We stayed like this for more than an hour. Eventually, White sat back.
“I’m so sorry, Alex. I never meant to—”
His eyes were sunk into his face, making me tear up again.
I wiped my tears away.
“What happened?” I asked.
“They didn’t give me any details. Just said he’d gone missing about a month ago and they’d been trying to recover the aircraft and his body. They had no luck locating his body.”
“A month and they’re just telling you this now?”
“This kind of news isn’t always fast in coming. They don’t want to hand out false reports, so they keep it quiet until they’re sure. He was deployed, so no news isn’t uncommon.”
I stood there awkwardly for a moment. I didn’t know what to do next. I had no words of comfort. Nothing I said could help, so I followed my instincts and reached over and smoothed out his hair.
“I imagine you have somewhere to be,” he said.
“No. Unless you’d like to be alone.”
“No. If you can stay, I’d like that.”
“Can I get you anything to drink?” I asked. I moved around the bar into the kitchen.
“No. Help yourself, though.”
He moved to the couch and I followed.
“We’re not going to hold a funeral. Well, I’m not sure what Mom and Dad are going to do. I’m not attending,” he said.
“It might be better if you do.”
“I’m glad you came. The guys are great, but I needed you.” He changed the subject smoothly.
“Of course I came, White.” I wanted to tell him he was still at the center of all my thoughts but it wouldn’t come out. I was still too hurt by everything else. All I knew was, I’d be here whenever he needed me.
He’d started to look healthier since we’d moved to the couch. Color had returned to his face. At least that’s what I thought until I realized the sun was coming up, giving his face the color.
“Alex.” He took my hand in both of his.
My phone rang.
He dropped my hand. “Jake?” he asked with venom.
I pulled out my phone. I was sure it was Jake. He was the only one who called me. I nodded as I rose from the couch. “Hello?” I answered.
“Everything okay, Alex? Did you talk to him?”
“Something came up, Jake. I’ll call you when I get time. Okay?”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ll call you later. Promise.”
“You’re with White, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Yes. I have to go. I’ll be in touch later today.”
“Okay.”
I’d expected more of an argument. I was relieved he didn’t fulfill my expectations. “Thanks,” I said.
I hung up and returned to White’s side on the couch.
After a couple minutes of silence White asked, “Are you and he an item?”
“No. He’s just a friend, for now.”
“For now?”
“Let’s not do this. Okay? Now isn’t the time. Will—” I said.
“No. Don’t use the loss of Will to get out of this talk. I’ve been trying to have this talk with you for months. You’re just as important to me as Will is and I have to know. If there is no chance we can work things out, I have to know.”
“I don’t know. I can’t get past you still working with Red.”
“You’re telling me I have to choose?”
“He destroyed my life, White. My entire life. I don’t have Ms. Grey any more. I don’t have Penumbra any more. My father has cut me off completely. I don’t even have you.” My voice warbled.
“You’ll always have me.”
“You stood by and let him destroy my life, White. How can you say I have you?”
“I didn’t just stand by and watch.”
“Yes, you did. We were in contact for a month after all hell broke loose. You weren’t able to convince him I wasn’t a traitor to the company in that time. I wanted to come back. I still want to come back. But you told me to give him more time. You kept telling me to give him more time. I was done waiting for you to make up your mind.” I took a breath. “I’m not the one who was forcing you to choose. He did that, and you chose him.”
“I didn’t choose anyone. There was no choice for me.”
“There wasn’t?” I shook my head and stood from the couch. I walked over to White and kissed him tenderly on the forehead. “White. I love you. I will always love you.”
I walked to the door, picked up my bags and walked out. White was talking as I left, but I didn’t hear anything he said.
I rode the elevator up to my apartment. Once inside, I cried.
The crying didn’t last as long as I thought it would and when I wiped the tears away for the last time, I was determined. I cleaned out my bags and took a shower. When I was cleaned up and dressed I went to the kitchen and made some coffee. I didn’t care if it was stale.
I called Black’s apartment and invited him up.
Chapter Seventeen
Black was in my apartment before the coffee was done brewing.
“It might be stale,” I said while pouring his cup.
“That’s fine. You back?”
“Not back with the company, no. But, I think I might hang out in my apartment for a while. As I understand it, I’m still a partner on the books.”
He nodded and donned a sinister grin. “Took you long enough. Have any jobs lined up?” he asked.
“You mean Penumbra?”
“Anything.”
“No. Dad cut me off from Penumbra because White won’t be my handler and I won’t rat out Red. I’m no longer on Mesa’s steady payroll. I’m freelance. You have anything?”
“Nope.”
“Pretty sure Jake’ll keep me busy enough.”
“About Mesa. Be careful,” Black said.
“I will.”
We sat in silence long enough to finish off the pot of coffee. It wasn’t all that good.
“You going to Will’s service?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Do you know when and where?”
“Not yet.”
