by Liv Bennett
“But—” She inhales and exhales, her chest heaving too fast, her stress still visible. “Here’s the thing. I’ve been dreaming about this—I mean you and me together—for so long, it’s become a huge part of me. I’ve lived through some fucked-up life events, enough for a few lifetimes, and I’ve survived them. I could adjust to the new circumstances and in some cases, became stronger. But this…” She points her finger to me then to herself. “This is major. It’s bigger than everything else. If I can’t succeed at it, if I fail, I might not survive.”
I shake my head, rather disappointed that she wouldn’t give me more credit in the potential success or failure of our future together. “I have a solution for that.”
Her eyebrows lift, her eyes wide in curiosity. “What is it?”
“Let’s promise each other, here and now, that there won’t be any failure. Whatever we face as a couple, we’ll get over it together. We’ll do our damnedest to keep each other happy. There won’t be any breakups, no separations for us.”
“I do.” A tear falls down her cheek while she stares at me, deep into my soul, with those beautiful moist eyes. “I promise, your happiness will be the top priority in my life. It’s always been for so long already.”
“I know.” I run my thumb on her cheek to wipe that single tear away. “Now it’s my turn to return the favor.”
A shy smile warms up her face as she places her head against my chest, right over my heart where she belongs. Despite my physical urges making it uncomfortable for me to be close to her, holding someone in my arms has never been so easy…so comforting.
Everything with her feels right, and we haven’t even started a full-fledged love relationship yet.
CH 22 - The Disappointment
~
The restaurant is exactly as I remember it. Tables clothed with crisp, white linen, red roses and long candles providing lovely accessories, the aromatic scent of delicious food wafting in the air, luscious ivy leaves reaching out to the tops of the windows like thick curtains. A classical beauty with an undeniable touch of romance…Just like Mom liked it.
The chef walks me through tonight’s special menu of the exotic Spanish and Catalan food Julie and I will enjoy. The wine list is exquisite and includes select wines not only from Spain, but from all over Europe and America. I’ll get my woman drunk and relish the treasure of the confessions her tipsiness hopefully will cause.
I glance at my watch. Two minutes after seven. Julie is never late. My neck muscles tighten as my eyes fix on the entrance. I gave her the address of the restaurant hours ago. She should be walking through the door any time now.
Only she doesn’t. I pace inside the empty restaurant for nearly twenty minutes before I dial her number. Her voicemail picks up. What the hell?
‘Are you lost?’ I text her, cursing under my breath about not having her picked up by Daney.
No reply for ten fucking minutes while I go through hundreds of reasons why she isn’t at least answering her phone. Dead battery along with the rush hour traffic as an explanation is the only possible scenario I can come up with, although it’s annoying as hell.
Then, suddenly my phone buzzes with a text message.
‘Sorry, I won’t make it to our date tonight.’
I re-read the whole line perhaps ten times to make sense of it. It must be a joke. She can’t possibly flake on me on our very first date.
I’m Zane, Fucking Awesome. Not one of the uncountable number of women I’ve taken out on dates showed up late. Not even a minute.
There must be something majorly wrong.
In the middle of my paranoid thoughts, I hear the kitchen door open. A waitress comes out holding a large leather menu in her hand. Not just a random waitress, but an outrageously busty blonde wearing a flimsy white tank top and black mini-shorts that would put Hooters waitresses to shame.
I take a seat at the romantically decorated table that was supposed to get Julie’s heart to melt.
“Good evening, sir.” She bates her eyelashes along with a coquettish smile while greeting me and leans down to hand me the menu. “I’m Jane. I’ll be your server tonight. I’ll make sure all your needs are fully satisfied.”
I nearly choke on the saliva in my mouth at her last sentence.
Jane comes closer to my side and bends forward to supposedly help me go through the specials the chef put together as a suggestion for my dinner date, but her ample chest is all I can see.
