Too Dark To Sleep

by Dianne Gallagher

  “Just take it easy,” he said, helping Maggie to the sofa.

  She sat for only a moment. If Maggie stayed still for any longer, the dark would have her. And it was too soon. Too soon to face it again. She went to the stereo. Something to fill her. That’s all she needed, Maggie told herself, flipping through the CDs.

  R for Remember.

  For Reasonable Doubt.

  Risk.

  That’s how she would win. Risk. That’s the only way anyone would win against Galen. Take more risks. Push back harder than he pushed. And he was pushing pretty damn hard. The man knew what ammunition to load and where to aim, but so did she. She just needed to think.

  Maggie didn’t bother with headphones. Nine Inch Nails. The Downward Spiral. The sound surrounded her, engulfed her. Driving. Desperate. Perfect. She cranked the volume so nothing else would intrude. She needed to see the answers, but all she could see was Antoine Rayney. Sleep. If she could just sleep. Without dreams. Just one night. If she could do that, she could think. And if she could think, she could catch Marcus Galen.

  Nick watched Maggie close her eyes and inhale, filling herself with the sound. Was this how she spent her time? He thought of the story about the guy whose guts were ripped out each day and how they grew back each morning just so they could be ripped out again. He watched the music wrap around Maggie’s body, cradle her, then let her down too soon. Nick stepped in, taking its place as Maggie collapsed against him. Her body shook. She was trying so hard to hold everything together. Trying not to fall. That was okay. Nick wouldn’t let her. He would protect his partner.

  “We’ll figure it out,” he said. “Don’t worry. We’ll nail him.”

  The first touch was a current of life rushing through her body. Warm. And safe. Maggie felt Nick’s chest rise and fall. Like Rayney’s chest. She heard his heart beat. Like Rayney’s. Then something changed. The warmth disappeared and was replaced by pain. The crushing pain of another person. Hot and thick, burning every inch of her as she tried to breathe. But she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t escape.

  No one should be this close. Not anymore. What if Galen was watching right now? What if he saw Nick with his arms around her? What then? Another body to come home to? Maggie pushed the young man back and gasped. Where was the air? The dark had taken it and there was nothing left. Nothing but the music. And Nick Dublowski.

  Nick pulled Maggie closer and tried to calm her.

  “No,” she said harshly.

  “It’s okay.” Nick rubbed her back. “It’s okay.”

  “No!” Maggie clasped her hands and drove them up, breaking the young detective’s hold. Her palm flew out and slammed Nick in the chest. There was only enough strength to knock him back slightly.

  Nick looked at her. Confused. “I didn’t mean anything. I’m just trying to help you.”

  “Then go.” Maggie let the wall hold her up as she looked out the window and into the backyard. “Get out of here.”

  Nick saw the fear. A week ago he didn’t think Maggie Quinn could ever be afraid of anything. But that was a week ago. Now… her expression, her breathing, the sweat rising on her pale skin. Like the night they found Rayney. The night he was killed. His face softened when he made the realization. She was afraid for him.

  “Maggie, no one else is going to get hurt.”

  “Go,” she said. “Please.”

  Something in the backyard moved and Maggie pushed herself away from the wall and stood. She made herself focus. Not while he still walked, a small voice in her head whispered.

  “Stateville,” Maggie finally said, turning to look Nick in the eye. “Bobby Ballantine.”

  Chapter Fifty

  A long morning in surgery. Marcus was ready to go home. Go home and have a drink. His schedule was clear for the rest of the day, so why not? He whistled as he took his keys out.

  “So your wife scratched you up.” Maggie had waited at Galen’s car for the last hour. She knew he would come out for lunch. It was his habit.

  “My lawyer has instructed me not to speak to anyone regarding this case.” The doctor’s voice was cold, detached. “Especially you.”

  “You just had to rub my nose in it, didn’t you. Just had to show me how fucking clever you are. Nice touch with the X-Acto. And how much sweeter that it came from my own house. You were watching me. You’re still watching me, you fucking bastard. You watched me yesterday when Dublowski came.”

