“I got that report on Lauren because we’re friends, but I didn’t feel right about it then and I really don’t now—”
What report? She felt the garbage sack slipping from her fingers. She wanted to move, she truly did, but she was as rooted into place as the maples arching above her and her ears were ringing with Caleb’s words. That report on Lauren.
“The report was squeaky clean,” Caleb continued saying. “I spent time with her and I know it’s right. She came to meet her family, nothing more.”
The bag hit the steps with a whispered thud as the terrible truth crashed into her heart. Caleb hadn’t been friendly to her because he liked her. No, he was a cop. He’d been pretending to like her. He’d thought she was like her mother and he’d lied to her about it.
The report was squeaky clean. I spent time with her and I know it’s right. His words hit like a cluster bomb to her heart and exploded. Pain, like shrapnel, splintered through her. She had to move. She had to get out of here. Pain melded with panic. Woodenly, her right foot moved her forward. She had to keep going, quietly, calmly, without making a noise, or the men would know she’d overheard them. Caleb would know. Caleb, the one man she’d thought was so true. But it had all been a lie, right? She’d believed what she wanted to, and this is what came from letting herself dream.
And I knew better. She had no one to blame but herself. She snatched up the laundry basket, plopped the Stetson on the step, and only then did she realize in a blurry haze that she’d left the garbage sack on the steps. Footsteps were knelling closer, echoing between the house and the garage; it sounded as if Caleb and Spence were headed this way.
Move, she had to move. She opened the screen door just enough to squeeze through, hoping the slight squeak of the metal hinges didn’t carry too far. She slipped into the shadows just as she heard the men’s voices discussing the abandoned garbage bag.
What if they figured it out? She was humiliated enough. With every step she took, her heart shattered more. She went as quietly as she could, but her feet still felt wooden and her vision blurred. The edge of the laundry basket smacked into the banister’s end post, that led to the upstairs.
“Lauren, is that you, dear?”
Oh, no. She could hear the squeak of a chair as someone shifted in it. And there was Gran in the library at the big antique rolltop desk. Lauren forced herself to keep going. “Sorry, Gran, I need to get my last load out of the dryer.”
Footsteps headed in her direction. “This will only take a moment. Come sit with me.”
She felt as if she were drowning in the pieces of her devastation. “No, I’m not packed yet.” And, most importantly, Caleb was outside. She had hold of the laundry room doorknob, when Gran stopped her with a gentle hand to the shoulder.
“Come, talk to me. Please.”
How could she look into her grandmother’s dear face, radiating love and vulnerability, and not do as she was asked? It was totally impossible. She stumbled after Mary into the cool library, where walls lined with books muted every sound.
“I have something for you.” Mary tore a check from her wallet and held it out. “To help with your schooling.”
Could the day get any worse? Lauren stared at the offered check in horror. First Caleb. Now this. Her heart couldn’t take it. “No. I didn’t come here for your money.”
“You’re saying no to five thousand dollars?” Gran only smiled. No judgment, no distrust, nothing but loving acceptance. “I don’t know how much that graduate school tuition of yours costs, but it must cost a pretty penny. I also wrote a check out for Rebecca for the same amount, but I didn’t stop to think that your school might cost more.”
“Rebecca is your step-granddaughter.”
“Goodness, she’s called me Gran since she could talk. Twenty years of love makes her mine. The same way twenty years of you being absent from my life didn’t stop my love for you.”
Lauren stared at the check. Spence was right. She hated to admit it, but he’d done the right thing by being protective of this lovely, generous, perfect lady. “I can’t accept that kind of money from you.”
“Maybe you don’t understand. I’ve helped everyone with their schooling and their dreams. Why shouldn’t I help you?”
“Because down deep, accepting this would make me feel a little bit like my mom. I don’t want your money. I want a grandmother.”
“Sweetheart, that’s something you’ve always had.”
“Then I have everything I need. This is what I want you to do with the money. Buy something wonderful for yourself. Take a friend on a cruise. How about that?” She gave Gran a hug, and as the fragile woman clung to her with such rare sweetness, she realized something else. She might have been duped by Caleb Stone, but it was for a good cause. She loved Gran enough to do nearly anything to keep her safe from any sort of harm. How many times had Mom manipulated money out of this kind lady over the years? Too many to count.
“I really do need to get my laundry, Gran.”
“Then go. And Lauren? You’re everything I’d hoped you would be.”
“You, too, Gran.” It was hard for a different reason to force herself from the room. I can always come back, she thought. And she had noticed the computer on Gran’s desk. Surely she had an e-mail account.
When she stumbled from the room, she noticed a man’s shadow on the floor at her feet. Not Caleb. No, he was standing outside the door, staring down at his hat. Probably trying to figure out if she’d overheard him or not. Spence was the one in the hallway, staring at her with stark, assessing eyes. He didn’t seem ashamed of eavesdropping. Then again, his sisters had insisted he wasn’t a bad egg. He didn’t look like one now. He nodded once. “You’ll be back, I expect?”
“I’m invited to Thanksgiving.”
“I know. Guess we’ll see you there.”