Wow. I blink. If it was the old Zane, I’d find a way to convince her to recite me the specials back in the men’s room while stuffing her mouth with my cock. Right now, though, that image feels as foreign as Suomi.
I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t thrive on small snacks that’ll give me only momentary pleasure. What I am after is the main dish that’ll keep me satiated for a lifetime, although apparently, my main dish isn’t even picking up the phone to talk to me.
While Jane chirps away with her perky voice about the menu, I rise and gesture to her with my hand to stop. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay for dinner.”
She straightens up quickly, not caring about hiding the disappointment on her face. “Oh, of course.”
It’s nearly forty minutes and Julie has neither shown up nor texted. Something is wrong and it’s not because she can’t possibly pass up a date with me, but because it’s Julie we’re talking about; the epitome of responsibility and punctuality. She always follows through on her promises come rain or shine, unless an accident or a physical injury is stopping her.
Worry pumping adrenaline into my blood, I rush out of the restaurant and order Daney to Julie’s home. On the way, I call the police and the nearby hospitals to rule out her being involved in an accident.
I jump out of the car the second Daney drives through the underground garage of Julie’s apartment building, while the car is still running. I pray I’ll find her in her condo, possibly crying her eyes out because she doesn’t feel ready for a physical relationship. I’d rather have her buried in tears in her own living room than fighting for her life in a hospital bed.
I hurry into the elevator and push the button to her condo. My heart throbs against my chest when the elevator stops at the reception floor. My eyes feel like jumping out of their sockets as I spot a woman through the opening doors of the elevator. I hope it’s Julie, so I can be sure she’s fine.
The woman isn’t Julie. But shockingly, it’s Lindsay.
She stops in her tracks when she notices me. “Zane! What are you doing here?” She waits for my answer before entering the elevator. The doors start to close then open back again while she stands midway.
“I was planning to take Julie out on a date tonight, but she flaked on me.”
She laughs, through the sadness lurking in her eyes. “A date?”
I nod and move to the side to give her space in the small elevator cab. She steps in cautiously and turns toward the closing doors. Her hand covers her mouth and a soft sob shakes her body.
“Are you all right, Lindsay?” I take a step toward her, reaching for her shoulder in a caring manner.
When she faces me with tears running down her smooth cheeks, the miserable expression on her beautiful features takes me off guard.
“Ace and I broke up.” She throws her body at me, hugging my neck with her slim arms, and starts crying into my chest.
“Not again,” I whisper to her ear and start caressing her long, soft curls, unable to utter comforting words for her. Ace isn’t the most stable guy out there, and my earlier interest in Lindsay probably contributed to a weak foundation for their relationship. “I’m sorry.”
She breathes out with a loud sigh, the warmth of her breath reaching my skin through the thin fabric of my shirt. Slipping a finger beneath her chin, I tilt her head back to look at her. “You two belong to each other. You’ll get through this.”
She blinks her wet eyes at me, confusion replacing the sadness on her face. “I’m not so sure about that.”
I
feel her arms slide down from around my neck, and her hands rest on my shoulders. Her body is slightly pressed against mine, enough to make me realize the unusual proximity between us. This isn’t a friendly hug between two future siblings-in-law.
“Why do you say that?” I ask, feeling confused and curious in equal pasts.
She licks her lips, the innocent move suddenly drawing my attention to the swollen redness I dreamed of kissing for so long that I memorized every curve and crevice of them. “Ace and I weren’t meant to be together from the start. Do you remember when I first met you?”
The elevator stops, but neither of us attempts to leave.
I frown and nod, briefly looking out to the empty hall through the opening and closing doors of the elevator.
“I…I was strongly drawn to you,” she confesses, her cheeks flushing. “I didn’t know you very well, but I’d heard about your womanizer fame.” She pauses to search my face for a response that I don’t give. “Then I met Ace. He was similar to you in his confidence and attractiveness. But he had something else I knew I wouldn’t be able to get from you. He was trustworthy and took my feelings seriously.”
