Above the Noise

by Michelle Kemper Brownlow

  He was real. All banged up, but real.

  Another contraction hit me out of nowhere, and I went into survival mode. Calon grabbed my hand and squeezed while I pushed, and my mom counted aloud.

  “Oh, Becki.” Calon spoke in a voice that was the definition of awe.

  “Becki, stop. Don’t push.” Mary’s voice was sharp and grabbed all of our attention. “Look up, there’s a mirror. You’re going to see your baby girl the next time you push. Don’t take your eyes off that mirror.”

  The next contraction made itself known, and I took a deep breath and pushed. Calon squeezed my hand and leaned his head against my shoulder. Then her sweet, little, perfect head pressed its way out, and Calon and I both gasped. I gasped at both the sting of pain and at the full head of dark curls that framed the sweetest face I’d ever seen.

  “Hold on. Don’t push.” Dr. Daily suctioned out her nose and mouth.

  “Be careful. She’s just little.” The very first protective mother words quietly fell from my lips.

  “This is the hardest part, Becki. The shoulders. So I want you to give me everything you’ve got on this one, okay?” Dr. Daily nodded with me.

  “Deep breath and push, push, push, push…” Gracie and my mom were coaching me along with Mary. Both standing in awe on the other side of me.

  A slick, slippery gush left my body, and a pinkish-grey, tiny body was suddenly in Dr. Daily’s hands.

  “Oh my Lord, Becki. Look what you just did.” Calon tried to lift himself from his chair but grunted and winced and fell back to his seat.

  Dr. Daily gently laid Abigail Kate on my belly. Her little eyes squeezed tighter, and I held up my hand to shield her face from the light. Calon reached out toward her and touched her little fingers.

  “Did you wash your hands?” I elbowed his hand out of the way.

  “I assure you I was sanitized before you even knew I was here.” He shook his head and smiled then reached for our little girl again.

  “Happy birthday, baby girl.” A tear fell from Calon’s eye. He looked back at me and smiled.

  As if a natural instinct kicked in, she opened her little hand and wrapped her fingers around his, which looked giant in her tiny grasp. She was so little. She whimpered and wiggled a little then opened her mouth and let out a quiet cry, which I knew was a good sign.

  Dr. Daily cut the cord, and they whisked her away to a little clear bassinette by the wall. She cried louder.

  My mom and Gracie cried almost as loud and hugged each other, then bent down and showered me with kisses. I cried at the miracle I’d been given. This perfect little person, whom I loved more than I ever thought possible, had made it into our world, and I was overcome with a sense of welcome responsibility.

  “Becks, she’s here. She’s really here. She’s beautiful.” More tears fell from Calon’s eyes, and I wiped them.

  “She’s got your hair.” I laughed and peeked over his head toward the nurses tending to her.

  “Is she okay?” I called out so they could hear me over all the other sounds in the room.

  “She looks great.” Mary turned and smiled. “She is three pounds, six ounces and eighteen inches long. All her scores are higher than we typically expect for a preemie. She’s breathing well on her own. We’re going to let you have her for a couple more minutes then we will take her to the NICU, so she can be set up in her incubator. This is a precautionary measure, and we’ll be able to tell you more about her condition after we monitor her for a little while.”

  Mary walked over with our tiny little swaddled package and laid her on my chest again. I adjusted her tiny pink hat. She opened her eyes, and I saw them lock on Calon’s immediately.

  “Hi, baby girl. I’m your daddy, and I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Calon?” Our faces were inches apart.

  “Yeah, beautiful?” His eyes left hers and landed on mine. The intense connection I’d always felt to Calon increased tenfold in that room.

  “Would you sing to her?” There was nothing I could imagine that could make the moment more perfect than to have his voice fill this room and bless all of us in it.

  “Good lord, Becki! Are you trying to kill us?” Gracie and my mom practically held each other up. Calon and I laughed so hard it startled Abigail, and she whined out a pitiful cry.

  “Shh, baby girl. Mommy and Daddy are sorry.” I rubbed her little fist with my thumb.

  Dr. Daily came over, took Abigail from me, and placed her in Calon’s arms.

