The Awakened Heart

by Betty Neels

  She met his intent look honestly, although her cheeks were pink. `But we don't that is, shouldn't there be love as well?ff

  'Have you ever been in love, Sophie?' He wasn't looking at her now, but at the view before them.

  She took a long time to answer, but he showed no impatience. Presently she said, `Yes, I have. Oh, it was years ago; I was nineteen and I loved him so much. He threw me over for an older woman, a young widow. She was small and pretty and beautifully dressed and had money; I felt like a clumsy beanpole beside her. I would have given anything to have been five feet tall and slim... It's funny, but I can't remember what he looked like any more, but I'll never forget how I felt. I never want to feel like that again-it was like the end of the world.'

  He still didn't look at her, but he flung a great arm across her shoulders and she felt comforted by it.

  `You never think of him?'

  `No. No, not for a long time now. It wasn't love-the kind of love that swallows up everything else-was it?"

  'One is very vulnerable at nineteen, and had you thought that, if you had married this man on a flood of infatuation, by now, eight years later, you would be bitterly regretting it? One changes, you know.'

  She turned to look at him. It wasn't just his good looks; he was so sure about things, so dependable and, underneath his rather austere manner, very kind.

  `You haven't answered my question.'

  `You answered it yourself, didn't you? You were hurt badly once; for that to happen a second time is something you will never allow. My dear, marriage isn't all a matter of falling in love and living happily ever after. Liking is as important as loving in its way; feeling comfortable with each other is important too-and friendship. Add these things up and you have the kind of love which makes a happy marriage.'

  `What about Romeo and Juliet, or Abelard and Heloise? They loved '

  'Ah-that is something which only a few people are fortunate enough to share.'

  His arm was still around her, but he made no attempt to draw her closer. `I think that we may be happy together, Sophie. We do not know each other very well yet, but we have so little opportunity to meet. Would you consider marrying me and getting to know me after? I am quite sure that we can be happy; but let us take our time learning about each other, gaining each other's affection. We will live as friends if you like until we are used to the idea of being man and wife; I'll not hurry you...'

  `I don't know where you live-do you have parents?"

  'Oh, yes. My father's a retired surgeon; he and my mother live in Friesland. I live there too; so do two of my sisters. The other three live in den Haag.'

  `All in one house?' The idea appalled her.

  He laughed. `No, no. We all have homes of our own. Have you any leave due, Sophie?'

  `A week, that's all.'

  `Long enough. Can you manage to get free by the end of next week? I've nothing over here after that; I'll take you to Holland and you can make up your mind then.'

  'I'm not sure, but I think this is a very funny kind of proposal,' said Sophie.

  `Is it? I've not proposed marriage before, so I'm not qualified to give an opinion. Shall I start again and you tell me what to say?'

  She laughed then and said, `Don't be ridiculous,' and saw that he was smiling too, but she didn't see the gleam in his eye.

  `I don't think that I can get a week off at such short notice,' Sophie said regretfully.

  `Perhaps if I had a word... Apply to whoever it is who deals with such things when you get back on duty and see what happens."

  'All right, but I'm not certain...'

  He said in a soothing voice, `No, no, of course you're not. You would prefer to say nothing, I expect, for the time being.'

  `Perhaps not at all,' said Sophie soberly.

  `That seems to be a splendid idea.' He was all of a sudden brisk. `Shall we go back to the car? Your mother doesn't expect us before the early evening, does she? Then let us find somewhere where we can have tea.'

  It was obvious after a while that he wasn't going to refer to the matter again; she would dearly have liked to question him about his home in Holland, but she wasn't sure how to set about it. She liked him-there was no question about that-but she sensed that penetrating his reserve was something best left until she knew more about him. Sitting beside him as he drove away from the woods, she reflected that the idea of marrying him was beginning to take firm root in her head, which, considering she had never addressed him as other than professor or sir, seemed absurd.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  SOPHIE and the professor stopped at the Post House in Epping for their tea and, over buttered muffins and several cups of that reviving beverage, discussed everything under the sun but themselves. Sophie, ever hopeful, made several efforts to talk about her companion's life, but it was of no use; he gave her no encouragement at all. She gave up presently, feeling annoyed and trying not to show it, suspecting that he knew that and was secretly amused.

  Her mother and father welcomed them with carefully restrained curiosity; the professor was becoming a fairly frequent visitor and, naturally enough, they were beginning to wonder why. It was after a leisurely supper, sitting in the comfortable drawing-room round the log fire, that he enlightened them.

  `I am going back to Holland tomorrow for two days,' he told them in his calm, unhurried way, `but I hope that I will see you again shortly.' He looked at Sophie. `You won't mind, my dear, if I tell your parents that I have asked you to marry me?'

