In the Midst of Innocence

by Deborah Hining

  I think I agree with Miss Weston. I like to think that I can make my own destiny by being an entrepreneur. Now that I study on it, I think I already am one. I see a need for goods in the community, and I find and sell the needed goods. It is too bad that what I sell is against the law, but then, if it were not, I would not have a business. Daddy says that making whiskey should not be against the law, that the law of nature entitles every man to have the right to use his crops as he sees fit. On the other hand, men like Rockefeller might be acting within the laws of men, but they break what he calls “moral laws.” I think that is the same as breaking the laws of God, but I am not sure what all those are.

  It is true that God does not like drunkenness, and to put a fine point on it, my selling whiskey would be wrong if I made people drunk, but I have never seen Pap-pa or Jake Hatton drunk. They just sip, which I do not think is wrong in God’s eyes. In Proverbs, it says, “Give wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.” Everybody has a heavy heart these days. I think this Prohibition law is just wrong. It is making me rich, though, so I will not complain about it.

  If I could figure out how to make whiskey myself, I could get rich in a hurry. I would not have to worry so much about when Daddy is going to bring in a new jug, and once word got out, I would have all the customers I could get. All the moonshiners around here weld their stills together with lead, and anybody with any brains at all knows that will poison you. Daddy’s still is copper, and he welded it together with pure silver so that his whiskey is the best in the county. He will not sell it, though, because he says he does not want to go to prison, but I know for good and well he is just too lazy to make more than he and his old cronies can drink. That is all right. If he got in on this, he would run me out of business.

  The yarn and paper dolls I ordered from Sears & Roebuck came today. Mama was curious that I got a package, but she did not ask. She knows that Christmas is coming up. The paper dolls look so pretty, it was all I could do not to open them and play with them. I know Beryl will love them! I started working on Sardius’ hat, but I did not get very far before I had to pull all the stitches out and start over again. I think I may have to get Mama or Miss Janey Jo to help me.

  December 12, 1931. Daddy got home good and early this morning, and we were right glad to see him. He told us all about being a railroad bull, how there are a lot of roughnecks who jump on after the train is rolling along. They run beside it for a while, then they grab onto a railcar door and jump up into the car like it is the easiest thing in the world. The bulls look out for them to jump on, but there are so many of them, it is hard to catch them all. He kept us all in stitches telling us about the crazy people who ride the trains.

  I worked some more on Sardius’ hat, but I think it may be hopeless. I surely will have to get Miss Janey Jo to help. She is an excellent knitter. So is Mama, but I want everything to be a surprise, so I will keep it from her if I can.

  I slipped over to Darlene’s house this afternoon after I saw Billy Ray’s automobile running by up on the road, leaving. Darlene and I went up and sat on the roof for a little while, but then Billy Ray came back, so we scampered back over to the tree and down before he could see us. I lit out for home, before I was tempted to tell him what I thought of him for beating Darlene and her mother.

  December 13, 1931. Sapphire is sick. She never was very strong, but now she has a snotty nose and she cries all the time, and she coughs. Mama is feeling poorly, too. She was up all night long with the baby, and Daddy ended up going out to the woodshed, then he came back in and started cussing at Mama and Sapphire, too. This morning Mama was a nervous mess, and I could tell she was torn up because she said she was too tired to go to church. I feel so sorry for my mama I could just cry myself. Sometimes I get so mad at Daddy I wish he was dead. We would be much better off without him. But then, I get to thinking about how he tries so hard to be good to us most of the time, and I feel bad about even thinking that.

  If Mama had some money, she could take Sapphire to a doctor. Mama generally does not truck much with doctors, especially the one who tends to people in this holler. He is old and hard of hearing, and he does not seem to know much about anything. Mama calls him an incompetent quack. He was tending Mam-ma on the day she died, and he also was tending to Little Harrison when he died. If she got a doctor for Sapphire, she would need to take her into Maryville to find one who knows his business.

  I am going to bed now. I am tired because I was up most of last night listening to Daddy carrying on and Sapphire crying.

