Second Chance eX-mas

by N. D. Jackson

  “Why were you staring at us the other day?” It had only been the day before but Ally couldn’t help grinning at her daughter’s blunt questions. She asked whatever she wanted to know, no matter how many times Ally tried to tell her there were times she shouldn’t ask.

  “Because I’d never seen such pretty girls before.”

  She rolled her eyes as she rounded the corner and found Archer crouched down so he and Glory were blue eyes to blue eyes. Looking like twins. Her chest pinched but she pushed it down as she always did when her emotions were too close to the surface.

  “Mama says I’m as pretty as any princess.” She held her head perfectly still, the way she’d practiced for a full day last year.

  Ally placed a hand on her daughter’s scrawny shoulder. “That’s because you are honey, even if you do open the door for strangers when Mama tells you not to.”

  She huffed, fiery blue eyes trained on her mom. “But Mama, Archer isn’t a stranger. It’s Archer.”

  She wouldn’t get out of trouble by being cute today. “What have I told you?”

  She sighed with the heaviness of a girl at least sixteen years old. “Don’t open the door. Ever.”

  “Exactly. Go finish up your dinner and think of what kind of castle we’ll make.” That perked her right up and she skipped back to the kitchen.

  “Okay!” She skipped a few steps and then paused, turning back to the door to stare at their visitor. “See ya later, Archer.”

  “Bye, Glory.”

  I will not be moved by this moment, no matter how tender it is, dammit. Hands on her hips, Ally turned to him. “Is there something I can help you with Archer?”

  He raked a hand through his hair, wearing that nervous smile she used to love so much, thinking it showed some kind of vulnerability. She’d been so wrong. “It’s good to see you, Ally. Really good.”

  She ignored the warmth that spread at his words. What he thought didn’t matter. Not anymore. Not even if she hadn’t been complimented by a man that handsome in at least a year. “Well?”

  He straightened to his full six and a half feet of solid steel, but today she wouldn’t be intimidated. “Is that how it’s going to be?”

  “How what is going to be? I’m still trying to figure out why you’re here.” They both knew it was a lie, mostly. She really didn’t know why he’d shown up, even if Cindy had told him about Glory. He’d known there could have been consequences yet he’d chosen to walkway without looking back.

  “Ma told me.”

  “I figured she would.” She hadn’t expected him to run straight to her house, for who knew what. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

  “You know why I’m here.” He used his stern solider voice that she imagined made everyone jump to do his bidding.

  Well, not me. “No, I don’t. Years ago, I expected you. When Glory turned one, I stopped expecting anything of you at all.” That had hurt more than she would ever admit to another living soul. To know that she’d wasted her heart, her love, her youth on a man who hadn’t been worth it.

  “I would like to meet her.”

  “Once? A few times?” She tried very hard to keep her anger in check but listening to him speak so casually about Glory as if he had the right, it pissed her off.

  “Hell, Ally, I don’t know.”

  “Well when you figure out, maybe we’ll have something to talk about.” She wrapped her hand around the knob, squeezing it until her knuckles turned white. “Until then, stay away.” She slammed the door and leaned against it, grateful when he didn’t pound on the door and insist on coming in. Her heart raced, hands shook at the most unsatisfying reunion in history. Damn you Archer Black.

  “You okay Mama?”

  Ally nodded and used the door to slide to a standing position, fixing a smile on her face. “Yeah, Mama’s just tired honey. I hope someone didn’t eat my fries.”

  She fixed the most innocent look possible on her face and shook her head, inky pigtails flying side to side as she shook her head in denial. “But I’m gonna!”

  “Oh no you’re not!” Ally chased after her giggling daughter, letting the worries on her shoulders sit there for a while. She would deal with them later.

  If she had to.

  Archer walked into the house, shaking off the cold from spending the past couple hours outside, cleaning gutters and covering his mom’s prized flower and vegetable gardens before the chill set in. He shook the dirt from his well-worn boots and hung his jacket on the hooks that had always been there. Now they were bigger, thicker and pinker. “Ma?”

