by Carlos Dash
Becoming this fixated on someone can’t be healthy.
I set my jaw and look back up. I lock eyes with Emily, and this time I force myself not to turn away. The girl opens her mouth to say something, but she appears to be struggling to find the right words.
“Something on your mind?” I ask, hoping it will prompt her to speak up.
“Nothing. It’s just… forget it. I need to go.” She locates her purse on the ground and digs inside it for her phone.
“I could always just drop you back home myself.” Any excuse to spend more time with her.
“We’ve gone over this. You’re the one who didn’t want my family to know we were on a date. If they see me getting out of your car, that would be pretty damning evidence. And there’s a chance that they’re already on their way back.” She begins to click the same key on her phone over and over again, probably scrolling through her contact list looking for the number of the taxi service again. “And even if we somehow beat them back to the house, there’s no guarantee my aunt wouldn’t see us. I’m sure you understand that she’s not the type to keep gossip to herself.”
I can’t find any holes in her logic. Regardless of how much I want to see more of her before the night is over, I can’t press the issue. She’s right. Her calling a cab is the safest way to handle things. We agreed on that together. I would really be tempting fate if I drove her back to her house in my car. There’s a time and a place for taking a risk, and this isn’t it.
“No, you’re right. Call a cab. That’s the smart thing to do. I don’t know what I was thinking just now. It would be beyond reckless of me to take you there myself.”
“I know what you were thinking,” she says in response, looking like she really does have insight into what’s going on in my head.
“Oh yeah? This ought to be good. Tell me your brilliant analysis of the situation.”
Emily begins to speak with an easy confidence. “You want to be around me as much as possible. That’s why you suggested to my father that I should work as your assistant. And that’s why you wanted to drop me back home. You’ll take whatever you can get with me. Even a fifteen minute car ride will do.” She shakes her head. “Man, I’ve got you wrapped around my finger. You’re completely gaga over me, huh?”
Chapter 28
I don’t know whether to go over there and kiss the girl, or demand that she leave my home as quickly as possible.
She has me pegged. Everything she just said is one-hundred percent right on the money. It’s like she can hear my thoughts and sense my worries.
How did she do that? And how did I let it get to this point? If you never let anyone in, no one can ever hurt you.
It’s too late for that now. She’s in. She’s deep inside my head. She knows what makes me tick, and that’s something that frightens me to my core.
And how can she leave after saying all that? It feels like a parting shot. After crossing that barrier, we at least have to sit down and talk about it. Having those kinds of emotions swirling inside is a big deal for me. It’s a giant step. The equivalent of a wall being broken down. She can’t just say all that to me and then turn around and leave.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admit, trying my hardest not to make my voice crack. “How did you…” I see her lips part into a smile and that sends a jolt up my spine. “Were you joking?”
“Of course I was joking,” she says, laughing.
My ears are starting to feel hot. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this mortified about something. Even sneaking out of the restaurant can’t compare.
Luckily, I’m not someone who blushes. Never have been. Never will be. A man should swallow his embarrassment and pass it off as indifference, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.
I don’t want you to get mad at Emily. This isn’t her fault. It’s mine for taking her seriously. How was I supposed to know she was joking around? I took her at her word because the things she said are so true to my actual mindset.
My mistake.
“What’s with the look on your face?” Emily asks me with curiosity. “I know you didn’t think I was serious.”
“I did. You really had me going there.” My words come out with extreme sarcasm draped all over them. Sarcasm is one of the best defenses against genuine emotions. “You should offer free tarot card readings. Add a Jamaican accent to the routine, and you could make some serious money for yourself.”
Emily glances down at the screen of her phone and raises her eyebrows. “There it is,” she says. “Hold on one second.” I patiently wait for her to finish her call with the taxi service, and only then does she respond to my sarcasm. “I’m glad you picked up on my humor. I was afraid you would think I was being serious and get freaked out about it.”
“Why would I get freaked out?”
“You know, a girl you’ve slept with thinks you’re crazy about her. It’s all a bit clingy. Guys like you panic when they know they’ve got a clingy girl on their hands.”
“That’s true, I suppose. Still, I’m just glad we can talk like this now and mess around with each other.”
She chuckles in amusement. “Yeah, we could be good friends.”
Friends. That’s an interesting word. It instantly begins to create a buzz inside my head. Why can’t we be friends? Friends who occasionally have sex with each other. There’s still a small chance it’s just a physical thing—meaning I can rid my mind of all that infatuation crap by banging her until I’ve had my fill.
If I can get her out of my system, I can go back to being my old self. You might not think much of that old self, but I liked my life the way it was. Actually no, I loved my life the way it was. Sure, I was a loner who never got close to anyone, but that was okay. There was a certain tranquility to that. A certain level of peace I no longer have.
