Living To Love You (Santos Family Series Book 4)

by KD Bryan

  Sylvia shook her head and grimaced slightly saying, “Oh, you’re right of course. I’ve managed to raise three heathen children I suppose. Heaven knows I can’t discount Isabella from that group. One never knows what she’ll come up with next.”

  Gathering her things, Sylvia turned to look at Jillian. “I’m going to go, but I’ve certainly enjoyed spending the day with you, darling, and I want you to know that.”

  On impulse, Jillian reached out a hand and placed it on Sylvia’s arm to stop her. Clearing her throat, Jillian said, “Syl, thank you for everything, and I don’t mean just today. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, well…basically my entire life really.”

  Jillian knew she was close to tears and lowered her gaze from Sylvia’s. In the next instant she was being enveloped in another gentle hug and felt Sylvia’s hand rubbing circles on her back through the material of her shirt. Closing her eyes against the emotion, Jillian realized it was one of the little things that had meant so much through the years.

  “Jillian, we love you, darling. You’re a part of us regardless of any of the other circumstances. You also must know by now that Ric and I would do anything for you,” said Sylvia, as she released Jillian again and stepped back.

  “I know you would, Syl. And I’ve always counted on that through the years. Now, go home to Ric and tell him hello from me with a hug and a kiss,” instructed Jillian with a half-smile.

  After Sylvia was out the door, Jillian made her way into the kitchen to look for Sylvia’s heathen child and found him inhaling what looked to be his second piece of cake. A large glass of milk sat on the counter beside his plate, and it was half empty as well.

  “So, Roberto, do you feel better now after cake and milk?” asked Jillian, her voice revealing that she doubted that was the case. She knew Rob, and the only thing he liked better than food was getting naked with her. Not that getting naked was an option, but she was sure the visual was still vivid in his head.

  Licking his fork free of icing, Rob grinned and then placed it on his now empty plate. “What do you think, babe?”

  “I doubt it, but I’m sure the cake helped to sooth what’s ailing you right now.”

  Rob laughed as he pulled Jillian in by the waist to stand between his legs. Nuzzling her neck with his lips, Rob breathed her in and sighed against her skin. “The cake did help, I’ll admit. But nothing takes the place of having you instead, you know that.”

  Jillian ran the fingers of her right hand through his hair and leaned down for a kiss. “Ah, I do know that, and I feel the same way.” Turning serious, Jillian looked into his eyes and asked, “Rob, are you sure you’re okay with this? We have no idea what’s going to happen…my life may take a drastic turn soon…we just don’t know.”

  Before she could continue, Rob ran his hand from behind her knee up the back of her thigh where he held on. “Jillian, I know, okay? And yes, I’m okay. My needs and wants are not what’s important right now…not even close. Your health is the important thing, and we’re going to concentrate on that.”

  With a devilish grin, his hand continued up Jillian’s leg until he’d worked his fingers under the hem of her shorts. Caressing her backside, Rob saw the beginning of a smile on Jillian’s lips.

  “In the meantime, babe, we’ve got chocolate cake to eat and Carli’s cooking dinner tonight. I’d say we’ve got everything covered, wouldn’t you?” asked Rob returning her smile.

  “Yeah, I guess we do at that, Roberto,” Jillian agreed softly.

  Several hours later, the two of them returned to Rob’s townhouse after spending the evening playing with babies and eating a delicious meal. The twins had bounced on chubby legs when Rob came through the door and had immediately dropped to all fours making growling noises. Within minutes he had both girls in a tangled heap with him as they played in the floor.

  When the others arrived, Rob took his youngest niece from Rico’s arms and carried her to the island so Jillian could see her, too. Gabriela was all toothy smiles and running drool as Rob sat her on the counter where she immediately tried to grab everything her Tia Carli was using to make a salad. Swinging Gabriela into his arms again, Rob was able to distract her with a plastic spoon that she began chewing on happily.

