The complete scars series: Books one-four

by Tonks, Rachael

  “He has her phone,” I snap, jumping up from the seat, starting to pace back and forth, thinking about what I can do. Placing my fingers in my mouth, I nervously chew on the hard skin beside my nail.

  “Tara,” Izzy calls. “You have to sit down and let the guys do their thing. You making yourself sick with worry isn’t helping anyone.”

  I freeze, looking at her momentarily. She’s right.

  “I’m sorry,” I say letting my shoulders slump. “This is the second morning I’ve vomited. I think I must be coming down with something.” I rub my stomach, wondering whether it was something I’d eaten.

  Izzy’s eyes bug out. Her mouth falls open and I narrow my brows in confusion.

  “What?” I say lifting my hands.

  “When was the last time you had a period?”

  “I don’t have them; I get the birth control shot. I’ve not had a period for years.”

  “Well, maybe you’re getting sick. Or maybe you’re just working yourself into a state.”

  “I’m sure that’s all it is.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure too,” Izzy says with a smile. But now I can’t stop thinking about the possibility I could be pregnant. Surely there’s no way I can be, right?

  Grabbing my purse, I pull out my pocket-sized diary, frantically flicking through to check when my last appointment was. I stop on the date where I scribbled the time and appointment details. It was roughly a month ago, and I wrack my brain trying to remember whether I went or not.

  Shit!

  Did I really miss my last shot?

  Dropping my head into my hands, I mentally slap myself.

  “What is it?” Izzy asks. “You think you’re going to be sick again?”

  “I can’t believe I’ve been this stupid,” I mutter, letting out a huge, pent-up breath.

  “What is it?” Izzy’s eyes are on me, her hand stroking the top of my back.

  I lift my head, drawing my top lip between my teeth. “I think I missed my last contraceptive shot.” My hands begin to shake as the realization dawns on me. “What if I am pregnant?”

  “Then you and Nate will work it out,” she replies sweetly, smiling as she looks at my sad eyes.

  My heart races as I try and force out the question that lies on the tip of my tongue. “What… what if it’s not Nate's?” I choke out, my hand covering my mouth as I feel the overwhelming urge to be sick again. Leaning, I grab a hold of the trash can, retching so bad that my stomach hurts.

  “Oh, baby,” she soothes. “You have to find out first. Then we worry about Jeffries. We should head out and get you a test. You need to know, one way or the other.”

  “Hey.” Brax bursts into the room, his eyes wide and his hand covering his nose and mouth. “Fuck, it smells awful in here.”

  “Yeah, sorry,” I chuckle, nervously wondering how much of our conversation he heard. I point down to the trash can with widened eyes. “Something I ate.” Grabbing it, I walk out of the office, heading toward the bathroom. I quickly clean out the trash can, and head back outside. My problems seem to pale in comparison to the fact that Emily is missing.

  “Any news?” I ask as I make my way back, sitting on the edge of Brax’s desk.

  “Not yet.” He lets out a breath, his nostrils flaring. “Nate is out there looking for her now. But we have nothing. No leads, no possible location.”

  “Can you trace him from the call? I ask, racing over and grabbing my cell phone. “Here, take it. See if there is a way to locate her cell phone. He answered my call, so the phone is switched on.”

  He reaches for the phone, jumping out of his seat. “I’ll be in the back room if anyone should need me. I got some calls to make.”

  “I think we’re gonna head out,” Izzy is quick to reply. “You got the place to yourself for a while.” Lifting onto her tiptoes, she kisses him lightly on the cheek and he gives a little nod.

  “Be safe, girls,” he says with a lift of his brow and we both smile.

  “Let’s get out of here,” Izzy whispers, throwing her purse over her shoulder.

  Swallowing the bundle of nerves in my throat, I follow her over to the door. I need to know if I am pregnant, but I’m also terrified. Having children wasn’t something I’d even considered, and the fact that it could be a product of rape, well that scares the shit out of me.

