Playground Cool

by Sinclair, Jamie

  They’d arranged to meet at a nearby bar called Dukes 92, a laid back place with big, comfy sofas that overlooked the Rochdale canal. Despite it being close to her Castlefield flat, she’d never been to the bar, and hoped she wouldn’t bump into anyone she knew.

  ‘You look great.’ Dave smiled when she arrived, leaning forward to kiss her.

  ‘Thanks,’ she replied, instinctively flinching away from him.

  He backed away, embarrassed. ‘Right then, what are you drinking?’

  ‘Double vodka and lime, thanks.’

  Katie had, since his late night visit and up to walking into Dukes 92 five minutes earlier, been a little unsure of her feelings. She was certainly falling for Jack, but she still felt drawn to Dave. That all changed, however, the second she saw him waiting for her and he tried to kiss her. She knew seeing him was a mistake and it was all she could do to stop herself bolting while he was at the bar. She realised, in that instant, that she felt nothing for him at all. Where once she’d seen a confident, stylish, attractive man, she saw a desperate, lonely, opportunist at a loose end, trying to work the old magic to get a result.

  What followed was a nervous and tense evening with a man she once loved. He bought her drink after drink in an attempt to relax her but all she felt was sick. She tried to make an effort, asking him about his work and his apparently failed relationship with Michaela, but to no avail.

  ‘You’ve been looking at your watch all night,’ Dave said finally.

  ‘Have I? Sorry. I just don’t want to be home too late,’ she said, knowing it sounded feeble.

  ‘Right. So what do you think then? About us I mean?’

  Since she’d hardly listened to a word he’d said all night Katie was unsure how to respond. She was in no doubt that Dave was under the impression that he could just desire it and he’d get it, but her feelings lay elsewhere. She’d been wondering about Jack since arriving at the pub and was expecting him to ring any minute.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she answered slowly, ‘It’s not an easy thing to come to terms with.’

  ‘Surely it’s worth a try though?’ He pleaded. Then her phone rang.

  She grabbed for it as soon as it began to ring and headed for the ladies toilet. She felt guilty speaking to Jack, telling him more lies about where she was and who she was with, but she certainly wasn’t going to tell him anything until he came home, not while he was in a hotel with a group of women.

  ‘Anyway, I’d better go,’ she said, ‘Jen’s waiting for me. I’ll see you tomorrow. Miss you.’

  ‘Okay then.’ Then Jack paused before adding, ‘I love you.’

  This hit her hard because it was the first time he’d said those words to her.

  ‘Do you mean that? Really mean it?’

  ‘Sorry if I’ve surprised you,’ he apologised, ‘I was just thinking about it before and realised that I do.’

  ‘Oh Jack.’ She felt like crying now. He sounded so sincere and utterly wonderful and here she was in the toilets of a pub where she’d been drinking with Dave.

  They said goodbye and she went to find Dave to tell him she was leaving. It was then that she received her second shock of the evening. As she approached their table, Dave stood up and suggested they leave. She gladly accepted and got into his car, where he promptly leaned across and began to kiss her. Half drunk and caught unawares she panicked and threw her head back, lashing out with her right hand, striking him sweetly on the side of his face with a loud smack.

  ‘Oww, fucking hell!’ He cried, clutching his cheek.

  ‘Shit, sorry,’ she offered, ‘You just startled me, that’s all.’

  ‘You bitch, that’ll bruise.’ He angled his face to the rear view mirror, inspecting the damage.

  ‘I said I was sorry. You shouldn’t have been trying to kiss me.’

  ‘I wish I hadn’t fucking bothered now, you ungrateful cow.’

  ‘Excuse me?’ It hadn’t taken him long to drop the nice guy act.

  ‘Nothing, just shut up a minute.’

  ‘Tell you what,’ she fumed, ‘You piss off back under your stone and I’ll walk back, it’s not far.’ Then, before he could offer any reply, she was out of the car and marching up the road. Katie didn’t look back once and Dave didn’t follow her.

