The complete scars series: Books one-four

by Tonks, Rachael

  “Hey, baby,” his voice booms down the receiver. “How’s the house viewing going?”

  “Great,” I reply in an upbeat tone, looking back at the house. “It’s very normal.” I accentuate the word and his laugh rumbles down the phone.

  “Maybe normal is what we need right now,” he mumbles. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

  “So, I can tell Brax we want the place? Temporarily of course.”

  “Sure,” he replies, but he seems really distant.

  “What is it, Nate? Is something wrong?”

  He sighs loudly down the receiver and I hear the tension in his voice. “We got the crematorium to take Emily’s remains. Guys are getting together to give her a send-off tonight. You think you want to be there?”

  “Of course,” I rush out. “I have to be there. I owe it to Emily.”

  “Why don’t you come back, pack up our stuff and once we’ve said our goodbyes, you can show me this new house of ours,” he says and I sense he’s smiling. “Fuck,” he continues. “After all the shit that’s happened, I can’t wait to just be with you, curled up together, forgetting everything else. Right now, all I need is you.”

  “Me too,” I reply, smiling widely. “But, the house, Nate. You’re really okay about this?”

  “Long as I’m with you, I don’t give a fuck where I am.”

  I stand, looking back at the pretty-looking house, anticipation stirring in my stomach. “Can’t wait.”

  “See you back at the clubhouse,” he says before hanging up the call. I nod, clutching onto the phone and making my way back inside. I glance at the faces staring at me as I step through the door.

  “Everything okay?” Izzy asks as she sits on the countertop, Brax resting between her legs and it’s almost like I interrupted something.

  “Let’s do this,” I say beaming at the pair. “Nate said he’s happy, and we’re going to grab our things tonight and head straight here.”

  “That’s such good news.” Izzy presses her hand on Brax’s chest as she pushes him away just enough to dismount from the counter and head over to me. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulls me close and I encapsulate her with my arms, hugging her back.

  “I’ll be glad to get away from the clubhouse. You know, the memories and all.”

  “I get it. Totally. There was always a feeling of satisfaction knowing that the house where I was captured and tortured no longer exists.”

  “I’m never going to escape the clubhouse, or the memories, but with time I hope I can learn to deal with it.” I gently break from Izzy’s hold and flash her a sad smile.

  “You will.” She reaches up, pushing back a few loose strands that have fallen on my face. “But right now, we need to head back and grab your things. You’ll need to pack.”

  “You’re the best,” I reply offering her a smile. We walk out of the house together and I take one last glance at our new home. Something about this feels so right. I can’t put my finger on it, and maybe it’s just knowing that I won’t be at the clubhouse, or that we seem to be moving in the right direction, but whatever it is makes my heavy heart feel that little bit lighter.

  * * *

  We head back to the clubhouse and, the whole way there, I talk excitedly with Izzy about the move. As soon as we are at the clubhouse, I say my goodbyes and head inside to find Nate. Instantly, I’m caught by the music that booms through the clubhouse. Stepping into the main room, my eyes glance around the smoke-filled room. I sigh, folding my arms across my chest as I scan the room. Naked women, loud chatter, and drinks flowing. Girls hang off the guys. All of them just hoping they’ll be the next old lady. Which is ironic really. I fell in love with Nate. Not this lifestyle or the need to be some biker’s whore. Yet here I am.

  I silently scoff, stalking over to Zane who has some girl I’ve never seen before, whispering in his ear.

  “Hey.” He adjusts himself on the chair so he’s looking at me.

  I give him a look of disapproval. Zane and Emily had become an item in the short time they’d known each other. Yet, here he is. With another girl on the day we’re supposed to cremate what remains we have of Em.

  “Come on,” he says, standing up from the couch, giving me a sad smile. “Don’t give me that look.”

  The brunette with ridiculously large tits, all of which are on show, flashes me a snarky smile, giggling a little as I glare at her. My heart starts to hammer in my chest at the naive girl.

  “Get up,” I roar at the girl and she jerks at the unexpected outburst. She stumbles to her feet, nervously swiping her hair from her face. Her eyes are on me as I glare at her. “Now go get a drink or something.”