  The crew and I have been driving around, searching for my father, for hours. We’ve checked all the places we can think of, but with no luck. Pulling up outside Brax’s office, I dismount, pulling off my helmet and gloves. I step through the door with Zane and Davo following closely behind.

  “Hey.” I tip my chin to the security guard as I make my way through the entrance and over to the door that leads upstairs. Making my way up, I feel the anger brewing deep inside the pit of my stomach. My father had answered Tara’s call and I just know she’ll be spooked.

  Opening the door, I search for her, but the only person I see is Brax. “Hey, man. Where are the girls?”

  “Out,” he says wearing a grin.

  “What the fuck do you mean, out?”

  Putting his arm around my shoulder, he pulls me closer until his mouth is close enough to my ear. “I think congratulations are in order,” he whispers, looking past me to check that the other guys don’t hear.

  I glance up at him, frowning. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “I overheard Tara telling Izzy she thinks she’s pregnant.” He draws back, the look of excitement on his face does nothing to stop the thud inside my chest.

  “No fucking way,” I say, scraping my hands down my face. “I had no idea,” I mumble.

  “Shit. I thought you knew. I mean, speak to her. I could’ve gotten it wrong, but I think that’s where they’ve gone now.”

  Inhaling through my nose, I blow out a slow controlled breath through my mouth. “Shit,” I chuckle nervously, knowing this could be life-changing.

  “Any news on Emily?” Zane asks, concern written all over his face. Not surprising since the two of them had become close.

  “I’ve had my men working on tracing the cell, but no luck,” Brax says, pulling out his smokes and offering them out. I grab one, placing it to my lips and dig in my pocket for a light. Flicking open the lighter, I hold out my hand, offering him the flame. Lighting his cigarette, I do the same with mine. Drawing on the cigarette, the hit of nicotine does nothing to calm my nerves. Fuck. The thought of Tara being pregnant is all my mind can focus on right now.

  “Let me call her again, from Tara’s cell. See if the motherfucker picks up.”

  “Worth a try I guess,” he says, grabbing Tara’s cell phone and handing it to me.

  I redial the number, pressing speakerphone as the call rings out.

  “Tara,” his voice booms out of the speakerphone. “I just knew you couldn’t keep away.”

  Gritting my teeth, I snarl, “It’s Nate. Where the fuck is Emily?”

  He starts laughing.

  “I’m fucking serious. If you so much as hurt one hair on her head, I’m coming after you. I’ll fuck you up so bad that no one will ever be able to identify your rotting corpse.”

  “Why do you have Tara’s cell?” he asks, his voice even as he completely avoids my threat.

  “Tara is with me. Just like she’s always been.”

  “Oh, so she didn’t tell you about the night she deep-throated my cock and rode me like a goddamn horse, huh?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” I growl, my heart practically beating through my chest as I clench and unclench my fist.

  Brax’s hand lands heavy on my shoulder, his eyes wide and fixed on me. “Don’t let him get to you,” he mouths. I nod, knowing that getting drawn into whatever sick game my father is playing is dangerous.

  “You know, that night I got Silver to take Emily as a distraction. Yeah, well, that was the night that little old Tara and I got to know each other real well.”

  My eyes dart to Brax whose brows are drawn together and hi
s fingers scrape back and forth over his forehead. It all makes sense.

  She didn’t get mugged that night. She was with my father.

  Fuck.

  “You better pray to God that I never find you. Because when I do, I’m going to rip you limb from limb.”

  “I look forward to it.” He continues to laugh before adding, “Oh, and I’ll be sure to return Emily to you,” then he ends the call; the dial tone echoes around the office space.

  “Fuck,” I roar, feeling like my whole word just got turned on its axis. “I need some answers, and above all else I need to find and kill that motherfucker!”

  “I know, I know,” Brax responds calmly.

  “How the fuck can you be so cool about all this? Did you hear what that sick fuck said about Tara?” I slam my fist down against the table. Hard.

  I watch as he swallows heavily. “I heard it man. I mean, I wish I hadn’t, but I fucking heard him.”