I tell myself that a friends with benefits arrangement might be just the thing I need.
So why don’t I suggest the idea to her?
Simple. I know I’m kidding myself.
It isn’t just an infatuation. It isn’t just something I can get out of my system by fucking her a few more times.
Nope. This is the real thing. Whether I like it or not, I have to admit to myself that I know what’s happening. There’s no way to deny it.
I’m in love.
For the first time in my life I’m in love with someone.
I’m in love with Emily Reed.
Chapter 29
“Give it another five minutes.”
We’re standing side by side on the curb in front of my building. I’ve decided to join her outside as she waits for her cab to arrive.
Any excuse to spend even a few more minutes with her.
And I’m not exactly minding the view. Emily is rocking that dress in a hundred different ways. I feel like releasing a wolf whistle.
I walk over to her. I’m so damn tempted to put my arms around her. I really want to, but I don’t. I refrain from the urge and reign in the horses inside my heart.
We aren’t a couple. However you want to look at it, wrapping your arms around a girl is something a man only does to show tender affection.
I can’t go down that road.
“Not falling in love with me, are you?” I say jokingly. The truth behind those words is known only to me, but I want to see how she’ll react.
Emily starts to pace around. Without looking me in the eyes, she says, “I’m not crazy. I know what a waste of time it would be to fall in love with someone like you.” It’s a dismissive tone, and she has a good point. Falling in love with the kind of man I used to be before I met her would be pointless.
But the words still hurt. She has no way of knowing the impact they have on me. Each one is like being stabbed with a knife.
But I have to play it cool. She’s looking at me. I can’t allow my reaction to betray my inner thoughts.
She won’t be falling for me, so I would have to be pretty damn stupid to fall for her.
Problem is that I’ve already fallen for her. But if this is a casual thing for her, it shouldn’t be anything more than that for me either.
Yeah, but life doesn’t work that way.
“Fantastic. That’s just what I want to hear. We won’t have any problems then.” That’s all I can think to say. The kind of response she expects from me.
It’s another ten minutes before the cab arrives. The driver honks once and Emily immediately makes for the vehicle. She stops short once just to make sure that she has everything that belongs to her, and then she gives me one of those quick half-waves before making her exit.
I watch her go with a small pit of sadness opening up inside of me. It’s like I don’t want her to leave my sight. Like my heart wishes she could become a permanent fixture around me.
In my daze, I even forgot to pay the taxi driver. It’s too late to do anything about that now.
Rather than just standing there and embracing my mess of emotions, I go back to my penthouse and pour myself a glass of water. I drain ninety percent of the thing in one gulp, and then chase down the rest seconds later. The pleasant chill of the liquid as it goes down my throat does little to comfort me, so I try to look on the bright side: Maybe once she goes back to college after her break is over, I’ll be able to forget about her. It won’t be easy, but not having to see her face every day might be just the thing I need. They say time heals all wounds, right?
Damn, it’s times like this I wish I did drink alcohol.
But truthfully, I don’t want to distance myself from her. That’s what it really comes down to.
I haven’t devolved into needy-clingy territory just yet, but the thought of not having her in my life frightens me. It scares me to my core.
There’s no easy way for me to go back to being the man I was before I met her.
And I don’t even know if I want to be that man again.
Chapter 30
Tuesday and Wednesday continue in much the same fashion for me and Emily. We spend most of our time in my office. While there, we never have sex. We don’t even kiss. The encounter we had inside the building on Monday has to be kept in a bubble. It’s almost like we’re pretending it never happened.
But after work, we meet up and go out to dinner. Emily was a bit paranoid about running into her parents again, but I convinced her that the chances of that happening were slim to none.
The dinners went fine, in case you were wondering. No incidents. No moments that forced us to leave our food and run out of the restaurant. We just enjoyed ourselves. And I wasn’t forcing myself to go through the motions either. I was genuinely having a good time. We talked and laughed, and it was like being alive for the first time.
But then reality always slapped me with a cold hand.
The knowledge that Emily would be heading back to college as soon as her break was over kept plaguing me. Even when we had sex, I had to keep prying my mind away from the thought of not seeing her again.
And that’s so not like me. I’m not the type of guy who lets his thoughts wander in the middle of banging someone. My brain and my penis are usually on the same wavelength.
Judging by Emily’s orgasms, it didn’t hurt my performance. But the whole thing is still very unsettling. I don’t think I can recover from this. She’s got me. My heart belongs to her.
To even admit that to myself is hard enough, but to say it to Emily would be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life.
There’s no other option, though. I’m going to have to tell her. If I want to keep her in my life, I’m going to have to open up and spill the beans. The question is when. It has to be the perfect moment. Anything less could result in a rejection.
