House of Windows

by Alexia Casale

  ‘Ange, please stop using my head for leverage. Why are you climbing on me?’ Tim whined as Ange pressed a knee into his thigh, craning over the back of the booth to peer at the far corner of the pub.

  ‘I’m checking that Nick’s really gone to the loo. Right. Start talking,’ she commanded, curling back into her seat. ‘What is up with him today? What did his horrid father do now? Or was it you, ’cos if it was you—’

  ‘Hey. Hey!’ Tim fended off one finger, then another. ‘What is with the poking? It wasn’t me. Actually, it wasn’t even Mike. It’s … a girl. You know he turned up the other day with that big bunch of flowers?’

  ‘Wasn’t that for visiting Gosswin after work?’ asked Ange, wide-eyed.

  ‘It was for Sarah.’

  ‘Sarah … Oh, the one with the beautiful yellowy-greeny eyes and the cornrows,’ Ange said.

  ‘Didn’t you notice them smiling then looking away from each other all through Induction? Anyway, I persuaded him to offer her and a few friends a tour of the town during lunch hour. You should have seen him when he came home. This great big smile that shouted “I like someone and she likes me back”. He went so red when I asked about it, it’s just as well you weren’t there or we’d still be hearing about how adorable it was next century.’

  ‘Ah bless,’ said Ange, going rather pink.

  ‘Well, Day Two Nick joins them for lunch then suggests a group of them go to one of the “Shakespeare in the Gardens” plays in the Scholars’ Garden at John’s. Hence Day Three, the flowers and a walk by the river at sunset. And, hey presto, Day Four they agree to go out to dinner, only Nick—’

  ‘… goes completely overboard and books somewhere über fancy and does the too-many-compliments-in-a-row, no-holding-back thing and just totally, utterly freaks her out,’ Ange interrupted glumly.

  ‘How do you know that if you didn’t even know they were going out?’

  Ange pulled a face. ‘Duh. What else would Nick do? Don’t you know him at all?’ She poked Tim viciously in the arm. ‘That,’ she said as he opened his mouth to protest, ‘is for not explaining things properly to him.’

  ‘How is this my fault? Look, you try talking to Nick about relationships without humiliating him if you think it’s so easy. At least he got a first kiss … and a four-day girlfriend is better than no girlfriend at all. Though it’d be better if she hadn’t dumped him by text.’

  ‘Oh poor Nickie. Who does that?’

  ‘Well, it’s not like they were engaged.’

  ‘It’s his first time going out with someone. Of course he’s upset. He’s not an unfeeling swine like you are when it comes to girls.’

  ‘Who said I was being vile to anyone, at least lately?’ Tim asked, raising his hands.

  ‘Exactly why were you cosying up to whatshername from Fitz during last week’s pre-Induction meeting?’ Ange demanded. ‘It’s a long time until Christmas.’

  ‘Maybe I was just after sex, not a holiday invitation.’

  Ange gave him a sceptical look. ‘I know what you look like when you’re on the prowl and that wasn’t it. That was your “this may have invitation mileage” look.’

  ‘Why can’t you just take me home with you as your best friend, if you won’t have me any other way? You could see it as protective custody for all the girls of Cambridge.’ He’d meant it to come out joking, but somehow the words turned hard and bitter on his lips.

  Ange blew out a sigh like a raspberry, scrunching up her face. ‘I’m giving you some tough love so that you grow up a bit.’ She curled her arms around Tim’s nearest shoulder and rested her head against his collarbone. ‘You can’t just borrow someone’s family to pretend you’re not lonely then dump them when you don’t feel the need to pretend any more. Love’s a two-way thing, Tim: it’s not just about what you get from people but how you respond.’

  Tim’s mouth flattened to a tight line. He tried to shrug her off, but she just wound her arms even tighter around him.

  ‘Why so glum?’ Nick asked, sliding back into his seat.

  ‘Talking about Christmas,’ Tim said. His voice came out flat and toneless. ‘Enough to depress anyone.’

  ‘I figured you’d be gossiping about me.’

  ‘Busted,’ Tim said, nudging Ange. ‘Her fault not mine.’

  ‘I’m sorry about your girlfriend being so mean, Nickie,’ Ange said, scooting around the table to cuddle up to his side. ‘It happens, you know?’