  From her perch at the island, Jillian looked around the room taking in everyone and everything. Reid was holding Malaya while Rico held Pilar, and both men were doing their best to entertain the twins who were obviously ready to eat. Melanie was waddling around the kitchen talking non-stop as she helped Carli put the finishing touches on dinner.

  Mel had hit the door earlier and immediately made her way to Jillian hugging her saying, “Hey, sugar, how you feeling today? You look great, and I love that color of blue on you.”

  Leave it to Mel to always bring out the positive, and Jillian loved that about her friend. She and Melanie had become close through a shared friendship with Carli, and Jillian knew she was fortunate to have someone like Melanie in her life.

  Attempting a smile for Melanie’s sake, Jillian shrugged one shoulder and said, “I’m doing okay, Mel. You know…just waiting.”

  Melanie heard the quiet dread in Jillian’s voice, and her heart went out to the beautiful woman sitting there looking so forlorn. Jillian was so strong…she was one of the strongest people Melanie knew, and in turn she knew how incredibly hard this must be for her. For someone who was always in control, Melanie could only imagine how desperately uncomfortable this waiting was for Jillian.

  Rounding the island again, Melanie slipped an arm around Jillian’s shoulders before planting a kiss on her cheek. “Well, sugar, we just have to keep the faith that everything is going to be fine. And we’ll all be here for you no matter what, you know that right?”

  With a slight nod, Jillian swallowed past the emotion and said, “Yes, I know that, Mel. I’m counting on it actually.”

  Plastering a bright smile on her face, Melanie glanced at Carli before saying, “Well, now that we’ve got that settled I think we should all enjoy this delicious meal and get these kids fed.”

  Jillian was now lying in bed waiting on Rob to come out the bathroom, and thinking over what Melanie had said. Yes, she knew they’d all be there for her no matter, but in the worst case scenario did she really want to do that to her friends? Ask them to watch her go through something so horrific…to stand by while she became sicker and sicker…

  A tear rolled down Jillian’s cheek before she could stop it, and then another. Rob chose that moment to step out of the bathroom only to find Jillian wiping her face before turning away from his questioning look. He covered the short distance to the bed and slid in behind Jillian only to pull her into his arms. With his lips against her hair, he whispered, “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. We’re going to get through this.”

  Something inside of Jillian broke at his words, and she gulped in air before a wrenching sob worked its way out. Breathless and crying, she choked out, “You don’t know that, Rob. You don’t know that…no one does.”

  A small voice inside Rob’s head was saying that yes, she was right…no one knew what the outcome was going to be, but he was willing to help Jillian face whatever it was. Rob gently turned Jillian over onto her back as he loomed a few inches above her. Looking into her green eyes wet with tears, he dipped his head to place a soft kiss on her lips.

  “You’re right, Jilli, no one knows for sure,” he said truthfully, the ache in his chest making it hard to speak. “But the one thing I do know is this…regardless of what happens, I’ll be there with you every step of the way. And so will our friends and family, honey.”

  Jillian sniffed back another tear and ran her hand over Rob’s shoulder just needing to feel his skin against hers. She loved his body…every detailed muscle and sexy inch of it. He’d always been built even as teenager, and she’d fantasized many times about her best friend’s younger brother while trying to hide her infatuation from Carli. When the two of them had finally given in to their attraction for on
e another, their biggest obstacle had been telling Jillian’s best friend and Rob’s sister. Carli hadn’t approved at first of course, but they’d finally won her over with time. In the ensuing years she’d always been there for them…through thick and thin, and everything in between.

  “Rob, I know that…I really do. But how fair is it going to be to ask my friends…and you…to commit to something like that? Watching me getting sicker and sicker…not knowing if…if”

  Rob stopped her with another kiss before she could finish her thought. Negativity had no place in this scenario, and Rob was determined to keep things on a positive note for as long as he possibly could.

  “Shh…shh…none of that, baby. You hear me? We’re not going to think about that right now. One day at a time…okay?” insisted Rob, injecting a touch of authority into his voice. He had to stay strong for the both of them because he had no other choice.