  The smile. There it was. For just a moment, then Marcus Galen pulled it back. “I’m sorry for your loss, Maggie. But all this really has to stop.” He unlocked his car.

  “You peed in my yard, Marcus,” she growled and pushed him hard against his car. “I don’t like that.”

  “You’re really very sad, Maggie,” Galen said.

  Maggie pushed him again. “Tell me about it, Marcus. And while you’re at it, tell me how you got Angela into the hospital. Tell me that. I’m betting you walked her in. Walked her in and wheeled her out.”

  The doctor hesitated. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He got into his Lexus and tried to close the door, but Maggie held it open.

  “You will go to jail.” Her voice was ragged. “You will pay. Got it? Not a question. Not a threat. A statement. Fact.”

  “I’m calling my lawyer,” Galen said firmly.

  “Go ahead,” Maggie said. “I’m not going anywhere.” She saw his body strain to stay in place. “Come on. I dare you.”

  “You’re not well, Maggie.” Marcus Galen stared as she pressed closer, inviting him.

  “What are you waiting for?” she said. “You want me to fight? Is that it? Or should I play helpless, trusting? Is that what pops you?”

  “That’s enough.” Marcus pushed her away and slammed the door shut.

  “What?” Maggie yelled. “Afraid of me, Marcus? Not what you were expecting.”

  People were gathering in the parking lot.

  “You are drawing a crowd,” said the doctor.

  “Yeah, tough shit.”

  “Are you all right, Doctor?” someone from the curb called.

  Maggie laughed. “Doctor?”

  “Yes, I’m fine,” Galen called back. “No problem.”

  “Doctor Marcus Galen,” Maggie shouted. “Doctor? How many women have you butchered? I lost count.”

  “Stop it.”

  “Make me.”

  Marcus was frozen, unsure what to do. A crowd was watching. He felt the perspiration spread across his back and under his arms.

  “Come on. What are you waiting for?” Maggie smiled. “Chicken?”

  The surgeon threw the car in reverse. “You’re sick.”

  “I’m not the one ripping people open!” Maggie yelled as she chased after the car. She could only run a few feet. Galen was long gone anyway.

  Maggie turned and walked past the crowd. She could get home before Carmen woke up. They were both supposed to be taking a nap. Suddenly, her body wouldn’t go any further. The stiffness went out of Maggie’s legs. She felt faint, then she felt nothing. She heard nothing. Except the dark laughing.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  The smells. The sounds. Maggie knew where she was before her eyes opened. A hospital. When she finally dared to look, she saw Harley sitting next to the bed and Nick leaning against a wall.

  “You okay?” Harley asked.

  Maggie pushed herself up. Her hand burned. An IV. She reached to pull the tube out, but Harley stopped her.

  “You’re dehydrated. Among other things.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Her skin burned where his lips had been. “Gotta watch yourself a little closer, baby.”

  “I need to go.” She couldn’t survive in a hospital alone. Not without Rayney.

  “They want to keep you ove
rnight.” Harley rubbed her shoulder. “For observation. They’re still looking over your file… you know.”

  She knew.

  Harley sat on the edge of the bed. One of the nurses let him in while Maggie was still unconscious. He couldn’t even look at her. Too much like work. A body on a slab. Pale. Lifeless. A friend on the block. Ed Harley’s worst nightmare. It was a relief when Dublowski showed up.

  “What were you doing, Maggie?” Nick couldn’t keep quiet any longer. “You scared the shit out of a dozen people in the parking lot. Including Marcus Galen.”

  Did she see Galen? She didn’t remember. She wanted to. She thought of the satisfaction it would give her. But had she actually done it? Sleep. Maggie promised herself she would sleep. She paced the whole night again, so she had to sleep. She had to sleep, then something else took hold of her. A need to face Galen. Jesus, it was coming back. Stealing the car keys. Sneaking out while Carmen was napping. Waiting for him.

