Avoiding Temptation: Forbidden Series #6

by Lorraine, Tracy

  “What if there’s something I want more?” He scans my face, committing each of my features to memory.

  “Focus on your future, Mr. Kingsman. That’s the reason you’re here.”

  “What if she is my future?”

  My stomach damn near falls from my body at his admission.

  “Sorry…I uh…” I stutter, scrambling to get out of the chair and away from him. There’s no doubt in my mind that he was deadly serious, and it scares me more than I want to admit.

  This can’t happen. He can’t happen.

  I finish up the lesson for the evening, give the students their homework assignment for the following week and bid them farewell.

  Joe’s eyes never leave me as he slowly starts to pack away. It’s clear he wants to hang back to talk to me, but I already know being alone with him is a very bad idea.

  As students start to leave, I push my chair under my desk and follow them out. Just before I round the corner, I look back over my shoulder to find him staring at me with disappointment written all over his face.

  As the majority of the students turn left so they can leave the building, I bolt right towards the toilets, but I don’t get very far as I crash into a body.

  Looking up, I find Eddie staring down at me with an amused smirk.

  “I knew you wanted me,” he says with a wink. My stomach twists as I pull myself from his grip.

  “I’m so sorry, I just…”

  I rush away from him, my heart hammering in my chest.

  “I’m not that bad, am I?” he chuckles behind me, but I don't stop to say anything.

  Lowering the toilet seat, I fall down on to it and drop my face into my hands. My life was meant to get simpler once I was away from my old life, but I fear I’ve only made it a hell of a lot more complicated and things are only going to get worse. Every day that passes I expect to receive a phone call, but as of yet, there’s been nothing. I know these things take time, but for the sake of those I left behind, something needs to happen to stop lives being ruined more than they already have been.

  I wait in the toilets long enough that I hope Joe will have given up and left.

  I can feel the pounding of my heart all the way to my toes as I make the silent journey back towards my classroom to collect my stuff.

  Poking my head into the room, I breathe a sigh of relief when it appears to be empty. I walk inside and head straight to my desk to collect my stuff when a dark figure in the corner, perched against the desk opposite mine, makes me scream.

  “Fuck.” My breath heaves as my body shakes. My fear is debilatating and renders me powerless for the couple of seconds it takes me to realise who is staring back at me with a deep frown lining his forehead.

  It’s Joe.

  You’re safe.

  Breathe.

  “Shit, Quinn. I didn’t mean…are you okay?”

  Tears burn my eyes and my bottom lip trembles. I really thought it was him waiting for me.

  “I’m…I’m f-fine.” My voice breaks on every word. “You need to leave.”

  Pushing from the desk, he stalks towards me. “You need to stop pushing me away, Quinn. Don’t think I don’t know that that’s what you’re doing.”

  “It’s for your own good,” I mutter, not willing to divulge any information as to why. Looking down at the floor, I try to avoid the connection that forms when we stare at each other. He’ll see too much.

  “You might think that, but I very much disagree. You’re a nervous wreck. What’s going on? Let me help.” His hot fingers grip my chin lightly, and I’m forced to look back at him. My breath catches when I see the concern in his eyes.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Bullshit,” he snaps, making me jump.

  “I’m here, willing to do anything to help you. Stop fighting it.”

  “I can’t.” Staring down at my feet, I feel myself starting to crumble under his concerned stare, but he’s not having any of it.

  Bringing my face back to his, he leans down and brushes his lips against mine. I want to fight it—it’s what I should do—but the second he touches me, I’m lost to anything but him and I sag into him, totally forgetting where I am.

  His lips part and his tongue darts out in search of mine.

  I’m just about to meet his when heavy footsteps fill my ears.

  Fuck.

  I jump back like I’ve been burned. Hurt covers Joe’s face, but he soon looks toward the door when he hears what’s stopped me. We can’t be caught in here together.

  I hold my breath, waiting for my potential visitor to make themselves known and see how this is going to play out. Eddie is already suspicious of the changes in me. The last thing I need is for him to discover that Joe, one of my students, is the cause.

  My head starts to spin, but instead of stopping and entering the room whoever it is continues down the corridor.

  I fall back against the desk behind me and suck in a few ragged breaths.

  “Come on, let’s get out of here. You hungry?”

  I’m not really, but I’m also not ready to be alone again so I nod, collect up my stuff and follow him out of the building, hoping like hell we’re not spotted together.

  “Stop worrying. I’m just helping you with your bags.” He smiles down at me and everything I’ve been worrying about, scared of, over the last few days melts away. Why does he make me feel so safe?

  After dropping my bag in his van, he takes me to a burger restaurant a few streets away.

  We’re seated in a hidden corner at the back of the restaurant. I couldn't have chosen better seats if I’d tried.

  The silence stretches out between us but at no point does he ask me about what’s bothering me, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

  “No twinset today?” he asks with a laugh.

  “No, I binned them.”

  “Oh?”

  “They’re not me anymore.”

  “Anymore?”

  I shake my head, not willing to say anything else.