  Nick blushed, hunching his shoulders. ‘We weren’t even officially going out but …’ He sighed. ‘At least I’ve got crushing Tim at the quiz tomorrow night to look forward to.’

  ‘Who says you’re not going to be on my team? You’re my housemate.’

  ‘Boys, boys,’ Ange said. ‘Nick is on my team and that’s how it’s going to be. And on that note, I’m out of here. Bye, Nick!’ She cupped his face between her hands, planting a kiss on his forehead. ‘Don’t let it get you down.’

  Tim and Nick watched her skip to the door, then followed at a normal pace.

  ‘What the hell?’ Tim snapped suddenly.

  Nick turned to see Ange standing very close to an extremely good-looking man. The man smiled adoringly down at her, raising a hand to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

  ‘Since when does Ange have a boyfriend?’ Nick asked, eyes wide.

  ‘She doesn’t,’ Tim growled. ‘They’ve only had dinner twice.’

  Ange started bouncing on the spot. The man lifted his hands to gently press down on her shoulders, stilling her. Something made him look over her shoulder at them. He frowned and bent to say something to Ange. She looked back and her face was suddenly bleak instead of sunny and open. The wind whipped her hair in front of her face, then away again, seeming to take the sadness with it. She lifted a hand to wave at them, then tucked her arm through her companion’s and led him off down the street. He looked back once, but Ange reached up and tugged on his collar until he was focused on her again.

  ‘So it’s all right for her, is it?’ Tim snapped, turning on his heel and marching away in the opposite direction, ‘but it’s not all right for me, oh no … She can date whoever she wants, whenever she wants—’

  ‘When’s the last time Ange had any boyfriend? She hasn’t since I’ve known her.’ Nick grabbed hold of the back of Tim’s coat, dragging him to a stop. ‘Wow,’ he said, when Tim practically snarled at him. ‘Who knew you did such a star turn in jealous tantrums?’

  Tim raised a finger to object and then sighed, deflating on to a low wall. ‘I bet that girl from Selwyn would go out with me. I bet I could arrange for Ange to see us snogging each other’s brains out.’

  ‘And I bet Ange would just think you were getting even more immature,’ Nick said, rolling his eyes. ‘You really think that’s the way to change Ange’s mind about your prospects as a boyfriend?’

  Tim groaned, dropping his head into his hands. ‘I am taking romantic advice from a fifteen-year-old.’

  ‘The fact you need advice from a fifteen-year-old is what you should be worried about. Look, instead of showing off to Ange about how many pretty girls you can date and dump, maybe you could think about just not dating anyone for a while. Maybe you could even go out for a coffee with her and her … date,’ he said, ‘without bringing a girl to show off the fact that you don’t have to be single if you don’t want to.’

  Tim sighed, playing with the sparkly tassels on his violently pink scarf: a Christmas present from Ange. ‘But what if I do all that and she still … I don’t want her to say no and mean it. Do you think …’ He trailed off. ‘Never mind.’

  ‘Do I think you’ve got a chance? Yeah,’ Nick said softly. ‘If you stop screwing around with ten different girls a month and concentrate on showing Ange you’d actually like a relationship with her, I think you’ve got a pretty good chance.’ He grinned at the expression on Tim’s face, caught somewhere between hopeful and shy and uncertain.

  ‘It’s usually only six girls a month,’ Tim said, but hal
f-heartedly.

  Nick rolled his eyes. ‘Come on,’ he said, blowing on his hands. ‘I can’t believe it’s this cold here in July.’

  ‘What can I tell you? Welcome to summer in Arctic Cambridge. Smell that bracing wind direct from the Urals of Siberia.’

  ‘My breath’s misting.’

  ‘Tomorrow we’re going to go out and buy you a better coat.’

  ‘Hold up a sec,’ Nick panted, stopping to cough, rubbing at his chest.

  ‘You are not to catch pneumonia again,’ Tim ordered. ‘Come on. Let’s get you home.’ He wrapped an arm about Nick’s shoulders and turned them towards the station. ‘I swear, if you get so much as a sniffle, I am going to chain your ankle to the radiator until it goes. God, I can hear your teeth chattering. Here.’ He pulled his own hat from his pocket and tugged it on to Nick’s head.

  ‘Aren’t you cold?’

  ‘I will be fine as long as I don’t need to do a reprise of the whole catching-you-while-you-swoon act.’

