I wagged my finger in front of his face and smirked, “Remember Mark, baby steps.”
I turned to leave.
“Wait, you said you’d have coffee with me.”
I stopped. “Yes I did, didn’t I?”
“Can I at least get your number?”
“Um, I’d rather.” I looked down at the floor for a few seconds, while I scrambled for an answer. “How about we meet for coffee?”
“Okay, when. Where?”
“Um…tomorrow if you’re not busy. Coffee Shack. The one on Stringer Lane, in Bernardsville.”
“That sounds great. Tomorrow sounds great…what time?”
“Gosh you ask a lot of questions. Let’s say ten?”
“Ok. Coffee Shack. Ten. I’ll be there.” He nodded. I shook my head. “Wait, do you have to go right now?”
“Well, I can’t have my entrees melting now, can I?”
I turned away before he could see the ridiculous lopsided grin on my face. I felt lightheaded and silly. The thought of seeing him again tomorrow made my stomach feel woozy and if I had to admit it, I was terrified and felt guilty…but there was something else too. Something I couldn’t exactly put my finger on.
I turned to go down the last aisle, but not before catching him smiling like the cat that caught the canary. He seemed rather proud of himself and I grinned again. This grinning thing was different for me and I had to admit, I liked it.
When I got home, I put the groceries away and started the water in the bathtub. I couldn’t tell you the last time I took a bath.
Chapter 12
I arrived at the Coffee Shack at 9:50. My stomach was churning. I was so nauseous from the onslaught of butterflies, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to keep anything down, including coffee. Finding an empty small booth, I sat down and looked around the room to make sure I hadn’t missed him, and he was already sitting, but no. Not here yet.
I looked at my phone 9:54, it was the longest four minutes in history. Each time the bell rang over the door I looked up, and my stomach turned upside down. It was now 10:01 and I was questioning if I had the right place and time.
I remember specifically saying Stringer Lane. I know for a fact I said 10:00 AM. But here it was 10:05 and no Mark yet. I was so on edge I felt like I could literally jump out of my skin. I glanced around the room for the twentieth time trying not to look as pathetic as I’m sure I did.
I almost laughed out loud how ridiculous I must have looked as I scurried around my apartment, panicking over what to wear. I got up at 8:00 to get ready for coffee at 10:00. Who does that? I took my time putting my makeup on and carefully chose a pair of jeans and a top that looked good on me, and sent no messages—nothing too tight, nothing too low.
At 10:25 it finally got to where I couldn’t stand it anymore. I went to the counter, bought a cup of coffee to go, and walked out into the crisp morning air. I inhaled deeply, slowly letting the air out. It was an exercise I found myself doing a lot lately, especially when I was in public.
“I’ve been stood up.” I said to no one in particular.
I took the long way home. It felt good, the sun warm on my face, a slight breeze. ‘This is a perfect day for a picnic’. I smiled, that was something Dylan always said when the weather was like this. I hadn’t realized my eyes filled until I felt the first trickle down my face. I kept my head down and plowed forward. I took another deep breath when I closed the door behind me. I don’t know why I felt so empty and sad, it’s not like I liked him or anything. I guess I didn’t think he would have stood me up. I think I was actually somewhat disappointed.
The phone rang and I looked at the caller ID.
Libby.
I waited a few more rings before answering.
“Hi Libby.”
“Uh oh, what’s the matter, you sound off.”
That woman has a talent of reading the slightest tone in my voice. Another trait she shared with her brother.
I unexpectedly felt very vulnerable, and I don’t’ know why I did it, but I ended up telling Libby everything. The bumping into Mark at the supermarket. The ‘coffee meeting that didn’t’. I suddenly had this feeling of dread. I felt guilty and I knew deep down I was about to get into pity party mode.
“I don’t think he would stand you up Ren, that guy is definitely into you.” She paused, “Maybe something came up. Did you call him?”
“We…um…didn’t exchange numbers.”
“Well that’s kind of silly don’t you think?”
“It was my fault. I didn’t want him to think it was a date.”
“Now you definitely sound silly.”
“I know but I’m not sure I’m ready…”
“I’m coming over now.” She cut me off and hung up on me.
“Great.” I said into the phone as if someone was listening.
True to her word, there was a knock not even ten minutes later. I opened the door to find Libby standing there wearing a worried look.
“Get your jacket, you’re coming with me.” She demanded.
“Where?”
“Don’t worry about where, just get your jacket.”
I grabbed the denim jacket I’d removed fifteen minutes ago.
“And your purse.”
“Libby I’m really not up to going out.”
“Get your purse.” She repeated.
I grabbed my purse from the stool under the breakfast bar and walked out the door held open by a stern faced Libby.
“Can I at least know where we’re going?”
“No.”
I didn’t know where we were headed at first, but then it all came back to me when she made the left onto Harris Street.
“Libby, I’m not sure about…”
“Shhhh. I have something I need your help with.”
“Fine.” I sat with my arms crossed over my chest like an errant child.
