Shattered Heart

by Ann Stewart

  “It’s just my silly hormones. I’ll get over it.” I try to push away from him and go back to packing, but Alex quickly dismisses that idea and keeps me close.

  “Hey, I don’t want you just getting over things. Talk to me,” he pleads, wrapping his arms around me.

  “It’s just. I was thinking…I’m moving into your house, and...”

  He interrupts, “Which will be our home.” I nod, reluctantly. I really am trying not to overreact with the thought of so many women being in our home, but it may be a losing battle.

  “I’ve been wondering…just…well, how many other women have been there. I know I’m being ridiculous, but it’s hard to think of it as our home when you’ve had so many other women there.”

  Alex stills and I know his answer before he speaks. I hate this is bothering me. I hate I can’t shake the jealousy which has been running through my head since Arianna planted that damn bomb. Unfortunately for me, this bomb is my own personal IUD and has been continuously exploding since Monday.

  I shake my head and pull away from him. I stand and head into the kitchen to pack up the rest of my plates and glasses. I don’t even realize how frustrated I’ve become until I drop a plate from my shaking hands. My frustration isn’t with Alex. I want to throw something; preferably at Arianna. I want to scream and claw my way out of this damn prison she has me trapped in. But really, how do you escape your own head?

  Alex rushes over to pick up the pieces. I kneel down to help him, but he stills my hands and lifts me to sit on top of the counter. “I’ll get it. Stay up here until I sweep.”

  He grabs the broom and dust pan and starts cleaning up, his face showing every worrisome thought that must be scrambling around in that beautiful mind of his. “Is that why you didn’t want to stay at my house tonight? Why you seemed so uncomfortable last night?”

  No words are necessary as I watch him sweep up the ceramic fragments scattered across the tiled floor. He knows.

  “Well, there’s only one thing to do then.” It only takes him another minute, so when he finishes up, he settles between my thighs. I know he can see the anxiety weighing on my face, but it takes him another minute to speak again. I guess waiting to make sure I’m fully paying attention. “We’ll have to buy a different house.”

  Is he joking? He may think he’s doing me a favor, but he hasn’t thought about it long enough to make that kind of commitment. What does he expect to do with Nana? The home they share is the one she knows. With her condition, it would be hard to introduce her to new surroundings. And what about Delores?

  “Alex, that’s a lot of money to dish out just to deal with your girlfriend’s insecurities.” I wrap my arms around his neck and run my fingers through his hair, silently loving he thought of this. And that he doesn’t think I’m crazy.

  “No, it’s an investment for my future. Our future.”

  What did I do to deserve this kind of love? I pull him in, deepening the kiss on the first plunge. My body reacts to the feel of his hands on the small of my back, his mouth sucking on my bottom lip. I love that I didn’t have to ask, that he offered even though I know it’s such a hefty price to quell the storm inside my mind.

  “Thank you,” I breathe, resting my forehead against his. “You are amazing.” My tummy begins to rumble and we both look at my naval and laugh.

  He kneels down so he’s face to face with my belly. “I guess I need to get use to the baby interrupting us.”

  “Alex, it isn’t the baby…it’s me. I’m always hungry now.” I bite my bottom lip and run my fingers through his messy hair. That statement is true on so many levels. I crave him and pecan praline ice cream equally these days and I’m still in my first trimester. I can’t imagine how I’ll be later on in the pregnancy.

  “Well that’s good considering you told me you couldn’t keep anything down. I need to run home and grab a few things anyways, so I’ll pick up something for you and LJ.” He smiles as he stands, his large hands grasping the side of my head. “Craving anything?”

  “Besides you?” I tease. Alex groans and tilts his head back as I place a chaste kiss against his chest. “Pecan Praline ice cream and anything else you want to get.”

  Alex pulls me forward so I’m tight against him. Instinctually, I wrap my legs around his waist when he brings his mouth to mine. I love kissing him. The feel of his tongue exploring my mouth and the noises he makes as he rubs against me drives me crazy. I sigh when he breaks away, placing a final sweet kiss against the nape of my neck before he grabs his wallet and keys from the kitchen counter.

