Seeking Solace

by Ari McKay

  “But I didn’t know that,” Devin replied quietly. “All I knew was that you weren’t Paul Bailey. You were Paul Mercer, the heir to Triton. I’m not even sure what I was thinking.” He paused, knowing he wasn’t being completely honest. He’d never told anyone about what had happened with Brad, because it was too humiliating. But if he was going to have a chance at salvaging things, he needed to tell Paul everything.

  Swallowing against the painful lump that formed in his throat, Devin looked down at his hands. “No, I do know what I was thinking. What I was feeling. That I’d been set up again. I had a bad experience with an ex—maybe not as bad as yours, but bad. Enough that I’ve never said a word to my family about it.”

  Paul tilted his head as he fixed Devin with a puzzled frown. “A bad experience?”

  Devin nodded. “While I was in culinary school, I worked as a waiter at a country club in Houston. I figured it was a good way to get exposure to a higher class of cuisine. I met someone there. His parents were members, and he came with them when he was home from Cornell for summer break. Brad was tall and athletic and handsome, and I was… dazzled, I suppose. He asked me out, and dating him wasn’t anything I’d experienced before.”

  Devin looked up at Paul, not hiding his pain. “He took me to fancy restaurants, wasn’t ashamed to be seen with me in public kissing or holding hands. We were together a year, and I was sure it was love. He had to go back to school for his senior year, but we texted and emailed, and we saw each another when he was back for holidays. He would talk about how proud he was that I was making my own way. It ended when he took me to a party and had too much to drink. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, he was hanging all over a friend of his and saying he was only with me because he wanted to make his rich parents suffer. They didn’t approve of him being gay or that he’d brought home a ‘poor half-breed Indian from nowhere.’ He said he was planning to dump me as soon as he graduated, because I wasn’t rich or educated. I was in love with him, and he used me.”

  Paul’s eyes widened and flashed with sympathy. “You got burned by an asshole too,” he said. He sat back and studied Devin, his expression pensive. At last, he stood up and approached Devin, and he bent to clasp Devin’s hands and urge Devin to his feet. When they were eye to eye, he squeezed Devin’s fingers gently. “I’m sorry you were hurt by a selfish jerk, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who I was sooner. But I’m no more like Brad than you’re like Jack. I was there at the hotel that night, waiting for you. I was going to tell you the truth, and I was going to ask if you wanted to keep seeing me. I wanted us to discuss options for making this work.”

  Devin felt his eyes stinging, and he gripped Paul’s hands tightly. “I know you’re not like Brad. I thought I was over what happened with him, but when I found out that you were the heir to Triton, I started to doubt everything. I’d been fooled once before, seeing only what I wanted to see, and I thought I’d done it again. That I’d fallen in love with someone who could never feel anything for me because I’m just… me. Not rich or educated. Not from a family that goes to country clubs or flies to Europe because they can.”

  Paul gripped Devin’s hands hard enough to hurt as he stared at Devin with fierce intensity. “You fell in love with me?”

  Devin drew in a breath, wondering if he’d messed things up again. The admission had slipped out, and his heart began pounding, dread rising up in a suffocating wave. At least with Brad, he’d never admitted what he felt, so Brad hadn’t known. Devin had broken up with him before Brad could humiliate him to his face, and Devin had walked away from the relationship with his pride, if nothing else. But what he felt for Paul was so much more.

  But now he’d told Paul his feelings, and there was no taking it back. All he could do was be glad Paul was a much better person than Brad could ever hope to be and hope Paul wouldn’t say he could never love Devin in return.

  “Yes, I did,” he said softly. “I know it’s foolish, since we haven’t known each other long. Even though I didn’t know your real name, I knew you were the one I wanted to be with forever.”

  Paul released Devin’s hands and captured his face to draw him into a kiss that bordered on desperate. Devin froze, but then relief flowed over him, and he wrapped his arms around Paul, parting his lips with a moan of need. If Paul was kissing him, then there was hope, and Devin clung to it, wanting to believe there was a chance for them after all. After a week of disillusion and heartache, the touch of Paul’s lips was like a healing balm, and he gave himself over to the kiss, wanting Paul to feel the depth of Devin’s love.

