The complete scars series: Books one-four

by Tonks, Rachael

  “Mom, I’m not dead.”

  “But something has happened, right?”

  “I’m going to tell you everything, but you have to promise to stay calm and hear me out.”

  “I’m calm,” she replies in a raised voice. She is anything but calm.

  “I’ve been caught in the middle of some real shit, Mom. The man… the man that raped me was Jeffries. Nate’s father.”

  “Jesus Christ…”

  “He had made threats against me. He was the one Carter made the deal with.”

  “Oh, baby girl,” she cries out.

  “Don’t, Mom. I don’t need your pity, I just need you to listen to me.”

  I hear her sniffling but she doesn’t say another word.

  “After what happened with Jeffries, Nate vowed to avenge his father. But he went on the run, No one knew where he was. The club searched for him, but never came up with any serious leads. But it wasn’t long, Mom. He sent someone for me and I was kidnapped. Thrown into the trunk and delivered straight to Jeffries. He was hiding out at one of the Deathseekers’ old warehouses.”

  “Did he hurt you, are you okay?” I hear the pain in her voice.

  “I’m alive,” I reply vaguely.

  “Clearly, but did he hurt you?”

  “Cuts and bruises but nothing that won’t heal. Nate found me, got me out of there just in time.”

  “Fuck, Tara. What the hell have you gotten yourself into?”

  Sighing, I know I have to now tell her about the baby.

  “Mom, I’m pregnant.”

  The line goes silent.

  “Mom?”

  “I’m here,” she mumbles.

  “I’m scared it’s not going to be Nate’s. I’m terrified that the baby I’m carrying is going to be Jeffries’ and that I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life. But I can’t get an abortion. I just can’t. If there’s a chance it’s Nate’s, I can’t do it.”

  “You’ll love the baby no matter what, Tara.”

  “But this lifestyle. The constant danger. It’s not safe for a baby. I know Nate is working at taking the club in a new direction, but I’m not stupid. I know what risk comes with being an old lady.”

  “You know I hate the MC, Tara. Not just the Savages.”

  “Nate is a good guy, Mom.”

  “Nothing good ever comes from the club.”

  “Mom…”

  “I want to see you. I need to see you, Tara.” Shit. She sounds angry. Weirdly, I thought she’d taken the news well, but maybe she’s saving the ass-kicking until she sees me in person.

  “Well, I’m just at the cabin with Nate. We should be back later today. Maybe we could meet for coffee tomorrow? I’ll call you in the morning to arrange a time.”

  “I’d like that. You won’t forget?”

  “Of course not,” I say feeling really bad that I’d neglected to keep her updated.

  “I mean it, Tara. It’s important. I have things to tell you, things that you need to know.”

  “Like what?”

  “You’ll find out soon enough.” Her voice is sad and my mind races at a million miles an hour wondering what she has to tell me.

  “Tomorrow then. Bye, Mom.”

  Ending the call, I get up, turning and heading back toward the cabin. My head is down, focused on my phone as I quickly respond to the twenty or so messages from Izzy asking me how our night away has been.

  It’s been amazing. The cabin and lake are stunning.

  Finally looking up from my phone I see Nate leaning against the frame of the door. My body becomes rigid and I’m pretty sure my heart stops beating. Even after just a few hours of sleep on the floor, this guy looks effortlessly gorgeous.

  “Who was that?”

  Holding up the phone I say, “Just my mom. She called like a million times.”

  “How did that go?” he asks with a scowl.

  “Better than expected. But still a hard conversation to have, considering she hates all things MC.”

  Stopping right in front of him, I place the palm of my hand against his bare chest, looking up into his gorgeous blue eyes.

  “I wonder why?”

  I smirk. “I can’t think why.”

  “No, seriously. When I came to see you at your mom’s, she made it clear that she has a deep hatred for bikers.”

  “Maybe it was some poison Carter dripped in her ears about you guys.”

  “Maybe,” he says rubbing his neck. “Can’t believe we fell asleep by the fire. Jesus, I’m stiff this morning.”