  She nods, her eyes falling to the floor as she steps, ready to walk away. “And don’t come back until I say so,” I spit out, my eyes quickly back on Zane.

  “Didn’t take you for a fucking mean girl, Tara.”

  “And I didn’t take you for a jerk, Zane,” I snap. Lowering my voice, I add, “Today, Zane. We bury Emily today. Maybe show her a little respect.”

  He scoffs and shrugs his shoulders. “The whore is just a distraction.”

  “Oh sure,” I throw back.

  “Sure,” he repeats. “This is how us fucking bikers deal with shit we can’t control. Get drunk and fuck the numbness away.” A sadness appears in his eyes and his shoulders slump as he pushes his hands into the pockets of his jeans. I rest my hand on his forearm, feeling a little guilty for going on the attack.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. Bending my head, I try to catch his eye. “I’m just struggling with this; you know? This whole lifestyle and the violence, Zane. How am I ever going to wrap my head around innocent people getting hurt?”

  “You just gotta keep that pretty little chin of yours up.” He smiles, pulling his hand from his pocket and hooking his finger under my chin. He lifts it gently until our eyes meet. “Just enjoy the ride, darlin’. Because this club is in his blood. You want Nate, you gotta get to grips with how things work around here. Some things, you ain’t gonna like. I can’t say that people won’t get hurt. Because they do. It’s how shit is around here, how they have to be. But the bad shit that happens is quickly outweighed by the good. The brotherhood is like nothing else. Knowing no matter what that these guys have my back. That I belong somewhere. Well, that makes it all worth it.”

  “Worth losing Em?” I ask, almost grimacing at my own words. I like Zane, but I don’t know him enough yet to know how he’ll react to me pushing his buttons.

  “That wasn’t the club,” he grates out. “That was down to Jeffries and Silver. Those two fuckers will meet their maker. Mark my words.”

  Pulling my lips between my teeth, I nod, hoping he’s right. But more than anything, hoping it’s soon. “Where is he?” I ask, wondering why I haven’t seen Nate yet.

  “I think he’s upstairs. Packing up some of his shit,” Zane answers loosely. “Will we see you later? You know, for Emily’s thing.”

  Shooting him a sad smile, I say, “I’ll be there. I need to pay my respects to her. She really had a heart of gold.”

  “She did,” he replies solemnly.

  I nod, stepping back a little and pointing to the door. “I should, uh, go see what the prez is doing.” I stutter a little, looking over to the girl who was clinging onto Zane before I interrupted. “He’s all yours,” I shout over to her and she offers me the faintest smile. I make my way out of the chaos of the main room and toward the steps. Swiftly making my way up the staircase, I stop at the top of the stairs, looking toward the open door. Wearing nothing but his jeans, I can’t help but gawk at his sculpted torso. I lean against the banister as I watch him fill a huge bag with his belongings. My stomach flips at the sight of him. Smiling, I push myself away from the banister and slowly make my way inside.

  “Missing the party to pack. I am impressed,” I say, a smile spreads uncontrollably across my face.

  Tilting his head to the side, he smiles back at me, the corner of his
mouth pulls together tightly as he does. But there’s something really genuine about his smile. It’s not forced and it’s like he can’t contain himself.

  “Come here,” he instructs with a wave of his hand, the smile on his face doesn’t fade.

  I do exactly as he asks, making my way over to him standing beside the bed. Standing tall, he exhales heavily, his chest puffing out as he does. I can’t help but allow my eyes to drift there, watching the tattooed skin move with every breath he takes. Wrapping his arm around my waist, he pulls me in close before turning and forcing me to fall back on the bed.

  I let out a squeal of excitement as I drop back and his face comes into sight. Hovering over me, his eyes connect with mine and my heart beats so thunderously against my chest I’m sure it’s about to burst out at any moment.

  “I’m so excited for this, Nate. Just you and me.”