  When Paul drew back at last, he rested his forehead against Devin’s and stroked Devin’s cheeks gently with his thumbs. “I don’t care where you’re from or how much money you have,” he said. “You’re smart, you’re a talented chef, and you’re a good person. You taught me to feel safe being vulnerable, and you made me feel desirable again. Your ‘just you’ is good enough for me, and I love you for who you are.”

  Paul’s words made Devin draw in a breath, and he tightened his arms, afraid he was dreaming. “You love me?” he asked softly.

  “I do,” Paul said, offering a lopsided smile. “Why else would I risk getting my ass kicked from here to the city limits by your protective clan?”

  Devin kissed Paul gently, his own smile rueful. “That’s definitely proof. Thank you—not just for loving me, but for doing that. For tracking down my dumb ass all the way to Nowhere, Texas, as Beau pointed out. I think he likes you.”

  “I’m not entirely convinced of that, but he did give me a barbecue plate, so maybe he’s giving me the benefit of the doubt. As for tracking you down….” Paul shrugged slightly. “I couldn’t leave things hanging on a misunderstanding. Even if you didn’t want anything to do with me afterward, I didn’t want you to be upset, thinking I’d ditched you.”

  With a breathy laugh, Devin hugged Paul tightly. “This is one of the reasons I love you. I’m the one who ghosted on you, and you’re the one not wanting me to be upset! You’re a wonderful man, Paul, no matter what last name you go by. I knew it in my heart, and I should have listened to it instead of to my fears. I’m never going to do that again.”

  “Good,” Paul said fervently. “If something scares you, talk to me before running again. I can’t handle that being the default response to conflict.”

  “Knowing that you love me makes all the difference. I’ll always talk to you first about everything,” Devin said. “I promise.”

  “Thank you.” Paul slid his arms around Devin’s waist and pulled him close, holding him almost too tight, and rested his head on Devin’s shoulder.

  Running his hands over Paul’s back in a soothing caress, Devin closed his eyes. “I’ve missed you so much,” he said. “I felt like I had a hole in my heart that nothing could fill.”

  “I’ve missed you too.” Paul brushed his lips against a sensitive spot beneath Devin’s ear, then released his death grip on Devin enough that he could stroke Devin’s back in return, as if to assure himself this was real.

  Devin shivered at the touch of Paul’s lips, closing his eyes and releasing his breath on a sigh. Having Paul in his arms again felt wonderful, helping to ease the ache of loneliness he’d thought would never go away. “I want to show you how much I love you, Paul. I want to take you home to meet my parents, and the rest of the family too.”

  Paul lifted his head and fixed Devin with a sardonic look. “How much damage control will I have to do? Your cousin Beau seemed ready to turn me into barbecue earlier.”

  Grimacing, Devin shook his head. “I told my mother I’d fallen in love with someone who turned out to be someone other than I’d thought he was, and she told my father, who told his brother, who told… well, I’m sure you get the picture. But if we’re together, there won’t be a problem. They’ll see you for who you really are, and since you’re a wonderful person, that’s all that will matter.” He paused. “Don’t worry about Beau. If he didn’t think you were worth the
effort, he never would have agreed to be your go-between. He would have invited you to leave town before he got all the cousins together and kicked your ass halfway back to Charleston.”

  “That’s a relief.” Paul leaned his head on Devin’s shoulder again and slid his hands down to rest on Devin’s ass. “But we don’t have to go meet them now, do we?”

  “Not if you have something you’d rather do,” Devin replied. He wriggled against Paul’s hands, feeling the slow burn of arousal as he imagined what Paul might have in mind. “We have plenty of time.”

  “Yes, we do, and conveniently enough, there’s a bed nearby,” Paul said, nuzzling his nose against the side of Devin’s throat.

  Devin’s breath caught, and he tilted his head to the side to offer better access. “That’s good,” he murmured. “I want to show you that I’m all yours. You had me from the first time we kissed.”

