How did you explain someone’s absence when you didn’t understand it yourself?
Susan cleaned up the torn Christmas wrappings, empty boxes, and candy wrappers, stuffing them into a plastic trash bag. Matt and Christy had taken their toys and retreated to their rooms. Only Damon stayed in the living room with her. He was still too young to understand or even notice his father’s absence. He would remember John if he saw him again, but he didn’t seem to miss him.
Susan scooped Damon into her arms and held him tightly enough to make him squirm.
“Put me down, Mama,” he said. “I want to play with my toys.”
With a sigh, Susan set him down and he ran to the pile of plastic dinosaurs and toy soldiers. Soon he was lost in an imaginary world of dinosaur fights and military action. She wished she could lose herself in a world where death and abandonment didn’t happen, where pain didn’t threaten to rip her heart in two.
Darn you, John Marshall. Why did you have to make me care?
Susan arched her aching back. Had she hurt this much with the others? She couldn’t remember having so many backaches. Or being so big. She was almost seven months pregnant, but to her own critical eye she looked ready to pop any minute.
She gave up trying to clean up the mess and settled into her favorite chair. Damon climbed into her lap with a new book. “Read, Mommy.”
Susan kissed the top of his curly hair and opened the book. “Charlie the Bucking Bronco,” she read, pausing to answer Damon’s questions about the horse. Before she’d finished reading, he was asleep against her shoulder.
Susan put her feet up on the ottoman and rested her head against the back of the chair. These times were so precious, and as she’d learned with the other two, so short-lived. Christy was fiercely independent and beginning to resist being cuddled. Matt was still a momma’s boy, but he also was more independent these days than he’d been just a year ago.
Though Christy seemed the angriest about Dillon’s death and John’s sudden disappearance from her life, Matt seemed to miss John more than the others. He’d only been four when Dillon passed away, so John had been a father figure to him. Matt asked about him often, but today he hadn’t mentioned him at all.
Her phone rang, startling Damon. Sarah checked the number. It seemed familiar, but it wasn’t John’s number. “Hello?”
“Susan, this is Nancy. Nancy Saunders. I just called to wish you a Merry Christmas.”
“Thank you. Merry Christmas to you, too. How are Cooper and the girls?”
They chatted for a few minutes, but Nancy never mentioned John. Maybe he’d cut ties with everyone. She’d lost touch with his friends in Morris Springs after he left. It was sweet of Nancy to think of her and take the time to call her.
Christy opened her bedroom door and peeked out. “Was that him?”
Susan didn’t have to ask who she meant. “No, honey. I’m sorry. That was Nancy Saunders calling to wish us a Merry Christmas.”
Christy hung her head and quietly closed her bedroom door.
Maybe Matt wasn’t the one who missed John the most. Or maybe they all missed him desperately.
“We need to do something, Cooper. Susan sounded so sad, and John wasn’t much better today. Those two are miserable without each other.” Nancy lay curled against Cooper’s side, exhausted after the long, hectic day but not quite ready to fall asleep.
“I asked Doc, but he wouldn’t say a thing about what happened between him and Susan. Did she say anything?” Cooper pulled her closer and rested his chin against her hair.
“No, she never mentioned him, but I could almost feel her wanting to ask about him.”
“Maybe you should invite her to the New Year’s Eve party. If we get them in the same room, we might be able figure out what happened.”
Nancy reached up and stroked Cooper’s face, pulling him down for a kiss. “You, my dear husband, are a genius. I’ll call her first thing in the morning.”
As soon as the children finished breakfast and settled down to play with their Christmas gifts, Nancy called Susan.
“I know it’s last minute, but we really hope you’ll come,” Nancy said. “We have activities planned for the kids in the playroom so you won’t have to worry about them. We’ll put them to bed and take care of them the next morning, too, so you can sleep in.”
“I don’t know, Nancy. I have to be back at work on Tuesday.”
