In the Midst of Innocence

by Deborah Hining

  They knocked at the door, but it looked like no one was home. I figured Darlene and Mrs. Carlton were out on the river already, and Billy Ray would be over at Big Creek. They knocked a few more times, then just stood on the front porch, looking like they did not know what to do.

  One of them spat on the porch and said, “They ain’t home.” That told me right away that they were ignorant trash and that I had better not let them see me, but then, another one mentioned Billy Ray’s name and I realized who they were. They were Otis Merriweather’s uncle and cousins come to take care of Billy Ray. That made me feel better, but still, something did not seem right, so I stayed hid and waited to see what they would do. They just walked around the yard, peeking in the windows, until finally, they figured out that no one was home, and they turned and left, walking back through the woods, their heads hanging like they were disappointed. I waited until I heard the automobiles start up, and then I went on to the river to try to get those fish for supper.

  I wish I had told Darlene and Mrs. Carlton that they might be coming. I did not count on them being dressed up as if for a mumming. I just figured they would come and knock on the door like anybody and politely ask to see Billy Ray. I realized then that Darlene and her mother might be ascared to see seven men dressed up like ghosts standing out on their front porch.

  I would have told Mama about it, but when I got home, Ruby was throwing a tantrum right on the kitchen floor, and Sapphire was screaming, too. Beryl was trying to comfort Ruby, but she was not doing much good at it. The boys and Uncle Woodrow were coming in, hungry for their supper. By the time we got it all sorted out and everyone was happy again, it was time for bed and I did not want to go running to Mama when she was so tired.

  Warming, waxing days, cool dark nights

  The taste of evil hovers in the air.

  It poisons the greening.

  It seeps into my lifeblood.

  Miasma filters through my bedrock.

  The Spirit grieves while Darkness sways,

  Dancing the dance of Death

  March 30, 1932. We were back at school today. I told Otis about his folks turning up at Billy Ray’s house yesterday and asked him why they got all dressed up as if they were going to a mumming. He said he reckoned they had to hide who they were because they did not want to start any feuding. That made sense to me. If Billy Ray knew who was giving him what-for, he might get up all his family or friends and go pay Otis’ family back. I know all about feuding families. The Hatfields and the McCoys up in West Virginia fought for over 11 years, and before it was all said and done, nearly a dozen folks were murdered. The Wilsons and the Joneses from over on Indian War Path got into a feud over the Jones’ dog killing some of the Wilson’s chickens, and it lasted nearly a year. Sammy Wilson is still in jail for cutting off Andrew Jones’ ear. I reckon if I was going to go meddling in another family’s business, I might think it a good idea to dress like a ghost, too.

  I wish there was time to talk all this over with Mama and Uncle Woodrow, and even Sardius and Jasper, but they are all so busy with the plowing, and so tired at the end of the day, I do not want to burden them. Beryl is too little to talk about such things, so I reckon I will just keep my mouth shut for now.

  March 31, 1932. Maybe it was not such a good idea for those Cluecluckers to be coming out to work on Billy Ray. They might ascare Mrs. Carlton and Darlene, and it might not be worth it even if they did have to give Billy Ray a good talking to. It might even make it worse, and now I feel bad that I have turned them loose. I think I will tell Otis tomorrow to call them off. You never know what things you set in motion when you start getting other people involved in your business. In this case, it was not even my business. It was Darlene’s and Mrs. Carlton’s.

  I did not have a chance to go over to Darlene’s house to tell them about the Clueclukers coming to see Billy Ray. I had to help in the fields after school.

  April

  April 1, 1932. Otis Merriweather is out of school the rest of this week helping with the plowing at his place, so I was not able to tell him to tell his cousins to leave Mrs. Carlton alone. Then the Cluecluckers came back today, and it turned out just terrible!