  “I’ll be back in an hour or so.” Alex helps me down from the counter. “Love you.”

  “I love you,” I whimper. He smiles a cocky smile, knowing that I hate him leaving as much as he hates going. Once the door is closed I glance around my disheveled living room unsure of what pile to tackle first.

  “I guess I should finish up the box of porn,” I joke to myself, walking towards the stacks of books I have left.

  ~~~~~

  The ringing of my cell phone stirs me from my sleep. After Alex left I finished packing up my living room and the kitchen before I needed a break. I intended on taking a cat nap while I waited for Alex. What I didn’t intend was to sleep for two hours, especially since Alex should have been back by now.

  I glance at the screen and see a picture of Alex flashing at me. “Hi honey, what’s taking you so long?”

  “Hart.” Alex’s voice sounds groggy, almost strained. I immediately sit up. “I didn’t want you to worry and I figured if I called instead of the hospital that…”

  The moment the word hospital is uttered I become frantic with panic. “Hospital? Alex, what happened?” I rush to my room in search for something to wear.

  “Hey, I’m fine. I don’t want you stressing, which is what I thought I would avoid if I called and let you know I was okay.”

  “What hospital are you at?”

  “I’m fine. They will probably have me out of here in the next few hours.”

  “What hospital are you at?” I repeat as I throw a sweater over my head and jump into my black tights.

  “Same one as Nana.”

  “See you in twenty.”

  “Hart, I don’t want you out at all hours of the night, especially by yourself.”

  “Well, I don’t want you in a hospital, especially when I don’t know what’s going on, by yourself,” I argue. I can hear Alex’s resolve break as he sighs into the phone.

  “Drive safely please.”

  “Always do. See you soon.” I hang up, shoving my phone into my purse. It’s not until I’m out the door, practically running to my car when I come to a skidding stop.

  Out from the darkness Cole steps into the small amount of light provided by the lamp overhead. The hood of his sweater is drawn, covering most of his face. The small amount of flesh I can see is his lips, which appear to be solemn.

  “Cole?” I question as I inch back slightly holding my keys close to my side. “What are you doing here?”

  “I needed to see you.” His voice is raspy, as if he’s been running.

  My eyes dart to my car which, thankfully, is close by. “I’m sorry I can’t talk right now.” I try to push past him, but he moves in my way.

  “What are you in a rush for?” It’s not the question that scares me, but more the tone of his voice. It sounds ominous.

  “I need to get to the hospital.” I bob to the right hoping to move past him. “Please move.”

  “You’ll always be my best friend. You know that right? I never meant to hurt you.” As Cole pushes closer I can see the desolation in his eyes as his hand reaches up and strums across the apple of my cheek.

  Just as quick as he came, he leaves and I’m left alone. I shake my head, pushing past the unease of his odd behavior and rush to my car. I’ll deal with that later. Or maybe never. My only concern is Alex, who’s waiting alone for me in an ER.

  ~~~~~

  “Alexander James.” I
ask the nurse at the emergency room check-in desk. My fingers are nervously strumming across the counter as she searches her computer.

  “You are?”

  “His fiancée,” I lie, but only because they normally only let family back. Plus, Alex said he’d ask me to marry him the moment he knew I’d say yes. I wish he would just ask me already.

  “I’ll bring you to him. He’s still in observation.” I follow the nurse down the sterile hallway past several beds surrounded in drapes. I notice several nurses checking vitals and administering IVs as we finally come to the end of the hallway, which is where I discover a sleeping Alex.

  He’s still in his jeans, which I notice have splotches of blood on his shins and thighs. His torso is covered in a hospital gown. Tubes running from bags of clear liquid are running into his left hands, which is covered in surgical tape. My lip trembles as I push closer and dismiss the nurse with a head nod before pulling a chair closer, taking his hand in mine.

  Alex stirs when our hands meet and his head turns to face me. That’s when I notice a bandage over his right eye and a cut on his bottom lip. My mind immediately starts conjuring different scenarios that would explain his injuries. None of them good.

