I stared at her, utterly dumbfounded. My hand trembled as I rested it against my flat belly. “I’m…” My voice came out as a croak and I had to clear my throat before I could continue. It still barely came out. “I’m what?”
She cocked her head to the side. “You were unaware?”
“Yes.” A strained whisper was all I could manage. My mind reeled.
“How unusual. You must be very different from us indeed. Fairy women always know the moment life quickens within them.”
“But, how?” I stared at her, still unable to fully comprehend the news.
“That, I am assuming, happens in the same way it does for us. Unless there are greater differences between us than I ever considered,” she said, raising one eyebrow.
Given that our anatomy appeared to be basically the same, I was pretty sure our pregnancies happened in the same way, but that wasn’t what I meant. “I mean, I’m supposed to be too young. The earliest it happens to my kind is forty years of age, and even that is rare. I’m only nineteen. How can I be pregnant?”
Dell shrugged. “Technically, you are the only one of your kind. Half angel, almost half Morrigan. And with an awful lot of demon running in your veins. Yes, I can sense that within you as well. It appears you will not follow the patterns of those who are one or the other. You are a combination we have never seen before. I doubt there are any maps out there that can predict how things will go with you.”
Sudden wariness seized me. “You know all of this about me and you’re still helping me?”
“In a sense, we are all Morrigan’s children because she was the original creator of our worlds and the lives within them.” She offered me a gentle smile. “We may not be her direct children as you are, but we still honor her as our mother.”
“Then why would you help me?”
“Are you referring to the prophecy?” I nodded and she continued, “The Morrigan whispered it as she fell asleep. If you are here, then it is by her design and for her reasons. She did not say it as something to be prevented. A warning of some kind perhaps. But of what? It is not clear. We believe if she was truly worried about it coming to pass, then she would have remained awake to ensure it never did.”
Sudden tears pricked my eyes and I struggled to control them. At least these people didn’t see me as the ultimate threat. I used getting to my feet to cover the sudden rush of emotion and get it under control. The nightgown hung to just above my bare feet “Did you mention food?”
“Absolutely.” She spun on her heel and started toward the door. It was then I noticed the translucent wings curled tight against her back. I wondered what they looked like when unrolled. When we stepped through the door onto a wide, winding ramp with other doors spaced along it at wide intervals, my mind tried to readjust the measurements of the tree. In fact, I was pretty much trying to think of anything other than the life growing inside me.
Amisi padded along beside me and I was glad for her familiar company. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I had been out for several hours at the very least. “Um…Dell, have you told anyone else about,” I had to swallow hard before I could say it, “the baby?”
She glanced over her shoulder at me. “No. We assumed you would already know and would have told anyone that needed to know. Did you wish me to inform someone for you?”
“No!” I blurted the word out without thinking. Lowering my voice, I said, “I need to get used to this before I tell anyone.”
“And the sire?” It was easy to see in her open expression she asked only out of genuine curiosity and not just because she wanted to gossip.
I lowered my gaze to stare at my hands as I twisted them together. “I don’t know how he will react. How anyone will react. I need to think about it.”
“Then I will say nothing.” Dell turned and began leading the way down the wide curve of the ramp to another doorway. This one led to a wide platform that looked like it circled the tree. A rope bridge spanned the distance to a similar platform around another tree.
I stopped just short of the walking planks and peered over the thick rope railing. The interlacing branches and leaves of the canopy obscured the forest floor completely. Looking up, I saw more of the same. “How far up are we?”
Dell, who had already started across the bridge paused and looked back, the furrow between her eyes letting me know she was confused by my hesitation. “Only a few hundred paces or so. About halfway up the height of the tree.”
The idea almost made me dizzy. I mean yeah, I could turn into a bird and fly if I wasn’t in the Between, but that was under my own wing power. Walking across a long rope bridge between two giant trees was a totally different thing. Gulping, I stepped onto the planks, letting my hunger drive me forward. Amisi padded ahead of me. I would not be a coward. And my stomach was threatening to eat my spinal cord. I could do this.
***
“I despised the traditions of fairy healing that kept me away from her, but raging against it would only cause them to withdraw the help. Because of the bond, I knew she lived. I had to be content with that.” ~Caius
Chapter 30
The bridge swayed slightly under me as we crossed. Ahead of me, the diminutive Dell pranced along with lithe grace and a careless abandon that I envied. Then again, she had wings, so what did it matter if she fell. I wasn’t supposed to shift here. Could I even shift while pregnant?
Oh gods! My knees wobbled and I grabbed at the rope railings, almost sitting down before I could shore myself up. I was pregnant. My chest constricted with an intense mix of happy wonder and sheer terror. I was hunted, a death sentence hung over my head, and I had nearly died numerous times since all of this began. How in the nine hells was I going to keep a baby safe? How pregnant was I? Bethany had once told me both angels and demons had shorter pregnancies. I needed to know how long I had to keep this hidden.