She pulled up in front of McAdams Nursery, shut the car off and turned her head to me. “I’m serious about needing your help.” She got out of the car and walked around to my side.
I took a deep breath and climbed out of the car before releasing the pent up air.
“Follow me.”
She walked toward the rows of greenhouses and I followed. I looked around and the memories started. I felt something in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know how to describe it, but it felt like I was coming home after a long absence. The beautiful pear trees lining the property were in full bloom. They pure white of the petals glowed against the blue sky and the sun twinkled off the panes of glass on each of the greenhouses.
It was here where I met Dylan. I remember the first time I saw him. I think my knees wobbled. I know for a fact my hands shook. He was so handsome I almost forgot my own name when I introduced myself. He had this special way about him that made everyone he came in contact with feel comfortable, but I was not just anyone. I knew I fell for him that moment.
It was on a day like this one when he surprised me in the greenhouse with a picnic basket. ‘This is a perfect day for a picnic’, I smiled at the memory. He took me by the hand and led me out the back door and lay out the tablecloth on the thick cool grass. He thought of everything; fried chicken, salad, cheese and a bottle of wine. We ate and drank and laughed. It was there, in that very same spot, months earlier that we first made love. I remember him being so gentle with me, like he thought I was fragile and might break.
We talked for hours. Laughed and made love again. A one point he stood, reached down and pulled me up into his arms. Then held me close as he clumsily swayed our bodies side to side, his form of dancing, and I found it romantic as hell. I wrapped my arms around his neck. We rocked side to side together while he sang “Let’s Be Together” by Al Green against my cheek. He wasn’t by any means a great singer, but he had a very sexy voice and the words he sang caused me to melt into him. He proposed that night, and of course I said yes. It was the happiest day of my life.
Little did I know they would get better and better, each day bro
ught more love and joy until I felt like I would explode from having too much happiness. I loved him with all I was. Did I mention it was magical?
“Reny.” Libby said my name knocking me out of my reverie, and I shook my head. “I’m so sorry Ren I know how hard this is for you. But being where I used to spend so much time with him helped me get through some tough times.”
At this point I was out and out balling and Libby wrapped her arms around my racking body and held me until there were no tears left. I felt weak and worn, but strangely enough, I felt happy to be here. It was almost like I could feel his embrace, smell his breath. Libby was right. I needed to get back to work. I needed to be where I had all those wonderful memories.
“You’re right Libby. I needed this. I really needed this.”
Now it was Libby who was crying.
“I didn’t just stop so you can start.” I laughed.
“I know I’m so happy…I don’t know...I’m a big mush, but I know he’s here with us.”
“What was it you needed my help with?”
“We are having trouble with the plants in number four.”
She lead and I followed. After examining each of the plants I was convinced the Ph was off in their soil. I went into the storage shed and mixed some Ph with some plant food, attached the mixture to the application hose and sprayed them down until they were sodden.
“I’ll take a look at them tomorrow when I come to work.”
“Really?” her eyes popped and she smiled that smile I remember so well. I took it as a sign.
“Really.” I hugged her, “I love you Libs.”
“I love you too Ren.”
“Let’s go grab some lunch and we’ll take it from there.”
“I am hungry.”
Chapter 13
My first day back to work and I felt like a kid going to her first day of school. I was actually nervous, even though I’d worked there for years. I dug out my garden clogs from the back of the closet and rolled up the bottom of my baggy jean overalls. I wore the Tee shirt with the McAdams Nursery logo and tagline - ‘The Seed is Hope, The Flower is Joy’.
I made my way down to the basement and got behind the wheel of my car. I still pulled out of the garage with blinders on. Not ready yet to deal with my ‘people’ issue. I know it will take some time. I’ve got a lot of pent up pain and anger and uncertainty to work through. But I’m well aware of my issues, and will deal with them a little at a time.
Plants on the other hand…they were easier. You gave them food and they blossomed and grew. You take care of them and they provide you with lots of beauty and satisfaction. Yeah. Easier.
Much easier.
Dylan, Dave and Libby’s parents died a while ago, and the family business was now being run by Libby and Dave…and me. After all, I was still a McAdams. I dug in, so to speak, plant talk, and got busy right away. The acres behind the greenhouses were filled with crops of corn, tomatoes, peppers, artichokes…well you get the picture. There was so much to be picked and sold at our roadside stand. I could tell there was a lot to be done. It seemed since Dylan’s death, things around here kind of got put on the back burner. It was obvious the work had slowed down. I wanted to make him proud of me, and set about tackling one greenhouse at a time.
When I got home that night I was exhausted, but it was the good kind of exhausted. I took a hot shower and climbed into bed. I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
“Babe?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you do that thing you do?”
I smiled. I was pretty sure I knew what he was referring to, but I was going to make him say it.
“What thing is that exactly?”
“You know.”
“No. I do a lot of things. Which ‘thing’ are you referring to?”
“The one where you put your mouth…”
I blushed. Yes, I still blush, but quickly recovered.
“Oh that thing.” I smiled.