  I was on my way over to Darlene’s house to warn her and her mother about them. I had just about made it to the creek when I heard their automobiles coming up through the woods up on the hill. I took off running so as to get to the house to warn Darlene and her mother not to be ascared. I went around to the back to keep those Cluecluckers from seeing me, and it is a good thing I did. They came through the woods fast, coming into sight even before I made it to the back door, marching right into the front yard, that big old cross laid across the shoulder of that man I reckoned was Hank. I did not want them to see me, so I shimmied up the big spruce behind the house and up onto the roof, then tiptoed up to the peak of the roof to peep over. They were in the front yard, talking about Billy Ray. I got a little ascared listening to them, their white robes dragging the ground and those pointy hoods making them look like big ghosts. I did not move, lying flat up on the roof, peeping over, listening in to what they were saying.

  When they walked up on the front porch to bang on the door and holler for Billy Ray to come out, I could not see them anymore, so I slipped down to the porch roof and hid in the ivy growing up there. I was just able to lean over and see what was going on. Mrs. Carlton came to the door, cracking it open just a little, but she did not let them in.

  “We have come to talk to your husband, ma’am,” one of them said. “We have heard he has not been acting as a man should, mistreating you and your daughter, and we want to set him straight.”

  Mrs. Carlton eased out on to the porch. She was shaking, and I have never seen anybody as ascared-looking in my life. “He isn’t here,” she said, quiet-like.

  “Ma’am, I know he is your husband, but you do not need to be protecting him. We are here to help you. You have nothing to fear from us, or from Billy Ray, once we have had a chance to speak to him.”

  Mrs. Carlton shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself as if she were freezing, although it was as mild a day as I have seen. “He isn’t here,” she said again, and this time, she sank back onto the door.

  The men began to argue with her a little bit, cajoling in soft voices, and although they sounded as nice as could be, those white robes and their hidden faces made them seem evil as the devil. The man who held the cross never said a word. He just stood aside, holding that cross out in front of him like a shield.

  After a while, the head man asked if they could come in and check for themselves, and then Mrs. Carlton suddenly stood up straight, put her hand on her hip, and said, loudly, “Gentlemen, I appreciate your concern, but this is my house, and I am a woman of my word. My husband has not been home all day, and I will not allow any strange men inside when he is not here. I am sure you can appreciate that.” She crossed her arms again, and you could tell she meant business. The fellows murmured among themselves, and then finally, they bowed at her and told her to tell Billy Ray that they would be back, and they stepped off the porch. Mrs. Carlton went inside and shut the door.

  They did not leave right away. They stood in the front yard for a few minutes, and I could hear everything they said, being hid up in the wisteria and ivy up on the roof. The tallest man among them whistled.

  “What a looker!” he said. “I wouldn’t mind coming back some dark night and getting me a piece of that.”

  The others laughed. “Sam, you’d better watch it. We’re here to protect her, so don’t be getting any ideas.”

  The one holding the cross said, “Did you see that little n-- in there?” The others looked at him. “In the window. Looking out at us.”

  “Naw,” laughed another. “I saw a little girl. She was as white as a lily.”

  The man with the cross shook his head again. “No, kinky hair, and a Negro face. I seen her with the light shining on her. She may be white, but I know good and well what she is.”

&
nbsp; The others argued with him awhile, and finally the one they called Sam said, “Well, I know her mama ain’t one! And if she is, I may just change my appetites.”

  They argued for a while longer before they finally decided to knock on the door again to try to get a look at Darlene. I do not know what came over me, but I got so ascared for what they might do if they saw her that I slipped back over the roof, climbed down the spruce, and ran around to the front of the house.

  I just ran right up to them, grinned at them like a crazy person, and said, “Hey, fellows! Are you the Cluecluckers? It is too bad Billy Ray is not at home, but to tell you the truth, he has been a whole lot better to his wife and child since I told him you were coming. You need not bother yourselves with coming back. I think he will behave from now on. My daddy and brothers are looking out for him.”

  They all turned and stared at me, and then they started backing off. Within a minute or two, they were headed back to their automobiles. I could hear them starting up, and they roared off down the dirt road. I went up and knocked on the door, but no one answered, and I got to feeling bad that those men had shown up on account of me, so I went on home.