I dragged in a hitched breath as I sank to my knees and my heart thumped painfully in my chest. Small hands touched my face and I instantly felt soothed. I looked up into her concerned gaze. “All you all right, little Daughter?”
“Jo. My name is Jo,” I gasped out, still finding it hard to breathe even with her touch.
“What is wrong? Should I have someone take you back to your room?” Visibly agitated, she moved as if to stand.
“No, I’m fine. I’m just overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do.” There were many times since I started on this journey I’d wanted my mom, but never more than this moment. More than that, I needed her.
A raven called from somewhere high above. Amisi rubbed against me, her bug-like meow a clear attempt at comfort.
Dell searched my face. “What can I do?”
“I wish I knew. I have so many questions, most of which probably don’t have any answers. I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do.” I gave her a pleading look, hoping she would know.
She glanced around and took my hand. “Come, let us get the rest of the way across this bridge. If you truly wish to keep this a secret, then breaking down out here in the open is not going to help with that.”
Her words sent another jolt of fear through me and I lurched to my feet. No longer afraid of the bridge—I had a lot more to worry about than falling—I had no trouble following her. Once we reached the next tree, which was twice as large as the one we’d left, Dell drew me inside where another ramp greeted us. Below, the ramp descended into a large room full of tables and chairs.
Rather than lead me that way, Dell pulled me up the ramp until we had circled nearly all the way around the inside of the tree before leading the way into another room. This one was larger than the last and though furnished with the same style of bed, chair, and desk, it felt personal. From the flowers growing in pots around the window, to the braided rug on the floor, and the shelves filled with little bowls and corked bottles.
Dell motioned to the bed while she took the chair. “This is my room. You can speak freely in here. It is warded for privacy.”
Amisi jumpe
d up next to me as I sat on the edge of the bed. I didn’t know where to start. The person I might normally lean on, and possibly even cry on about it, was the one person I couldn’t tell right now. I finally looked at her, feeling lost. “What do I do?”
“About what?” Dell looked genuinely confused.
“The baby.” I sighed and dropped my gaze to my hands. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know how to do this.”
“Are you saying you do not want the child?” Her words made me jerk my gaze back to her face as she continued. “You are not required to bring this life into the world if you do not wish.” She frowned. “It cannot be done here. I would not know the proper way to go about it for one such as you.”
“What? No! Dell, I do not want to end this pregnancy.” I took a deep, shuddering breath. “I could never do that. I just…You know of the prophecy. You have to also know how most people feel about me. What happened in the canyon was because of what I am. How do I protect a baby from that?”
Sadness filled her expression. “I do not know.”
“How pregnant am I, Dell?” I could create my clothing looser as needed, and my armor would adjust. It wouldn’t help much when it came to Caius. He would notice eventually and then what would I tell him?
“It is hard to tell. Given your mix, your pregnancy may last as many as seven months or as few as five. I would say you are likely at least a month or so into that, although I have no way to know for sure.” Dell sighed. “If you are thinking of hiding it, you have at best, another month before you start to show.”
A month. At best. Which meant it could be sooner. What excuse could I possibly give Caius when I couldn’t sleep next to him? When it started to show and he would surely feel the roundness of my stomach?
“Would it not be best to tell the sire?” Dell asked gently. “Perhaps he could help.”
I shook my head. Caius and I had talked about a lot of different things since all of this began. Children had never once entered those conversations. And if he’d lived as long as he had without ever siring children, then it was pretty obvious he didn’t want them. Much less one that would cause just as many problems as me. Or more. I would tell him, just not right that moment. I needed time to get used to the idea. Time to prepare myself for what might come.
What if he did want it? The baby would have the best protector in the world. I sighed, unable to let myself take that imagining any further. I had to think realistically. If it turned out he did, then…
I squashed the warm fuzzy feeling that tried to rear its stupid rosy-glasses wearing self and took a fortifying breath. I would deal with that as it came.
“I will bring your food up here.” Dell stood and left quietly.
I wrapped my arms around my middle. It was strange to feel a glimmer of happiness in the midst of terror and sadness. Terror because I didn’t know how to be a mom. I didn’t know if I could keep the baby safe. I seemed to have enough trouble keeping me safe. And sadness because my mother would never get the chance to meet her first grandbaby. Assuming this was the first and Victoria hadn’t gotten knocked up by someone. Victoria! She was going to be an aunt. Would she love the baby because it was part of me or hate it because it was part of Caius?
Too many questions, none of them with answers. Pressing my palms low against my abdomen, I tried to imagine what it would be like to hold the baby in my arms and couldn’t. I didn’t even feel pregnant. Nothing was different. Technically it was, but I didn’t feel it. I wondered if it was this way for all pregnant women in the beginning. I’d never been around any pregnant women to ask. Nor would I have thought to ask in all likelihood even if I had been.
Dell returned a short time later with three wooden trays, piled with food. It took me a moment when she first set them down to realize one was for Amisi and the other two for me. “Aren’t you eating?”
“I will go collect mine now. Go ahead and start. I will return shortly.”
Amisi wasted no time tearing into the pile of raw meat on her plate.