“Well, the party is Friday night. You can spend the weekend at the ranch and go home Sunday if you want to.” Nancy hadn’t thought about Susan having to return home so soon. How would she and Doc get things worked out in such a short amount of time?
“You said it’s a masquerade? I don’t have a costume.”
“Just do something simple that covers your face and hair. A hood of some kind,” Nancy said. “There will be a great prize for whoever can keep anyone from guessing who they are.”
“Sounds like you have it all planned out. I have one question, though. Will John be there?”
Nancy hesitated, and Susan could tell she was trying to decide if she should tell her or not.
“If he is, that’s fine, but could you do me a favor?”
“Yes, he’ll be there. What’s the favor?”
“Could you not tell him we’re coming? He might not show up if you do, and I really need to talk to him.” Desperately needed to talk to him, but she didn’t want to make Nancy think she was some kind of stalker.
“Of course. I know how stubborn he can be,” Nancy said with a chuckle. “Did you know he is working for us now?”
“No, I didn’t. I haven’t talked to him in months. But I’m glad he’s there among friends.
“I’m sure he’ll be delighted to see you and the kids. He misses you.”
Nancy hung up, a satisfied smile on her face. Mission accomplished.
“Ahem.”
Nancy jumped and looked over her shoulder to find Cooper staring at her butt. “What are you doing?”
“Waiting for your pants to catch on fire,” he said with a lazy grin.
“It was just a little lie.”
“Sounded like a whopper to me.” Cooper shook his head. “We should have found another way to do this, one that didn’t put our friendships at risk.”
“It will be fine. They’ll thank us for it later.”
Cooper pulled her into his arms. “I sure hope so. I don’t want to lose Doc as my friend.”
Nancy shook her head. “I’ll make sure they know it was all my idea. They belong together, even if they can’t see it.”
“Maybe, but Doc acted like they were nothing more than friends. He said she needed to move on with her life, and it sounded like he meant without him.” Cooper slid his hands up her back and back down, slipping his fingers into her back pockets. “But it’s fun to watch you play matchmaker.”
Nancy smiled up at him. “I’ve done it before with great results. Just wait. You’ll see that I’m right. Oh, before I forget, don’t tell Doc that Susan is coming to the party, or even that I talked to her. She wants to surprise him.”
“It’ll be a surprise, alright. I just hope it doesn’t bite us both in the ass.” Cooper kissed her forehead. “Now, how about we sneak back to our room while the kids are playing with Katie?”
“We have guests coming for lunch, silly. But it’s a tempting idea.”
“Lunch is a couple of hours away. I think I can be finished with you by then.”
Doc enjoyed the chaos of Christmas at the Triple S. Cooper and Nancy invited all of their friends and their families to join them for a huge lunch, games, and a white elephant gift exchange. Doc brought an engraved flask one of the rodeo cowboys had given him as his part of the exchange, but for the children he brought movies and books he thought they might enjoy.
With carols playing in the background, everyone gathered around the tree. The game they played was a lot of fun, but Doc had a hard time getting into the spirit this year. He couldn’t stop thinking about Susan and th
e kids, wondering what they were doing. Had they gone to Susan’s parents’ house, or were they spending Christmas alone at home? Did the kids miss him? Did Susan?
“Hey Doc. Get your head outta the clouds, would ya? It’s your turn.” Blake Kaufman nudged his wife, Mandy. “I bet he’s got a woman on his mind.”
Doc shook his head. “No. Just thinking about how glad I am to be here.” He played his turn at the game and passed the gift he held to Logan Tanner, who sat to his right. “Darn, I really wanted that drill.”
“Sorry pal,” Logan said with a chuckle. “It’s mine now.”
“Yeah, but only until you have to pass it along.”
Amid the laughter, sadness lingered with Doc until the day ended. Susan and the kids would have enjoyed another Christmas at the Triple S. He would have enjoyed it more if they’d been there. He almost broke down and called her to wish her a Merry Christmas, but he knew the inevitable questions would follow. And he still had no answer to give her.
