Shad

by Catherine Lievens

  Doing the wrong thing doesn’t always make you a bad guy.

  Shad is sick, and he knows he has very little possibility of getting better. He would have to get his hands on the pills Glass used to give him for the information Shad had on the pride, but Glass isn’t there anymore. There is someone else, though, and Shad has to decide whether to betray his brother, his mate, and his pride again, or let his illness slowly kill him.

  Gabriel has been isolating himself ever since he got to Whitedell. He hates the tiger parts he sports since his time in the company’s lab, but he’s decided he’s had enough. He wants to feel like himself again, and that means coming out of the attic.

  Shad and Gabriel have known they’re mates for months, but circumstances had made them decide to keep their distance. What will happen when Gabriel decides he doesn’t want that anymore? And will Shad make the right choice when his life is at risk?

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  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Shad

  Copyright © 2015 Catherine Lievens

  ISBN: 978-1-4874-0584-7

  Cover art by Latrisha Waters

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher.

  Published by eXtasy Books Inc or

  Devine Destinies, an imprint of eXtasy Books Inc

  Look for us online at:

  www.eXtasybooks.com or www.devinedestinies.com

  Shad

  Whitedell Pride Book Fifteen

  By

  Catherine Lievens

  Dedication

  To the readers (and authors!) in my little Facebook group. Thank you for your enthusiasm and your always kind words.

  Chapter One

  Shad clutched at his stomach and tried to ignore the searing pain that made him feel like he was dying. He wasn’t, not yet anyway, but he’d been living with the pain for weeks now, and it never got easier.

  “You okay?” Darin asked from Shad’s side, a worried frown on his face.

  Shad tried to give his twin brother a convincing smile, but he knew he wasn’t successful. Darin didn’t call him on it, though.

  Shad straightened in his chair and put both hands on the table. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to eat anymore, even if he knew it might make Darin and the docs wonder. He really should’ve stayed in his room, but Darin had nearly begged him to come and have dinner downstairs with everyone, and Shad hadn’t been able to say no. Damn his brother’s big brown puppy eyes.

  “I’m fine. I think I’m coming down with the flu or something, that’s all.”

  Darin didn’t point out that shifters couldn’t actually get the flu, and Shad was grateful for that. “Do you want Jared to check you?”

  “Nope. It’s nothing that won’t get better on its own.”

  Darin wanted to insist, Shad knew it, but he also knew his brother wouldn’t. They’d been through this same conversation a million times over the year since they’d arrived at the mansion. There’d been a reprieve for a bit, but now that Shad was sick again, Darin wasn’t going to let Shad have it his way for much longer. Darin wasn’t stupid, and Shad knew he didn’t look good.

  He smiled at his brother and grabbed his fork. He speared a broccoli and stuffed it in his mouth, then pushed a piece of meat around as he chewed. He sneaked a peek at Darin, and was relieved to see his brother was now talking with Jayden.

  Shad had purposely taken a seat at the end of the table and in front of Denver so he wouldn’t have anyone but Darin to talk with, but he hadn’t taken the fact that Denver might swap seats with someone into consideration. At least Bradley seemed to be as eager as Shad was to talk, even if Keenan was doing his best to make him.

  “Come on, tell me about your family. You’ve been here for a month and I still don’t know anything about you.”

  Bradley kept his eyes on his plate as he answered, “There’s nothing interesting to know.”

  “Do you have siblings? A boyfriend? A girlfriend? A dog?” Keenan insisted.

  “No, no, no, and no.”

  Keenan huffed. “You’re no fun. I just want to get to know you.”

  “Why?” Bradley’s voice was flat, and it made Shad want to avoid looking at him. The only alternatives were to look at his half-eaten meal or at his brother, though, so Shad kept his attention on Bradley.

  “Because you’re part of the pride,” Keenan answered with a duh in his voice.

  “Isaiah’s back,” Bradley pointed out.

  “So? Did you miss the conversation where Dominic told you he wanted you to stay anyway?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “I don’t see what the problem is then.”

  Jonah, who was sitting on Keenan’s other side, leaned toward his mate, and put a soothing hand on Keenan’s arm. “Not everyone likes to share like you do.”

  Keenan pouted. “I just want to know more about him.”

  “I’m sure Brad will tell you when he’s ready.”

  Jonah smiled at Bradley over Keenan’s head and got a nod in return. Keenan looked away from Jonah and Shad hurriedly looked down at his plate, anxious to avoid any kind of conversation about himself, or God forbid, Gabriel.

  That was all Keenan seemed to be able to talk about nowadays, at least to Shad. The human was still trying to convince both Gabriel and Shad that being mates was a blessing, that everything would be better if only they at least talked to each other. However, neither of them seemed to want to give Keenan the time of the day by doing anything about it.