  “Really,” I say letting my hand drift from his chest to the band of his boxers. Taking my hand in his he places it against his erection and laughs.

  “Maybe we should go make the most of the bed we didn’t sleep in.”

  Reaching down, he hooks his arm under my knee, lifting me into his arms. I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck as he leads us back into the cabin.

  * * *

  Despite being in my own bed, I can’t sleep. My mind whirls with thoughts of my mother and what is so important that she needs to speak with me face-to-face. Stepping from the bed, I make my way into the bathroom. I need to do something. Reaching for the tap I turn it on placing my hand under the stream. Cupping them I allow the water to collect in my hands before lifting them and splashing it on my face. I need to feel the cold. Just something other than the overwhelming feeling that I’m drowning. Drowning in my own thoughts, my mind playing over and over in an attempt to process everything that has happened. Trying to carry on and act like nothing has happened is damn near impossible. I’m trying to be the glass-half-full girl, but it doesn’t seem to be that easy when my thoughts keep dragging me back to the dark place. The hurt. The uncertainty.

  Shaking my head, I lift my eyes and look at the girl staring back at me. I’m not sure I recognize her. Gaunt face and dark circled bruising around my eyes reflects the torment in my mind.

  “Hey.” His croaky voice calls to me, startling me. My eyes dart to him as he stretches up, brushing his hand through his hair that hangs loose around his face.

  “You don’t have to be so jumpy, T. There’s no one to fear now.” His eyes widen and his voice holds a genuine sound of reassurance.

  “It’s not that… I uh, you just caught me unexpectedly.” He takes one step forward before inching himself between me and the counter. I look up at his effortlessly handsome face and can’t help but smile. “Well, this is a much better view than before.”

  Narrowing his eyes, he looks at me with a pained expression on his face. “I’m trying to make everything okay for you, but I see just how much it still affects you, you know, what happened.”

  “I just need time,” I lie. Because I’m not sure if time will be a healer.

  His arms wrap around my torso, bringing me closer to his sculpted body. “Anything, you name it. Anything I can do to help you heal, then I will.”

  “The truth, Nate. All I need is the truth.”

  He sighs, his head drooping forward. “Today, okay? I promise I’ll go speak to some doc, the hospital, anyone who can look at giving me some answers, got it?”

  Gently, I place my palm against his chest and mouth him “thank you.” I love that he gets it. That he understands my need for the truth. That he’s willing to do anything to help me.

  “Thank you,” I say with a smile, my gaze meeting his. “I’m going to meet with Mom today.”

  I watch as his jaw hardens and his nostrils flare. “Just putting it out there, I will have one of my men follow you.”

  “What? No, why? I thought you just said before that I was safe… am I not safe?”

  Sensing the panic in my voice, he reaches for my hand stopping my involuntary steps backward. “I want you safe at all times. I’m not taking the risk.”

  “Risk! What risk? She’s my mom.”

  “I don’t trust her. I’m sorry, I just don’t. And after everythin’ that’s happened, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not taking any chances,
” he says. His head falls forward a little as he shakes it slowly from side to side.

  “My mom isn’t Carter.” I sigh, allowing my shoulders to slump.

  “I know, I know,” he whispers, caressing the skin on my arm with the pad of his thumb. “I would just feel better knowing there’s someone there looking out for you. Fuck, it’s just a precaution.”

  “Okay, okay.” I relax my arms a little allowing him to pull me closer. Truth is I’m dreading meeting with Mom. Seeing the hurt and disappointment on her face will be like a knife in my gut.

  “Good.” He kisses the top of my head lightly. “I’m gonna go get my ass ready and head to the club, check in with them. Hopefully the club will be in one piece.” He lets out a laugh that rumbles through his chest.

  “Okay,” I reply sweetly, lifting onto my tiptoes until our lips meet. I melt into him as he envelops me in his hold. I just know that this feeling of me losing myself in Nate was worth it. The fight to be with him, no matter what I’ve been through, was so worth it. And suddenly like a weight lifted, I feel lighter and happier, ready to take on whatever my mom has to say to me, because ultimately, I have Nate waiting for me, ready to make me smile, like he always does.