  It was too late to say that yes, she did mind, anyway. Not that she did; she had been wondering all the evening what exactly she should say to her mother and father. Before they could say anything he went on, `I shall be here for a week or so, which will give her time to decide if she will marry me or not. If she agrees, then I hope to take her to Holland with me so that she may meet my family and see my home. If she should refuse me I hope that she and I will remain friends and that I shall see you from time to time.'

  Sophie found three pairs of eyes looking at her. `I thought I'd like to think about it,' she said a little breathlessly. `Just to be sure, you know.'

  Her father said, `Sensible girl,' and her mother observed,

  `I would be delighted to see the pair of you married, but Sophie's quite right to think it over; love is for a lifetime.' She nodded her head in satisfaction. `You're well suited,' she added.

  They were content to leave it at that; the talk was of his journey the next day, Sophie's busy week and the various countries he visited from time to time, and presently he took his leave, and Sophie, feeling that it was expected of her, went with him to the door.

  `When will you be back in England?' asked Sophie, once they were in the hall.

  `In three days' time. I have to give a series of lectures.' He was standing close to her, but not touching her. `Will you give me your answer then?'

  She looked up into his face. He was smiling a little, friendly and relaxed and most reassuringly calm. `I shall miss you.'

  `And I you-that augurs well for our future, does it not?'

  She said hesitantly, `Well, yes, I suppose it does. I'll-I'll tell you when I see you.'

  He bent his head and kissed her, a brief, comforting kiss, before he opened the door and got into his car, and drove away without looking back.

  Tom, home from school while Sophie had nights off, declared himself delighted with the idea of her getting married. `Splendid,' he crowed. `Now I'll have somewhere to go for my holidays '

  `Don't count your chickens,' said Sophie severely. `I haven't said I want to marry yet; we're not even engaged.'

  `He's a prime fellow, Sophie, and he's got a Bentley.'

  `Which is no reason for marrying anyone,' said Sophie firmly.

  What would the reasons be if she did marry him? she wondered. He had been quite right; they got on well together and they liked each other. Liking someone that you were going to live with for the rest of your life was important. She would be a suitable wife to him too, si
nce, being a nurse, she understood the kind of life he led and would make allowances for it. She wasn't a young girl either; she would be prepared to take over the duties of his household and cope with any special social life that he might have. She could see that from his point of view she was eminently suitable.

  The thought depressed her, while at the same time she acknowledged his good sense in seeking a wife to suit his lifestyle. As for herself, she had no wish to fall in love again, with the chance of breaking her heart for the second time. On second thoughts, she acknowledged to herself that her heart couldn't have been broken, otherwise she wouldn't be considering the idea of marrying the professor. Rijk-she must remember to call him that.

  Her parents had made no attempt to advise her, although they made it plain that they liked the professor; they also made it plain that she was old enough to make up her own mind, and George and Paul, when appraised of the situation, had given their opinions over the phone that he sounded a decent chap, and wasn't it about time she married anyway?

  Sophie went back to St Agnes's with her mind very nearly, but not quite, made up, which was a good thing, because several busy nights in a row made it difficult for her to think of anything but her work and her bed.

  Three days went by and there was no sign of the professor. There was no reason, she thought peevishly, why he couldn't have sent her a note at least, and surely he could have phoned her? She flounced out of the hospital with a cross, tired face, although she still managed to look beautiful.

  The Bentley came smoothly into the forecourt as she crossed over, and the professor parked neatly and got out and strolled towards her.

  His `Good morning, Sophie' was cheerful, but she saw that he was tired.

  She asked suspiciously, `Have you just got here?' and then, remembering her manners, she said, `Good morning, Rijk.'

  `That is a most convenient ferry from Calais; even with delays on the motorway it still allows me time to reach you before you go to bed.'

  He had a hand on her shoulder, urging her back to the car. `We will go and attend to Mabel and then we will breakfast together.'

  `Yes, well-all right.' She got into the car with the pleasant feeling that she wouldn't need to bother about anything any more. Common sense warned her that this was a piece of nonsense, but she was too tired to argue with herself. She asked, `Have you been to bed?"

  'No.' He smiled suddenly at her, and all the tired lines vanished. `I had too much to think about.'

  He stopped outside Miss Phipps's house and got out to open her door. `Ten minutes? I don't feel up to your landlady; I'll wait here.'

  'I'll be quick...'

  It was a chilly morning and Mabel most obligingly wasted no time on the tiny balcony but nipped back smartly to eat her breakfast.

  `I'll be back quite soon,' Sophie promised. Without bothering to do anything to her face or hair, she hurried back to the car.

  The professor was asleep, his face as calm and placid as a child's, and she went round the bonnet and stealthily opened her door. Without opening his eyes he said, `You have been quick,' and was all at once alert and wide awake.

  `I didn't mean to wake you,' said Sophie. `Are you sure you wouldn't like to go to your house and go straight to bed?"