  “In here,” she called over a low hum he instantly recognized as her sewing machine.

  He grabbed a beer and went to the living room where he dropped into his favorite recliner. At least this used to be my favorite recliner. As his ass settled he realized it was newer. Plusher. Softer. “This chair is new,” he grumbled, more pissed off than he had a right to be, but spoiling for a fight anyway.

  “Furniture tends to wear over the years,” she replied back and waited a beat before humming along with the endless stream of Christmas carols playing all around the room.

  Archer stared at her, bent over the sewing machine and humming. Looking content while his whole world shifted on its axis. “You could have said something before now.”

  She kept going for a while, sliding the fabric through the machine as though he wasn’t sitting there, stewing. “I could have,” she conceded easily. Too easily. “Then again you could have come home to visit, or maybe check in on the woman you dated for most of your life. Oh, and presumably had unprotected sex with at least once.”

  “I didn’t know she came back to Blissful. That hadn’t been part of our plan.” They’d planned to spend a few years living in the city and making names for themselves in their respective careers, working hard and playing harder. When it was time to start their family, they’d planned to move back to Blissful or a town just like it.

  “But the military was part of your plan?”

  No. He sighed, uncertain how to answer truthfully. “No that hadn’t been part of our plan. At least until it became part of my plan.” He didn’t know how to explain his need to do something more than living the life of a carefree twenty year old. “I thought I was doing the right thing by not contacting her.” At first because he didn’t want to deal with her anger or her tears. Then because he didn’t know what to say until, eventually, he just stopped making excuses to not make the call, and just had never made it.

  She snorted and held up the fabric, flipping it quickly and sliding it back through the machine. “Convenient, I’d say. How the right thing for her was the easy thing for you.”

  “Ma this isn’t some damn lesson, it’s a child. My child!” Even saying that made his chest swell and ache with a fierceness he’d never felt. How could he not have known he’d created a life? That a child with half his DNA was out in the world? Weren’t fathers supposed to have some awareness of their children? “How do I explain to her why I haven’t been around?”

  Her green eyes softened when she looked up. “You?” She shook her head with a small smile. “You’re a stranger, no offense. If anyone will explain it will be the person who’s been doing all the explaining from the get go.”

  Ally. “I’m sure she has great things to say,” he scoffed, hating the bitter tone of his voice. But he felt bitter. And angry. And sad. Dammit.

  “I really hope you get to find out for yourself, son. I really do,” she sighed and set the fabric in her lap. Archer sighed and settled in for a patented Cindy Black lecture. “You seem to be under the impression that you’re owed something, Archer, when you’re not. If you want in Glory’s life then you have to play nice. You can’t make demands and you have to actually mean it when you say you’re sorry. Prove you plan to be there for that little girl. If you do, that is.”

  “How could I not want that? She’s my kid.”

  “It’s not always the same for men. Your father, he was a changed ma
n after you were born. So in love with you and being a father, it made me tear up just to see it. But some men feel no connection with their children at all and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Just take some time to think about it. Be sure.”

  “No, Ma. Don’t hold back.” Did his own mother think he couldn’t cut it as a father?

  “I’m sorry, Archer. I love you with all my heart but it’s been hard watching Glory long for a daddy and knowing she might never get you. But if you don’t want to do it, or don’t think you can, leave her be.”

  “Ouch.” He rubbed at his chest, feeling a flame flicker to life and burn deep, causing an inexplainable ache down to his bones. “What are you making?”

  She smirked at his clumsy change of subject. “A dress for Glory. We saw the most adorable dress when we were out to lunch and I thought this would be a great present for Christmas Eve.” The red and green fabric looked soft and vibrant but he didn’t see a dress anywhere. “She’s going to look so beautiful.”