  December 14, 1931

  My School Journal, grade 7, Miss Weston’s class

  By Pearl Wallace

  I am working on Christmas presents because Christmas is right around the corner! I sneak and work on the shirt I am making for my brother Jasper whenever I can, and I work on a tie for my father when Jasper is in the room.

  I am making Daddy’s tie with scraps from a pair of Pap-pa’s old suit pants. When Pap-pa was courting his wife, Miss Janey Jo, he used to get dressed up in his finest suit to go see her. It was a long way to go by road, so he would cut across the pasture. One night he was making his way back home, and a big bull got loose and chased him all over the field. He had to jump over the barbwire fence, got tangled up, and tore his trousers to shreds. I am grateful to that bull! These trousers were made of very good wool, and it will make a fine tie for Daddy.

  December 15, 1931. It was so cold this morning, and we were all so tired out from being kept awake by Sapphire’s crying that Mama asked Uncle Woodrow to take us to school in the wagon. It felt like a holiday, riding over the icy road. Uncle Woodrow is a great deal of fun. We had a grand time jogging along the old road behind Charley.

  We were the first ones to get to the schoolhouse. Miss Weston was very happy to see us. She gave us hot coffee and some biscuits. We had such a grand time! Miss Weston laughed at everything Uncle Woodrow said, and the more she laughed, the funnier he got. By the time the first students got there, we all were just in stiches. I could tell Miss Weston was sad to see our little party come to an end. She walked out to the wagon with Jasper and Uncle Woodrow to say goodbye to them, even though it was past eight o’clock and the students were all at their desks waiting for school to start. It took her a good long while to come back to the classroom, and the boys started acting out something awful while she was gone. Otis Merriweather usually joins in when the boys act out, but today he came over and sat beside me, and when Sam Hutchinson started making fun of us, he turned around and shook his fist at him and told him to get away. Sam backed down right quick because Otis is bigger than he is, and he knows how to use his fists. It is nice to know Sam will leave me alone when Otis is around.

  I am mad at Walt Bittertree. Darlene came over to play with me after school today. I ran inside to get us a slice of cornbread, and while I was there, old Walt came in, all in a lather, telling Mama “that little n girl is outside sitting on the porch, looking like she owns the place!” That made Mama and me both mad as blazes, and I almost said something, but Mama put her hand on my head and said, as cool as a cucumber, “Yes, Mr. Bittertree. Darlene is our guest this afternoon. We think highly of her and her mother, and we would appreciate it if anyone who does not share our feelings would not speak disparagingly.”

  Old Walt looked like Mama had slapped his face. He just stood there for a minute, turning red, then he muttered something about getting on home and high tailed it out of there. I followed him right out to make sure he did not say anything mean to Darlene as he went by. The nerve of him! Walking right into our house and insulting our friend!

  December 15, 1931

  Darling Cecilia,

  It has been the most wonderful day! My students are all working hard. As it turns out, I love living on my own and having the large Miller house all to myself, and this morning, I had a veritable party for breakfast at the schoolhouse. Woodrow and Jasper Wallace brought Pearl, Sardius, and Beryl to school in the wagon because of the bitter cold, and the
y got here so early, we had a chance to visit. The time just flew by; we were having such an agreeable conversation! Mr. Woodrow is not only very funny, he is extremely intelligent, caring, and thoughtful, as well as being a perfect gentleman. I am glad we have had the chance to become friends. Of course, friendship is all that we claim. I do not worry about him thinking there is more to our relationship than that.

  Jonathan is working very hard on behalf of the Wallace children to get them sponsors to attend school when they have completed their studies here. I have been in contact with Wheaton Academy, and they assure me that scholarships are available to extraordinary students who pass rigorous academic standards. They are sending me the appropriate paperwork now so I can begin the testing.

  Cecilia, Jonathan seems quite settled in his opinion that he and I are going to get married sometime after the school term is over, but truthfully, I am not nearly as enamored of him as I once was. Being here has broadened me considerably, and I am no longer so awestruck, now that I have had a chance to see a bit of the wider world. I am even considering staying and making my home here. I could easily buy a place here and support myself modestly from Grandfather’s legacy, for I have discovered that I prefer the simple life in these hills to the more hectic social atmosphere of Chicago. I am thinking I no longer desire the sumptuous life that Jonathan wants to offer me. What would you think if I decided to settle here permanently?