  He lets out a huge breath. “We need to get tonight over and done with, then I’m all yours. All fucking yours,” he says breathlessly. I reach up, running my hand through the loose strands of hair that have fallen beside his face. Dipping his head, he kisses me. Like he needs me more than the air he breathes. I press into him, kissing him back. Our mouths become one. Wrapping my arms around his strong neck, his hands wander until he’s cupping my ass. Pulling me closer, I mold into him. We kiss so deeply, with so much intensity, my body has no choice but to react. My sex soaks my panties and I writhe wanting to ravish him. Pressing my hands flat against his chest, I roll him until I’m on top. His hands find my top, ripping it from my body, pulling it over my head and discarding it on the floor.

  “Fuck, Tara… what are you doing to me?” he asks, his heavy, wanton eyes find mine. I smirk, reaching for the clasp of my bra before tossing it aside.

  “You’re the only thing that matters to me, Nate. The only thing in this whole messed-up situation that makes sense. Your touch heals me. And right now, I need you to touch me.”

  Sitting up, he grabs the back of my head, pulling me into him. Our mouths crash together, the kiss resuming, but this time it’s messy, needy even. I grab onto his shoulders, pressing my needy sex onto his straining erection. Desire and need blinds me as I rush to feel all of him. My breathing picks up pace, his hand wanders from my neck until he finds the top of my jeans. He rolls me until I’m flat on my back. Sliding from the bed, he yanks down my jeans, taking my panties with them. His hungry eyes rake over my naked body, his tongue darting out, wetting his lips.

  “Goddamn, you’re beautiful. So fucking perfect,” he says, his voice heavy and dark. I shudder with excitement, but also at the loss of his touch. Lifting up a little, I grab his hand, widen my legs and work his fingers back and forth between my folds. I continue to guide him to where I need to feel him most. I rest back on my elbows, allowing my head to drop back as the ecstasy builds with every flick of my clit. Dipping his head, he gently kisses and teases the skin on my inner thigh. I squirm, retracting my hand, letting him take control. I fist the bedsheet as he continues to work his thumb over my clit, his warm breath so close to my sex. My whole stomach tightens in anticipation. There is so much pleasure in every touch, every kiss of his warm supple lips against my skin. His thumb is quickly replaced by his tongue and I let out a yelp. His tongue works expertly over my clit, his fingers lower until he finds my soaking entrance.

  A low growl escapes him as he plunges his fingers inside me. I allow my eyes to flicker open momentarily. The want in his eyes meets the clouded lust of my own. He leans over me, his mouth crashing against mine once more. Wrapping one arm under my back, he envelops me, pulling me so close our chests meet. His soft, wet lips press deliciously against mine and I open my mouth allowing him access. My heart beats wildly in my chest as I melt into him. Needing him so much in this moment. Sinking into his embrace, I wrap my arms around his neck until you can’t differentiate my limbs from his. Although the feel of his fingers inside me is pure pleasure, having him hold and worship me is what excites me the most.

  “I need to be inside you, Tara. I need to feel you, baby.”

  Without another word, he parts from me, relieving himself from the confines of his jeans, his straining, thick cock springs free. He wraps his hand around himself, stroking back and forth, his eyes never leaving mine. But I can’t help but watch the way he strokes his cock. I’m so turned on, I run two fingers through my wetness, until I find my clit. Our eyes connect as we touch ourselves. Somehow this simple exchange feels intense and the pressure between my legs builds until I’m not sure I can hold on any longer.

  “I’m gonna come,” I cry out as the muscles inside tighten, ready to explode.

  “Not yet,” he groans, grabbing my feet and pulling me closer. Sliding his cock over my entrance, he plunges deep inside and I let out a huge gasp as he fills me completely. My eyes flicker open, meeting his intense gaze. Staring at me, he moves slowly. Soft, deep strokes as he allows me to adjust to his size. I wrap my legs around his waist, loving the feeling of having him so deep. He dips his head and I brush my hand against the rough skin of his cheek. Something in his eyes tells me all I need to know. It’s the look he gives me. The all-consuming look of love.

  My eyes flutter shut as his strong fingers dig into the skin on my thigh. He drops his body over mine, kissing me almost possessively. I cup his face with my hands, kissing him back as the thoughts of our lives together flash through my mind. It won’t be perfect. It won’t be easy. But it will be full of love.