  “Why the fuck didn’t she tell me? Huh?” I’m so wired that I pace back and forth, my stomach in fucking knots and my heart hammering ferociously.

  “Tell you what?” I hear her gentle voice asking. Spinning on the spot, I turn to see a pale-faced Tara staring back at me.

  “What’s going on, Brax?” she asks, looking between us, panic written all over her face. Reaching for her, I take her by the arm.

  “We need to talk,” I tell her, my voice low and full of rage. I pull harder than necessary, but I can’t help it. I’m fueled by anger and confusion. I don’t mean to take it out on her but I’m so fucking angry right now, that I don’t know how to come across any other way.

  Snapping her arm from my hold, she freezes on the spot, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes hard on me. “I ain’t going anywhere until someone tells me what the hell is going on here.”

  “You don’t want to do this here,” Brax tries to warn her softly, but she’s pissed and has her guard up.

  “No,” she snaps, anger in her tone. “Just spit out whatever it is, because right now, you’re making me feel like I’ve done something wrong.”

  I swallow the lump that has grown in my throat, knowing I have no choice. Dropping my smoke on the floor, I extinguish it with my boot. Legs slightly apart and hands clenched together in front of me, I look her dead in the eye.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about what my father did to you that night you came to see me at the clubhouse?”

  I take no delight in watching her face fall and tears swell in her eyes.

  “How… how… do you know about that?” She narrows her watery eyes on me, her lip quivering as she desperately tries to control her emotion.

  Izzy steps closer to Tara, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulder. “Not like this, Nate.” She whispers her plea.

  “Her choice,” I retort, as the hatred for my father bubbles to an uncontrollable level. He hurt the one thing that means something to me. Fuck, the only thing. And the worst thing about this whole fucked-up situation is that she didn’t trust me enough to tell me it happened. “So, it happened?” I ask, needing the confirmation to come from her.

  “Can we go home?” she asks, her voice wavering.

  I nod, putting aside all of my hate and confusion, because goddamnit, seeing her like this is cutting me into pieces. I pull in a breath that seems to burn before forcing it out of my lungs, all the while my heart still races like a horse galloping.

  “Let’s go,” I answer coldly, not because I’m an asshole, but because I’m struggling to deal with the torrent of emotions I’m feeling right now.

  “What do you want us to do, boss?” Zane asks as I storm through the door.

  “Keep searching. Work with Brax to find Emily. That’s the club’s priority right now.”

  Racing down the stairs two at a time, I make my way outside, inhaling deeply as soon as the fresh air hits me. I feel like I’m choking. Slowly, all of the air is being sucked from my lungs.

  “Nate,” she cries, stopping just behind me and placing her hand flat against my back. I close my eyes, allowing my head to fall forward. My shoulders rise and fall as I breathe deeply, wanting nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her everything will be okay. Only I can’t bring myself to do it, because guilt is eating away at me, like maggots eating away on rotten flesh. The image of my father putting his hands on her flashes through my mind and it causes me to wince, dragging in a breath through my gritted teeth.

  “Talk to me, please,” she whispers, her voice full of hurt and innocence.

  But I can’t. I have no words of comfort. The one thing I didn’t want to happen, has. And nothing I can say or do, will undo the pain I’ve caused her.

  The only option left is making my father pay. And I will make him pay. Until he’s screaming for me to stop and begging for his life.

  “Let’s go,” I mutter, handing her the helmet.

  “NO!” she screeches, causing a scene. “Talk to me, Nate. Tell me what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling.”

  “I’m not that guy,” I say, stepping back a little. “Get on the goddamn bike, Tara.”

  I lift my leg, mounting the bike, waiting for her to follow my lead. She stares at me for a few seconds before finally getting on. Her arms wrap around my waist as we set off, heading back to the house.

  Tara

  I cling on to him, wondering if this will be the last time we ride together. I have no idea how he found out about what happened with his father, but I’m dying inside at the thought of losing him again.