  Of course, I would miss you, Jonas and Thomas, and Mother and Father enormously, but we could visit regularly. Perhaps Mother and Father would consider having a summer home here. The area is so appealing that George Vanderbilt has built an enormous estate near Asheville. I have not yet seen it, but I hear it is an architectural marvel. We would not have to be apart for very long. Besides, our family is all beginning to scatter. Jonas will be married this time next year, Thomas will be traveling with the army, and no doubt, you will be marrying soon, as well. We are all finding our paths in life.

  These are just thoughts, Cecilia. I have no definite plans, just dreams, and I must say, I do dream sometimes of building a life here.

  Hugs and kisses to you, my sweet sister!

  Emily

  December 16, 1931. I do not miss Daddy while he is at work. It is nice to come home to some peace and quiet when I get back home from school. Darlene and her mother were at the house this afternoon, and so was Miss Janey Jo. Mrs. Carlton was sitting in the rocking chair singing to Sapphire while Mama took a nap, and Miss Janey Jo was in the kitchen cooking up a mess of black-eyed peas and making onion poultices for Sapphire’s little chest. Darlene, Beryl, and I had the best time all afternoon, listening to Darlene’s mother sing and playing hopscotch out on the front porch. Uncle Woodrow came by, and he sat beside Mrs. Carlton and joined in with the singing. They all stayed for dinner. By the time they left, Sapphire was doing better. Mama may not have to take her to the doctor after all.

  Since we are studying for exams at school, Miss Weston said we did not need to turn in our Journals next week. That is a relief. It is hard to make up stories to tell when there is so much real life going on around me. We are all very tired from studying and listening to Sapphire cry and cough half the night. Tomorrow is my last exam, so I am going to bed early.

  December 16, 1931

  Dearest Mother and Father,

  I am very much looking forward to coming home for the Christmas holidays! I intend to leave first thing Saturday morning and take a leisurely two days to make the drive. My old schoolmate, Jenny Sunlee, who lives in Indianapolis, has invited me to spend the night with her and her family, which will be perfect. I anticipate I will have a whole afternoon and evening to visit with her and catch up on the events of her life. I am absolutely certain that I do not need Thomas and Jonas to come get me. It would be a waste of their time and of gas. I am, after all, 22 years old, quite an adult, and capable of traveling on my own.

  The Reverend and Mrs. Miller also are looking forward to being away over the Christmas holidays. He has recovered well enough to make the journey all the way to Miami, Florida, where he has a cousin who has been badgering them to visit. They say they will be glad to get away from the house for a while, especially since they have grown so attached to me that they will feel quite bereft while I am gone. They are such dears to be so fond. I feel as if they have become as close as a favored aunt and uncle. I miss you, and look forward to seeing you very soon.

  All my love,

  Emily

  December 17, 1931. Today is my birthday! Mama made me a big cake, which used up all the eggs she has been saving for several days. The hens are not laying much because there is not enough daylight to keep them going, so I feel special that she has held back enough eggs just to make me a fancy cake. Daddy was not here to help celebrate, but Pap-pa and Janey Jo came over, and we had a fine time. Pap-pa gave me a hair clip. He glued onto it a beautiful rose that he carved out of pine and dyed red. It looks wonderful on my new hairdo. Jasper gave me a big stick of peppermint, Sardius gave me an embroidered handkerchief, Beryl made me a beautiful card, and Ruby gave me a pretty mussel shell she found. Miss Janey Jo made me a new blouse made out of lawn that is very fine and makes me feel grown up. I will save it for Sundays.

  Mama made me the best present. She gave me two beautiful new dresses! She made them out of Mam-ma’s old dresses by taking them apart, then re-cutting them to fit me. One is brown, with white trim. The best part of that one is the white flower Mama made out of a lace handkerchief (also Mam-ma’s) and sewed at the throat. It looks very grown-up and fine. The other one is blue, with a yellow and white collar and cuffs.

  Sapphire did not cough once today, I am happy to say. That is her birthday present to me, and I think it is the best one, even better than the dresses.

  It has been a very good day.