  She ran inside and cried into her pillow, regretting the entire night and hating herself for what she’d done. Her state worsened because she knew that, if she were to have any trust with Jack, then she’d have to come clean and tell him about the lies and about the attempted kiss.

  * * * * * *

  Rhia lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, feeling utterly miserable and rejected. She hadn’t heard from Ben and had given up trying to contact him, since he obviously had nothing to say to her. She was beginning to think that perhaps she should just let him get on with his life and stop harassing him; she only seemed capable of making him miserable anyway. God, she missed being with him, just to have him there, stroking her hair in front of the television, rambling on about stuff she’d no interest in, but he’d tell her anyway. Silly things, but their things.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Katie couldn’t bear the waiting any longer. She shut down her computer, picked up her briefcase, walked swiftly out of the building and got into her car; too distracted by her desire to see Jack to do anything productive. She’d barely slept, but felt wide-awake, agonising over her sneaky night out with Dave. She hoped that she’d be able to tell Jack about it the minute he came home, but as the hours counted down to his return, her courage ebbed away.

  She drove out of the car park and decided to try Jack on his mobile to see how far from home he was. He answered immediately.

  ‘Jack,’ she began, pausing to change gear and steer while trying not to drop her phone, ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Hi you. Sounds noisy.’

  ‘I’m in the car. Are you back yet?’

  His tone was dejected. ‘Nah, we’re caught in traffic. Could be ages before I get back.’

  She felt disappointed; she’d hoped he’d be there to meet her so she could quiz him about his little trip. On the plus side, however, it meant that telling the truth about her evening with Dave could be put off a little longer.

  ‘Shit,’ she said, exasperated. ‘I’ll be waiting at my place then. I’ll make you something to eat.’

  ‘Cheers angel, I’m starving.’

  The signal was suddenly weak on Katie’s mobile and Jack’s voice took on a robotic, broken sound.

  ‘Jack, my signals fucked. I’ll call you when I get in.’

  He didn’t respond and when she looked at the little screen on her mobile, there was no service at all. Katie smiled to herself at the news of his delay; giving her more time to conjure up some vaguely plausible excuse for being with her ex-boyfriend whom she claimed to hate and had broken her heart. She parked the car and rooted in her bag for her front door keys. Inside, she walked down the hallway towards her bedroom, intending to have a shower before ringing Jack from the landline. She kicked off her shoes and grumpily pushed the bedroom door open, wondering how best to tackle the subject of her deceit and moment of weakness.

  ‘I was wondering when you’d get here,’ said a grinning Jack, currently lying on the bed.

  Katie jumped. ‘Shit Jack!’ She cried. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

  ‘Surprise!’

  ‘You git,’ she laughed, running to the bed and bouncing alongside him where they kissed. ‘You said you’d be ages.’

  ‘I fibbed.’

  ‘Good.’

  She hugged him tightly, pleased to see him, to have him back; yet she also felt uneasy. She’d planned on soaking in the bath for a while to clear her head and think of a way to be honest with Jack while making the Dave incident sound totally uninteresting. Now, however, Jack was here and she knew that, sooner or later, he’d ask how her night with Jen had been and she could either lie again, or tell him what had actually happened.

  Later, after som
e intense lovemaking, where Katie had been particularly energetic and enthusiastic, then a shower, they were sitting in the living room finishing off the pasta Katie had made.

  ‘I forgot to mention,’ Jack said, drawing a line through the sauce on his plate with a piece of crusty white baguette, ‘there’s a work’s night out for all J.D.’s staff and a partner this Friday if you fancy it.’

  Katie looked across at him, one hand pulling small pieces from the hunk of baguette held in the other, and pushing them into her mouth.

  ‘One of those intended to introduce everyone to the new staff and bring you all together as colleagues?’

  ‘Nah. One of those where we all go out and get hammered and make dicks of ourselves in front of people we don’t really know.’

  ‘Great. What’s the plan?’ She asked; glad to discuss anything that couldn’t lead back to his conference trip and the Dave thing.