  The next morning Jillian was carefully pulling wet laundry from the washing machine to throw into the dryer when the sound of her cell ringing made her pause. She quickly started the dryer before reaching behind her to grab her phone, and her stomach did a dive when she saw her doctor’s name flash across the screen. The faintest wave of nausea followed, and Jillian swallowed hard before activating the call.

  “Hello, this is Jillian.”

  “Jillian…hello. This is Dr. Alston, and I wanted to let you know that your biopsy results are in. Jillian…I’d like for you to come to my office this afternoon to discuss some things with you. Is that possible?” asked the doctor.

  Struggling to breathe, Jillian swallowed again and whispered, “Yes…yes…what time?”

  “How about right after lunch? Say one o’clock?”

  “Okay, I’ll be there.”

  “Good…and Jillian, please feel free to bring someone with you if you’d like. I’ll see you at one. Good-bye until then,” said Dr. Alston, and Jillian heard the call end before she could say anything more.

  One o’clock. Glancing at her phone, Jillian realized it was only eleven now so she had time to call Rob at the office. Dialing his number, she waited anxiously for him to pick up the call. The sound of his voice across the connection had Jillian covering her mouth with one hand to stifle the sob that was trying to escape.

  “Hey, baby. How are you feeling this morning?” asked Rob cheerfully. He knew Jillian hadn’t slept well last night so he’d left her in bed this morning after a kiss good-bye before he left for work.

  Silence…nothing but silence greeted him from the other end, and Rob felt his pulse kick into overdrive. “Jilli? Baby, what’s wrong? Talk to me…”

  Clutching the phone in her hand, Jillian closed her eyes and concentrating on breathing. “Rob, the results…they’re back…Dr. Alston just called…”

  Rob closed his own eyes and rubbed one hand across his forehead trying to collect his scattered thoughts. They’d known this was coming…any day actually…but the reality was so much harder now that it was upon them.

  “Okay, sweetheart. What did Dr. Alston say exactly? Stay with me, Jillian,” encouraged Rob.

  Taking a deep breath, Jillian whispered, “I have to be there at one o’clock.”

  “Is that it? She didn’t say anything else, honey?”

  “No,” answered Jillian in a small voice. It felt like her whole body was paralyzed…or that if she did move then she’d simply shatter into a thousand terrified pieces onto the laundry room floor.

  Rising from his desk chair, Rob began gathering files while saying, “Okay, one o’clock. I’m leaving the office now, honey, and I’ll be home just as soon as possible to pick you up.”

  There was silence again on the other end, and Rob stopped what he was doing for a moment to say, “Jillian? Honey, did you hear me? I’m coming home…”

  “Yes…I heard you, Rob. Please hurry, okay?”

  Rob heard the line go dead, and he cursed as he looked at his phone. He had no idea what state he was going to find Jillian in when he arrived at home, but he knew it wasn’t going to be good. Rushing toward the door, Rob took a moment to tell his assistant that he was leaving for the day before hurrying toward the elevator. Minutes later he was stepping into the parking garage and sliding behind the wheel of his car. The powerful engine roared to life, but for the first time the familiar feeling of satisfaction at hearing it wasn’t there as Rob exited onto the street to head home.

  Home…where the only woman he’d ever loved waited…and he was taking her to an appointment to find out news that could possibly change their lives forever. Running his hand across his mouth, Rob fought the urge to slam his hand against the steering wheel. Feeling helpless wasn’t something he wore well…but he’d never felt as helpless as he did right now.

  I will walk with you every step of the way…

  and each step will make us stronger

  than yesterday

  -Unknown

  Chapter Ten

  Hours later Rob dropped wearily into a chair, a glass of bourbon in hand…something that he rarely drank, but tonight was the exception to all the rules. Jillian had finally fallen into an exhausted but restless sleep, so Rob knew he only had a short window of time to finish his drink. He needed to be in bed beside her when she woke and reached for him, and Rob had no doubt that she’d be waking again…waking so the tears, as well as the shaking, could start all over again.