  “Did you tell the doctors?” Maggie struggled to remain calm. “Did anyone tell the doctors?”

  “Easy,” Harley said. “No one said shit. Right, Nick?”

  Nick shook his head. He was going to tell, but Harley stopped him. “Pavlak’s putting through a restraining order. You gotta stay clean. Walker already chewed the chief a new one.”

  Tierney hammered by the superintendent. Not good. None of this was good. Maggie scratched her arms. Every inch of her skin crawled against the hospital fabric. The hospital sheets. The hospital clothing. The hospital smell. The hospital air.

  “They turn the lights out here,” the shadows whispered. “They leave you alone here. They don’t care here.”

  Maggie felt the claws work against the mattress beneath her, ripping through the fabric, through the springs. Working to get to her from beneath the bed. Maggie needed to get out. She needed to go home. Now. She was about to say something, but the man standing behind Dublowski kept her quiet. The man in the powder blue scrubs. Waiting. Leaning close to the young detective. Smiling. It was Marcus Galen. She closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, Galen was still there.

  “Don’t you need to get back to work?”

  Nick shook his head. He did need to work, but the chief told him to take the day and make sure Quinn was okay.

  “Did you talk to Ballantine?”

  Nick shook his head. “I talked to his lawyer. He says the guy’s pathological. Always says he has information, but never does. Last time he was arrested, Ballantine said he had information about a terrorist cell.”

  “You should still talk to him.”

  Nick nodded. He would. Right now, Walker was riding everyone’s ass. The last thing the detective needed was to justify why he was wasting time talking to a meth dealer with a history of lying.

  “I mean it,” Maggie added.

  “I will.”

  “And you’ve got nothing to do either?” Maggie asked Harley.

  “Not a thing. Slow day.”

  It was all a lie, still Maggie was glad she wasn’t alone. Alone in a hospital. Shit, how did it get this far? She needed to get out. Get home. Galen smiled next to Dublowski as he put an arm on the young man’s shoulder. Maggie wanted to throw him to the floor and crack open his skull, but she couldn’t. Marcus Galen wasn’t really there. It was just the dark playing.

  “Is there anything we can get you?” Nick asked.

  “Out,” she said quickly.

  “We’re working on it.” Harley stroked her arm, but Maggie pulled it out of reach. She needed to focus. Focus on getting out. Focus on the job and put everything else aside. No family, no friends, no nothing. Just the job.

  “Okay, Maggie.” The doctor said her name before he was even in the room.

  Jesus, she thought, the least he could do was pretend the name and the person were connected.

  The middle-aged graying man in a white jacket flipped through Maggie’s file as he took a seat next to the bed. “Okay…” He flipped more pages. “Okay. Well, the first thing you need to do is start eating and sleeping.”

  That’s two things, Maggie thought. Instead of speaking, she smiled. C for Cooperative. That’s how she needed to appear. Cooperative, Controlled, Concerned about getting better.

  “You’re showing signs of acute exhaustion.” He flipped the file to another page. “Have you been taking your meds?”

  Maggie didn’t look at Dublowski or Harley. She wasn’t sure how they would feel knowing their consultant was medicated. They probably guessed as much already.

  “Yeah.”

  “Regularly?”

  “Yes.”

  The doctor raised an eyebrow. “You realize how important they are, Maggie?”

  Yeah, she knew. That’s why she took them. She still had work to do and going off her medications wouldn’t help.

  “I think she got the message, Mike,” Harley said.

  The physician nodded. “Just doing my job, Ed.”

  “Look, Dr….” She looked at the tag on his jacket. “Reynolds. I fainted. I haven’t been eating well or sleeping. I know that. I’ve been focusing on other things.”

  “And that has to stop. You need a few weeks of complete rest. Build yourself up again. Ed told me you experienced a pretty traumatic event recently.”