  ‘Well, I reckon it could well be crap so we could go for a meal first and meet them all later.’ Then, as an after thought, ‘You could invite Jen if you like, then you don’t have to talk to people I work with all night. Besides, there’s bound to be someone she can take a shine to.’

  ‘Cheeky sod.’ Katie said indignantly, springing to Jen’s defence. ‘She’s not a slag.’

  Jack said nothing, merely smiling as he looked down at his plate to remove any remaining sauce.

  ‘She’s not.’ Katie repeated. ‘She just has issues with men.’

  ‘So do you fancy it or what?’ He asked again, disregarding Jen’s issues.

  ‘Yeah, I can meet your new mates.’

  ‘I haven’t got any yet. That’s why we’re all going out you dope.’

  ‘Anyway,’ he said suddenly, ‘speaking of Jen. How was last night? I assume you talked about me endlessly?’

  Oh shit! Take a good look at him; because it’s the last time you’re gonna see him. Katie smiled at his sarcastic comment, feeling sick inside as her stomach lurched. From nowhere, Jack’s brain had made a few connections that prompted him to ask about her fictitious night out with Jen.

  ‘Oh, it was alright. Just a quiet one really,’ she began slowly. I’ve had it. He’s gonna leave me. I’m a lying, deceitful bitch, destined to be fat and lonely.

  ‘Quiet! You two. Were all the pubs were closed?’ He asked, pushing her playfully.

  ‘Do you want a drink?’ She launched herself from the sofa and grabbed their plates. ‘I’ll open some wine.’

  ‘Can I have beer instead?’

  She dropped the plates into the sink and took some deep, shaky breaths. She poured the wine, her hands trembling at the thought of what might happen. She could see that an argument was unavoidable if she told the truth but she also worried that Jack might be so incensed at her behaviour, so disappointed in her, that he might leave and want nothing more to do with her.

  ‘Here you go.’ She passed him a glass of beer and sat beside him.

  ‘So what’s Jen up to tonight?’ He asked between mouthfuls of lager.

  ‘Don’t know.’

  ‘Are you okay chicken? You’re being a bit odd?’ He looked concerned.

  ‘How do you mean?’

  ‘Well, quiet. And restless, you’ve been flitting about since I got back. What’s up?’

  She turned to look at him and told herself that he’d understand; she hadn’t really done anything wrong. She’d been out for a few drinks with an old flame who’d tried it on, then she’d come straight home. Except she’d lied about it, but only a little lie and now she thoroughly regretted the whole sorry chain of events. Katie began to speak, realising that, if the situation were reversed, she wouldn’t understand at all. She’d be hurt and upset and would feel betrayed.

  ‘I didn’t see Jen last night actually,’ she began, ‘I, erm, I went out with Dave.’

  Chapter Thirty-five

  It was the day after Ben had woken up to find Em standing in the doorway of his bedroom, wearing nothing but one of his t-shirts. They’d avoided mentioning the incident since, but it had been very awkward and Ben was now sitting at his desk thinking of ways to ease the tension.

  Ten minutes later Em entered the office and, completely ignoring him, went to hang up her coat and switch on her computer. Em was convinced that Ben wanted more from her and didn’t know what to do next. She didn’t want to hurt him, plus she was quite keen on the new bloke, Jack.

  Ben decided that enough was enough and got up, striding over to her desk, still with no idea of what to say.

  ‘Alright Em.’ He said as a greeting not a question.

  She looked up quickly and nervously. Oh shit, he’s going to mention what happened.

  ‘Morning Ben. I’ve got that file you wanted. I’m just about to print it off.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He paused and took a breath. How can I let her down without hurting her feelings? ‘Look Em. About the other night.’ He paused again, conscious of saying something stupid, hoping she’d fill the gap. She obliged.

  ‘Put it down to being drunk I suppose.’ She forced an uncomfortable laugh. ‘It’s not the end of the world is it?’ Please take the hint and leave it.

  ‘Not at all mate, no. I just don’t want us to fall out over it. Yesterday was crap wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yeah,’ she agreed.

  ‘So we’ll be okay then? Working together and that?’

  ‘Absolutely. Just one of those things. Say no more about it.’ She smiled at him to show she’d put it all behind her and there was no problem.