  'We are going straight to my house. As for bed, that will come later. Breakfast first.'

  Percy flung the door wide as they got out of the car and greeted them with a cheerful, `Morning, guv, morning, miss. Mrs Wiffen's got a smashing breakfast laid on. `Ad a good trip, 'ave you?'

  The professor replied that indeed he had and took Sophie's coat and tossed it to Percy, who caught it and hung it tidily away in the hall closet.

  `There's a pile of letters in the study, but you'll eat first, eh?"

  'Yes, thank you, Percy. As soon as you can get the breakfast on the table.'

  `Watch me,' said Percy, and whizzed away as the professor urged Sophie into the dining-room.

  There was a bright fire burning and the table was laid invitingly with patterned china, gleaming silver and a blue bowl of oranges as its centre-piece. As they sat down Percy came in with a tray, coffee and tea and covered silver dishes which he arranged on the sideboard, and then made a second journey with the toast rack.

  `Thank you, Percy,' said the professor. `We'll ring if we want anything.' He got up to serve Sophie. `Bacon? Eggs? A mushroom or two? A grilled tomato?'

  Sophie, her mouth watering, said yes to everything, and, feeling that she should do her share, asked, `Coffee or tea?"

  'Coffee, please...'

  She poured tea for herself and they sat in companionable silence, eating the good food, but when Percy appeared to take away their plates and bring fresh toast the professor said, `Not too tired to talk?'

  Sophie piled butter and marmalade on to a corner of toast. `No, that was a lovely breakfast, thank you very much.'

  He sat back in his chair, his eyes on her face. `And are we to share our breakfasts together, Sophie? You have had several days in which to decide. Bear in mind that I am impatient and like my own way, bad-tempered at times, too, although I have learnt to control it...'

  `Are you trying to put me off?' asked Sophie. `If you are it's too late, because I think I'd like to marry you.' She added diffidently, `That's if you haven't changed your mind?'

  He smiled at her across the table. `No, Sophie, I made up my mind to marry you when I first saw you standing there in the middle of the pavement...'

  She opened her eyes at that. `You did? How could you possibly decide something like that so quickly?'

  `I realised that I had at last found a girl who matched me in height and so I decided to snap you up.'

  She looked at him uncertainly. `You're joking, aren't you?'

  He didn't answer, but got up and went and pulled her gently from her chair. `I believe that we shall have a most satisfactory marriage,' he told her, and bent to kiss her-a quick, gentle kiss, so that she really didn't have time to enjoy it.

  'I'll take you back now. I'm operating in the morning tomorrow; could you get up in time for tea? We can have it together; we have a great deal to talk about. When do you get nights off?"

  'In four nights' time.'

  `I may be in Bristol, but I'll come and see you at your home if your mother does not mind.' He thought for a moment. `I shall be able to drive you home before I go.'

  `There's no need,' began Sophie, and stopped when he said quietly,

  `But I should like to, Sophie.'

  He saw her to her door, remarking that he was unlikely to see her until her nights off, and drove away, leaving her to parry Miss Phipps's avid questions before she escaped upstairs to her room and Mabel's undemanding company.

  Curled up in bed presently, nicely drowsy after her splendid breakfast, she admitted that she had been glad to see Rijk again. She thought it very likely that they might not see eye to eye about a number of things, but they weren't things which mattered. She looked forward to a well ordered and contented future, free from the anguish of falling in love and

  being rejected. She and Rijk were sensible, level-headed people prepared to make a success of a marriage based on friendship and a high regard for each other.

  Upon which lofty and erroneous thoughts she went happily to sleep.

  Two mornings later, when she was on her way to breakfast, she was asked to go to the office. She might leave, Matron told her graciously. Professor van Taak ter Wijsma had asked that the usual formalities of leaving might be overlooked, since he had to return to Holland shortly and was desirous of taking Sophie with him. Matron's features relaxed into a rare smile. `I hope you will be very happy, Sister. The professor is a splendid man and very well liked here. He comes here frequently, as you know, so I hope that we shall see something of you from time to time.'

  Sophie murmured suitably and got herself out of the room and started on the rambling passages which would take her to the canteen and breakfast. She didn't hurry; she had too much to think about, strolling al
ong, contemplating her shoes while she viewed the future. Which meant that she didn't see Rijk until he stopped in front of her.

  `Good morning, Sophie.' He appeared to be in no hurry. `Have you been to the office yet?'

  She nodded. `Yes, just this minute. Matron was very nice; she said that I might leave whenever it was convenient for you...'

  `And you,' he pointed out gravely. `I shall be going back in five days' time; will you come with me and see what you think of Holland and my home? And if you feel you want to change your mind, no hard feelings, Sophie.'

  He smiled then. `You're on your way to breakfast, aren't you? And I'm expected in Theatre. I'll be outside on the day you leave. Tot ziens.'