  He squeezed tears from his eyes, smiled the proudest smile, and took a couple breaths then in his most beautiful deep voice he sang “With Arms Wide Open” by Creed, which lead singer, Scott Stapp, wrote when he found out he was going to be a dad. Only Calon could pull a song like that out of nowhere. The nurses all stopped what they were doing, and Dr. Daily crossed her arms and looked on as my daughter’s father sang her into the world.

  I thought I’d lost Calon and then worried I’d lose Abigail, all in the same day. Fortunately, there was a force bigger than all of us that knew better. And as fate would have it, we welcomed our little miracle into the world together with arms wide open.

  “GRACIE, CAN YOU help me in the kitchen for a second?” I tried to balance a tray of snacks in one hand and a tray of drinks in the other, but I knew I’d never make it out to our living room without one tray crashing to the floor.

  “Good lord, Becki! Who are you kidding? Do you not recall your waitressing days? This just isn’t your thing.” Gracie nudged me with her elbow and giggled.

  She was right. After she and Jake took over Mitchell’s, I thought it would be fun to work with them for a little extra cash, but I didn’t pass Waitressing 101 with Gracie. I made decent money at The Extension School as their webmaster and publicist, so I didn’t really need another job. I just thought it would be fun to work with Gracie.

  “What are you doing?” I rolled my eyes as Gracie and I walked out into the living room to watch the big game with the guys and found Calon and Jake standing amid a tangle of cords behind the entertainment center.

  Samantha slapped her knee and cracked up laughing. “Who knows. But, they’re fun to watch.”

  “Trying to hook up the new Blu-ray player.” Calon blew curls off his forehead.

  “We have a new Blu-ray player?” I was confused.

  Calon looked up at me with his don’t be mad at me puppy dog eyes and pointed to some shredded white wrapping paper next to the stack of wedding presents we hadn’t opened yet.

  “Calon James! I told you I wanted us to open those together!” I stamped my foot.

  “We—are together?” He tilted his head and winced his way through a sexy grin. Dammit. The guy could get away with anything.

  It was the beginning of December. Calon and I had been married for a little over a month, and we still hadn’t opened any presents. To say a baby keeps you busy is an understatement. Abigail was eight and a half months old, and she talked almost as much as I do. Of course, she sounded more like I did when I’d go head to head with Gracie at beer pong. She slurred and babbled away all day long.

  Calon was taking a couple classes, working as a TA in the music department, and playing at Mitchell’s on Friday nights with Gracie. I did all my Extension School stuff from home, so Abby and I were best friends. Of course, Mama was her first word, but followed soon after with Dada so Calon didn’t pout too long.

  “Becki, I can’t believe you haven’t opened these, yet.” Gracie walked around the decent-sized pile in the corner of our living room. “What if someone gave you something perishable, like a ham or something?”

  “Ham?” I set the tray of snacks on the coffee table, knowing as soon as Abby woke up from her nap, we’d have to move it, or she’d make a mess of everything.

  “We got ham from one of my aunts for our wedding.” Gracie plopped down on the couch and stuck her tongue out at me.

  Gracie and Jake’s wedding was one of those fairy tale weddings that all other weddin
gs you attend would suffer by comparison. The service was unbelievable. Gracie actually sang “True Companion” by Marc Cohn to Jake during the service. Abby was just five months old, and my hormones were on crack, so, of course, I cried like a baby when I heard her sing the words to Jake.

  Gracie was the most beautiful bride I’d ever seen, and that’s not because she’s my best friend. She truly was. There was a collective gasp in the church when she and her dad took their first step down the aisle. Jake held it together and just beamed at his bride from the front of the church. Calon and the guys played the reception at Mitchell’s and sang “Fallen” for the Bride and Groom dance. Gracie was practically sobbing into Jake’s lapel by the end of the song.

  The rape trial wrapped up the week before their wedding. It was really tough on everyone. Gracie, Chelsea, Ashley, and a couple of other girls took the stand and told stories I wished I could delete from my memory. But, I think they all felt a solid sense of closure when Noah, Travis, Falco, Hank, and Jeremy were sentenced to five years in prison on five counts of aggravated sexual battery, and Noah was charged with one count of unlawful photography. It was over, but I knew it was always something she would have to deal with emotionally. Every now and then something would trigger that memory for her, and she would pull away for a couple days, but those times were getting less and less.