  ‘Great. So,’ he said attempting to change the subject, ‘You going on this night out on Friday?’

  The moment the words left his mouth he couldn’t believe how bad they sounded. Anything would’ve been better than what he’d just come out with. He’d only just resolved the results of their last night out and, in the next breath, had all but asked her if she fancied a repeat.

  ‘I don’t know. Probably not. Why? Are you going?’ I knew it. He fancies me.

  Oh shit, he thought, now I’ve done it. You stupid get. She’ll think I want to get her in bed again.

  ‘I doubt it,’ he replied uncertainly, desperate to avoid being backed into a corner, ‘Not really my sort of thing.’

  ‘Oh right,’ she said, trying not to sound too pleased. She was hoping to get to know Jack a little better and didn’t want Ben thinking he had a chance with her.

  Ben acknowledged to himself that he’d lost any control he intended to have over this exchange and his mind raced to find a way out of the situation he’d engineered for himself.

  ‘I’ll probably have to go anyway,’ he said, sighing to suggest that he’d rather be doing anything than be out with his colleagues. ‘Us managers are expected to show our faces for the benefit of the new recruits.’ Nice one. She’ll buy that.

  ‘Fair enough. I’ll see you there then I expect. Me and a couple of the girls are going. See if there’s any talent on offer.’ She looked directly at him, gauging his reaction.

  Ben smiled broadly, pleased that she’d taken his clumsy hints and they’d managed to stay civil. Em returned the smile and turned back to her computer without further comment. Ben took the opportunity to scurry back to the comparative safety of his own desk.

  * * * * * *

  He nodded, examined his hands, flicked an imaginary speck of dirt from his trousers; then looked at the television.

  ‘Jack.’ She tried to take his hand but he wouldn’t give it. ‘Say something Jack.’

  Katie again tried to take his hand, to make some kind of physical contact with him, but he pulled away and refused to look at her. Two minutes earlier, she’d finished telling him, as briefly as possible, about her trip to the pub with Dave and how he’d tried to kiss her, then how she’d hit him.

  ‘You said you hated him. You said it was his fault you were in such a mess,’ Jack said, not understanding.

  ‘I know. He is the reason. He did some awful things to me.’

  ‘Then why go out with him?’ Jack demanded,
his voice rising in anger. ‘If he’s so bad, why do that?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she answered, close to tears. ‘He was so persistent. He was waiting outside the flat one night and…’

  ‘What? Bloody hell. What if he’d hurt you? He’s obviously mental. Christ Katie…’

  ‘No. Look, he kept going on about how he still loved me and how he’d made so many mistakes and I told him to get lost. But he kept going on so in the end, just to get rid of him, I said he could ring me.’

  ‘You must’ve wanted him to though.’

  ‘I don’t know, maybe I did. Maybe I wanted him to want me as much as I’d wanted him all the times he’d been fucking me around. Maybe I wanted him to be the one who got fucked with for a change.’ She was crying now, she could feel Jack slipping away from her and she hated it.

  ‘So what? You arranged to go out when I was at that conference?’

  ‘No, he rang out of the blue and I was going to ring Jen but I thought…’ She paused. ‘I don’t know what I thought. But I decided to meet him, maybe just to see if I still felt anything for him. To convince myself once and for all that he wasn’t worth the effort.’

  ‘Well you obviously did still feel something or you wouldn’t have agreed to see the bastard. God, I feel sick. After all the shit I’ve had from you as well. You accuse me of being unfaithful with my own sister; you make me feel bad for going on a training course.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I shouldn’t have gone; it was stupid. But at least now I know how I feel,’ she shouted.

  ‘Yeah yeah,’ he said with a rueful smile, still looking anywhere but at her.

  She slid closer to him on the sofa and rested her hand on his arm.

  ‘Don’t,’ he said with a shrug, ‘I’m going home now. I’ll see you later.’

  He stood up to leave and she grabbed his hand. ‘Don’t go Jack. I’m sorry, really I am. It’ll be alright. I love you.’