  “Show me, then.” Paul lifted his head and drew back, but only so he could clasp Devin’s hand. “I need to know.”

  Devin nodded, wanting to give Paul the reassurance he needed. Now that they’d worked things out, he felt remorse for the way Paul had also suffered over being ghosted, and he wanted to show Paul he could be trusted again.

  They went into the bedroom, and Devin took his time undressing Paul while Paul undressed Devin in return. Once they were stretched out on the bed, Devin explored Paul’s body much as he had the first time they’d made love, taking his time to show Paul how much he was loved and desired. He lingered over every spot where he knew Paul was most sensitive, drawing out the pleasure, and as he did, he realized just how much he needed the reassurance that Paul trusted him as well as desired him.

  Paul allowed the exploration, but then he took over and rolled Devin beneath him so he could map Devin’s body with his lips and hands, as if seeking to reacquaint himself after days of deprivation. Devin arched into the caresses, his desire flaring higher and hotter as Paul teased and tormented.

  “Please!” Devin hardly recognized his own voice as he begged Paul for more. “Please, I need you!”

  Paul prepared Devin at a leisurely pace, seeming to enjoy watching Devin squirm and beg with pleasure, and when he rolled on a condom and claimed Devin at last, he set a slow pace, rocking like the rhythmic waves on the island beaches.

  Wrapping his legs around Paul’s hips, Devin surrendered completely, moving with Paul as pleasure coiled within him like a spring. He held Paul’s gaze and let Paul see his love and his need, holding nothing back. Paul braced himself and slid one hand between their bodies so he could stroke Devin’s cock, watching Devin’s face intently as he did.

  Devin found himself hurtling toward the edge. He hovered for an eternal moment, and then he cried out Paul’s name as ecstasy washed over him in irresistible waves. Moments later, Paul followed, burying himself deep one last time as he shuddered with release.

  Devin’s body was languid with satiation as he caressed the warm, damp skin of Paul’s back, feeling a sense of peace that had eluded him since their last morning together. Paul moved away long enough to dispose of the condom and retrieve some tissues. Then he stretched out beside Devin and pillowed his head on Devin’s shoulder, seeming content to remain in Devin’s embrace.

  After drifting for a time, Devin pressed a tender kiss to Paul’s lips. “Do you know what made me realize I was in love with you? You’ll laugh. I know you will.”

  Paul draped his arm across Devin’s waist. “I have no idea. What was it?”

  “The shorts.” Devin ran his hands along Paul’s back. “When you came back from the gift shop and laid those shorts on the bed, and I realized you were going to wear a pair of them yourself, it hit me. How could I not be in love with someone who could find strength after adversity and who was willing to trust me with it? I fell right then and there. So now every time I see a pair of board shorts, it will remind me how much I love you.”

  Paul lifted his head and looked at Devin, his eyebrows climbing. “In that case, you’ll have constant reminders if you take that promotion on the Pearl.”

  Devin shook his head. “I don’t want the promotion,” he said. “I want to be with you.”

  “Are you sure?” Paul propped himself up on one elbow and gazed down at Devin. “I don’t want to keep you from pursuing your dreams. If you want to be the executive chef on the ship, we’ll find a way to make this work.”

  “I want to be a chef. Being on the ship was a means to an end, not an end in and of itself.” Devin stroked Paul’s cheek. “Would you be okay with me moving to Charleston? It’s a foodie town. I’m sure I can find a position there. I’ll get an apartment, and we can see what happens.”

  “I’d be fine with that,” Paul said, smoothing his palm along Devin’s side and down to his hip. “I’m willing to help as much as you want—or as little. But I do have connections, and I can help you start networking.”

  “I wouldn’t mind recommendations,” Devin replied, enjoying the caress. “Networking is important for a chef, but I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.”

  “I’m offering, so you aren’t taking advantage of me. If I can help you fulfill your dreams and be happy, I will. I want to,” Paul said, bending his head to press a kiss over Devin’s heart.

  “Thank you.” Devin combed his fingers through Paul’s hair. “What can I do to make you happy?”