  “So…have you had a good week?”

  I can’t help but burst out laughing at his question. “It’s been fine.”

  “Fine?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I have this secret admirer that keeps sending me gifts, so that’s nice.”

  “Oh? Tell me about him. He sounds perfect.”

  “That might be pushing it. He’s going after something he can’t have. I’m not the person he thinks I am.”

  “And who’s that?”

  I sit back and think about his question for a few minutes. “I’m lost, Joe. I moved here not even two months ago with the intention of finding out who I am. Until I got here, all of my life was planned out for me and I followed along like a good little girl. This is my chance but—”

  “You’re scared.”

  “More than you know.”

  “I’ve been there, Quinn. I’ve been alone. I’ve been lost and not had a clue who I am. We’re more alike than you realise.”

  “I don’t believe that for a second. You’re so sure of yourself. So confident in everything.”

  “Now I am, but only because I’ve worked hard to be that way. Quinn, listen.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “Our pasts don’t define who we are. We do that. Only you have the power to determine your future. What do you want for your future?”

  “To be free.” I slam my lips shut. Why is it that everything I’m trying to keep to myself just spews out of me when I’m with him?

  “And how do you do that?”

  “I don’t know,” I whisper honestly.

  There isn’t much more conversation between us as the waitress brings over our burgers. We eat in silence. I mostly keep my eyes down, afraid of how much he can read in them.

  “Can I take you home?”

  “Uh…”

  “I’ll just drop you off. I won’t even get out of the van. I just need to know you’re back safe.”

  I nod. “Okay.”

  He leads me
back to where he’d parked, and I drop into his passenger seat.

  “So what do you do exactly?”

  “General builder. But I want more.”

  “What’s more?”

  “I’m not one hundred per cent. Quantity surveyor, maybe, but I’d need a degree most probably. I’m not sure if I’ve got that in me.”

  “Don’t be so modest. Of course you can do it. You’re more than capable.”

  “You’ve only been my teacher for a few weeks.”

  “We can pick out the ones who are going to succeed the minute students walk through the door, Joe. You’ve got it.”

  He beams at my praise, and my heart turns over. I think back to his question about the future, and I wonder seriously for the first time if there’s a space for him in it.

  Joe stands by his words and doesn’t even switch the engine off, let alone get out of his van.

  After thanking him, I jump out and grab my bags. His eyes follow me all the way to the front door of my building, and knowing he’s right there means I don’t even look over my shoulder before entering. I know I’m safe while he’s here.

  I give him a quick wave before allowing the door to shut behind me.

  The first thing I do when I get up to my flat is to go to the window. Just as I suspected, he’s still there. He’s too far away to be able to see him, but it’s long minutes before his van starts backing out of the space.

  I turn my sofa into a bed and settle with a book when my phone rings. My first thought is that it’s Joe, but I soon realise that he doesn't have my number. There are only a couple of people who do, and right now I don't really want to hear from any of them.

  Pulling it from my bag, I take a deep breath and look at the screen. Detective Barker. Fuck.

  Part of me doesn't want to answer. That part would rather be blissfully unaware of what might be happening in my absence. But the part of me that’s desperate to move on has me swiping the screen and lifting the phone to my ear.

  “Hello?” My voice sounds weak even to my own ears.

  “Good evening. This is Detective Barker. How are you?” His voice is over-the-top happy, and my stomach drops to my feet. It’s all I need to hear to tell me that what’s going to come next is going to rock my world once again.

  “I’m…surviving.”

  He clearly misses the hesitation in my tone or refuses to hear it.

  “That’s good to hear, because I’ve got some news.”

  “Go on.”

  “The story has been leaked to the press.” Shit. “I thought it was only fair to warn you that it will most probably hit the headlines tomorrow.” My head spins, and white noise fills my ears. My chest heaves as I fight to drag in the air I need, but it’s no use. Nothing fills my lungs, and I can’t catch my breath.

  I can vaguely make out the low timbre of Detective Baker’s voice in the background, but I hear no more words as I fall onto the bed and count my breaths as a way to try to calm myself before this turns into a full-on panic attack.

  Tomorrow morning, everyone is going to know. The lies and scandal I exposed will be common knowledge. That’s good, I tell myself. It’s what I wanted. But where will that leave me?

  “Are you still there?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m still here,” I manage when the fog begins to lift enough to make out his words.

  “Did you hear all of that?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay, great. Well, like I said. If you hear anything from them, call me immediately, but I’m confident that you’re safe where you are. They won’t want to bring any more heat on their shoulders.”

  “Great. Thank you.”

  I disconnect the call and allow my hand to drop between my knees as I try to process the little bit of what I heard.

  I thought it was only fair to warn you that it will most probably hit the headlines tomorrow.

  My hands tremble as I think about the consequences of the world knowing about my old life with all its betrayal and misplaced trust. My stomach turns over, and I worry I’m about to puke right here on my dirty floor, but thankfully a few deep breaths make it abate slightly.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I don’t get a wink of sleep. Every bang and creek within the building has my heart in my throat, thinking that my past is going to come crashing through my door to teach me a lesson of my own for betraying them.

