Leveled

by Cathryn Fox

  “I need to talk to Jamie.”

  “He’s no good, Kylee,” my father says as he urges me inside my Lexus. “I want you to go back to the cottage and pack up. It’s time to go home.”

  But I am home.

  Numb all over, I slide into my car and catch the glint in Simon’s eye as he twists his ring. My stomach turns, and bile punches into my throat. I want to run after Jamie. I need to talk to him.

  Jamie raped their sister?

  The Jamie I know is kind, gentle, so sweet and caring. Something is off here. I feel it in my bones. I’m about to jump from my vehicle when my father slams my door shut and I catch the look in Simon’s eyes, warning me there will be trouble if I do. I grip the steering wheel and stare straight ahead, catch the tail end of Jamie’s bike as he exits the parking lot, leaving me, and what was between us, behind. I have no idea what to believe anymore, but I do know that if I don’t do as my father says, it could put Jamie at risk.

  Chapter Sixteen: Jamie

  It’s been two long weeks since Kylee packed her bags and headed back to Atlanta with her father and her fiancé. Was she really having an affair with me while planning to marry one of the douchebag Jackinoff assholes? Fuck, could my life be any more of a mess?

  Running on empty, completely lost without her, I sit on my bike outside Gram’s house, no desire to go to work today. With the deep pain of loss leaving me drained, all I want to do is drink myself to sleep and curl up on my own fucking misery. Gram comes from the front door, a load of containers in her hands. Last night’s leftovers. She slides them into the back of the truck and heads inside to get the rest. I throw my leg over the bike and take the stairs two at a time to help her. She’s a bit breathless when she comes back out, meeting me on the porch, and I look her over.

  “Are you okay, Gram?”

  “The heat is getting to me,” she says.

  Worry gnaws at me. She hasn’t quite been herself since Kylee left and I’ve been doing nothing but basking in my own shithole misery when I should have been paying closer attention to her health. “Why don’t I drive you to Hope Falls and help out?”

  Gram touches my cheek. “Such a sweet boy.”

  I swallow at the gesture, my mind once again returning to Kylee and the endearments she used with me. I still can’t fucking believe she thought I could rape someone. That she actually fucking asked me if it was true. After everything we’ve done, the intimacies we shared, when it came right down to it, she didn’t believe me, or believe in me.

  She believed in you enough to help with the tattoo shop.

  What the fuck ever.

  When it came to the important things, like thinking I was a rapist, she questioned me, and that spoke volumes. I should have kept my fucking dick in my pants. Haven’t I learned that rich pampered girls only like to play games with boys from the wrong side of the tracks? We’re not the kind of guys they bring home to Daddy, and I was a stupid asshole for thinking we had something of value, something that went beyond the bedroom. I hadn’t seen much of Kylee before she upped and left, I’d been too busy tearing down a wall at the tattoo shop and adding an extension, using money I didn’t have. Now it was all for nothing.

  I feel like total shit, and the truth is, two months ago, I might have said I didn’t care what anyone thought of me, but that was bullshit. I cared what Kylee thought, and I thought she believed in me. When will I ever fucking learn where rich pampered girls are concerned?

  Yeah, I’ve been down this road, but this time it hurt more, because back when I was a kid it wasn’t real love. No, what I had with Kylee was deep, meaningful, something that forevers are built on. A dark sound catches in my throat. Yeah, well, let me rephrase . . . what I thought I had with Kylee was deep, meaningful, something forevers are built on—or not.

  What a stupid son of a bitch.

  Who now sports a broken fucking heart.

  Fuck me.

  I finish carrying the containers to the truck and help Gram into the passenger seat. Her face is flushed and anger morphs to worry. “You sure you’re okay?”

  She waves me away. “I will be,” she says. “When it all works out.”

  Even though I have no idea what she means by that, I drive to Hope Falls. I park outside the shelter and help her bring the containers inside. The second we enter, my heart falls into my stomach, my breath leaving my lungs in a loud whoosh.