  December 18, 1931. Today was the last day of school before Christmas, and it was special. Miss Weston brought cookies and hot cocoa for all of us! We sang Christmas songs, and there were no lessons at all, except for a Bible lesson. We went outside and cut some pine boughs, then brought them back inside and laid them all around in the windowsills and on the desks. They made the room smell very good! We took turns reading the Christmas Story from Luke, and then we play-acted the scene where Mary and Joseph tried to get rooms at the inn, but were turned away. We had a very good time with the baby doll Miss Weston brought to be baby Jesus.

  Otis Merriweather sat down beside me, and no one said a word to us about him being struck on me, so I felt all right talking to him. I told him about how awful Ralph Lee Bittertree was, and he told me about his aunt who is married to a low-down man who beats her, and when his uncles and cousins in his clan over by Madisonville found out, they pummeled the tar out of him. “He’ll never lay another hand on my aunt,” he said.

  Otis’ uncle is the Sheriff over in Madison County, so I wondered why they did not sic him on the man. He said it does not do any good to arrest him because the judge will not do anything except tell him to behave better, and it would just make the feller mad and meaner. I think that is a disgrace. The Bible says a man should love his wife like Jesus loves the church, and a man who disregards the words of the Lord is breaking the most important laws, in my opinion. Shame on that judge for not throwing that scoundrel in jail!

  I wish the law would protect women against their no-good husbands. It would be nice if Mrs. Carlton could have Billy Ray thrown in jail, but I expect Otis is right that if she tried, it would just make him meaner. A woman just needs to depend on her family to make sure her husband treats her nice. Mama has her daddy only 4 miles away, and even though Daddy has never laid a hand on her, he knows that if he did, she would sic Pap-pa on him. It is nice to know that Otis’ clan also takes care of his aunt. I would expect Sardius and Jasper to do the same for me and my sisters, and maybe Daddy, too, although I am not sure I could depend on Uncle Woodrow. He does not have it in him to be rough.

  I wish Mrs. Carlton had brothers or a daddy to help her. Maybe I
will talk to Sardius and Jasper about it, and my Pap-pa, too. Maybe I can talk them into coming to her rescue. I hope they would come to Darlene’s rescue, too, and teach both Billy Ray and Ralph Lee Bittertree a lesson they will not forget.

  December 19, 1931. I am happy to say that it is the middle of the day, Daddy is home, and he has not had anything to drink. He has two full jugs out in the woodshed and over a dozen jars, and I found another four jars under the house. This is very good because I have a new customer, and think I may be getting another one soon. Walt Bittertree found out I had a business going from Pap-pa, who accidentally let it slip to him when Mr. Bittertree found him sipping the other day. Although I am mad at him for calling Darlene that nasty name and acting like she has no business at our house, I have to set my feelings aside when it comes to business. He bought a half pint from me.

  Also, Jake Hatton says he knows of a fellow over in Big Gully who will take all I can get to him. I wonder if Daddy will notice if I siphon off some and replace it with water? I better not try. It would be a shame to lose my only source of revenue just because I got greedy.

  This afternoon, Pap-pa took me over to Greenbrier store where I finished most of my Christmas shopping. I got a beautiful pure linen handkerchief embroidered with tiny roses for Miss Weston. It cost 25c. I also got some peppermint candy for Darlene and Ruby. I waited until Pap-pa’s back was turned, and then I was able to sneak and buy him some pipe tobacco. It is Virginia’s Finest, the most expensive brand, but I figure I got most of my money from him, so it is good to give it back. I am not getting a Christmas present for Jake Hatton. He is a pretty good customer, but he is not kin, and I do not count him as a friend.

  December 20, 1931. Today was the last day of church before Miss Weston goes home to Chicago for Christmas. It was a beautiful service. Some of the men had come early and had built up a big fire in the stove, and the piney smell from our school decorations was strong in the air. Mixed with the smell of wood smoke, it all seemed delicious. Miss Weston preached on pretty much the same thing she had told us about on Friday. We sang Christmas carols, and then Miss Weston passed around hot chocolate to everyone and handed out peppermint sticks to all the children. It was the best Sunday service to which I have ever been!