  ‘I did not swoon,’ mumbled Nick, as Tim tugged the hat lower down his forehead.

  ‘Were you conscious to know one way or the other? No.’

  ‘I still didn’t swoon.’

  ‘Why, ’cos you’re not a girl?’

  ‘’Cos I’m not in a Regency romance. I’m not in any sort of romance.’

  ‘Oh woe! Woe is young Nick, bereft and heartbroken, and not in the least little bit sorry for himself—’

  ‘Your sympathy overwhelms me. Don’t think I’m above dishing it out about Ange if you push me.’

  ‘More walking, less wheezing.’

  Nick’s retort was lost in the roar of a passing motorbike as they rounded the corner into their road.

  ‘Did you leave the lights on, Nick? Hello?’ Tim called as he unlocked the door. ‘Bill?’

  ‘Nick?’ came Michael’s voice.

  Kicking off his boots, Nick exchanged a surprised shrug with Tim and hurried into the kitchen. ‘I didn’t know you were coming home tonight.’

  ‘I left a message on your voicemail but I guess you didn’t hear it,’ Michael said.

  ‘We were in the pub—’

  ‘I thought we agreed you weren’t going to drink!’

  ‘He wasn’t,’ Tim cut in. ‘He was just with me and Ange. We had a beer each. He had a lemonade.’

  ‘I’m not sure I’m happy about you taking my son to pubs—’

  ‘It’s one pub, Dad: one local pub where everyone knows me. There is absolutely zero chance of me getting in trouble there. The only danger is that I might actually have a bit of fun!’

  Michael rubbed wearily at his forehead. ‘Please don’t shout, Nick. I’ve had a headache since three o’clock. It’s perfectly reasonable for me to be concerned—’

  ‘I guess there’s a first time for everything,’ Nick snapped.

  ‘The last thing I need tonight is that sort of attitude. I thought it would be a nice idea to come home early, have dinner together and—’

  ‘When exactly did you tell me this? I don’t know why you’re cross with me for not being here when I didn’t know you wanted me. You’re the one who keeps telling me to get a social life.’

  ‘But why does it have to be in a pub?’

  ‘Do you know how good I am at pub quizzes?’

  ‘What on earth does that have to do with the price of beans?’

  ‘It means I’m good at something that involves a team and people having fun together and me being an equal!’ Nick closed his eyes, took a step back. ‘I’m going to bed.’

  ‘Nick …’ Michael sighed as Nick stalked off, then jumped as if he’d forgotten that Tim was there too, silently making tea.

  ‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to be underfoot,’ Tim mumbled, keeping his eyes averted.

  Michael shook his head, slumping back against the counter. ‘Talk about the day from hell.’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ Tim said coolly, gathering up the mugs. ‘I’m going up now. Night.’

  Ignoring the fact that the stairs to the attic were dark, Tim padded up, pausing at the top to let his eyes adjust. Nick was sitting on his bed, leaning against the window-frame and looking out into the night.

  ‘Hey,’ Tim said, sitting down at the foot of the bed and holding out a mug. ‘Sorry the day went from bad to worse. Look, your dad just had a rotten afternoon and then he was disappointed not to find you home—’

  ‘Home and waiting just in case he had time for me.’

  Tim wriggled on to the bed so that his back was to the wall and he could draw his knees up to mimic Nick’s pose.

  ‘I really liked Sarah,’ Nick whispered.

  Reaching out, Tim patted his foot. ‘I know.’ In the dim light, he could just make out the vague lines of Nick’s face, the unhappy set of his mouth, the brightness of his eyes in the dark.

  ‘It was nice to have someone to be close to. Not sex, I mean.’

  Tim could hear the blush in his voice.

  ‘We weren’t … We didn’t … Just … Not even the kissing. Just being close.’

  Sighing, Tim set his mug aside on the bookcase and shifted over, putting his arm around Nick’s shoulders. ‘Hey, I know we’re manly macho guys and everything,’ Nick gave a hiccup of laughter, ‘but I don’t mind if you need a hug once in a while. I kind of need hugs as well sometimes. We could have a rota or something.’

  Nick gave a soft laugh. After a moment, he relaxed sideways against Tim’s body. ‘Thanks,’ he whispered.