  “Go it!” Calon and Jake high fived each other and then did some stupid little dance similar to our star quarterback’s touchdown dance but way more awkward. We all cracked up, and Samantha yelled at them.

  “You two need to stop! Your dancing is embarrassing me!”

  “Well, I’m offended by that. You’re my sister, you’re supposed to think everything I do is cool.” Calon sat down on the couch next Samantha and pulled her in for a hug.

  “Calon. Your dancing is not cool. Not at all.” She rolled her eyes and shrugged his arms from her shoulders then laughed so hard she turned bright red.

  “So, who’s the Blu-ray player from?” I picked up the baby monitor and checked the volume, so I could hear when Abby woke up.

  “Jake and Gracie.” Calon patted the seat next to him, and I joined him and Samantha on the couch. Gracie slid something into the DVD player then snuggled up to Jake on the loveseat.

  “I thought we were watching the game.” I really wasn’t a huge football fan, but when UTK played, I was a football freak.

  “Kick off isn’t for another hour. We brought something to watch. Consider it our pre-game entertainment.” Jake smiled up at Gracie, who hit play on the remote.

  I looked at Calon, and he shrugged. Jake and Gracie were always surprising us with stuff, but they never told Calon any of it. The guy was terrible at keeping secrets. My baby shower and my bridal shower did end up being surprises, which was fun, so Calon was off the hook with Gracie for spilling the beans so many times.

  “Gracie! Stop! I am taking a piss for God’s sake!” My voice shot from the speakers of our TV. It was shrill and obnoxious, and I couldn’t figure out what the hell was on this video.

  “But, Becki, you’re in a wedding dress, and all I can see is your head. You look like a baby bird in a big white nest.” Gracie cackled and a short video clip that matched her description slowly appeared on the screen.

  “Gracie Ann! I’m gonna kill you!”

  “It’s your wedding video! I had one of our tech guys at work splice together all the footage, and it’s the other part of our wedding present to you.” She grinned from ear to ear, so pleased with herself.

  “Oh, so you didn’t get us ham?” I cracked up, and Gracie threw a pillow at me.

  “Gracie. You’re amazing.” Calon blew her a kiss, and I ran over to hug her.

  “Stop! Stop! Stop! Hug me later. Sit down and watch! You’re going to miss it.”

  I watched Gracie, Stacy, Danny, and Samantha walk down the aisle toward the front of the church, my beautiful bridesmaids in short sliver dresses. Joe Joe, the sweet six year old from Gracie’s class was dressed in a gray tux. He was our ring bearer and pulled our sweet Abigail in a wagon down toward her daddy. Abby’s dress matched the bridesmaids as best as it could, and Gracie’s mom had made her a beautiful little flower crown with the same orange flowers that were in the bridesmaids bouquets.

  We went with the silver and orange color scheme, because we were married on Halloween. Not because either of us are particularly big fans of the spooky holiday, but because Halloween marked one year since finding out we were pregnant with Abby. It seemed like a no-brainer date.

  “Oh, God.” I put my hand to my heart and smiled at my mom walking me down the aisle. The camera angle switched to Calon’s face the moment he saw me. The look of wonderment on his face took my breath away.

  The DVD was pieced together beautifully, spotlighting the best moments of the evening. It was a riot that I had proof that Spider, Manny, and Bones cleaned up nicely and could definitely rock tuxes like nobody’s business. Of course, Bones’s black and white Chucks sticking out below his tux pants in every shot made me smile. Jake joined the three of them as Calon’s groomsmen. Gracie was honored that she was asked to be both my Matron of Honor and Calon’s Best Matron, but then we all decided we wouldn’t have titles for any one in our wedding party. They were all equally important.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Mr. and Mrs. Calon Ridge.” The pastor spoke loud and clear, and everyone shot up from their pews in a shower of applause. I watched Calon take my hand and limp down the aisle toward the back of the church, and I thought about how much effort he put into rehab, so he could actually walk on our wedding day.