Or maybe she’ll reject me regardless of where I tell her. That would crush me.
Is it that I’m just overthinking it? I mean it is me where’s talking about here. Who would be moronic enough to reject me? Least of all a woman I’ve already slept with—a woman who knows full well what I’m capable of in the sack.
But maybe that won’t be enough for her. She could say that she wants a man with more substance. Someone who is willing to open up to her in ways that I can’t. Someone who enjoys life in ways that I don’t.
Let’s face facts here: as much of a catch as I obviously am, I’m not for everyone. Any woman with a working pair of eyes would find me attractive, but not any woman can handle a personality like mine. I’m very different from most men. And while I would be willing to change a little for Emily’s sake, I can only change so much. I can’t completely become someone else.
More overthinking. That’s what this is. I’m driving myself nuts.
And on top of that, Thursday night is the first game of the regular season. I’m not nervous, but there are some traces of butterflies in my stomach. I hope everything goes well. A loss wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world since it’s only week one, but it would be nice to start things off with a win. I’m not playing, so there’s nothing more I can do to impact the outcome of the game—and that bugs the hell out of me. I hate it when I can’t personally deal with a situation. I hate that feeling of uselessness.
It all comes down to Thursday.
It’s going to be a very important day in my life. Let’s hope nothing goes wrong.
Chapter 31
The first two games of the regular season are at home. The next three are on the road. Then it’s a mixture of going back and forth.
But I’m glad we get to have our first real game here in Seattle. I want the fans here to see that this isn’t more of the same old stuff. This is a fresh start. Things are going to be different from now on. We’re going to be winners. We might not win a Super Bowl in my first year as an owner, but we’ll be relevant. The tide has turned for the people of Seattle.
The day began with me arriving to a parking lot that was surprisingly full for that early in the morning. Apparently the coaches and players were just as excited as I was.
I was there on the sidelines of the practice field as the team had their final walkthrough before the big game. Emily was standing a few feet ahead of me. Her father told me to make sure that I kept her busy. He reminded me that she was there to be my assistant.
The first three days of Emily’s career as an assistant had been spent doing a whole lot of nothing… unless you count the way she worked my cock during our romp in that office.
I gave her some menial jobs to do. Stuff that would make her look busy without putting much strain on her. She didn’t mind. Just as long as nothing gave away what happened between us.
I was still looking for the right moment to tell Emily how I felt about her. But it would have to wait until after the big game. I could only handle one monumental event at a time. Too much at once would overwhelm me.
And that’s something that’s hard for me to admit.
My entire adult life has been spent being the epitome of calm and cool and composed. Now there are things happening in my life that might even shake me.
And that brings us to now.
Coach Reed gives a speech to the players. They’re fired up. Chest bumping. Fist bumping. Even that weird thing where they lock elbows really hard. How do they not get hurt doing that?
My fingers are a bit numb. But mostly I’m just giddy and excited. I have a good feeling about tonight.
We’re going to win. I can feel it in my bones.
There’s a strange tradition in the NFL when it comes to home games. Most teams don’t practice on the same field where they play the actual event. And rather than just telling the players to arrive to the main stadium through their own methods, they’re told to come to the training facility. And then, from there, the players get on the team buses and are taken to the stadium together—at which point they change into their uniforms in the locker room of that stadium.
Seems a bit pointless, I know, but that’s just how it is. Tradition is a hell of a thing.
But I’m under no such obligation to travel with the team on a
bus. They’re nice buses. Top of the line. But buses nevertheless.
I take my own car and make my way towards CenturyLink Field. It’s a beautiful stadium. A sight to behold in a city that I’m falling more and more in love with.
Love. That’s what’s on my mind. Love for the city. Love for everything that I’ve accomplished that’s allowed me to get to the point where I can own an NFL team.
And love for Emily Reed.
It’s amazing how much my life has changed.
Amazing and overwhelming.
Now I just have to hope the carpet doesn’t get pulled out from under me.
Chapter 32
Emily rode in the bus with Coach Reed. It was my suggestion. I thought it would be best that way. Nothing to tip off her father about the actual nature of our relationship.
The girl looked disappointed when I told her that she shouldn’t come in my car, but after a few seconds she took the whole thing in stride. She was maturing right in front of me.
Now the issue was when I would be mature enough to tell her about how I felt. I didn’t want it to happen tonight. There was already too much going on in my head. No need to further complicate things.
I stopped in front of the security gate. One look at my Maserati told the guards who exactly was inside. They waved me through into the private parking lot. I brought the car to a stop in my reserved spot, and then made my way up into the owner’s box using the elevator.
The place was a masterclass in indulgence. Perfect view. Perfect leather seats that reclined. A massive television to the side in case I wanted to listen to the TV broadcast of the game. A whole separate area for snacks and beverages.