  Exhausted, Rob leaned his head back for a moment, but every time he closed his eyes the horrors of the day crowded his thoughts. His brain seemed to be running on a continuous loop of fragmented bits of conversation and scenes he wanted to forget. The look of total devastation on Jillian’s face when Dr. Alston had finally faced them across her desk and delivered the blow….

  “Jillian, Rob…as I told you earlier, the biopsy report is back. Jillian, unfortunately, the news isn’t what we were hoping for. The results show that you have a form of cancer called Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, or NHL,” said Dr. Alston quietly.

  Rob clutched Jillian’s hand tightly in his as everything around him seemed to close in. No, this couldn’t be happening…not to Jillian. She was only thirty-two years old…she was healthy…she was so strong…

  Rob was pulled from his own spinning thoughts when he heard the first sob break loose and Jillian began to cry beside him. He quickly reached out to pull her against his shoulder, but his own breath was coming in short gasps as he held her close. Rob glanced up to see the look of regret on the doctor’s face, and for a brief moment he wanted to rage at the woman sitting behind the desk. Sanity returned, however, and Rob knew she didn’t deserve his anger or his wrath. She was simply the bearer of bad news…devastating news in this case.

  Trying to console the crying woman in his arms, Rob ran a hand up and down Jillian’s back and felt her body shaking against his. He lowered his head and said quietly in her ear, “Jillian, sweetheart, I’m here…I’m here, baby.”

  It wasn’t enough, though, and Rob felt anger course through him so hot that he had to steel himself against it. It wasn’t fair…nothing about this was fair. I can’t lose her… his thought was interrupted when he heard Dr. Alston say, “Rob, Jillian…I know how upsetting this is…but we need to talk.”

  The sound of the other woman’s voice must have reached Jillian, and Rob started when she lifted her head and then wiped at the tears running down her cheeks. Still holding her close to his side, Rob took a breath and squeezed Jillian’s shoulder with his hand.

  Rob cleared his throat around the clog of emotion lodged there and looked at the doctor. “Uh…what exactly does that mean, doctor? I think we need information…” Rob heard his voice falter then and took a moment blinking against the sting of tears behind his eyelids. He didn’t have the luxury of falling apart at the moment…it simply wasn’t an option. He knew he had to be the strong one now, and common sense dictated that they find out as much information as possible. Rob knew Jillian probably wouldn’t hear a fraction of what Dr. Alston told them, but he had to keep
it together enough for the both of them.

  “Dr. Alston, how did this happen? Exactly what type of cancer are we dealing with here?”

  The doctor folded her hands together on top of her desk and looked at Rob and Jillian with a serious expression.

  “Rob…Jillian…NHL originates in the lymphatic system of your body…the disease fighting network in our make-up. Generally our bodies produce too many lymphocytes, however, they go through a life cycle and old cells die and new ones are created. With NHL the extra lymphocytes don’t die…they continue to grow and divide.”

  “I know this is a lot of information to digest…and I realize you’ll retain very little of it today. I’m choosing to stop at this point rather than overload the two of you with more information. The other important thing we need to discuss, Jillian, is your referral to an oncologist for treatment. I’m sending you to one of the best here in the city…even in the Midwest…to discuss your treatment options,” explained Dr. Alston.

  Rob could hear Jillian still crying beside him, and he dropped a reassuring kiss onto her head as he still held her against him. This was a nightmare…one that he wanted to wake up from, but obviously that wasn’t their reality today…here in this moment when they’d been given news that no one ever wants to receive.

  “Dr. Alston, how soon will the oncologist see Jillian?” asked Rob.

  “I’ve taken the liberty of contacting Dr. Nixon’s office and they’ll see her next Wednesday. In the meantime, he’s requested that I go ahead and order a few additional tests so he’ll have the results for the visit,” said Dr. Alston.

  Struggling to process everything, Jillian finally roused enough to ask a question. “What tests?”

  “You’ll need to undergo an MRI, as well as another scan called a PET scan. These scans will be used primarily to look for any additional tumors in your body. At a later time, Dr. Nixon will most likely order a bone marrow biopsy as well,” explained the doctor.