Perhaps that was Spence’s way of being nice, Lauren reasoned, since he wasn’t frowning at all. It was an improvement. She watched him walk away without another word, pushing open the door to speak low with Caleb. Like she wanted to hear Caleb’s apology. She made a quick exit, clamoring down the hallway and closing the door behind her.
She could hear Caleb’s footsteps approaching. How was it that she already knew the sound and rhythm of his gait? How was it that her heart continued to swell with more love for him? How was that possible? She knew he was coming to apologize for pretending to like her so he could figure out if she’d come to manipulate money from Mary. He’d duped her, sure, but she wasn’t as angry with him as she was with herself.
She’d believed him. She’d believed in him. It was all she could do to hold herself up.
She tossed the laundry basket on the floor and threw open the dryer door. She worked as fast as she could. The knob was turning as she knelt to paw out the whole jumble of warm, fresh-smelling clothes from the dryer’s heat. Her throat ached with building tears, but she refused to let them fall. Clothing tumbled into the basket—jeans and her best pair of walking shorts and the T-shirts she’d worn riding in the mornings.
His steps halted behind her. “I reckon you heard what Spence and I were talking about?”
She froze. Squeezed her eyes shut. Forced air in and out of her lungs. Whatever she did, she could not let him know she was upset. “It doesn’t matter, Caleb.”
“Wait, how can you say that?”
Her lip wobbled. Her knees felt watery as she stood, heaving the basket with her. She held it in front of her, a good physical barrier between them. She lifted her chin. Forced all the pain from her voice. “I understand. You were just helping a friend. You’re l-loyal.”
“I’d rather you stayed so we can talk this out. I never meant—”
“It’s nothing, Caleb.” Nothing but her heart. She figured her knees would hold her weight if she tried to w
alk. She took a step forward. “You’re in my way.”
“That’s cuz I don’t want you to leave like this. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He looked so sincere, the big mountain of a man standing before her with his hat in his hands and his pride down.
“I’m sure that’s true, but you had to know that I liked you, Caleb. And you used that.” Maybe she’d said too much, but her dignity was shattered anyway. She shuffled forward. Her knees wobbled, but they held. She pushed past him, stumbling forward a few steps. “I trusted you and you know how hard that is for me.”
“I know.” He drew himself up, his shoulders wide, his muscles tensed, as if he were gathering up his courage.
But it didn’t matter. She’d seen him for what he was. She didn’t believe in him anymore. So she kept going. One foot in front of the other, holding herself tightly, keeping the pain in, so that she couldn’t breathe. Her lungs burned without air. Her pulse thudded in her ears. Her heart had lost the capacity to beat. She walked past Spence hauling a ladder around to the back of the house, stubbed her toe on the cement, caught herself and kept going.
She was ready to go home, not that her apartment felt like a home or her life there more than an existence. But it was hers, and she’d worked hard for it. That would have to be enough. Because if Caleb wasn’t trustworthy, then no one could ever be.
Chapter Sixteen
Insurmountable obstacles. Caleb hunkered down on his back patio in the afternoon’s shade and wondered how something could get so far offtrack so fast. He’d thought that the chances of Lauren really falling for him, the way he’d fallen for her, weren’t in his favor. Friendship was one thing, but he wanted a deeper kind of friendship with her and more, much more.
His jaw still dropped every time he thought of her in that laundry room, holding herself together, hands trembling and lower lip wobbling and raw hurt in her pretty eyes. His chest crumpled at the idea he’d caused her pain. Or that when it could have mattered, when he should have put his heart on the line, just like he’d gone there to do, he’d been too paralyzed to do it.
How could I have let her go?
It wasn’t fear that had stopped him but abject shock. He’d been up most of the night last night, thinking this through. Not that he’d had much choice of it. His mind kept going over and over their evening together. Spending time with her, seeing her with those kids, watching as she’d tidied the house while Danielle had gotten a few moments to unwind over her tea and sandwich. She was the real deal. A good woman through and through and he’d fallen so far and hard for her, he’d stayed up thinking until he’d figured out a way to put his life here on hold.
But now, after knowing about his favor for Spence, what were the chances? He swiped a hand over his eyes. The image of her face pinched with pain and her quiet pride ripped out his heart. He’d hurt her and he couldn’t live with that. Fierce, indestructible love gripped his soul. A man protected the woman he loved, he didn’t make tears well in her eyes and let her think that he’d lied to her.
You had to know that I liked you, Caleb. And you used that. Her words came back to him along with how she’d stood there looking at him an hour ago using her laundry basket as a shield. Agony sheared through him like a downdraft, leaving him hollow. No, he hadn’t known that she liked him that much, enough to put that kind of pain in her heart and that kind of devastation on her face. If he had, he would have kissed her last night. He would have told her what he’d struggled so hard to keep back.
You’re the biggest kind of fool, Caleb Stone. He’d been afraid of putting his heart on the line. Not because he was a coward, but because he didn’t know where she stood exactly. He’d been hurt before and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her by rushing things. Trusting a man the way he wanted her to trust him, why it was all new to her.
You gotta fix this. His chance for love with her was gone. It had to be. Even if he apologized and explained, she thought he’d lied to her. That while she’d been falling in love, trusting him with her vulnerable heart, he’d been fooling her. That’s what she thought and she was never going to forgive him. He didn’t see how she’d understand.