  “Make Rum Stumblers and ceviche for me,” Paul said, and Devin could feel Paul’s smile against his skin. “Stay with me,” he added in a softer voice.

  “You’ll have a hard time getting rid of me,” Devin said. “You can have all the Rum Stumblers and ceviche you want—and all of me too. We Walkers can be dumbasses, but once we know we belong to someone, we’re theirs forever.”

  “That sounds good to me,” Paul said, sounding drowsy as he nestled into Devin’s embrace.

  Devin smiled as he felt Paul relaxing, and he continued to stroke Paul’s back, even as he drifted off as well. They’d both made mistakes, but Devin had learned his lesson, and he was going to do everything in his power to let Paul know he was loved. They would recapture their island idyll, because the real magic wasn’t the tropical breezes or the sand or the ocean, but the joy they found in each other and the life they would share together.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “LAVELLE, can you please make sure the extra case of red wine was delivered? I don’t want us running out on opening night.”

  “Of course, Devin,” the maître d’ replied, making a note on his tablet. Then he grinned mischievously. “Gran sent some bois bande from home, if you want me to sprinkle it in the rum punch.”

  Devin laughed and punched Lavelle lightly on the arm. When he learned Miss Jo’s youngest son was in the US and looking for work as a maître d’, Devin had been thrilled, telling Paul it was providence at work. He’d been working on the plans for opening his own restaurant from the moment he’d arrived in Charleston, and Lavelle was ecstatic to be offered the position at Aegean.

  Lavelle went off to check on the wine, and Devin took a long look around the dining room, feeling justifiable pride in the simple but elegant decor—the tables draped in pristine white cloths, with handmade candles in holders made from seashells, and the walls decorated with paintings produced by local artists showing scenes of Charleston. The restaurant wasn’t huge, but he had a prime location on Market Street, where the pedestrian foot traffic was constant year-round due to the presence of Charleston’s famous Straw Market. The building was old and had been renovated at least a dozen times, but Devin liked the character of it, from the hardwood floors to the narrow staircase that led up to a rooftop deck. He’d opted to place the bar and a raw bar on the first floor, at street level, with the main dining room on the second floor. The roof was for additional seating, and he had plans to offer catered functions later, when the business had gotten established.

  It had taken a year of hard work, but Devin had never been happier. Moving to Charleston had been easy eno
ugh, and Devin had saved enough money during his time on the Pearl that he could afford to rent an apartment within walking distance of Paul’s house in the historic district. He’d gotten a job at the Palmetto, a family-style restaurant just off the Battery, and had quickly moved up from sous chef to junior chef in short order. When the building on Market Street had gone up for sale, however, he knew it was exactly what he was looking for, so he bit the bullet and jumped in with both feet, and Paul encouraged him to do it.

  The thought of Paul made Devin smile. They’d taken things slowly at first, though they’d spent as much time together as they could. Paul was still in therapy, but he’d also returned to the activities he’d enjoyed before his accident, and he and Devin had spent hours surfing, hiking, and boating out on the ocean in Paul’s small but luxurious private yacht.

  Devin was happy to see Paul’s confidence growing enough to engage in such physical—and public—activities again, but he got unexpected satisfaction on the first day they went to the beach so Paul could teach him how to surf.

  They had just come out of the water after Devin’s first, unsuccessful attempt to catch a wave without falling off his surfboard, both of them dripping wet and laughing. Paul set down his board and then smoothed a long tendril of dark hair back from Devin’s face. For a moment, he looked like he was about to kiss Devin, but the tender warmth in his expression faded, and his entire body stiffened as he watched something over Devin’s shoulder.

  Devin glanced back to see a tall, buff blond man approaching them—or rather, approaching Paul, because he was staring at Paul with wide-eyed astonishment.

  “Jack,” Paul said, coating the name with layers of ice.

  Devin went still with shock. This was Paul’s ex, the man who had abandoned Paul to face his injury and recovery alone, who had made Paul feel rejected to the point that he had withdrawn from all the things he’d once enjoyed. A protective fury stronger than anything Devin had ever felt coursed through him, and he turned with a frown, keeping himself between Paul and his ex.