  Tim squeezed his shoulder, grateful for the darkness. Somehow it seemed to make it easier to offer comfort. For Nick to accept it. He’d have to remember that.

  He rested his head back against the wall with a sigh, thinking that Ange would approve, and suddenly he was smiling into the dark. It’s not just what you get from people but how you respond.

  Chapter 30

  (Long Vacation [≈ last week of July])

  The day had gone as well as could be expected. Bill had turned up the previous evening, announcing just a shade too nonchalantly that he was staying over. He’d taken Nick to visit Professor Gosswin in the morning, then out to Audley End House for lunch. Tim and Ange were waiting for them with a feast of cookies and cake when they arrived back.

  Before Ange left, she fetched a brightly wrapped package from her coat. ‘It’s a bobble hat ’cos Tim said you needed one and it’s got a happy face on it because today is sucky but other days won’t be.’

  Nick was smiling when he came back from letting her out, and then the phone rang. Tim reached to pick it up but Nick shook his head. ‘It’ll be Dad. Let it go on the machine.’

  Bill turned away as the speakerphone clicked on.

  ‘Hi, Nick. Just Dad. I’m sorry I’m not there for your mum’s … anniversary, but I’m thinking of you. Bill said he might pop down, so hope you’re having a nice time together. Guess I’ll try you later if I can get away. Bye.’

  ‘Well, that was awkward,’ Tim said into the stinging silence.

  Nick made an attempt to laugh. ‘Shall we order a curry? Figure it’s the least Dad owes me for bunking off out of the country just so he wouldn’t have to be here today.’

  ‘Hey, the man gets points for the quality of the bunk. Australia. Literally the other side of the world.’

  ‘Oh, and the world’s most pathetic explanation. “You don’t really mind about the day itself, do you, since it’s not like it’s something to celebrate?”’ Nick said.

  ‘Well at least you’re looking on the funny side,’ Bill said, regretting the words the moment they were out of his mouth.

  Behind Nick’s back, Tim made a gesture like putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger.

  The rest of the afternoon passed in near silence. A heated debate about what to order for dinner was a welcome interlude, but when the food came Nick fixed his eyes on his plate, stirring patterns in the rice rather than eating it. When Bill sighed for what had to be the tenth time in as many minutes, Tim had to consciously resist the
urge to echo him.

  ‘How about some dessert?’ asked Bill with so much false cheer Tim felt embarrassed for him. ‘I bought chocolate cheesecake.’

  Nick set his cutlery neatly down on his plate. ‘Thanks, Bill, but I don’t think I’m up for it right now. Maybe later?’

  Tim collected up the dirty plates, poking Nick in the stomach as he passed, receiving an indignant ‘Hey! What was that for?’

  ‘Because I can,’ Tim replied, grinning, though the honest answer would have been ‘Because that’s the first time you’ve shown any life all day.’

  ‘Going to put salt in your coffee,’ Nick muttered darkly.

  ‘Heard that. You try it, I’ll put vinegar in yours.’

  ‘Bully,’ Nick muttered sulkily, though the expression on his face said otherwise. ‘Bill?’ He shot his godfather a significant look, then flicked his eyes in Tim’s direction before disappearing into the next room.

  Tim raised his eyes to the ceiling. ‘Nick’s subtlety overwhelms me. What do we need to discuss?’

  ‘Just plans for Christmas,’ said Bill as he set to with the washing up. ‘Nick’s got a bee in his bonnet about it this year. Said he wanted me to ask you nice and early.’

  Tim groaned. ‘It’s not Nick. It’s Ange. She’s put some stupid idea in Nick’s head—’

  ‘Actually, I think he’s got his own ideas. Something about “taking Professor Gosswin’s advice”, though he wasn’t very specific on what that advice involved. Anyway, it’s my year to host so—’

  ‘No worries. I’ll watch the house,’ Tim said, grateful that the fridge door hid the expression on his face as he pushed the leftovers on to an empty shelf.

  ‘Actually, I was hoping you’d come with us. Nick has this whole series of plans worked out: walks in the woods, films to watch, things to attempt to cook.’

  ‘That’s really kind of you, Bill—’

  ‘Lord, Tim. Please don’t make this one of those conversations. I have enough of them with Nick. Could we just bypass “you don’t have to” and “it’s really not necessary” and skip to the part where you accept gracefully?’