He let himself into his empty house and turned on the living room lights. He hadn’t bothered to decorate this year, hadn’t even put up a tree. He had no one to share it with, and Christmas was meant for sharing. With a sigh, he turned the light off and headed to bed. It was still early, but he felt tired and run down.
The next morning, he wasn’t feeling well and thought he might even have a temperature. Was it possible to make yourself sick with remorse? He tried to ignore the ache in his bones and the occasional shivers so he could finish painting the kitchen. He skipped breakfast and lunch, tried to eat some soup for dinner, but he had no appetite.
By the time he went to bed, he knew it was more than feeling heartsick. He had the flu, and a whopping case of it, too. They said doctors made the worst patients, and if he’d had anyone around to take care of him, he probably would be the worst of the worst. Every muscle ached, his stomach refused to hold anything down, and for the next few days he spent more time in the bathroom than he did in the bed.
He hadn’t been sick in years, and he didn’t like it at all. When he finally started feeling better, he was going to take better care of himself. That would be his New Year’s resolution. If he made it that far.
Susan loaded the children into the back seat of the SUV, Christy on one side of Damon and Matt on the other. She popped their favorite movie into the DVD player and handed Matt and Christy their portable game systems. Damon would be asleep before they reached the city limits, but hopefully the other two would play quietly.
With Amarillo in the rearview mirror, Susan turned on some country music, keeping the volume low enough that it wouldn’t interfere with the movie playing behind her. After the third somebody done somebody wrong song, she turned the radio off. She wasn’t sure what was worse; sad country songs or being alone with her thoughts.
“Mom, are we going to see Mr. John?” Christy asked from the backseat.
“We’re going to a party at Becky’s house. You remember Becky, right?”
“Yeah. She’s nice. Will Katie be there?”
Christy had really liked Katie when they’d visited the Triple S. She’d tagged along behind Logan and Megan Tanner’s daughter like a faithful puppy, and Katie had been very kind to Christy.
“I think Nancy mentioned she’d be there. But you need to remember that Katie is all grown up now. She goes to college, so she might not want to play with the younger kids.”
Christy fell silent again, leaving Susan to think about the night ahead. Her costume was packed in the trunk. She’d dug out the kids’ Halloween costumes as well so they could enjoy their own costume party in the playroom, supervised by Katie, Brandy, and Clay.
Though she was nervous about seeing John and presenting him with the evidence of their indiscretion, she felt oddly excited as well. Could she keep him from guessing who she was first thing? Or would he know, without a doubt? She’d bought a different perfume from her usual brand, a different shade of lipstick, and she’d left her jewelry at home.
She hoped he wouldn’t make a scene once her identity was revealed. She could only imagine the shock he was in for.
When they arrived at the ranch, Susan called Nancy, who hurried out to get the children. Cooper retrieved their bags from the trunk and carried them inside. Susan stayed in the car so they wouldn’t see her swollen belly, waving to the children as they disappeared through the door. Then she drove behind the bunkhouse to park her car out of sight.
Susan followed Nancy’s directions and dressed in the empty bunkhouse so no one, including Nancy and Cooper, would see her costume. Susan hoped that anyone who realized that was a pregnant belly beneath the nun’s habit she’d brought would think it was fake, that it was all part of the costume.
Susan dressed first in the maternity dress she’d brought to wear after the costume contest was over. Then she donned the nun’s habit she’d rented from a costume store. The outfit covered almost every inch of her once she donned the Marilyn Monroe mask she’d brought. Wearing the flat ballet slippers would make her seem shorter, she hoped, since she normally wore boots or heels.
She applied artificial fingernails to hide her normally short, practical nails and painted them a vivid red to match her lipstick. Colored contacts changed her blue eyes to brown. She’d thought long and hard about this charade, and tried to hide every recognizable part of her. The plan was to get John to talk to her, to reveal things he might not tell the real Susan Hunt. Men did that sometimes, didn’t they? Told strangers things they’d never tell the ones they cared about? She was counting on it.