  “Hart, don’t cry.” I lean down to kiss the top of his hand and have to maneuver around the gauze covering his knuckles. “This is why I didn’t want you to come. Stress is bad for the baby. Besides, as you can see I’m fine.”

  My eyes well up with tears with the steady shake of my head. “No.” I can feel my lip tremble as I look over his damaged body. “No-no, you are not fine. You’re hurt,” I choke out, gripping his hand as tightly as I can without hurting him.

  “Sweetheart, look at me.” I raise my head, which had been resting against his forearm and meet his eyes. “Am I not breathing?” I look at the rise and fall of his chest and nod my head. “Am I not talking to you right now?” I look at his beautiful lips, and although injured they are still fully, pouty, full and begging for attention. “I’m still in one piece. I can walk. So, yes Elyssa, I’m fine.” His lips perk up in a tight smile as I brush away my tears with the back of my hand.

  “There is one thing you could do to make me feel better.”

  “Anything,” I breathe.

  “I need to feel your lips.” Only Alex would want something like a kiss at a time like this, but who am I to deny him. I partially stand to lean over his body, wetting my lips before gently giving into him.

  Alex being Alex takes the initiative and grips the back of my head, his hand fisting my hair as he thrusts his tongue into my mouth. The urgency of his kiss accounts for so much more than any words he could have used to explain how okay he really is. The closeness we share, the amount of pain and suffering we’ve had to endure, has been pushed aside. One heart-bending kiss is all it took.

  With my body splayed across him, practically taking up half the bed, I swallow his moans when I deepen the kiss. But, when Alex winces the instant I lean against his chest, the moment of arousal has past. I try to pull away, but his stubbornness refuses my retreat and even in pain, he continues to pull me closer.

  “Alex, you’re hurt.” I place my palms against the bed’s railing and pull away. “We shouldn’t.”

  “Fuck the pain. Now that you’re here, I just want you.” He grips my wrist trying to coerce me closer, but I shake my head. Instead, I lift his gown revealing his lower abdomen wrapped in medical gauze.

  I gasp. Now nothing he says will make me believe that he’s really okay. “What in the hell happened to you?” I’m not sure what I thought happened, but the only logical explanation was a car accident. He wasn’t gone long enough for anything else to happen. Right?

  “Sit.” Alex points his chin at the chair. I settle in, continuing to hold his hand. With his free hand, he rakes it down his face before starting. “I went home to grab a few things. It was dark, but I know my way around my house, so I didn’t turn any lights on until I got to my room. I wasn’t there more than five minutes, when I turned to leave. That’s when I heard something in the kitchen. Oh, shit...Delores…” Alex tries to sit up, recoiling from the pain.

  I push against his shoulders. “Honey, you’re obviously not okay. Please lay back down.”

  “Did they mention if Delores is okay?”

  “Delores was there?”

  Alex nods his head. “There was someone in the house. I couldn’t see his face because he had a hood on. He was standing over her. I tackled him. We fought, but he must have hit me over the head.” Alex reaches up, rubbing against the sore spot. “That’s the last thing I remember.”

  As each second passes, anxiety builds in my belly. An overwhelming feeling overtakes me as I struggle to catch my breath. “I’ll see if I can find anything about Delores. I’ll be right back.” My fake smile doesn’t go unnoticed by Alex. He looks at my questioningly, but I ignore him. I don’t like the crushing feeling I have in the pit of my stomach and have to get out of there.

  I walk down the corridor, away from prying ears. I find a ladies bathroom and take my phone from my purse, dialing frantically as my fingers tremble against the screen. Please God, don’t let me be right. She answers on the second ring. That’s not good.

  “Elyssa, darling, what can I do for you at twelve-thirty in the morning?” Her voice is cheery and perky considering the hour.

  “Please tell me you had nothing to do with this?” My voice trembles, right along with the rest of my body.

  “Whatever do you mean?” Although her words spout denial, they are laced with deliberate sarcasm.