  * * *

  I stare out of the window as the rumble of the noisy engine out front gets my attention. Pulling on my sneakers, I grab my purse and keys and head out the door. The engine noise suddenly stops and I look up noticing Roach, in his cut, walking toward me.

  “Hey, Tara,” he yells, greeting me with a wave of his hand.

  “Oh, hi, Roach.” I press the fob on the keychain unlocking the door to my car and throw in my purse.

  “How are you, honey?” His head is tilted and his voice is low.

  “I’m okay,” I reply with a nod and a faint smile. Although I’m not sure I need a chaperone for coffee with my mother.

  “Keeping you safe is all that matters, right?” He lifts one brow, his lip curling at the corner. “I’ll be right behind you, but don’t worry, I’ll be discreet.”

  My eyes rake over his body and back up to his face. He’s covered in tattoos, wearing his club colors and screams biker. “Real discreet, Roach.” I can’t help but laugh.

  Holding open his cut, he looks down then back up at me. “What?”

  “Doesn’t matter.” I brush him off. “I’m going to head out,” I say, feeling a little awkward.

  “Sure, you won’t even know that I’m here.” He scuffs his boots against the drive as he turns and makes his way back toward his bike. I don’t hesitate to jump inside my car, reaching for the belt and securing it in the clip. I start the engine and glance up through the windshield. I grip the wheel with my shaky hands, my underlying nerves suddenly appearing on the surface. “It’ll be okay,” I tell myself out loud. As I ease out of the driveway, I scan up and down the road, looking for Roach. True to his word, I don’t see any sign of him and continue making my way toward the coffee shop downtown. I texted my mom earlier and this was our agreed meeting point. It was also Brax and Izzy’s place, so I had some comfort in knowing they’re only a short ride away should I need either of them for support.

  I pull up in the small parking lot and make my way over to the entrance. Stopping just outside the door, I notice Roach on his bike just a few feet down the road. He looks up, giving me a firm nod. Offering him a smile, I pull open the door and make my way inside. I sweep the coffee shop, looking for Mom. Sure enough, she’s seated in the corner and I make my way over to her.

  “Mom,” I croak, trying to make her aware of my presence.

  “Tara?” she asks like she’s not sure it’s me. “Oh, baby.” Leaping out of her seat, she opens her arms, lunging toward me and wrapping her arms around me. I reciprocate her hold, resting my hands against her back gently. Slowly easing back out of her tight hold, she lifts her hands, grabbing the ends of my hair.

  “Haven’t seen your hair this short since you were just a toddler.”

  “It’s, uh, nice though, right?” I ask her like I’m seeking approval.

  “Sure,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders. “Your scars are healing nicely,” she points to my neck and I instantly rest my hands there. “You know, there are all types of treatments to help with scars these days... laser treatment, creams. You’ll barely notice them after a little while.” She steps back and drops down into her seat and I pull out the one opposite before lowering myself, clutching my purse in front of me. Mom lets out a huge sigh. Leaning forward, she reaches for my hands. I place them in front of me and she takes them, placing hers on top of mine.

  “This is such a mess, huh? I kinda feel like history is repeating itself. Something I never wished to happen to you.”

  “History?” I ask, drawing my brows together as I struggle to understand what she means.

  “You need to hear me out. I will tell you everything.”

  “Mom, you’re scaring me.” I pull my hands from her grasp and place them on my lap, as I nervously bounce it up and down.

  “I wasn’t sure I would ever tell you the truth, but after everything, you deserve to know.”

  A lump forms in my throat and I try hard to swallow down, but it doesn’t budge.

  “I was like you once. Naive, young, and desperate to be loved. And just like you, I thought I’d found love in the most unexpected place. I was only eighteen when I met him. Mike was handsome, like all the girls wanted him and I was just your average eighteen-year-old with insecurities. But he made me feel priceless. Like I was the only girl in the world he ever wanted to set eyes on. I knew who he was and the bad things he did. But it didn’t matter because the heart wants what the heart wants, right?”