  It doesn’t take long before we are back at the clubhouse. Heading inside, he stops in the huge doorway, holding out his hand to me, and I almost burst into tears.

  I know words don’t come easy to Nate, but a small gesture such as this means more than any words he could say. Making our way upstairs we head into the bedroom. Dropping down on the bed, dread causes my stomach to roll. Nate is tense and stands, resting his back against the wall opposite me.

  “I need to know the truth, Tara. No secrets. No lies. I have to know everything.”

  “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to lose you,” I say. And it’s the truth. I feared the consequences of being honest.

  “You didn’t trust me?”

  Feeling furious and flustered, I glare at him. “That’s not it. Not at all. Things were so messed up; you’d sent me away for God’s sake. I had no idea what was happening between us, and what? You expect me to just call you saying, oh, by the way your father raped me.” My entire body shakes, but I soon regret my outburst.

  His face contorts as the words slip from my mouth without thought. He storms into the adjoining bathroom; the sound of glass smashing and Nate growling causes me to jump up from the bed, craning my neck to see that he’s okay. I step slowly toward the bathroom, jerking at every loud sound he makes. Peering inside, glass covers the counter and sink, smashed tiles and broken shards scattered over the floor.

  “Nate, please…” I whisper my plea and he snaps his head to face me. All of his features are hardened and blood drips from his knuckles.

  “But things have been good,” he blurts out, his breathing almost a pant as his eyes are focused on me. “Real fucking good between us, baby. Why didn’t you say something?” Stepping toward the frame of the door, he rests himself against it, one hand on either side.

  “We just got back on track. I wasn’t sure how you’d take it or if you’d even want me when you knew what happened.”

  “This is all my fault.” He turns his back on me, rearing back his fist and punching the wall over and over.

  “Please, stop!” I screech, jumping in front of him, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the wall. He staggers toward me, head down.

  “And the baby? Is it mine?” he asks shaking his fist that drips with blood. My mouth hangs open a little, wondering how the hell he knows.

  “I haven’t done the test yet,” I choke out, shaking my head and clenching my eyes shut. “How do you know?”

 
“Brax overheard you talking to Izzy, or some shit.”

  “I had no idea,” I blurt out. Standing facing him, my entire body shakes uncontrollably as I stare at him, waiting for him to say something. Pain crushes my airways as the few seconds feel like hours. “I have the test in my purse.”

  Reaching his hand to the back of my head, he slowly draws me into him, my head landing on his chest.

  “You should’ve told me about my father. Would’ve put a bullet in his skull for you, no matter what the consequences.”

  Wrapping his strong arms around me, he holds me for the longest time.

  “We’ll get through this, Tara,” he sighs, pulling back and lifting my head until our eyes meet. “I’m going to kill him, make him suffer for what he’s done to you.”

  “But what about us, Nate? I can’t lose you.”

  “I ain’t going nowhere,” he whispers. “But I need to know...” He caresses his hand against my back. “We both need to know if you’re pregnant.” He pulls back searching my eyes. I nod, agreeing, terrified at the possibility.

  Grabbing my purse, I take out the pregnancy test and point to the door. “Can’t use the one you just trashed so I’m using the main one.”

  He nods, wrapping a cloth around his knuckles. “I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

  Shuddering I make my way down the hall and into the large, main bathroom. I walk inside, closing the door behind me, all the while clutching the box with the test tightly in my hand. I make my way over to the toilet, pulling out a test and precariously squatting so I can pee on the stick. My stomach whirls as the nerves eat away at me. I replace the cap on the test and set it down on the tiled floor. Pulling up my panties, I grab the box, checking how long I need to wait before checking the results.

  Three minutes until I can read the results, but I’m too scared to check. Getting pregnant was never part of the plan. Reaching for the test, I place it on my lap, while I wait anxiously. I tap my knee as I hope and pray for a negative result.

  Turning over the test, I brave a look at it. Two clear blue lines appear, and I begin to shake, the test falling to the floor.