  No. Fucking. Way.

  Gram is watching me, studying me closely, and I shake my head, incredulous

  “I’m the one who should be asking if you’re okay,” she says. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “I . . .” When I take in all the women and kids and see most of them are dressed in Kylee’s designer clothes, I stumble a bit. Gram reaches for me, but I sag against the wall and bend forward. With my hands braced on my knees I take deep gulping breaths and try to wrap my brain around this unexpected turn of events.

  This . . . this is what she was doing in Hope Falls? Secretly outfitting the needy with clothes and telling no one about it. Here I thought she was meeting Trevor—I basically accused her of that—keeping her fiancé a secret from me when she was helping others.

  I am such an asshole for questioning her. I briefly pinch my eyes shut, barely able to hold on to the control fighting against the pain inside me. How could I have done that to her?

  “What have I done?” I say to myself.

  “It’s not what you’ve done, it’s what you’re going to do next,” Gram says. “If you love her, you’ll fight for her.”

  Fight for her? I want to fight for her. Fuck, I want to fight for the love burning so deep inside of me I fear it’s going to consume me whole. But how can I? “Gram, she thought I raped her fiancé’s sister.”

  “Fiancé?”

  “Yeah, she’s engaged to Trevor Jackson.” I shake my head, gut-wrenching anger tearing me up inside. “I know she did a good thing here, but the bottom line is she’s no different from any other rich, pampered girl. I never should have let myself believe she was.”

  “You didn’t, Jamie. You didn’t let yourself believe it. Not once.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Gram puts her hand on my face. “Sweet boy, if you thought she was different, you wouldn’t have been trying to hide your relationship and wouldn’t have kept secrets from her. You did it because you were hurt deeply and weren’t about to risk your heart by putting it on the line again. Deep down, you expected the worst from her, because of who she is and where she comes from. You set yourself up for failure, Jamie.”

  I tense and a shiver rakes up my back at her blunt words. I struggle to find a flaw in her reasoning. “She’s engaged, Gram.”

  Green eyes narrow, “Are you sure about that?”

  A numbing sensation settles deep into my bones. “That’s what all the guys said.”

  “They also said you raped their sister, and you didn’t. Did Kylee come out and tell you she was engaged?”

  The knot in my throat thickens. “No, but she jumped all over me.”

  “Did you defend yourself?”

  I scoff. “I didn’t bother.”

  “Why not?”

  Anxiety prickles across my skin as old insecurities and fears rush to the surface. “Because I—”

  Motherfucker.

  Bile punches into my throat. Gram is right. I set myself up for disaster. I never bothered explaining because deep inside I believed she’d never see me as good enough, rich enough, or anything other than a criminal. I never gave sweet Kylee the benefit of the doubt. Good thing I’m not the lawyer in our relationship.

  Relationship.

  Yeah, I fucking want a relationship with Kylee. I’m miserable without her. But what can I do? I ruined everything when I turned my back on her and let her walk out of Blue Bay. Dumbass motherfucker that I am.

  The room grows so quiet you could hear a pin drop, then Gram breaks the silence by asking, “Are you really going to lose the best thing th
at’s ever happened to you because of past mistakes?” I run my hand through my hair, and Gram continues. “You’re going to have to open up to her, Jamie. Fully. Lay your heart out for her, and trust in her enough to believe she’s not going to shatter it.”

  My mind races, sorting through the facts. Is she engaged or not? Did she believe in me or not? What’s real? What isn’t?

  As I consider that, my galloping heart settles inside my overly tight chest, because deep inside it, I know the real truth—and because of that, I need my cousin Ryan.

  Chapter Seventeen: Kylee

  I miss Jamie.

  I miss him with all my heart, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. He walked out of my life and didn’t so much as give me one last glance goodbye. As I think about things now, I’m not even sure I could have made things right if I’d gone after him.