He asked if I wanted to join him at the gym, but I declined. I had no plans for the day, but I wasn’t ready to go back to business as usual, especially since it wasn’t business as usual.
He left me alone in my apartment with the statement, “Glad you’re home.”
Black wasn’t gone more than ten minutes when I received a knock at my door. I opened it up to find Brown and Blue outside.
“May we come in?” Blue asked as Brown pushed his way past me.
I moved aside so Blue could enter without having to squeeze past me.
“Black told us you were back,” Brown started.
He was already in my kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee from my freshly-brewed pot.
“I’m not back. I’m just going to stay in my apartment for a while instead of in a hotel room.”
“You aren’t going to start working again?” Blue asked.
“This is terrible,” Brown complained about the coffee.
“It’s old coffee, but it’s all I had.”
Someone else was knocking at my door.
I found Green outside, offering a fragrant bag of fresh-ground coffee.
“Black said I should come bearing gifts. He said you could use some coffee.”
“Come in,” I said.
Green was a touchy subject for me, still. He had been the one who had, ultimately, been the demise of Penumbra. If he hadn’t done Red’s bidding, I doubt anyone would have found me out. The only reason I wasn’t entirely fed up with him was because he was proud of who I used to be, unlike Red.
“Thank the heavens!”
Brown met Green half way, took the coffee from him and went back to the kitchen to start a fresh pot.
The four of us sat at the kitchen bar and drank our coffee in silence.
Finally, Green said, “The Malones are havin
g a service tomorrow evening. It’ll be quick and quiet. Only family. We won’t be invited.”
“White said he won’t go to any service,” I said.
“It’s understandable,” Blue said. “This is a terrible loss for him and he’s not ready to let go, yet. The Malones should have waited a little while.” He shook his head.
I expected Brown to have something to say. I looked at him and saw tears in his eyes. He was probably the closest to Will, other than White. It was him who’d tried to set me up with Will.
Will wasn’t just White’s little brother to Brown, he was his friend. His fellow pilot.
I sat, sipping my coffee, as the men did the same. It was quiet and, strangely, comfortable. It almost felt as if I’d never left.
My phone rang, breaking the comfortable silence.
Damn, Jake.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Did you get things worked out?”
I walked away from the men so I could have some privacy.
“Alex? Are you still there?” Jake asked.
I shut my bedroom door.
“Yes. I just wanted to get somewhere more private.”
“Where are you?”
“In my apartment.”
“What apartment?” he asked.
“At White and Associates.”
“So, you did work everything out.”
“I didn’t go back to the company, but I needed a place to stay. White’s brother was killed and I thought I should be here for my partners.”
“Did you know him?”
“Yes, Jake. I knew him. Even if I didn’t I wouldn’t ignore my partners in a time like this.”
“Sorry. I understand. How’d it happen?”
“Not sure. I guess his plane went down and they never recovered the body.”
The line was quiet for a few seconds.
“So sorry to hear that. We’re going to have that refinery job coming up. You still game?”
“Of course. When?”
“We leave tomorrow. Eric will be going. He’ll have a brace on his knee, but he’s going.”
“Tomorrow?” I didn’t know if I should leave so soon. I worried about White and was starting to enjoy the comfortable feeling of being back home.
“Yes. Is that going to be too soon? I can’t change the dates.”
“It’s fine. I’ll be available.”
“Posner was worried you wouldn’t make it.” Jake said.
“You can tell him I’ll be there. I better go. I have company.”
“Okay. Maybe I’ll stop by later today.”
“Probably not a good idea,” I said.
“You ashamed of me?”
“Okay. You’re weirding me out.”
“I’m just hoping for a chance to pick up where we left off last night.”
I felt my face get hot and was glad I wasn’t face to face with him. “I’m not going to say I regret last night, but it was simply my libido getting the better of my brain. I wasn’t expecting it and I’ve got other things on my mind.”
“Embrace your libido, Alex. It’ll make you a much happier person. Well, more fulfilled, anyway.”
“I’ll call you a little later.”
I hung up without giving him the opportunity to say any more.
When I stepped out of my bedroom, Brown immediately asked if I had a job.
“Yeah, tomorrow.”
“Good,” Blue said. “You should stay busy. Can you talk about it?”
“It’s just a security job for—”
“Another piece of shit security job? You’re better than that, Alex.” Brown said.
“What do you mean? If I still worked here, I’d be taking on security jobs.”
“But we protect important people,” he argued.
“So Angel isn’t important?”
“It wasn’t her you were protecting,” he countered.
“The hell it wasn’t.”
“Whatever.” He pouted.
“You better get down and see Gabriella before you go,” Green cut in. “She should be in the office by now.”
He set his cup in the kitchen sink.
“I’ve got things to do. See ya all later.”
“We’ll join you,” Blue gave Brown a stern look as he followed Green to the door.
“I’ll be right with you guys,” Brown said. “Hold the elevator.”
He waited until they were gone then said, “Alex. There are so many things I needed to say to Will. I’m not going to let that opportunity slide by with you.”
