by Lila Felix
“Absolutely not.” He took my hands from my face and continued, “I have felt that way since I first met you. And I hope that it’s never enough. I hope you never get enough of me.”
I blew out a breath of relief.
“Can you at least walk me up?” I whispered.
“Are you serious? Like I would miss kissing my girl goodnight.”
Before I could say anything, he got out of his side of the car and came around to open my door. He took my hand and we walked very slowly towards my apartment.
We got to the door and I unlocked it. Amber’s room was shut so I assumed they had already come home. I turned to see Owen. He braced both of his hands on the top of the door jamb and he was looking down at me. He looked like he wanted to say something but instead he folded his arms around me and held me to his chest. It was much more than an embrace. For the first time in a long time I felt safe. Those arms could protect and save me from the bad friends, the ex-boyfriend, the ex-best friend, the parents and the gossipers. I let out a sigh and held on tighter. He stroked the length of my hair as we stood there and when I looked up to thank him again he was already looking at me so seriously that I almost forgot what I wanted to say.
“Thank you for tonight.”
He closed the distance between us and when our lips touched everything went away but us. I clung to the back of his shirt then my hands traveled underneath his shirt and held on to the muscles just above his waistband. With this act he deepened the kiss and pressed me, with hands on my back, as close to him as two people can get.
“Ahem.” I heard behind us and we both stopped to look behind him to see Dylan and Amber coming down the hall.
“Hellie, your bed is all of six feet away. Don’t give away your v-card right here in the hallway.”
They squeezed past us into the apartment and went directly into her room. All of the sudden I was reminded of how I didn’t ‘put out’ and how it ruined relationships. I could almost hear a draining sound as the blood rushed from my face. I gave a small smile to Owen and told him goodnight. He looked confused. Maybe he thought we were going to… I shut the door and went to sleep. Shortly afterwards, I woke up to the sound of a text message.
O: U ok?
N: Y
O: U r lying.
N: Tmrw? Lunch?
O: Y, where?
N: Salem Park, picnic tables.
O: ok
I looked like crap the next day and the way I felt matched it perfectly. I had completely turned a cold shoulder on him at the very mention of anything intimate.
My shower this morning had revealed that the bruise on my thigh was massive. But I still had to wear shorts as this crazy southern weather had taken a turn for hotter temperatures. I put on some black shorts and a light pink tank top. I forgot to ask what time Owen wanted to meet so I texted him.
N: What time?
O: Soon.
N: Ok, 30 min?
O: Y
Why soon?
I ran to the local sandwich shop and picked up a small sandwich for me and two huge ones for Owen plus chips and drinks. I got to the park and he was already there sitting at one of the tables. I got out and got the food and made my way to him. His head was resting in his hands and I wasn’t even sure if he noticed I had arrived. I sat down opposite him and he raised his head slowly. He started to worry me.
“Hey, I got sandwiches. I didn’t know what kind you liked.”
“Thanks.” He said it but he didn’t move to eat.
I let my hands span the length of the table and grab his. He looked down at our hands.
“What happened last night?” He looked truly concerned.
“What do you mean?”
“Amber said something about using your bed and the next thing I know, you’re shutting the door on me. I wasn’t expecting—that. I don’t want you to think that I’m pressuring you into anything.”
I took a deep breath and tried to smile.
“Ok, so in order to explain that I’m going to tell you the story of Corey.” He visibly tensed at the mention of his name even though he had no idea who that was or what I was going to say.
“So Corey and I were together for four years, from the time I was fourteen until I was two days shy of eighteen. The entire time we dated everything had to be right. I had to dress a certain way and act a certain way. I was told that we could not hold hands or kiss in public and when we kissed in private, it was like kissing a brick of ice. He basically ignored me unless it was Saturday night, then it was burger joint, movie, home. It never differed or strayed from that schedule. It was suffocating. But I was trying to make everyone else happy. So I stayed with him. He called me one afternoon, a Saturday, and said he didn’t want to see me anymore. He said that I was too nice of a girl for him. Then the next Monday I found out that my best friend Cassandra was apparently not very nice. I walked into the cafeteria to no more friends, everyone talking about how I was a cold-hearted virgin and my best friend and my ex were making out in the middle of the room. They are married with three kids now. That was the day I went ape shit as my mom calls it. I quit doing what everyone else wanted me to do and did what I wanted to do. Hence, the hair and the tattoos and the piercings. Plus they always wanted me to be a lawyer and I blew that to hell too. So, Amber kinda picks on me about my lack of, um, experience whenever she gets a chance but it really hits a nerve. So I’m sorry I took it out on you. I was just embarrassed.”
I had let go of his hands to make my famous hand gestures while I was talking. He said nothing.
“Get over here.” He whispered. And though it was a command, it sounded like a plea.
I got up and walked around and sat next to him, not knowing what to expect.
“You know what I think?” He asked me as he pulled up the hem of my shorts a little and cocked his head to inspect the damage.
“No clue.” I shrugged. He turned to face me and pulled me closer.