  He nodded. The little girl was beautiful without a doubt, but he wanted to know more. Her favorite cartoons and what she ate for breakfast. If she hated peas as much as he did. But he had to get past Ally which meant he needed to play nice. If she let him get that far. “Tori’s dead.”

  Cindy nodded, clutching the fabric to her chest as her eyes misted over. “Damn junkie. She’d already given him the money and I’m sure that made her mad enough. But he was twitchy and the gun went off when he tried to snatch the bag of cash from her. She died before the ambulance made it to the hospital.” She shook her head, several tears streaming down her cheeks. “Poor Ally was devastated. She had to bury her only family with a newborn on her chest. Heartbreaking.” Cindy laid a hand over her heart and bowed her head for the woman who’d been like a sister to her.

  And the hips kept coming. He couldn’t have felt any worse if someone walked up to him and sank a Buck knife into his chest. Archer thought he’d already been through the worst shit of his life. Losing his father. Watching two of his buddies get blown away in the fucking desert, so messed up they couldn’t make the final journey home. But this felt worse. He couldn’t stop seeing it, Ally holding an infant, grieving, and completely on her own. “Shit.”

  “Language,” she said automatically. “She made it through and learned she was a hell of a lot stronger than she realized.”

  “Thanks, Ma. For being here for both of them when I couldn’t.” He owed her more than he could possibly say and he had no idea how to repay such a huge debt.

  “It’s been my pleasure. You know I’ve always loved Ally. I thought she would be my daughter one day.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Does this mean you’re sticking around Blissful?”

  He had no reason to leave and every reason to stay. But he still didn’t know if he could do it. If Ally would let him do it. “What if I can’t do it, Ma?”

  “You can. You have done everything you set out to do. Make a plan and execute it.”

  “Just like that? I don’t know, Ma. Ally is probably going to be a huge obstacle in all this.”

  “Then you should find a way to make that obstacle into an ally.”

  He laughed.

  Easier said than done.

  Chapter 4

  “All I wanna do is have some fun, and I got a feeling…crap.” Ally stood in the middle of her base operation for Sweet Glory, also known as the guest cottage behind her house, staring at the chocolate penis molds as she willed them into submission. So far, she’d gotten about four dozen white and milk chocolate penises finished, one batch dipped in a hard caramel coating, one in sprinkles and two filled with cherry liqueur.

  For a Christmas wedding.

  The bride wanted several different sizes to make sure the night got as raunchy as possible, her words not Ally’s. So she worked late into the evening with nothing but old school Sheryl Crow to keep her company while Cindy and Glory were inside painting nails and having a good time. Not that she would ever begrudge Glory time with her grandmother. With just one grandparent, Ally was grateful Cindy had plenty of love and patience to give. Small favors, she thought as she always did when she needed a reminder to be grateful for what she had.

  And I am truly grateful for Cindy. Even if she wished the woman’s son would go back to wherever he’d been all these years. The track changed and her booty began to shake as the upbeat sound of her Grease soundtrack began. She tempered chocolate and belted out Hopelessly Devoted to You and she poured, set and filled to her favorite songs, Summer Lovin’ and We Go Together. It was more fun than a woman her age should have on her own, but there was something about John Travolta and chocolate dicks covered in yuletide sprinkles that made her feel good. Damn good.

  Last batch, she grinned as she put on the smooth Belgian chocolate and got ready to pour the big molds, all while her booty still shook. I might lose those last few baby pounds after all, she grinned.

  And danced.

  And stirred.

  Her joy was replaced with worry when she spotted a large figure in her peripheral. Without thinking, she flung the spatula across the room, screaming loud enough to wake the entire town. “Archer? What in the hell are you doing skulking around my property?” She stood and stared, feeling absolutely no guilt about the silicon spatula stuck to his chest with Belgian chocolate glue. “Well?”

  “I knew Ma was inside with Glory and I figured this gave us a perfect chance to talk.”

  “Except I’m busy. Working.” And she wanted nothing more than him gone at the moment.

  “You’ll have to talk to me some time, Ally.”