Her explanation doesn’t erase my confusion in the slightest, but the tears running down her cheeks keep me from releasing myself from her hold and running out of the elevator to look for Julie.
“I chose Ace simply because he could commit to me, but…” she stops and inhales a long breath as if to prepare herself for a big confession. “But, my heart belonged to you. Still does.”
My jaw drops at the unexpectedness of her words. I’m probably too bewildered by Julie’s flake to understand Lindsay’s explanation correctly. She can’t possibly be saying she has loved me all this time while in a serious relationship with Ace. I’d suffered months for this woman…Months! All the while she made me believe she was in love with my brother.
“Wow. I don’t know what to say.” Which is the truth. I’m perplexed, perhaps more than the day of Michael’s death. I’d dedicated my years to taking him down, and when he died I was wildly surprised. But, Lindsay’s confession right now surpasses that shock by miles.
“Don’t say anything yet. Just hear me out.” Her hand moves and her fingers slide along my jaw. “I tried to love Ace. At one point, I was sure I was over you. Then you announced your engagement to Scarlet and you acted like the man I always dreamed you’d be. Dedicated and committed. Watching you in love with another woman was a torture to me. Not a day passed I didn’t curse myself for not giving you a chance. You and I, we could have been happy together, if I hadn’t been scared of getting hurt.”
I hold her wrist gently to push it down, not feeling comfortable with her ill-timed show of affection. “Lindsay, I know what you’re saying but—”
She cuts me off by pressing a finger against my lips. “No but’s. You and Scarlet are finished. Ace and I broke up. Nothing stands between us now. You told me you loved me. I was scared then. I’m not anymore. I’m ready to give us a chance.”
I grab both her wrists and slowly step away from her. “I’m flattered by what you’re saying, but there’s something you should know. It’s true; I’m not with Scarlet anymore, but I started seeing Julie, and I care deeply for her.”
She winces and drops her hands to the sides of her body. “Do you feel anything for her?”
“Yes.” My response comes quickly, yet with a deep assurance in my voice.
“But, you loved me. You still must,” she protests. “You need to look into your heart. You’ll see you still have feelings for me. It’d be unfair to Julie if you give her wrong hopes.”
I shake my head, still having trouble believing this turn of events. I was on the verge of becoming an alcoholic for this girl. Now, she has confessed to me her love for me, and I feel nothing, absolutely nothing, except for a feeling of impatience to get the hell out of the elevator and locate my Julie.
Yes, my Julie.
Even with her quirks and deeply rooted issues, she’s the only woman I can imagine forming my future with. It’s beyond physical attraction; I need her to make it one more day in this world. She’s the air I breathe and the water I drink.
Gripping her arms to keep a safe distance between us, I look deep into her eyes to make her understand my feelings for Julie. “I’m sorry to say this, but I don’t have any feelings for you. I mean, I like you as a friend, but I don’t nurture any romantic feelings whatsoever toward you. I’m in love with Julie. No other woman could awaken such strong feelings inside me as her. I might have felt some attraction toward you, but it’s nothing compared to what I feel for Julie.”
Her hands press against her chest as she moves away from my hold. “Oh, my God!”
“I’m so sorry, Lindsay. I never meant to hurt you or anyone else. I just don’t feel anything for you.”
I push the button to open the elevator door and rush out. While I run toward Julie’s door, I notice Lindsay is following me. I shoot her a curious glance while I knock loudly on Julie’s door. “Julie, it’s me. Open the door.”
Lindsay stares at me while patiently waiting with me for the door to open. It’s definitely a strange night tonight, because Julie doesn’t get the door.
“Are you sure she’s at home?” Lindsay asks.
“No, actually, I’m not.” I fist my hands in anger, ready to punch the door, and blow the strands of hair sliding down my forehead.
“I have the key to her apartment,” Lindsay says. “Do you think we should open the door?”