  “This was before my dad?” I ask, still not sure where Mom was going with this.

  “Let me finish.” She clears her throat before continuing. “Mike was a biker, in line to be president someday and I was in awe of the level of power the whole gang had over civilians. They were feared and in turn, respected.”

  I mask a gasp holding my hand to my mouth.

  “See, that fear soon became mine. I was expected to act a certain way, agree to everything he wanted and desired and I lost count of the times he would get drunk and beat the shit out of me.”

  I wince at the pain I feel in my gut when Mom makes the admission. “I had no idea.”

  “It was a part of my life I wanted to forget. Managing to get away from him and the club was hard. I knew too much and he was reluctant to let me go. But I had to get out. That’s when I met Jeff.”

  “Dad.”

  “Yes.”

  The sound of an unfamiliar voice interrupts us. “Sorry, ladies, but would you like to order some coffee?”

  Snapping my head, I look at the brunette and her bright white smile shining back down at me. I quickly place our order and turn my attention back to my mother. She watches as the waitress saunters away before continuing.

  “Jeff was the total opposite of Mike. He was kind, he cared, and was willing to take me on and raise you as his own.”

  I glare at her as my brain tries to process the words.

  “Honey, Jeff wasn’t your father. I was already pregnant when I managed to get away from the club.”

  Tears prickle at my eyes and I stare down at the table, unable to look at her. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to know. I broke free from the club and never wanted anything to do with them again. Telling you would bring it all back into my life. I need you to understand, Tara. I genuinely believed that he would kill me if I stayed.”

  “Is he… is he… still alive?”

  “I don’t want you to have anything to do with him, Tara.”

  “Mom!” I shout. “Is he still alive?”

  “He’s a bad man, someone you do not want to get involved with. Please, Tara, don’t push me on this.”

  Gritting my teeth together, l lean over the table, my eyes full of anger. “Who. Is. He?”

  “Brewer,” she responds timidly. “Mike is none o
ther than the Deathseeker president.”

  Sinking back into my seat I can’t stop my lip from trembling. “All this time. You lied to me this whole time.”

  “I did it to keep you safe. To keep us both safe.”

  “I had a right to know who my father was… is.”

  “He’s not your father, he’s a monster. As soon as he found out about Jeff, he hunted him down and killed him. He caused the accident that killed Jeff, your real father, even if not in blood. The man that loved you so dearly as his own. There was nothing good going to come from you knowing about Brewer.”

  “Siblings, Mom. This means I have a brother.”

  “A boy that was born in the MC and raised with MC values. He will be a monster just like his father.”

  My body shakes and bile rises in my throat. How could she? How could she keep this from me for so long?

  “Why now, Mom?”

  “Because you’re in so deep. You have gotten yourself into a world that I fought to escape. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes, Tara. I’m scared that if you don’t get out now, you’ll end up dead.”

  “Nate is nothing like Brewer. In fact, Nate hates Brewer.”

  “Well, that’s something we have in common.”

  “Does he know? Know that I’m his daughter?”

  “No,” she says shaking her head vehemently. “And that’s the way it has to stay. You have to promise me. Because after all this time, I don’t want him to come for me, because he will. If he finds out I kept his own child from him, he’ll kill me, no questions asked.” The panic in her voice tells me she's terrified and, although I don’t want to, I have to agree.

  “Okay, okay,” I say trying to reassure her.

  She exhales a tense breath, her eyes meeting mine. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but thank you.”

  The waitress appears beside the table, still smiling, holding the tray in her hands. “Two coffees,” she announces in an upbeat tone.

  “Are you always this nauseatingly nice?” I snap.

  “Tara,” Mom warns, looking at me with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” she says to the waitress who quickly scampers away from us. Mom adjusts herself, glaring at me. “I know this is all a shock for you, but don’t take it out on the poor girl who is paid to do a job.”