  Seriously? He wanted to go there? “And now that you’re back and ready to rejoin life, the rest of us should make ourselves available to your wants and needs, right? Well tough tits, Archer. When we talk, if we talk, it’ll be when I’m ready to talk.”

  He nodded but she caught the determined set of his shoulders, the fixed line of his jaw. Archer wanted to fight. “You know, Ally, you’re acting like I’m the one who kept a baby from you. Not the other way around.” He slowly removed the spatula from his chest and walked past her to the sink, dropping the offensive utensil and turning back with an expectant glare.

  “If I didn’t already know how full of shit you were, I might actually be offended by that.” She shrugged and turned back to the chocolate, slowly stirring it to make sure she didn’t waste money by burning it.

  “I never lied to you. Not once.”

  “Maybe not outright but what do you call it when you, clearly, were thinking of joining the military for at least a few days but never said a word?” He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off with a gesture. “Save it, I don’t give a damn just don’t tell me you never lied.”

  “I didn’t,” he shot back angrily.

  She grinned but there was little amusement behind it. “Really?” She pitched her voice low, “No matter what Ally, I’ll never leave you alone with my child.” He’d made the promise and then, “Or I’ll check in with you in a few weeks to see if you have any answers,” she repeated his words verbatim because she made herself memorize them. It had taken a year before they stuck and she could recall them easily. Those words were the perfect reminder that he couldn’t be trusted.

  “Shit, how was I supposed to know?”

  “Whatever Archer. Just because we broke up and you got some wild hare up your ass about the military didn’t make that condom not break. We both know that so please save me whatever excuses you came up with to make yourself feel better.” She removed the chocolate from the heat, disengaging the double boiler to let it cool before pouring the molds. Her heart raced from the confrontation she hadn’t expected, but those words needed to be said. He’d walked away without looking back, not her. “If you had called, even once, you would have known about Glory.”

  Silence settled in the room and she couldn’t take it. Even the sound of him breathing made her angry. She didn’t need anger and she didn’t need him. Reaching across the
counter, she turned the volume back up and began to hum along as the Rent soundtrack began. “I’m here, Ally. I’m here now and I’m trying.”

  “Really? Because it seems like you just showed up making demands to me.” She didn’t want to fight. Fighting brought forth anger which only made her remember everything. All of it. All over again. “I’m not fighting with you Archer.”

  “Good.” His voice softened and she refused to look at him, afraid his expression would match his tone. “Because I didn’t come here to fight.” His voice pitched deeper, giving it that come hither quality she used to love.

  Not anymore, she reminded herself when her nipples began to tingle. “Then we are in perfect agreement there.”

  “I want to be in Glory’s life, Ally. I’m not walking away.”

  “Again,” she tossed out because she was feeling petty and fired up.

  “Fine, yes. Again. I want to be a father to her.”

  She tried not to laugh, she really did, but the thought he could just show up and be a father was hilarious. “It’s not quite that simple.”

  “It sure the hell is,” he insisted angrily and finally, Ally turned to face him. If Archer thought he could intimidate or flirt his way out of this situation, he was sorely mistaken.

  “Actually, it isn’t. Glory is a little girl who desperately wants her father, but you are a stranger. I’m not going to rush her because you need to make up for your mistakes so we either do this my way or I’ll see you in court.”

  “I’m trying to be nice, Ally.”

  Shaking her head, she looked him head on, her violet eyes slammed right into his deep blue ones. “And I’m looking out for my kid.” The stare down continued, each set of eyes swirling with so many different emotions—anger, sadness, guilt, regret—though neither of them spoke a word.

  Several long moments later his shoulders deflated. “Fine, Ally, you win. I’ll let you direct this. For now.”

  “I didn’t win anything. If you really want to be in Glory’s life, be there. Show up when you say you will and love her. Do that and you and I will have no problems.” With those words she tested the temperature of the chocolate and began to pour, feeling nothing but relief that her hands didn’t shake as she did it.