  “You know damn well what I’m talking about!” I scream into the phone, clutching at my chest. My voice echo’s through the silent bathroom.

  “You know, sometimes the universe has a funny way of working itself out. I told you people would get hurt. You are a selfish little bitch and don’t care about anything except for what’s between your legs.”

  “Why would you?” I cry.

  “Don’t put this on me. This is your fault. Why don’t you take responsibility for your own actions instead of crying at me, expecting sympathy?” she laughs. She mother fucking laughs. I’m going to kill her.

  I scream in frustration, disconnect the call and clutch my phone tightly in my hand. I fight the urge to chuck it across the bathroom.

  She did this. I know she did this. She warned me. She told me that I needed to stay away from him and she would let him get on with his life. Maybe I am selfish. But, why is it so wrong to want my own happily ever after?

  It’s not wrong. I deserve love and so does Alex. But, I’ve said it before, and now I finally get it. What price am I willing to pay for love? It’s taken both Alex and Delores getting hurt for me to see past the veil of naivety I’ve drawn over my own eyes. I clutch my phone against my chest and slip lower and lower against the tiled wall.

  I cry. I cry for LJ and for the fact our baby will probably grow up never knowing his or her father. I cry for Delores, for Nana, but most of all I cry for Alex.

  Sitting here, in the women’s restroom of a hospital I’ve come to know all too well, I openly weep because I know what I have to do.

  CHAPTER 17

  Thursday, December 13, 2012

  It’s well past three o’clock in the morning before we struggle to get through my front door. Alex’s arm is over my shoulders, my arm around his waist, as we maneuver inside. I turn, slightly wary, before peering into the darkness wondering what could possibly be waiting for us. After a moment, I realize I’m being silly and turn to close and lock the door. Patiently waiting for me to finish the task, I take Alex by the hand and lead him to my bedroom.

  Before Alex got discharged, I was able to confirm that Delores, although severely battered and bruised, will be okay. Apparently she bared the brunt of the injuries from the hooded intruder. From what the doctor explained, she was sleeping peacefully, with the help of some heavy sedatives. However, she is expected to make a full recovery. Thanks to Alex that is. Her body wouldn’t hav
e been able to handle much more and Alex interrupted the assault just in time. Thank God for small miracles.

  In addition to visits from the medical staff, a few police officers came to get Alex’s statement. When Alex asked how they knew about the break in, they stated someone called in an anonymous tip and gave his address. The call came from a payphone a few blocks away. Alex didn’t discuss this any further and I of course didn’t bring up my suspicions.

  Throughout the very long night, I was having stomach pains off and on, but I didn’t want to add to Alex’s stress. Hell, I was in the hospital. I’m smart enough that if they were that bad, all I would need to do is step out into the hallway and search for another doctor. They slowly subsided after the initial shock wore off and by that time we were on our way home. I figured at this point, it doesn’t matter. In the end, he’ll hate me anyways. The how of it all is irrelevant.

  I settle Alex on the edge of the bed, gingerly helping him take off his blood splattered t-shirt and jeans. He flinches when I raised his arms to take off his shirt, but successfully maneuver it over his head and toss it aside.

  “I’ll be right back. I need to grab a towel and clean you up.” Before I walk away Alex grabs my wrist and pulls me back to him. I’m standing between his parted thighs as he wraps his arms around me, his head nuzzling against my chest. I can feel his breath through my thin sweater. The normally intimate gesture feels all wrong.

  “What’s wrong, Elyssa?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, running my fingers through his hair, careful not to touch the stitches on the back of his head.

  “You’ve been quiet since you left me to check on Delores. What’s going on?”

  “You could have been killed Alex,” I breathe, barely a whisper.

  He doesn’t miss a beat, “But I wasn’t and Delores will be fine. She’ll be out of the hospital in a few days. I’ll make sure I tighten up security. Everything will be fine,” he says confidently, tilting his head up to look at me.

  He’s right. Everything will be fine. But only because I’m going to do everything I can to ensure it. All I want is one more night with him. That’s all I ask for. Just one more night.