  I squeezed Calon’s knee. “You know I’d still love you even if you had to crawl down that aisle, right?”

  “That’s weird, Becks.” He laughed and got up from the couch.

  “Anyone want a beer?” He used his fingers to keep track of who said yes, which was silly because Samantha was the only one who wouldn’t want one.

  “Becki, when is Abby going to get up?” Samantha was always so impatient when it was Abby’s nap time. She was the best babysitter. I would never leave the house when she was here watching Abby, but she was a huge help. She’d take the bus to our apartment when her day was done at The Extension School and she’d watch Abby while I made dinner, worked out, or just completed small tasks that were difficult to do with a baby crawling around under my feet.

  “She’ll wake up soon. You can go get her when she does. Okay?”

  Samantha clapped her hands and whispered, “YES!” like she’d just scored for her team.

  Calon carried in two ice buckets filled with Rolling Rock ponies and set them on the coffee table just as the new Alternate Tragedy took the stage at our reception.

  After a long talk with the guys, Calon bowed out of the band, and Danny stepped up as lead singer. It was an amicable decision on everyone’s part. Calon struggled through rehab for months and even sang at Gracie’s wedding with a crutch tucked under his arm. Touring wasn’t an option because of his injury and the rehabilitation he still needed, and he also realized being a family man was a bigger dream than being a rock star.

  Danny and the guys signed a deal with Ugly Stereo Records and left for Europe the day after our wedding. We were stoked for them and planned to see them as many times as we could when they came to the states. Calon was still writing music, some for him and Gracie to perform and some for Alternate Tragedy.

  “Please, introduce yourselves and then leave a message or some advice for the Bride and Groom.” The videographer from the school’s Tech department spoke to a whole line of people while he recorded.

  “Look! I’m first!” Samantha clapped and bounced up and down on the couch next to Calon.

  “Be happy. Just… well, yeah. Just be happy. Oh, and I’m Samantha, Calon’s sister.” She made the universal ‘rock on’ sign and threw her head back and forth. We all died laughing.

  “Calon and Becki, it’s me, Danny. My advice would be to always be honest with each other no matt
er how hard that truth might be. Why I am telling you two that? You taught that to me.”

  “We’re Sam and Ashley, and our best advice is to never call your wiener a squirmy worm. Girls don’t dig it.” Ashley smacked Sam and then spoke. “That’s his advice. My advice is to love until it hurts. Always. Love you guys.”

  “I’m Stacy, and this is Greg, and we just wanted to wish you the best in whatever you do and wherever life takes you.” Stacy got real close to the camera and whispered. “And, Calon, I’m still a super big groupie. Just wanted you to know.” She giggled, and Greg rolled his eyes.

  “Yeah, so by the time you watch this I’ll be livin’ the high life without ya, dude. But, take care of my girl Becki. You know she wants me, right?” Bones gave the universal ‘rock on’ sign, too, and bit his bottom lip. He reminded me of Jack Black. Calon had to put his hand over his mouth to keep from spitting his beer all over the place.

  “Well, I’m Spider, and I’ve known Calon a long time, so I think it’s pretty accurate when I say, Becki, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him. Everything about him changed for the better when he fell for you. He was a great guy to begin with but you pulled something out of him that made him even greater. We’re happy to have you in our AT extended family. Take care of our boy. We miss ya, Cal.”

  I looked over at Calon, and he sucked in a deep breath. He blinked his eyes a couple times then tipped his bottle toward the TV in acknowledgement of Spider’s kind words.

  “I’m Manny, and I know the two of you will laugh when you hear me say this, but I hope to one day find what the two of you have. Of course, I’ll have to amputate myself from these idiots, but someday I’d like to settle down with the love of my life. Guess I gotta find her first, though, huh?” We all chuckled as Manny shrugged.

  “Maverick here. Becki you’re a tough ass chick, and I love ya. I’m glad you finally got your rock star, because Chelsea was getting a little freaked out by all the stuff you did while you were stalking me. Sorry, Calon.” He winked and then laughed. “Just kidding! I can’t wait to hang with you both at Mitchell’s, ‘cuz you know I ain’t leavin’ this town anytime soon.”