He came close, but watched the floor as he spoke.
“You are a big part of me. I never thought you’d be gone as long as you were. Being here for coffee made me think you were back for good. You not being with the company wasn’t something I ever thought about. I know you have issues with Red. Believe me, you aren’t the only one. I don’t think Blue has spoken to him since you left, and I’ve definitely given him a piece of my mind. But, if it takes us getting rid of Red to get you back, it’s not going to happen.
“Yes, he needs a swift kick in the ass, but he’s as important as you are. You are the one who left and he’s the one who stayed. You decided your own fate, even if it was only to protect Red.”
He looked up from the floor to confront me face to face.
“If you come back, you’ll have more than just me in your corner. If you don’t come back, you will still have more than just me in your corner. I guess, what I want to say is, we care about you outside of your ability to complete a job. Red does, too. I don’t think he realized it until you left, but he really does.”
His normal playful grin returned.
“Sometimes I wish you were a man. You would have kicked his ass and then the two of you would have pretended like none of this ever happened.”
“Thanks, Brown,” I said.
He nodded and left me alone in my apartment. I stood in the same spot for a long time. I didn’t know what to do. I’d just gotten what I’d always wanted. The men asked me to come back. White let me know, in a roundabout way, he still loved me. But, I still resisted.
Why? Was I afraid of confronting Red?
No. I agreed with Brown. I should have kicked Red’s ass. But, that wouldn’t have ended it for me. Even if we’d talked this through before I left, I still wouldn’t be okay with everything.
I’d been doing exactly what I wanted to do and with people I genuinely cared for. Then Red had changed up the game pieces and I didn’t like it. My life was ripped away.
I’d been lured into believing I was on a level playing field, if not perching somewhere on the high ground, until this all went down. Now I felt like I was down in the sewers with no true friends. Their verbal claims just weren’t good enough for me. I felt betrayed, and not by just Red.
I knew it wasn’t quite as simple as this, but it fit well enough for my own personal understanding of my actions.
They’d tried to find me. White tried to keep in contact.
Those are all excuses in their favor.
I shouldn’t have had to hide outside of the company. I should never have felt threatened from these men. Never. They were the people I relied on and I would die for them. Expecting them to back me in this situation was not asking too much.
I was pissed off beyond recovery. I had no idea how to fix that. Until I did, I couldn’t work next to any of these men. I couldn’t even consider it at the moment.
I called Jake and made a lunch date with him. He told me to get my bags ready and we’d drop them by the airport after lunch. We were taking a private jet, and it would be easiest to load up the cargo today.
“Okay,” I said. “Can you meet me at the office? I need to say goodbye to Gabriella.”
“No problem. See you soon.”
Chapter Eighteen
Gabriella didn’t look up immediately from her computer screen when I walked into the office. I took the seat in front of her desk before she noticed me.
“Alex!”
She hurried around the desk and I stood to accept her hug.
“Your hair. It’s grown so much since I saw you last.”
She fiddled with my hair for a few seconds.
“You here because of Will?”
Tears formed in her eyes.
I nodded.
“You need to see White?”
She hiked her head toward the open office door.
I looked inside and saw White on the phone. One hand held the receiver, the other was pressed to his forehead.
“Yeah. I need to talk to him, but I can wait until he gets off the phone.”
“Did you— I mean, are you coming back?”
“No.”
“He didn’t ask you to come back?” she whispered.
“Everyone but Red asked me to come back. I’m just not ready to admit defeat.”
Her expression was confused.
“It’s okay. Do you have a little time to visit before my ride for lunch shows up?” I asked.
“Of course I do. You need to fill me in on what’s been going on.”
“You first. I want to know about your wedding plans. Have they progressed at all?”
She held out her hand and showed me a gorgeous ring.
“Did you elope?” I grinned.
“Shhh.”
She looked around the room as if there might be spies behind the filing cabinets.
“His mother doesn’t know. Martin told her he’d let me wear the ring until we decided what we were going to do. His mother is set on a wedding. She knows it’s her only chance at a wedding dress.” She winked.
“Not if Leland finds himself feeling a bit flamboyant,” I said.
“Nope. Leland and his partner have already done the dirty. Martin’s mother was not pleased with that. At all.”
“I thought you said the family was okay with Leland’s orientation.”
“Oh, not that part. She adores Stan. She was mad she didn’t get to plan an elaborate wedding. So, now,” she sighed, “Martin and I get to deal with that. Dealing with all the details was fun for a while, but I got to thinking about what you said. It’s not about the ceremony, it’s about me and Martin. I’d rather spend our money on other things.”
“So, if you were willing to elope, why not tell her you’ll compromise. Tell her you’ll get married without all the fuss, but ask her to plan the reception and surprise you? I say, if it makes her happy, and you don’t really care, let her do it.”
Fragments of Grey [Book Five of The Alexis Stanton Chronicles] Page 13