Before he could ask again I scooted down to the end of the sofa and unzipped his jeans. He was musky from working out in the sun all day, but it was sexy. You know? It was sexy. It was Dylan and I’d take him any way I could get him.
He quickly stopped me from lowering his jeans, but moaned. I felt his erection under my fingers.
“Why are you stopping me?”
“I need to shower for that ‘thing’”
“Then what ‘thing’ did you mean exactly?”
“The thing where you lay on top of me and let me hold you close.”
“Oh, that thing.” I was as confused as you are now. I crawled back up his muscular body and lay my body over his. He crushed me to him with his strong arms and I sighed. I felt him kiss the top of my head and inhale deeply.
“Love the way you smell.”
“Good.”
He squeezed me.
“Love the way you feel.”
“Mmmm.” I was liking this.
“Love the way you feel against me.”
“Me too.”
I listened to his chest and heard his heart beat quicken. But not soon enough…and I wasn’t prepared. In one smooth move, he stood up, tossed me over his shoulder like I was a sack of potatoes, and walked with me squirming into the bedroom, then through to the bathroom. He leaned inside and turned the water on. All the while I’m flailing and yelling. Then he carried me, fully dressed—so was he—into our large shower and let the water cascade over both of us. I screamed then laughed so loud I was afraid I woke the dead.
“Dylan!”
He laughed, as only he could, and believe me, it was contagious.
“Oh, you!” I cried out in feigned indignity.
“You got me thinking.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Bout what?”
“Bout your offer.”
“What offer…” Oh, I got it. “And you thought you’d bring me in the shower with you so I can do what I offered.”
“Figured I’d kill two birds.”
“Oh, and how did you figure that?”
“I figured I’d help you with the laundry too.”
He kneeled on the shower floor and unzipped my jeans. Then with my squirming and his tugging we managed to remove my pants. Quickly followed by my panties. He lifted my tee shirt over my head and dropped it, while I unhooked my bra and let it fall wherever it did.
His jeans. Well, that was a whole ‘nother story. He was so hard I couldn’t lower the zipper without his help. But I’m happy to report, he was very helpful with that.
A pile of clothing lay on the floor at our feet and he pulled me to him. Our bodies melded into one. He grabbed the bar of soap and lathered us up. I stood on my tip-toes and delivered the mother of all kisses. I know this because when I finished, he leaned against the tile wall of the shower and moaned my name. But my mouth was hungry for him.
All of him.
Next stop on this train was his chest, followed by his tight muscular abs. I spent a little time rubbing that soap into every nook and cranny I found. The sheets of water fell on us both quickly washing the bubbles to the floor, where they swirled around the drain before disappearing.
The final stop caused an audible inhale from him as I took him, hard, into my mouth. I let my tongue do the talking for me and when I occasionally gazed up between dips, I saw the look of pure satisfaction on his face. His eyelids were half closed and he clenched his perfect teeth. I got hot looking at him.
His eyes closed and he spread his arms out on either side of him as he continued to lean against the wall. His thighs were trembling under my fingertips. It wasn’t long after that he cried out my name and told me he loved me as he held my head between his massive palms and tilted his back.
I waited until the pulsing finished before releasing him.
I love the taste of him. I love everything about him.
“Good?”
“Reny, baby, you never cease to fucking amaze me.”
“Good. I’ve got more where that came from.”
“God help me.” He smiled that smile I’ve come to love so much.
That was the first time in almost a year where I’d let a memory come back and I was happy watching the picture play like a movie in my head.
God I missed him so much.
Chapter 14
It wasn’t long after the shower memory washed over me, word pun, when the memories seemed to flood my conscious and sub-conscious mind.
I remember making potato salad; it was probably my best, damn near perfect. We were expecting all of Dylan’s family, my parents and a few close friends to the house for a barbeque. I lifted the heavy bowl and was carrying it over to the fridge when out of nowhere Dylan came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my midsection.
He scared me to death, and I dropped the ceramic bowl.
I stared at the floor and the cracked half of bowl with what was left of my near perfect salad and the huge mess that seemed to cover the floor and my cabinets.
I was angry then not.
I wanted to scream but didn’t.
So I figured I’d cry. Seemed to cover both emotions perfectly.
Dylan bent down and lifted the remaining half of the bowl and rested the crescent shaped ceramic on the counter. He stuck his fingers inside and lifted a glob to his mouth.
“This is delicious.” He glanced at me, “I’m serious. Probably the best you ever made.”
“Dylan…” I sniffled. He silenced me with a kiss, an ardent long kiss. His mouth coated with my perfect potato salad.
Without warning, as was his way, he lifted me up onto the counter. Pushed my skirt up revealing my thighs and my thong. Gently parted my legs and stepped between them.
“Mmmm. This is perfect too.” He said as he glided his fingers over the silkiness of my thong.
With his two fingers he lowered the scant material slowly—achingly slow—down my legs and let it fall to the floor next to the globs of mayonnaise coated potatoes. Then opened his zipper releasing himself. And to my surprise entered me without hesitation.
Where I Found My Heart Page 5