“I think Corey is the stupidest asshat that ever lived. I think your Mom is mistaken. That day was the day you became who you are today. And who you are today is a gorgeous, smart, funny woman who takes bullshit off of no one except Amber. And I’ve never known anyone as sweet and kind as you in my whole life.”
“Oh,” was all I could croak out.
“And I hope when you kiss me it’s better than a brick of ice. Cause from where I stand, I almost catch fire when those lips touch mine.”
“Hey, I checked my lips for scorch marks last night.” I tried to joke around but he was still not laughing.
“It’s only been a week.” He whispered and looked up like he had realized something.
24. Owen
“What was that look about?” she asked me. I couldn’t tell her what I had just come to terms with. But I had realized through her trusting me enough to tell me everything that had happened to her that I loved her. More than that, I was in love with her.
“Nothing. Are you hungry? Cause I’m starved.”
“Yeah, ok.” She knew something was up but let it go.
We ate and soon after she needed to go to work. I went to the gym, and probably overworked myself because I knew that I had been too chicken to tell her what I felt. But I needed to get it off of my chest soon.
I went to eat and then to the library to study. I sat at my regular table in the back and glanced over my shoulder at the rows where she sat with that short jean skirt on that beckoned me to touch everything it didn’t.
I shook my head to myself and got down to studying. Eventually I made my way back to the dorm and thought about texting Nellie, but decided to give her some time to breathe. Some time to miss me, I hoped.
The week flew by quickly and I tried to see Nellie as often as I could. But she was practicing hard and working. Cindi was now training her to take over, even though Nellie hadn’t given her an official answer.
By Friday night I was dying to spend some time with her but she had one last Friday night team dinner before the season was over. I went to e
at and play pool with Dylan since Amber had decided to go to the last dinner with Nellie. Dylan decided to go to a bar and meet up with Amber later and I went back to the dorms to go to sleep. I heard my phone and almost ignored it because I thought it was Dylan.
N: U asleep?
O:No, laying here awake thinking about some girl.
N: Well, don’t let me keep you.
O: Oh, trust me, I’m thinking about doing a lot more than keeping you.
N: I must have the wrong #, my Owen would nvr talk dirty to me.
O: Ur Owen?
N: Y, I’ve decided to keep you.
O: I’m a lucky man.
N: Wanna come over? I’m watching Signs and then The Village.
O: Only if you have snacks.
N: I have ice cream with ur name on it.
O: I’m in my pajamas.
N: Ooohhh, even better.
I got there and true to my word I was in my blue flannel pants and grey t shirt. She opened the door with a huge bowl full of ice cream and everything else she could think of.
“What? Don’t judge. I only have one more bout. I can eat what I want.”
“I’ve never seen you eat that much. You look like me.”
“Ugh…come on, how long is it going to take for you to kiss me?”
I leaned down with every intention of simply teasing her with a peck but her lips tasted like vanilla and chocolate and cherry and my intentions soon were forgotten. She broke away soon after and offered to make me a sundae just like hers.
She made me one that was somehow bigger than hers and sat on the edge of the couch to put Signs on. Then she turned and lay down on the couch and didn’t think anything of putting her feet in my lap. I only made it through half of the sundae she made me without starting to go into sugar overdrive. I put it down and scooted a little closer so that every inch of those legs were draped over me, even though they were covered with pink striped pajama pants. Without taking her eyes from the screen she laced her fingers through mine and at that moment I felt as content as I’ve ever experienced.
Her phone vibrated and she looked at it, groaned and threw it behind the couch.
“What the hell? You almost took my eye out.” I told her.
“I did not. And it was my mother. I’m allowed to throw the phone when it’s her.”
“Ahhh…”
Then her phone started singing Barracuda.
“Oh Lord, now she’s calling.”
She got up and answered the phone.
“Yo! Nellie’s funeral home. You slice ‘em, we ice ‘em. Whatcha got?”
She was quiet for a second while she listened to the answer. She walked into the kitchen but was so loud that anyone could hear her.
“Ugh, no. I’m not going.”
“I don’t care if she’s having her thirty third baby. I’m not going. And how many showers does the girl need?”
“Yes Mom, I know that I’ll never find anybody who loves me with blue hair. That’s why I dyed it pink.
“I could give a fat rat’s ass about what people think. You should know that by now.”
“Mom, I love you but I can’t listen to this anymore. Ok? Bye.”
She hung up the phone and went straight into her bedroom and shut the door behind her. As tough as she tried to be, I knew she was probably crying and those icy blue eyes filled with tears was a thought I couldn’t bear.
I went into her bedroom without knocking and sure enough she was sitting on her bed wiping tears from the corners of her bloodshot eyes. I sat next to her and threw my arm around her shoulders and pulled her to me.
“You mixed it up.” I said.
“Huh?” Another tear rolled down her cheeks.
“Girls cry first and then eat ice cream, right?”
“I know right? Ugh, I’m so ass backwards.”
“I’m liking your mom less and less.”
“Join the club.”
“What can I do?”
“Just be you. That’s all I need.”
It killed me to see her react that way to her mom. Especially since her mom continued to flood her with untruths and bullying. Who tells their daughter those things?