  We had some fried chicken that Miss Janey Jo brought over for supper, but I could not eat much of it, I was so worried. I wanted to tell the others about it, but they were all about dead on their feet. Mama asked Beryl and me to wash the dishes without her, and she went on to bed with Sapphire without hardly eating a bite herself.

  I am thinking just now that it is April Fool’s day, and I am feeling like the worst kind of fool there ever was. I wish I had not said anything to Otis about Bill Ray. There may be more trouble than I had reckoned on.

  April 2, 1932. It was a terrible, terrible day. When Daddy got home this morning, he was a pure mess. His face was all bruised up and his nose was swole up to about the size of 3. His knuckles were skinned up, too, and he was limping. He said he had an altercation with a big old hobo that did not like to be told to get off the train. Then he went to bed with a poultice. At the time, I was glad he did not go out to the woodshed first, but now I am wishing he had drunk himself senseless. I had no idea what kind of trouble I was in.

  As soon as Daddy was in bed, Uncle Woodrow came in and asked Mama to come outside for a little while. The rest of us young’uns went out to the field, and as we went out, I could see that Mama, Mrs. Carlton, and Uncle Woodrow were all standing in a huddle. After a while, Mama came out to get me. By the tone of her voice and the look on her face, I knew I was in big trouble

  Uncle Woodrow and Mrs. Carlton were sitting at the kitchen table. Mrs. Carlton looked just awful, and I knew it had something to do with those Cluecluckers. As it turns out, it was way worse than I had reckoned on. Mrs. Carlton had heard everything I had said to them, so she knew I had something to do with those men coming to take care of Billy Ray. I told her about how Otis Merriweather’s uncle and cousins looked out for women who had bad husbands and how he said he would send them here because of the way Billy Ray had been beating Mrs. Carlton and Darlene.

  They all three got very quiet, then they looked at each other. “We might as well tell her,” said Mama. Mrs. Carlton nodded her head, and then Uncle Woodrow took a shaky breath and he told me the most awful thing. Those men say they are looking out for the good of the community and that they go around taking care of people who cannot take care of themselves, but they use that as an excuse in order to pester and even kill people they do not like. They especially do not like Negroes, Catholics, or Jews. The fact that they had seen Darlene and recognized her as one means that they probably will be back, and they might try to do something terrible to her.

  About that time, we heard Billy Ray’s car coming by, so Mrs. Carlton jumped up and ran out the door. Mama did not say anything to me, and neither did Uncle Woodrow. He went back out to the fields, and Mama went into the bedroom to talk to Daddy.

  The day went from bad to worse. Daddy got up for dinner, and even though neither he nor Mama said anything while everybody ate, I knew I was going to get it. Daddy looked mad at first, and Mama looked ascared and sad. She kept looking at me, and her eyes would well up, and then she would look away. She did not look at Daddy at all. As soon as dinner was over, they sent everybody else out to plant, and then they called me into the living room, and I knew they were going to bless me out good, and maybe even whip me for siccing those Cluecluckers onto Billy Ray. My stomach was in knots, not just because I was in trouble, but also because I knew I had done something bad to Mrs. Carlton and Darlene.

  Daddy sat down on the couch and made me sit right next to him. Mama sat across from us, not saying a word. Daddy’s mad face just crumpled for a minute. He looked so sad and mad and beat up all at the same time, but then he drew a big breath and said, “Pearl, honey, do you know about Pandora’s Box?”

  I shook my head, “No, sir.”

  “Well, it is about a girl who found a very pretty box, and she opened it. What she did not know was that it contained all the demons and the devils in the world, and when she opened it, they all flew out and went around wreaking havoc. Do you know what that means?”

  I did not know exactly, but I did not want to say so. I told him I figured he meant that my siccing the Cluecluckers on Billy Ray opened up a world of trouble for Mrs. Carlton and Darlene.

  “That’s right, sweetheart. Those men are bad. I want you to stay away from them, and if they ever come back while you are over there, I want you to come straight home. Is that plain?”

  “What about Darlene and Mrs. Carlton?” I asked.

  “You can come get me if I am home, or you can go get Woodrow or your Pap-pa, but you keep Jasper and Sardius out of it, you hear?”