  I sit at my office desk in Atlanta and look out my rain-streaked window, as tears and grief threaten to consume me. I hate it here. I hate everything about this building, my work, my colleagues—especially Trevor and his brothers. I miss Blue Bay—a place I truly felt I belonged.

  Home.

  I close my eyes to pinch off tears. Did Jamie really think I was the kind of woman who’d sleep with him if I were engaged to another man? I guess I should have told him about Trevor. Then again, there were things he should have told me too.

  Do I really think he’s the kind of man who’d rape a woman? We both had secrets, and in the heat of the moment, I asked if it was true, but it was a knee-jerk reaction. So much was going on, and I was frightened as the men faced off against each other, frightened to realize it was Trevor and his brothers who beat Jamie and left him deeply scarred, inside and out.

  Jamie is a good man, the bravest man I know, and I hurt him so deeply by questioning him, not believing in him—the only thing he ever wanted from those who loved him. I bite back a gut-wrenching sob. After everything he’d been through, he showed me a kindness and gentleness that gave me such respect for him. The need I feel for him curls through my bloodstream. A noise sounds at my door and I glance up to see Trevor. Weary, I quickly swipe away the tears and straighten in my seat.

  “How’s your day going?” he asks.

  “Good,” I say and grab a file, any file from my desk, even though I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything since I came to work early. I didn’t have to officially start for a couple more weeks, but all I was doing at home was moping around in misery.

  “Want to grab lunch?” he asks.

  “No, I have plans,” I say, lying. Why is this man still pursuing me after finding out I was sleeping with his number-one enemy? That thought gives me pause. What’s in it for him?

  “Can you break them?” he asks and comes farther into my office. He straightens his tie, and I get a whiff of his expensive cologne as he moves closer.

  “No,” I say.

  “Kylee. Look at me.” His voice is firm, a little demanding, and it totally reminds me of my father.

  I lift my head, chills moving along my spine. “What?”

  “Why are you making this so hard?” he asks, changing tactics by softening his tone. Does he really think that’s going to work with me?

  “Making what hard, Trevor?” Needing to occupy my hands before I get up and choke him, I grab a pen and tap it on my desk.

  He waves his hand back and forth between the two of us. “This. Us. Don’t you realize we’d be a power couple around here? We’d move up the ladder together.” He shakes his head. “Together . . . we could do so many things . . . even make partnership.”

  “So that’s what this is about, then, a promotion for you?”

  “That’s how life works, Kylee.”

  I think about Jamie. That’s not how things work in his life. He was true, honest, not a manipulative bone in his body. He didn’t sleep with me for any other reason than he wanted to—he wanted me. A little thrill goes through me, but then sadness moves in when I realize I’ll never see him again.

  “Why do you love law?” I ask, and push back in my seat.

  His look is confused at first, then he says, “The power, the money, prestige. I’m sure your reasons are the same.”

  Where was the passion? The love of helping others?

  “Then you’d be wrong.”

  “Come on, Kylee. Don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that rapist asshole.”

  My spine stiffens, anger boiling my blood. “He didn’t rape your sister,” I say through gritted teeth.

  “And you know that how?” He walks up to my desk, puts his palms on it, and leans forward.

  “I just do.”

  “I know what the records say, that my sister lied, but that’s bullshit.”

  I take a moment to mull that over. “I didn’t read the records. I didn’t need to.” I touch my heart. “I know it in here.”

  “Well, he left you, remember? It’s over, and now it’s time to think about me and you.” He taps his head. “You need to be smart about your future. That guy can’t offer you the things I can.”

  Before I even realize what he’s doing, he comes around to the side of the desk and goes down on one knee. He reaches into his jacket and produces a velvet box.

  I jump to my feet and my chair hits the wall behind me. I stand there, completely shocked, the room closing in on me. I gulp down a mouthful of air, unable to believe he’s proposing.

  “Marry me, Kylee. We’ll make a great team.”