  No, Rayney experienced a traumatic event. Maggie just got to see the results. Focus, her brain screamed. D for Dead. For Drawn and Quartered. Dissected. She looked at Harley, Nick and Dr. Reynolds. D for Dilemma.

  “It sets off triggers.” The doctor tried to sound like he actually grasped Maggie’s predicament. “If you’re not careful, you’re gonna end up…”

  “I know. I allowed this situation to get the better of me.” Maggie let out a sigh so the doctor might read the emotion she was feeding him. R for Remorse. For Regret. Re-evaluation. “I want to go home.”

  “We’d like to keep you.”

  I’m sure you would, Maggie thought. “I’d really like to go home. If it’s just exhaustion.”

  “Well, I would advise against it.”

  “I’ll rest better in my own bed,” Maggie lied.

  “I’ll see she does,” Harley chimed in.

  The doctor flipped through the file again, then he looked at Harley. The ME gave a small nod. “Well, we can’t keep you if you don’t want to stay.”

  At least not this time around, Maggie thought.

  “I’ll get your discharge papers going. I would advise you to see your physician as soon as possible. And your therapist.”

  Yeah, and I’d advise you to stay out of my life. Maggie smiled. “Yes, I’ll make sure I do that.”

  “You have to take care of yourself, Maggie,” he said to the wall as he headed out. “If you don’t, who will?”

  How original. Maggie’s feet touched the cold tile floor. She took a moment to let the dizziness pass.

  “Are you sure you should leave?” Nick asked.

  “Yes,” Maggie snapped. She pulled the IV out of her hand and pressed the gauze against the opening. “I’m sure.”

  “Keep pressure on that,” Harley said as he sat back and waited.

  She took a piece of tape from the IV pole and secured the gauze. Maggie was in the bathroom and dressed by the time the nurse arrived.

  “In a hurry, I can see,” the girl smiled. “You really shouldn’t take the tube out yourself.” She froze when she saw Maggie’s arms.

  “I’ve got a little experience.” She pulled her sleeves down.

  “Here’s your release instructions. I need you to read this and sign here.”

  Maggie pretended to read before she signed the bottom of the form. “Can I go now?”

  “I’ll have a chair up in a moment.”

  Rather than argue, Maggie nodded. Once t
he nurse was gone, she grabbed her bag. “Let’s go.”

  “But…” Nick didn’t get a second word out.

  The sun shone on Maggie Quinn as she stepped out of the hospital. She breathed deeply. Back in her skin. That’s what it felt like. In her skin and still alive. Again. The next time she was going to die, she needed to do it farther away from hospitals.

  “I’ll drive,” Harley called.

  “That’s okay. I can do it.” Nick jogged toward the parking lot.

  “Harley can take me. You should line up some questions for your witness.” Maggie paused. “Watch your back, okay.”

  Nick saw the same fear again. “Don’t worry. I can take care of myself.”

  Carmen was waiting at the front door when Harley’s car pulled up.

  “You don’t have to come in,” Maggie said.

  “Yeah, I do.” Harley smiled. “Let’s go, baby. I’ll tuck you in.”

  “You’ve done enough. Thanks.”

  “Nope, I’m not letting you off that easy.” Harley got out of the car and met Maggie on the other side. “Come on.”

  “Why don’t you just get back to work.”

  “I got the day off.”

  “Bullshit.”

  Ed Harley took Maggie’s arm and led her toward the front steps. His touch was like a vice, squeezing her flesh till it was ready to burst. Maggie pulled free and made for the side entrance.

  “These came for you,” Carmen said once they were in the house.

  “Secret admirer?” the ME smiled.

  The long-stemmed red roses sat in a vase on the library table. Maggie didn’t need a card to know who they were from. Galen. The bastard knew she was in the hospital and wanted Maggie to know it. She grabbed the card by the edges and carefully tore the flap open. “Best wishes for a speedy recovery.” It was handwritten, but unsigned.

  “Who are they from?”

  “Who do you think?”

  “No law against sending flowers?”