  Shad didn’t know why Gabriel was against mating with him, but he could easily imagine it had something to do with Gabriel’s condition. As for why Shad didn’t want to... well, he had his reasons, and they were good ones, even if he couldn’t use them to keep Keenan at bay. No one could know about it. No one.

  Another pang of pain passed through Shad’s stomach and stopped there. He knew he wouldn’t be able to eat now, so he put his fork down, harder than he’d wanted to. The noise of metal against ceramic made a few heads turn his way, but the only ones that counted were Darin’s and Jared’s. So of course they were two of those who noticed Shad.

  He saw Jared frown at him, but the doc was too far away to talk to him. Darin wasn’t, though, and he reached for Shad. Shad avoided his brother’s hand and rose quickly from his chair. He took his plate and his glass, not caring that both were still half full, and headed to the kitchen.

  “Shad!” Darin called behind him.

  Shad just shook his head, but of course his brother wouldn’t take the hint and leave him alone.

  Darin was right behind him when Shad entered the kitchen. “Okay, I want to know what’s wrong with you, and I want to know it right now.”

  Shad put the plate on the counter a bit too hard and the sound echoed in the empty room. “I have nothing to tell you.”

  “How can you say that? Everyone knows you’re hiding something.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Please. Y
ou look sick, almost as much as when we first got here.”

  “It’s just the flu.”

  “For the past three months at least? And do I really have to point out you’re a shifter and can’t get the flu? Tell that to someone else. I want the truth. Please.”

  Darin grabbed Shad’s wrist and tugged, trying to hug him.

  Shad wanted to go into his brother’s arms, to let Darin sooth him and his worries, to tell him everything would be fine, but he knew he couldn’t. His secret... it would make Darin hate him as much as everyone else in the pride would if they knew. Shad couldn’t risk his brother.

  He gently pulled at Darin’s hold and tried to avoid looking at Darin’s betrayed expression. He didn’t completely succeed, but he did step away. “I’m fine, as much as I can be anyway, and there’s nothing you can do to help me.”

  “But what about Jared? He could—”

  “No. I don’t want to bug him. He already has enough to think about without adding my flu to it.”

  “Dammit, Shad! We both know it’s not the flu, so stop pretending!”

  Shad heard his brother’s raised volume and bit his lower lip. Darin didn’t yell, so for him to be angry enough to do so meant Shad was in deep shit. He didn’t know what to do, really. He was in trouble whether he told his brother what the fuck was happening to him or not. He just had to decide what kind of trouble he preferred to be in—did he want his brother worried and angry, or did he want him not worried but hating him? Yeah. He didn’t even have to wonder to know the answer to that.

  “Fine, it might not be the flu, but I’m fine. I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

  Shad didn’t wait for Darin to try to stop him again. He ran for the kitchen door and ducked out, making his way through the hallways as fast as he could. Everyone was still at dinner, so at least no one would try to stop him, although he knew it probably wouldn’t last long. Shad had seen the look Dominic had given him, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before the alpha came to him and asked him what was wrong.

  Not that Dominic would hurt Shad if he didn’t answer, but still. Shad knew he probably wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut, not if the lion shifter used his alpha voice on him. That was one of the downsides of living in the pride—Shad answered to someone. He had to, even if sometimes he’d rather send everyone to hell.

  The upsides, like being protected and not having to worry about making it to the next day alive, were enough for him to willingly bow to Dominic, most of the time anyway. What was happening to him was one of the times he wouldn’t, though. He couldn’t, because he’d find himself out of the pride faster than he could say treason.

  * * * *

  Gabriel listened to Shad and Darin shouting in the kitchen but didn’t intervene. He never did.

  Over the past months he’d learned how to lurk around the house without being seen. He didn’t have to wait until everyone was in bed to take a walk anymore, although that was what he usually did anyway. It made him feel more secure, because no matter how stealthy he was now, it didn’t mean no one would ever see him.

  But he knew when most members ate lunch and dinner, since Keenan kept inviting him to come down for it, so he knew he was mostly safe at that moment.

  Gabriel watched as Shad hurried out of the kitchen. He hesitated between staying right where he was and following Shad. The tiger wanted to follow the man it viewed as its mate, but Gabriel peeked into the kitchen instead. Darin was sitting at the table, his elbows on the wooden surface, his face buried in his hands.

  Darin sniffed and Gabriel knew the man was crying. He also knew why, of course. He might live as a half hermit in the attic, but he knew more than anyone would think. Lurking had its advantages, even if it made Gabriel feel like a stalker and a pervert most of the time. Still, he didn’t have any different choices.

  He knew Shad was sick. He knew his mate had been sick when he’d arrived in Whitedell, and that Shad had gotten better before getting sick again. Gabriel didn’t know why Shad didn’t want to go talk to Jared, though.

  God knew Gabriel saw more than enough of the doctor and Adrian. They still insisted in examining him at least once a week, even if nothing in his condition had changed in months. Gabriel still sported the tiger’s ears, tail, claws, and eyes, and nothing Jared and Adrian tried to get rid of them worked.