I wanted to be polite, to wait for Dell. My appetite had other ideas. Hunger dominated every other desire and I dug into the food. The large bowl of rich soup beckoned. I took a spoonful and found it filled with mushrooms, onions, and other vegetables I didn’t recognize. I wasn’t sure where the chunks of meat in it came from either. It didn’t stop it from tasting good. Thick slices of brown bread, slathered in honey, a bowl of unfamiliar yet delicious fruit, and a tall glass of cool juice completed the food offered on the first tray.
On the other, thin slices of meat that reminded me of the frell deer were covered in a thin sauce that only enhanced the flavor of the meat. A bowl of roasted tubers covered in honey and coarse salt was the perfect blend of sweet and salty. Another bowl held a variety of greens drizzled with some sort of warm oil.
I didn’t stop eating until all of it was gone. Dell returned at some point during my rather lion-at-a-carcass dining style. When I tried to slow down and take a more lady-like approach, she encouraged me to continue as before. I happily returned to stuffing my face. As I used a slice of bread to wipe up the last of the sauce where the meat had been, I glanced up to find Dell finished with her own, much smaller portion. Before I lifted the sauce-soaked bread to my mouth, I asked, “Will you take me to my friends when I’m done?”
Dell studied me while I chewed and swallowed the bread. “Are you sure that is a good idea? Perhaps a little more rest and more time to get your feelings under control regarding your pregnancy are in order.”
I gulped down the last of the fruit juice in my cup then said, “Actually, I think I will feel a lot better about everything once I can be with them again and see they are all right.”
Finished with my food, I pushed the trays away. I wasn’t sure yet what I would say to Caius, but I needed to see him too.
Dell stood and removed the trays. “Stay here while I return these and I will take you to those who are awake. While I am gone, you may wish to change into clothing more suited to you.”
I glanced down at the loose nightgown completely forgotten in my freakout over the pregnancy and need for food. After the door closed behind Dell, I created new clothes and pulled the gown over my head. The dark lines on both shoulders froze me in the act of reaching for my shirt.
Vines and leaves created elaborate and elegant scrollwork across the top of each shoulder. A small, round mirror hung on one wall of Dell’s room. I moved closer to it and examined the markings. When had they spread so much? Was it because of what I did in the canyon? I had used demon power mixed in with everything. It seemed the more I used it, the more the marks spread. They were the least of my worries. I turned away from the mirror and quickly dressed, impatient to get to my friends.
***
“The longer I was unable to see her, the less reasonable I was becoming.” ~Caius
Chapter 31
Dell led me across two more long rope bridges to another tree. “Three of your friends were awake when we arrived to help. They came here.” She motioned to the massive tree ahead of us. “There was another who was uninjured yet slept like you. Not for as long, but as deeply. Once awakened and offered food and drink, she was brought here to the others. Many are still healing. Those that are able to move about have also been brought to this tree. It is for guests of the forest. Large enough to accommodate many, and more than high enough to be beyond the reach of young smilodons.”
“Smilodons?”
“Large cats with extremely long fangs. They used to range across both the mortal world and the Between until the veils came down around ten thousand years ago. Since then, they have dwelled only in the Between. There are a few different varieties, the one we have in this forest is the largest.” Dell gave me a comforting look. “Don’t worry, the adults can’t climb the trees and the adolescents never hunt this high.”
Lovely, giant fanged cats. As I followed Dell into the massive tree, I wondered if Smilodons were what people called Saber Tooth
Tigers in the mortal world. A huge open space filled the area with a ramp on one side that curved into the upper reaches. Several of my friends relaxed on plush cushions on low, wide platforms. Amisi hissed at the room in general and darted away. I hoped she had the sense to stay in the tops of the trees.
My eyes sought Caius where he stood talking with Zane and Malik. He left them the moment he saw me. I couldn’t help the flutter of nervousness that flitted through me. I carried his child within me and I wasn’t going to say a word about it. How could I keep this from him? I searched his face as he approached and saw only concern.
Without a word, Caius took me in his arms and crushed me against his body. I returned the embrace as he held me so tight it was almost uncomfortable. After a long moment, he released me enough to bring his lips down on mine. He kissed me until my body ached with a slow burn. When he finally pulled back, his hands cupped my face, his eyes searching mine. “You are well?”
I nodded, unable to answer in that moment because if I opened my mouth, the news of the pregnancy would spill out. And even if I was ready to tell him right then—I wasn’t—doing so in a room full of people wouldn’t be a good idea.
Thankfully, a scowl replaced the relief and concern in his expression. “What in nine hells were you thinking? You nearly killed yourself.”
I welcomed his anger; it made it easier to hide my secret from him. “Sometimes thinking is overrated. Sometimes, we just do what we have to. Thinking before I act isn’t one of my traits. Remember?”
Caius let out an angry sigh at my reference to his words on the bridge back at the beginning of all of this. “You are eternally frustrating.”
Betrayed (Raven Daughter Book 2) Page 22