  With each pound, the shaft of Nate’s cock rubs against my sensitive clit. With each thrust and contact of my sweet spot, I’m being pushed further and further toward the edge. My heart beats frantically, my stomach tightening as my body prepares for my release. Allowing my eyes to open, I connect with his beautiful gray-blue eyes and stare at him. I’m giving him all of me, showing him how much I really need him and the connection I feel when I look deep into his eyes. Like he senses what I’m conveying, he thrusts one thundering last time, pushing me over the edge I’d been spiraling toward. I let out a cry, giving into the pleasure that wracks through me. Nate grunts, falling on top of me and I pull his hot body against mine. Holding him there, I never want to let go. Of him, or this feeling.

  “Shit,” he mumbles, pushing himself up as though he’s just done a push-up. I glance down to his muscular forearms as they flex, holding up his weight. He stares into my eyes for what feels like the longest time.

  “What?” I finally say, giving into my need to know why he holds my gaze.

  “Just taking it all in. Taking you in,” he replies with a smirk.

  “Get used to it. It’s just you, me, and this smirk in our new home.”

  “Can’t wait,” he says, pushing himself up until he’s standing on his feet. Standing in front of me like some tattooed biker god, he looks down at me, offering me his hand. “Come on,” he coaxes. I reach up, taking his hand, and allow him to pull me into his chest. Running his hands through my hair, he grabs a handful, tilting my head back. Narrowing his eyes, he pulls in his brows, clearing his throat.

  “I just hope I can be enough for you, Tara. I always have this overwhelming feeling of not being enough.”

  “You are more than enough,” I blurt out.

  “But the love I have for you is clouded by the person I am. The other part of me that I can’t change. The part that’s tied to this club and the monster that put you through hell.” His jaw tenses and I see the pain in his eyes as he looks at me.

  “But here I am,” I say with a smile. “I’m here, willing to take on everything that comes with you and this club. Because I have no idea how to live without you in my life. So I’ll take it, Nate. I’ll take it all. I never wanted to make you feel like you weren’t enough.”

  “It isn’t the way you make me feel. It’s just the way it is. Bikers, we’re scum, right?”

  My eyes glance to the floor, then back up to Nate’s face. “Some. But not all. You. You’re the exception.”

  “I’m a fucking outlaw, ba
be. I wish I could change that. Be a better person for you and the life you carry inside of you. But I can’t. What you see is what you fucking get.”

  I can’t deny that deep inside, I wish he wasn’t a part of the outlaw life either. But he is. And part of the man I fell in love with.

  “I’ll take whatever you’re offering. Ride or die, remember?”

  A heartwarming laugh makes his chest vibrate against mine. Tightly, I squeeze him before breaking the hold between us. “Guess we should get our stuff together,” I say excitedly, grabbing my clothes and pulling them back on. Nate follows my lead, grabbing the huge duffel bag and dropping it beside the door.

  “Beat you to it, babe.” He looks at me with a smug smile, and my heart thuds with pride.

  “Kinda dig the fact that you were busy packing rather than partying with your crew.”

  “You can thank me later,” he says suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows. I laugh, shaking my head as I make my way over to the closet. One by one I pull out my belongings, making a pile on the bed. Nate perches his ass on the edge of the bed, watching me silently as I work busily to get my stuff together. The sound of Nate’s cell phone ringing and buzzing against the bed startles me. He chuckles as he reaches for it, answering the call.

  “Hey,” he answers, smiling widely, eyes fixed on me. “Sure, I’ll gather the crew and we’ll head over now.”

  My eyes are fixed on him as he continues to talk on his phone. Letting out a huge breath, he ends the call, dropping his eyes to the floor.

  “That was Hayes. He says they’re ready for us.”

  I nod, knowing that it’s time to say our goodbyes. We need to lay Emily to rest. The thought of what happened to the poor girl makes me clutch my neck. The sting of bile rising makes me clamp my eyes shut as I force it back down.

  “Hey,” Nate calls, his voice strained and full of concern. “You okay? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” I shake my head. “Just can’t fight the sick feeling I get when I think about her.” With the admission that falls from my lips, the stark reality makes me shudder and I’m suddenly fighting back tears. Overwhelmed with the thought that Emily was a poor victim at the hands of a monster who really wanted me. And when he didn’t achieve that, he hurt her. Someone who only ever wanted to help us.