  A great team? Another wave of anger takes hold. Marriage isn’t just about making a great team. While teamwork is important, marriage is about love, respect, truth, taking pleasure in the person’s successes, being there in the good times and bad, and helping that other person be the best they can be. They way Jamie supported my dream of being a designer and helped me be the best person I could be. Honest to God, the man messed with my life so thoroughly, how could I have thought for one second that I could go back to this? How could I let a man like that walk out of my life without a fight?

  My gaze lifts when I see movement in my doorway, and I take in my father as well as Trevor’s brothers. My father has a huge smile of his face.

  “Of course she says yes,” he bursts out, his eyes narrowing in on me, as if he’s daring me to say no. As I look at him, my heart races. I think about Jamie and his bravery, the way his father was always there for him and supported his passions by getting a tattoo. In that moment, I do what Trevor says and use my brains to think things over, figure out what’s important and what isn’t. I think about how hard I worked for my law degree, the years I’ve invested to make my own father happy, the lengths I’d go to be his obedient daughter, just for an ounce of his love, respect . . . and time. As I consider all that, a plan forms, takes shape, and I feel a new measure of calm.

  “Answer him,” my father says.

  I inhale a shaky breath and release it slowly as I warm to the idea bouncing around inside my brain. “I will,” I say and look at the man on his knees before me.

  Chapter Eighteen: Jamie

  I drop the roller brush after putting the last touches on the expansion and shrug out of my coveralls. I crack a window to let a breeze in and stand back to look at my handiwork, pleased with the way the room turned out. My mind goes to Kylee, and my pulse beats double-time. I run my hand over my chest, pausing near my heart—where Kylee will forever exist.

  Now that the room is finished, I have one thing left to do, and nothing or no one is going to stop me or stand in my way. The bell over my door rings and I turn, about to let whoever just came in know that we’re not open. But when I see Kylee standing there, an uneasy look on her face, my heart jumps into my throat and the room spins before my eyes.

  “Kylee . . .” I manage to get past the peach-size lump as my heart thunders in my ears, hardly able to believe she’s here. I pray to fucking God I’m not hallucinating. “What . . . are you doing here?”

  Casually, and with a little sway to her hips, she walks into the shop
and runs her hands over my things. She’s working hard to appear brave and calm, but I know her well enough to know she’s as shaken up as I am.

  Is she really here?

  “I was thinking,” she says and climbs into my tattoo chair. “That you should ink me.”

  I soak in her words, see need flashing in her eyes, and try to wrap my brain around the fact that the girl I’m in love with is back in Blue Bay. Sitting in my chair, nonetheless.

  “You really want ink?” I ask, my stomach coiled so tight, I feel sick. Is she here for sex, or more?

  My thoughts fall off when she widens her legs. “Right here. Our little secret.”

  “I hate secrets,” I say, my heart sinking into my stomach.

  “Me too.” Sadness moves over her face, and beneath the act I see the sweet, vulnerable girl I fell in love with. She frowns. “They can lead to all kinds of problems.”

  I step up to her, needing to know where this is going, what she wants from me. If she doesn’t want what I want, what the fuck will I do? How will I go on?

  “What are you thinking?” I ask and touch her thigh. A hot flush crawls up her neck and she practically vibrates beneath me.

  “This guy once told me he’d like to give me the Viking symbol.”

  My heart tightens with the love I feel for her. I draw a slow steady breath to collect myself. “Is that what you really want?”

  “I trust that guy. If he thinks I should have a Viking symbol, then I should have a Viking symbol.”

  I narrow my eyes and let my gaze race over her pretty face. She doesn’t look like she slept any more than I did these last few weeks. I touch her cheek and she leans into my hand.

  “You remember what it means?” I ask quietly, hoping like hell she does, and that what she’s really trying to tell me is she’s ready to create her own life and a future with me.

  She puts her hand over mine, a small sound of contentment catching in her throat. “Yes.”