“Are you kidding me?” I open my hand out to her. “Of course we should. She might be sick or even have fainted in there.”
She fumbles with her purse and fishes out a single key. “Here.” She hands it to me quickly, and I insert it into the keyhole without losing a second.
Both Lindsay and I startle when I push open the door and meet Julie’s dark and silent apartment. I let her pass, then hurry in after her. Nothing in the living room looks out of the ordinary, but her bedroom is a complete mess, as if someone went through every hidden spot in search for something important.
My chest tightens suddenly when all the concerned thoughts I’ve been trying to suppress course through my mind with full force. I stalk through the tiny trails between the piles of documents and clothes spread all over the floor of Julie’s bedroom, blindly searching for a clue to her disappearance.
“Someone was here,” Lindsay screams the words I’ve feared to voice. “Oh, God!” She covers her mouth and drops her weak body on the bed, gazing around with fearful eyes. “We need to call the police.”
Before the police, I call Carl, the private investigator Julie hired to follow Theresa. After ordering him to come right to Julie’s home, I call my contact person in the LAPD to get him to trace Julie’s phone and search for her name in the records of traffic accidents and hospital admissions.
While waiting for Carl, I go through the guest room next to Julie’s bedroom. It seems tidy and exactly the way as I remember it. The person who went through Julie’s bedroom knew where to look, whatever it was that he was looking for.
I hear a knock on the front door and stride out of the guestroom. Lindsay runs ahead of me to get the door. A wave of relief washes over me for having someone with me during a desperate time like this. She opens the door and lets in the visitor.
Unfortunately, the person isn’t Julie or Carl.
It’s Ace.
The last person I want to deal with right now.
He looks around the living room first and then turns his gaze to Lindsay. A strange tension passes between them. “She hasn’t come back?” he asks her, completely ignoring me.
“No!” Lindsay looks hesitant as she takes a step toward him, as if she’s restraining herself from running into his arms. “Zane and I believe someone was here. Her bedroom is a total mess.” She must have phoned him while I was investigating the guest room.
Ace strides into Julie’s bedroom, not stopping for a second to acknowledge my presence. Lindsa
y follows him in, and I hear the faint sound of their conversation, likely revolving around Julie’s disappearance. When he comes back, he’s holding the picture of my mother, the glass of the frame shattered.
An urge to grab the picture out of his hold rushes through me, but I restrain myself. After all, he’s here because he cares about Julie. Making a scene is both childish and impractical. He might have useful information if he talked to Julie or saw her today.
As if reading my mind, he says, “She sounded perfectly normal when she called me earlier this morning.”
“You talked to her?” I find myself walking toward him, closer than I normally like, but I need to see his face upfront to figure out if he’s lying or not, although there’s no reason why he’d lie in such a critical situation.
“Yeah. She said something about driving over to the old house to transfer Mom’s safe to a bank safe.”
How he can say Mom as if he’s remotely related to her… I purse my lips together to keep myself from lashing out at him. My nostrils flare in anger, nonetheless.
“Is it the house where you grew up?” Lindsay asks with an innocent tone. “She might still be there.”
“I hope so,” I say. That’ll be the best-case scenario. Her phone died, and she lost her sense of time in that dungeon of a house.
“Then, how do you explain the mess in her bedroom?” Ace asks, glancing at Lindsay and then at me.
The door opens right then and Carl peeks his head through the half-open door. “Hello, may I come in?”
I nod and walk toward him while giving him a brief explanation about the situation. He listens to me quietly and then asks to see Julie’s room. We all walk to the room. He ventures in and gestures us to stay out in the hall while he’s investigating the room. Wearing a pair of leather gloves, he starts poking around the mess on the floor. When his search through the piles of papers and clothes proves useless, he focuses on the furniture and walls.
“This was moved.” Carl points at the dresser whose drawers are all pulled out and emptied in front of the furniture. When I approach to him, I spot the almost invisible scratch on the hardwood floor right beside the foot of the dresser.