  Gabriel sighed and followed Shad, although a bit more slowly. He paused at the living room door and his photographer’s eyes narrowed at the sight of a man and a lion sleeping on the couch together.

  Oliver was sitting up, his head tilted back as he softly snored. Both his hands were buried into Sebastian’s mane. Sebastian’s head rested on his mate’s lap, his nose pressed against Oliver’s stomach.

  Gabriel slowly inched inside the room, taking care not to wake either man. The light that was coming from the small lamp to their right bathed them in a golden hue, and they looked so peaceful it made Gabriel’s heart ache.

  He shook his head and tried to push the feeling away even as he grabbed his camera from where it was hanging around his neck and looked through the lens. He slowly smiled. It was perfect.

  Gabriel took a few pictures of the two sleeping men and left the living room as silently as he’d entered it. He made his way to the attic, pausing in front of Shad’s bedroom when he heard the same sniffling that had come from the kitchen.

  Gabriel wanted to do something to help, but he couldn’t. He knew all too well how Shad would react if he ever saw him. Gabriel reacted the same way every time he saw himself in a mirror, which was why he avoided them as much as he could.

  He shrugged and walked to his room.

  He might be a monster, and he might be angry at his situation, but there was nothing he could do about it, not right now, maybe not ever. If that happened, if there really was no way for him to become human again, then maybe he’d let everyone see him. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life alone, and he knew that at least Adrian and Josh would stand by him.

  But Gabriel didn’t want only those two relationships in his life. He wanted more—he wanted a man who’d love him even if he was different, and he wasn’t sure Shad was up to that at the moment. Heck, Gabriel was pretty sure he still wasn’t, and he’d been living as part tiger for months.

  His cell phone rang and Gabriel sighed. The only people who called him did so for work, and the particular ring tone filling the attic at the moment belonged to his agent, and Gabriel already knew what she wanted.

  “Yes?”

  “I thought you wouldn’t answer.”

  “I did. So, what do you want?”

  Kate laughed. “As happy to hear from me as ever, I see.”

  “More or less.”

  “Should I try convincing you again or do I just skip that part?”

  Kate wanted Gabriel to have an exhibit. She thought his pictures were good enough for that, that it would help his career, but he obviously couldn’t say yes.

  He’s had to reinvent his career and his photography since he’d been kidnapped. He obviously couldn’t go around the world to capture moments and places, and he couldn’t ask models to pose for him anymore. That had pushed him to start photographing what he could, and that meant every picture he’d sent Kate in the past months was of some part of the mansion.

  He hadn’t thought the pictures would be any kind of good, but apparently they were, and Kate wanted more. She also wanted the buyers to be able to meet him, to talk to him, but he was resisting.

  “Skip it. You know it won’t do you any good.”

  Kate sighed on the other side of the phone. “Fine. I wish you’d come, though.”

  “You know I can’t.”

  “Yeah, yeah, you told me about your accident and how it scarred you, but I still don’t think it would keep anyone away. You’re an incredible artist, Gabriel, and that’s what the people who buy your pictures want. They don’t care if you’re hot or not.”

  Gabriel snorte
d but kept his mouth shut. He was pretty sure his clients would care if they happened to see him, but it was no use insisting, especially with Kate. “What do you want?”

  “Just to tell you someone bought another two pictures.”

  She had all of Gabriel’s attention now. “Which ones?”

  “The wolf in the snow and the hands.”

  Gabriel had taken a picture of Derick in the woods the winter before, during his second week in Whitedell. Derick had been playing in the snow, and the peacefulness and happiness that radiated from the picture were incredible and had soothed Gabriel in a moment when he’d needed it. Of course, it looked like Gabriel had been in the wild and cold just to get that one picture when he’d really been holed up in the mansion and had happened to look out the window, but who cared?

  The hands photo was one he’d taken of Adrian and Joshua. Joshua didn’t particularly enjoy PDA, but he seemed to soften in Gabriel’s presence, maybe because he considered Gabriel family. Gabriel had taken a picture of his brother and his mate holding hands, a close-up of their twined fingers. He’d tried to give it to Adrian, but his brother had refused and told him to try to sell it.

  Adrian knew how much Gabriel needed his independence, and working was the only way he felt he could avoid feeling trapped in the mansion and the pride. He made his own money doing something he loved, even though he was restrained in doing it. It had proved to be a good thing, because now he could see perfect pictures in a lot of things he wouldn’t even have looked at had he been normal, like the hands.

  “I also sold a few of the bodies to make book covers and things like that.”

  Gabriel grinned. He’d have to thank Keenan for that one. The man had insisted he could pose for Gabriel, at least from the neck down. They were all dressed shots, but it looked like they were going well. Keenan would be over the moon at the idea of being on a book cover, even if no one would recognize him.