She looked in the mirror and smiled behind the mask. Even her own children wouldn’t recognize her. This might be fun, after all.
Susan slipped through the back door and rounded the side of the bunkhouse. The barn was lit with party lights, both inside and out. A band played a rocking two-step, and the sound of voices spilled out and echoed through the dark night. When she stepped through the door, she looked for Nancy, but she had no idea which of the costumed characters she might be. The only person she could identify was Cooper because of his limp.
At least she thought it was Cooper until she noticed several others walking with a limp. Susan grinned. Nancy had planned this party down to the smallest detail. Even the band was in costume.
A bar was set up off to one side and Susan headed towards it. She was parched after the long drive and wished she could have her favorite beer, but she settled for an alcohol-free drink because of the baby. While she sipped at her drink, she leaned against the bar and watched the swirl of dancers on the makeshift dance floor.
A man stepped up to the bar next to her and ordered a beer. Susan froze when she heard his voice. She’d recognize it anywhere. It was burned into her heart and kept her awake at night. She wasn’t expecting to run into him so soon. She had no time to think, to plan what to say.
The game was on.
The first thing John noticed about the nun at the bar was the incongruity of the Marilyn Monroe mask beneath the head covering. The person hiding behind the mask evidently had a sense of humor. As he sipped his beer, John checked her out from the corner of his eye. He couldn’t tell much about her, unfortunately, because the habit hid her figure, her hair, and even her legs.
The last part saddened him, because he had a thing for shapely legs. He could see the outline of sexy red lips through the opening in the mask, though, and he liked what he saw.
“I don’t suppose you’d break the rules and tell me who you are, would you?” he asked, turning toward her.
“Not a chance,” she said, her voice low and husky.
“That’s too bad.” John wished he’d thought his costume choice through a little more. While the nun had an opening in the mask to drink through, the full riot gear he’d borrowed from the local sheriff’s department meant he had to turn his head away, lift his face plate slightly, and take a quick sip before lowering the face plate again. How did cops stand wearing this stuff?
“Are you here alone?” he aske
d, more to make conversation than out of any real interest. His heart belonged to someone else, even if he couldn’t have her.
“Not exactly,” she replied. “What about you?”
Not exactly? What kind of an answer was that? Either she came with a date or she didn’t. “I don’t have a date. I’m a little old for that kind of thing.”
Her ruby red lips parted into a smile behind the mask. “I’m sure you’re not that old.”
He didn’t argue the point with her, but he felt every one of his forty-five years. Even his memory seemed to be failing him, because she seemed familiar yet he couldn’t place her, though he knew most of Nancy and Cooper’s friends, and all of the staff at the ranch. “How do you know Nancy and Cooper?” he asked, fishing for information.
“Not telling you that. I plan to win that grand prize. You’ll just have to guess.”
“Okay. Let’s see. Do you work for them? Know them from church? Own a shop in town?”
She shook her head. “I can honestly answer no to all of those.”
“One of the kids’ teachers, maybe? Or what about a friend of Katie or Brandy?”
“No, and that’s enough questions. Aren’t you going to ask me to dance?” she said, setting her glass on the bar.
“Don’t feel much like dancing these days.”
The woman reached for his hand and pulled him toward the dance floor. “That’s when you should dance, when you don’t feel like it. Tonight’s the last chance you’ll have to make things right this year, so you’ll start the new year in a better place.”
John went along, mostly because he didn’t want to embarrass her. He knew it was far too late to make things right.
Susan almost felt sorry for John. He was at a disadvantage, not knowing who she was when she knew his identity without a doubt. He had a distinctive voice, whereas hers sounded like many other women’s and she’d deliberately lowered hers to a deep, husky tone. She wasn’t ashamed of taking advantage of the situation, though. He’d walked out on her without a word, and she had a right to know why.
Champagne and Cowboys Page 30