  I could not figure out why he did not want Jasper or Sardius to help Darlene and Mrs. Carlton. “But, Daddy,” I said, “they can help. They’ve got your rifle. It’s too far to go get Pap-pa. And you know Uncle Woodrow is not tough enough to run them off.”

  Daddy stood up, his face turned red, and he shouted, “Just wind your neck in! You’ve got no business sticking your nose into Billy Ray’s business!” Then he told me to stay away from Mrs. Carlton and Darlene from here on out, and never to go over to their house again, and he stalked out the door. Mama cried a little, looked at me as if she wanted to say something, and then burst into tears and went back into her bedroom.

  Daddy did not get home again until suppertime, drunk as a skunk. Mama did not hardly do anything all day, but just stayed in the house, trying to do a little sewing. She did not say a word to me about Darlene the whole time. Later on, she said she felt a sick headache coming on, and she went to bed, leaving Beryl, Ruby, and me to take care of Sapphire, then supper, and then everyone’s baths. It is a good thing there was plenty of goat’s milk in the springhouse, so we were able to keep the baby fed.

  At first, I just felt bad, and then I got to thinking about how Daddy said he did not want me helping Mrs. Carlton or Darlene even when those bad men came, and he made it plain that he was not going to help out any, either, and that made me madder. Mrs. Carlton and Darlene do not have anybody in the word to take care of them, and Daddy ought to know better than to just let bad people run over a helpless woman and child. He owes it to Darlene, and to me, to protect what needs to be protecting. By the time we got the dishes done, I was about to boil over.

  Mama came out of the bedroom about then. Her eyes were red and swole up, and she looked so pitiful that I got over my mad spell right quick, especially when she put her arms around me and said, “Pearl, I am so sorry. We will do what we can to help Darlene and Mrs. Carlton. Daddy didn’t mean it when he said to keep away from them. He is just ascared for you.”

  I stomped my foot. “Well, if he was so ascared, why did he leave out and go get drunk? He can’t do me a bit of good lying drunk around here. I reckon I just have to take care of myself. Thank goodness I have Jasper and Sardius to lean on!” Then I felt terrible about saying it. Poor Mama’s face just crumpled up and she went back int
o the bedroom. I feel sick.

  Warm, calm, waxing days.

  The taste of hate and fear sits like a vapor over the land

  And in my waters clear to the bedrock.

  I wait for the evil that blackens the hearts of men

  To blacken the sun as it blackens the Great Orb,

  Who turns away her face in disgust.

  April 3, 1932. It was a bad day in so many ways. I did not hardly sleep a wink all last night, worrying about what those Cluecluckers might do, and I am sick that Daddy has told me to keep my nose out of it.

  I also am sad because Mama and Daddy did not go to church with us today. Mama had a sick headache and Daddy’s hangover was too bad. It burns me up that poor Sardius will probably miss school again tomorrow to make up for his sorry ways. I also was still a little mad at both of them for telling me to stay away from Darlene, so I got Ruby and Beryl up, and then we went off to church by ourselves. I left Sapphire at home, but I made sure Mama was up and taking care of her before we left. I could not stand it if something happened to her. Just thinking about that little Lindberg baby makes me want to cry. Poor Jasper and Sardius had to stay home and plow.

  I stayed after church so I could talk to Miss Weston. All this has been weighing on me something terrible. I was hoping Miss Weston might be able to shed some light on things, and maybe she can help me find a way to take care of Mrs. Carlton and Darlene.

  I asked Miss Weston straight-out why some people do not like Negroes. She hemmed and hawed a little bit, then she sat down beside me, held my hand, and said, “Some people do not understand that God made everyone to be a little different than everyone else, and when they see differences in people, they think there is something wrong with them.” I told her that is what Mama said, but it did not make sense to me. A lot of people are different and they get by with it. No one hates me because I have straight, white hair and no one hates Walt Bittertree because he walks with a limp, and no one hates Uncle Woodrow because he shakes sometimes. Why would they hate Darlene?