”
Cara and I exchange a smile, and then she says, “Ice cream would be perfect.”
So much gratitude goes to my editor, Amanda Maciel, for this book’s very existence, and for helping me to make it the best it could be. Your enthusiasm and insightful comments have been everything, and I’m grateful we got to work together. Thank you, also, to everyone else at Scholastic who helped this book come together into a beautiful final product!
I am forever thankful for my wonderful agent, Sarah LaPolla. You are the best advocate I could ask for, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.
I would be nowhere without the ladies of YA Highway and my fellow hags. Thank you all, always, for your friendship and support and encouragement. Extra thanks to Kate Hart for being an excellent listening ear while I worked on this book.
Farming and food comes up a lot in this book, so I feel like I would be remiss if I didn’t thank all the farmers out there. You are underappreciated, but I know how hard you work and I am grateful for every one of you.
I am lucky to have an incredibly wonderful family: Denis and Jeanne Ward (the best parents), Jackie Ward (the best sister), Tyler Gaouette, Abel Gaouette, Elaine Millett, Andrea, Roger, and Maren Marecaux. I love all of you immensely.
Extra thanks to my husband, Brandon Millett, and my son, Michael Millett, for living with a writer. I love you both beyond words.
And finally, thank you, the person reading this book. I appreciate you most of all!
Kaitlin Ward grew up on a dairy farm in a tiny New Hampshire town, the same town where she lives now with her husband and son. She studied animal science at Cornell University and cofounded the well-known blog YA Highway. She is also the author of the novel Bleeding Earth. Find her on Twitter at @Kaitlin_Ward.
Also by Kaitlin Ward
Bleeding Earth
Copyright © 2017 by Kaitlin Ward
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Available
ISBN 978-1-338-10105-8
First edition, November 2017
Photography © 2017 by Michael Frost
Jacket photography © 2017 by Michael Frost
Jacket design by Mary Claire Cruz
Author photo by Jackie Ward
e-ISBN 978-1-338-10106-5
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