The thing was, he couldn’t let her hurt like that. Not without fixing it. A small plume of dust smudged the bit of Mary’s driveway that he could see. That must be the last McKaslin come to send Lauren off.
Time to bite the bullet and face things. He rose to his feet. His five dogs were smart enough to be asleep in the cool draft from the air conditioning. They watched him with disapproving eyes as he opened the sliding glass door, letting in that objectionable heat.
None of them moved, the mutts. He’d brought each home into his life to find them homes and they’d wound up staying. He stepped over them, grabbed his truck keys and left them to their snoozing.
He had some hard work to do.
Only one thing hurt more than saying goodbye to her family, Lauren thought. With a devastated heart, she stood in the dappled shade of Gran’s driveway beside her car packed for the long journey. She swiped at troublesome tears that leaked from her eyes—everyone else was crying, too, except for Spence. As hard as this goodbye was, she had more than one reason for her tears.
“This is a total bummer.” Ava wrapped her hard in a hug. “We just got to know you again and now you have to go.”
“It’s not like we can’t call her and yak at her any time.” Aubrey joined the hug. “We’ll e-mail.”
Danielle wrapped her arms around them all. “I already feel like we’re real sisters. I’ll miss you, Lauren.”
“Definitely.” Rebecca cozied in to complete the sisterly hug. “I’m going to come visit. You know, on a school break? We could hit the beach, drowse in the sun and do nothing but read books and talk.”
Sounded like heaven. She loved having sisters and she knew their relationship would only get closer with time. She still had one more sister to get to know and that was something to look forward to. Her life was full, her heart was confused, both healed and shattered, all at once.
“No-guy-dap.” Madison added her sentiments from Dorrie’s arms.
This was so hard. Tears stung her eyes as her sisters broke away. Dorrie came to give her a hug, then Dad, both tearing up and demanding a call the moment she reached home. They would worry.
“I love you, Lauren.” Dad swiped at his eyes. “We’ll be over to see you in about three weeks. Dorrie’s got her heart set on it.”
Lauren knew it wasn’t only Dorrie. “Me, too,” she said. “I love you all.”
There was only one more goodbye to say, and that was to perfect, wonderful, precious Gran. Lauren held the dear woman close, swallowed hard at the searing lump in her throat and spoke low, so only her grandmother could hear. “Thank you for inviting me here.”
“This is your home now,” Gran said. “You come as often as you like.”
“Count on it.” It took all her strength to let go. To force her feet to carry her around to her car door.
Spence was there, holding it open for her. He still looked a little Heathcliff-like, but the harsh frown was gone. He almost smiled. “Drive safe. Dorrie gave you the store’s e-mail address? Then use it when you get home. This car doesn’t look trustworthy. When you come back, I’ll go over it.”
She understood he wasn’t talking about the car, not really. It was his way of starting to be a big brother. She was going to like that, too. “Thank you. I will.”
As she settled behind the wheel, she took one long look. She wanted to memorize every detail, because in the lonely hours of her life, when her work and studies were done, she wanted to get all of this down on paper. It wasn’t the impressive mountains and breathtaking landscape she wanted to sketch, but the people clustered together, bound by love and hope, her family.
After one last round of goodbyes, she started the engin
e and drove away. She watched the group of them in her rearview mirror, waving after her. They grew smaller as she rolled down the driveway and disappeared after she’d rounded the corner. But their love remained in her heart.
And, she realized, so did Caleb’s. How cruel was that? She gripped the wheel hard, as if that could stop the pain from rising up. Saying goodbye to her family was enough, she didn’t need to add any more hurt to the pile.
Then she saw him. Caleb. He leaned back against his truck’s closed door, the Stetson shadowing his face, his arms crossed over his chest. He looked about as easy to move as his truck, which was parked across the exact middle of the driveway, blocking her way out. Fences on both sides penned her in. She couldn’t go around without scraping the fence or the vehicle.
I can’t face him. I can’t. Agony cracked through her. His words pierced her mind like a bullet. I got that report on Lauren because we’re friends, but I didn’t feel right about it. I spent time with her and I know she came to meet her family, nothing more. Why did knowing that make it even worse? Her heart cracked into even more pieces as she hit the brake and skidded to a stop. The man didn’t even blink. He was so sure of himself, so sure that, what, he could apologize and they’d go back to being friends again?
Hurt burned behind her eyes as she leaned out the window. “Caleb, what’s this about? You know I need to get by you to go home.”
“Yep, I’m aware of that. I just wanted to keep you here for a few minutes longer.” He strolled toward her in that easygoing way of his, but his jaw was tense, a muscle worked in his neck. He opened the car door, towering over her like a stoic Western legend. “Okay?”
“No, it’s not okay.” She unbuckled anyway, because if she had to see him again, she wanted to look him in the eye. So, she was still in love with him. She didn’t want to love him. She didn’t want her spirit to turn toward him like uplifting hope. “Caleb, I want to go home. I need to leave.”
Sweet Home Montana (The McKaslin Clan) Page 17