I held her until she quit crying and then I convinced her to watch The Village with me. I didn’t know anything about that movie, but maybe it would get her mind off of her mom. I felt her relax more and more next to me until she completely slumped her entire weight against my torso. I moved a little to see if she was comfortable and she snuggled in closer and let out the most contented sigh I had ever heard.
I needed to tell her how I felt soon. I wanted to tell her tonight, but after her Mom told her that she couldn’t find anyone to love her, telling her now would only cheapen it and she may not believe me. But as she lay here next to me, I couldn’t think of anything but how much I loved her and how precious she was to me, ever after a week.
I picked her up and put her in bed. It wasn’t the first time I had done this and as I looked down at her, I couldn’t ever imagine it being my last. And one day when she and I were ready, I would get in next to her and hold her while she slept.
I closed her door and intended to leave when I remembered that if I left, her door would be unlocked. So I cleaned up her monster sundae mess and crashed on her couch. I woke up a few hours later to Amber and Dylan getting in and had Amber lock the door after me.
N: Next time wake me up. It’s not nice to leave me like that.
O: Like what? You were sleeping.
N: Even in my sleep I want to kiss you goodnight.
O: What about me? I didn’t get a kiss either.
N: True. Then it’s my turn to make it up to you.
O: Can I see u today?
N: Y
O: When?
I never got an answer. I waited for a while but eventually I fell back asleep. I woke up a few hours later and ran to shower and get dressed. I came back and she was there in my room and more importantly on my bed.
I knelt down in front of her so that we were face to face and without restraint pulled her to me. Her mouth met mine in a hungry, desperate collision. Her fingers knotted into the back of my hair and when she wrapped her legs around my torso I nearly threw her on the bed and got lost with her. We stayed that way, holding on and pressing ourselves together until not even air could penetrate the space between us. She pulled away slowly and placed softer kisses on my chin and along my jawline and made her way to my earlobe. So I decided to beat her at her own game. I ran my open mouth slowly across the base of her neck and hearing the swift intake of her breath let me know that I was onto something. I made my way up to her jawline and then to her ear.
“I love you Nellie.” I whispered into her ear and waited. I expected a laugh or a slap, but what she gave me back was nothing short of amazing.
“I’ve loved you since you asked me for gum.” She said as her right cheek was pressed against mine.
I pulled back swiftly not expecting to hear those words. I looked from one eye to the other making sure there was no deception in her confession. And in those eyes I realized—how could I ever doubt this woman in front of me?
“Say it again.” I whispered and my top lip brushed hers as I spoke.
“I love you Owen.” She smiled as she said it and I could see the beginnings of a tear forming in the corner of her eye.
Out of pure relief I rested my forehead on her chest at the base of her throat and released a sigh that I swore I had been holding since the day I saw her. She ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck and scratched my scalp with her nails.
“Can you do that every night when I’m having trouble going to sleep?” I looked at her and smiled.
“I would have last night but you were too busy leaving me.”
“Won’t happen again.”
“Promise?”
25. Nellie
“Is that what you’ve been all pensive about?” I asked him.
“Yeah, how’d you know?” He looked s
hocked.
“‘Cause I know you like the back of my own hand.” I answered as we both stood up.
“OK, I’m taking you somewhere to meet someone special to me.” I told him enthusiastically.
We left a little while later after Owen put his shoes on in record time. I laughed and raised my eyebrows at him.
“What?” He said.
“Do you do everything super fast?” We walked as we talked.
We reached my car and suddenly he had me pinned to the driver’s side door and his mouth was on my ear.
“No, not everything.” I gasped and it made him laugh.
I slapped his chest and said “You love to shock me don’t you?”
“Yup. And I have some really bad news.” He looked downright sullen.
“What?” I looked around for the problem, but came up short.
“I’m never gonna fit in that little ass car Nellie. Let’s go in mine.”
“Ugh, fine, ok.”
We walked over to his Bronco and I pointed here and there to the place I wanted him to go. Cindi knew we were coming and she was as excited as I’ve ever seen her. He followed me through the store and into the back office. I poked my head around the office door and cleared my throat. Cindi turned around. She had paired her black tank top and jeans with pink Doc Martens and pink earrings and lid to brow pink eyeshadow.
She waved me in and simultaneously did a little happy dance. I tugged Owen in the office holding his hand and when he came into full view Cindi screamed and I squeezed my eyes shut at the piercing sound. She did a knees to chest dance and fist pumped until Owen took a step back.
“Oh my God Nellie, he is one hell of a fine specimen. You were right.”
Owen turned his head toward me and laughed.
“I did not say that Cindi. Tell the truth.” My hands were on my hips now.
“Ok, ok, ok, you said,” and she put both fists up to her face and batted her eyes, “Oh Cindi he’s so gorgeous and he’s sweet and he spends time with his Mom and the way he kisses…”
“Alright, alright, jeez. Don’t tell him everything. I’m so humiliated. For this I could’ve taken him to see my real parents.”
Cindi visibly shuddered, “Ugh, Hellie, don’t give me the heebeegeebees talking about your Mom.”