  I know the exact words I’d hear. “We’re family, princess. This is what happens when you go against your own.”

  Bang.

  The sound of someone’s front door slamming is enough to have me jumping from the bed and backing into the corner as my heart races.

  Tears burn my eyes, but I refuse to give in to the fear racing through my veins. I’ve made it this far. I’ve started a new life. They won’t ruin it for me now.

  I’m hyper aware of everything as I get ready for work, but I fight against my need to hide like a coward. I’m not the one in the wrong. Why should I be the one hiding?

  I want to say that I hold my head high and walk from the building like I have no cares in the world, but that’s far from the truth. In reality, my entire body trembles as terror takes a tight grip on my lungs.

  They won’t break me, I repeat over and over as I make my way down towards the tube station.

  I probably look like a right nut case as my head darts from side to side and up and down the street, desperately trying to find out if I’m being watched or followed.

  My skin tingles with awareness, but I’m sure it’s more my own fears that cause it because I see no sign of anyone looking my way, let alone trailing me. I haven’t since the day I moved here, but that doesn’t mean I’m safe. I thought I was safe in my own home before—I had no idea what monsters I was living with.

  Nothing about my day is unusual, but I still find myself looking over my shoulder at every opportunity. I stay as far away from any newspapers, TV and radio as possible. I’m not ready to relive all of that again—not yet, anyway. I’m not stupid, I know I’m going to have to endure seemingly endless court cases about what I exposed, but I’ll deal with that when the time comes.

  I make the final part of my journey home from the tube station, my paranoia is at an all time high seeing as it’s dark. It’s so much easier to remain in the shadows out of sight. I reach for my phone to call Joe numerous times, knowing that I’ll feel safe if he’s by my side. But I need to do this alone.

  By the time I push the main door open, I’m breathing like I’ve just run a marathon. I jog up the stairs, using the last of my energy before pushing the key in the lock and triple-checking that I secure everything behind me.

  This place might not be much to most people, but it’s become my sanctuary. Do I wish I had more? Of course. I’ve worked my whole life and saved every penny I could. I never imagined a time where I’d be forced to leave all of that behind. All I can hope is that when this is all over, I might see some of it once again.

  My stomach rumbles, reminding me that I’ve not eaten all day. Turning to the fridge, I pull it open and groan. I could really do with a little comfort food tonight, but all I’ve got staring back at me is a half-eaten tub of soup, stale bread, and a block of cheese. Not exactly what I’m craving.

  The knowledge that my first paycheck hit my bank today rattles around my head, but I fight the urge to pick up my phone and order a takeaway. I’ve got more important things to buy.

  In the end, I begrudgingly pull the soup from the fridge with a sigh.

  The steaming bowl in my hands almost crashes to the floor when the buzzer rings out through the silent flat.

  “Fuck.” My chest heaves, my breaths racing past my lips.

  I place the bowl down with trembling hands and hesitate. After debating whether to answer it or not for a few seconds, I eventually walk over on unsteady legs and press down the button. I figure if my past were to come knocking, then it’s not likely to be so blatant as to ring my buzzer.

  My assumptions are proved c
orrect when Joe’s voice fills the tiny space around me.

  “Quinn, you there?” The concern is evident in his tone. I must have done an even worse job than I thought of appearing normal yesterday evening.

  “Yeah, I’m here. What’s up?”

  “I was kinda hoping you’d invite me in and I could tell you.”

  “Oh, um…” I should say no. I should find out what he wants and send him on his way to enjoy his Friday night. I’ve already experienced his kind of night out, and I know he wouldn't be satisfied with two-day-old re-heated soup in my tiny studio.

  No matter what my brain tells my body to do, it seems my arm has a mind of its own because I don’t even realise that I’ve pressed the button down to unlock the front door and allow him entry into the building until he thanks me.

  Before long, I hear his footsteps thundering up the stairs. The louder they get, the harder my heart beats.

  You’re playing with fire, the little voice in my head says.

  Seconds before I know he’s going to be standing the other side of the door, I rush towards my mirror, wipe the stray make up from under my eyes and run my fingers through my hair.

  Even after all these weeks, I still hardly recognise the woman staring back at me. A little rush of excitement tingles through my veins at the reminder that I’m living my own life at last, even if I am waiting for it to come crashing down around my feet at any second.

  My stomach tumbles when his loud, manly knock sounds out.

  “Get it together, girl.”

  I shake out my arms and hope my paranoia vanishes along with my nerves.

  I quickly unlock all the locks and in mere seconds I’m pulling the door open to reveal the man I can’t get out of my head.

  Only I’ve not met this version of him before.

  Gone are the braces and crisp white shirt, and there are no dirty work clothes in sight. Tonight, he’s dressed more casually in a pair of skinny dark jeans and a white polo shirt, although his glasses remain.

  “You approve?” he asks, and my cheeks heat.

  “Shit…I…” I stutter, my body frozen solid as his eyes burn into mine.